@officialpoisontester - Tumblr Blog

dawnblade

i just learned from animal crossing that pondskaters stay on top of the water by secreting an oil from their feet

that seems kinda obvious in hindsight. i always figured they were just, like, light enough to not break surface tension

undeadnecromancer

They do it by using fucked up and evil magic and they hate god

dawnblade

youre right

alex-the-huntsman

That’s what Blathers tells you when you donate one

theconcealedweapon

noctumsolis

Wait.

These haircut-demanding toddlers have actually actively killed people?

indelicateink

CNN, May 7, 2020: A Bus Driver Told a Rider to Wear a Mask. Then the Passenger Spit on Her. (Miami, Florida)

ABC News, May 7, 2020: 2 McDonald's employees shot after angry customer told dining room was closed (Oklahoma City, Oklahoma)

CNN, May 5, 2020: Park ranger was telling a crowd to social distance. Mid-speech, someone pushed him into a lake (Austin, Texas)

The Washington Post, May 5, 2020: Three people charged in killing of Family Dollar security guard over mask policy (Flint, Michigan)

90stvqueen

today i told my manager "just because i can handle anything doesn't mean i should have to" and if that isn't just the motto of my life

dankmemeuniversity

garmonbozine-deactivated2021100

Scrolling through an unfunny long post thinking that there better be a mean comment at the bottom of this

dankmemeuniversity

algrenion

think my mum just sent me a whole buncha weed butter in the mail??

algrenion

this is almost certainly weed butter

algrenion

so it’s still technically unconfirmed that this is actually weed butter so im doing a science experiment - i made crepes with it and ate 6

lets wait an hour and see what happens

algrenion

i asked my mum if it was weed butter hours ago and just after i made the last post she sent me this

maybe i shouldnt have ate six

zaxal

algrenion

ive never seen a more appropriate usage of this reference

auckie

When I was little I wanted to be Italian REALLT badly bc I loved the movie cars and specifically had a crush on this fucking THING

Which doesn’t speak English at all, all it’s line are in Italian and it’s name is GUIDO. And everyone knew I was obsessed with Italy in elementary school but they didn’t know why bc I, even as a young autistic child, had the sense to know this was a rightfully so, highly mockable thing. So I would read about cars on IMDB and then one day someone posted a crackfic on the message boards there and it was about this guy getting drunk and beating his wife, and it snapped me out of my fugue long enough to realize how absurd wanting to be Italian was, but then it made me cry really hard and my parents were like ‘hey what the fuck’ and I didn’t have the chutzpah to admit anything so I told them I saw a naked lady online and then they went into the computer and found all the weird south park midi songs I downloaded on lime wire and I thought they were literally going to kill me for about two weeks.

auckie

The reason I was downloading South Park episodes and songs on limewire and frostwire was because I was also obsessed with Kenny McCormick and for school we had to make a shitty little website about a world issue, so I found this free platform that doesn’t exist anymore but it was like a horrible little wix site from the mid aughts, and we based my groups theme on global warming. But when we were done with it I repurposed it as a perosnal site and lied about being a voluptuous blonde 19 year old woman who worked at a fictitious restaurant called the lunchbox, and I just wrote about how obsessed I was with Kenny McCormick and my sister found it and was like what the fuck is wrong with you. But she never told my parents. She also found this 80 page story I was writing about buddy the elf and all my weird skater ocs breaking into the moulin rouge, and at one point I was sick of buddy so I had a herd of buffalo trample him in the middle of a city and it was very tragic but jarring and unexpected. And she referenced a part of the story to me and it made me SO fucking paranoid that I wiped our entire, family shared packard bell computer and got in huge fucking trouble for it.

kalichnikov

feastofsnakes

Imagine how little candles must have cost in the 1700s. Must’ve been pretty cheap, right? With everyone using them all the time instead of electricity? Now think about how much they cost now. 20 some dollars for a candle. What if we could go back to when candles were cheap? Wouldn’t you want that? What if we could make that happen.