I Will Sing No Requiem.. @ofscribbledstars-blog - Tumblr Blog

andheres-why :

She might not hate me, Evan thought to himself, but he wasn’t as easy to convince. The possibility of anyone seeing how messed up he was had always been terrifying, and then he’d only made himself into a worse person: a liar. He’d been working on that with Dr. Sherman before winding up here, but therapy wasn’t a quick fix. He still couldn’t forgive himself for hurting everyone; his mother, Jared, Alana, and the Murphys–including Connor, even if back then he hadn’t been alive (again). “It was easier. To hide, and…pretend that things were better than they were.” He remarked, breaking eye contact. If anyone deserves his honesty right now, it’s Zoe.

“I know, I understand,” Zoe replies looking away also. She was guilty of doing that same thing. She would always put others first, make them happy even though Zoe was going through a lot at home. Zoe would lie about her happiness and how her family was to most people. She was terrified to bring up the stuff Connor would say to her because if he found out things would probably get worse.

andheres-why :

He’s telling himself to calm down. Freaking out around Zoe was something he’d always feared, in some way. Before they’d met, it had been the fear of his hands being sweaty–embarrassing himself. Now, he was more of the opinion that he had no right to break down after what he’d done. ‘I don’t hate you’ were the words that made him look at her, eyes still teary, but surprised. Of course Zoe Murphy could do that–she was an amazing person, and he’d always thought that. When she grabbed his hand, Evan went back to trying to blink back the tears, nodding his head as he used his free hand to wipe at his face (in a way that’s meant to be discreet). “I never meant to hurt anyone.” He says. “But you…saw me. I couldn’t give that up. It was selfish. It was so selfish.”

“I know, Evan. We all know that.” She says rubbing the top of his hand with her thumb.”It was very selfish of you to do that, but I understand why you did.” She understands but it still doesn’t make what he did okay. Zoe has had a hard time trusting people after that. She knows Evan has a good heart, he just wanted to make everyone happy. They were happy for a while. It was the happiest Zoe had been in a long time, but the truth came out and Zoe’s happiness went away. Especially with all the attacks she was getting online. It was a rough time for her and her family, but they got through it together. The Murphy family became much closer after that.

andheres-why :

Evan stands there, trying to withstand the flood of thoughts that all center around one thing: ‘you’re a terrible person’. He knows that he’s supposed to forgive himself, and learn from past mistakes, but all he can focus on is that he hurt Zoe, pissed off Connor, and disrespected all of the Murphys when he fabricated that friendship. What kind of a loser did that, anyway? He felt so selfish. As Zoe touches his shoulder, he flinches away, his breathing uneven as he blinks rapidly. “I’m sorry.” He apologizes almost automatically. “You shouldn’t have to be–to be nice to me. I don’t…” Deserve it. Evan can’t get the words out.

“Evan..” She frowns as he pulls away from her touch. Yes, Zoe was still hurt by what Evan did to her and her family, but she will always care for Evan. He was there for her during everything and she did love him even though most of there relationship was built on a lie. “You fucked up big time Evan. You broke my heart but I don’t hate you. Things will never be the same between us but I will always care about you.” Zoe reaches out for his hand, she squeezes it softly.

andheres-why :

He doesn’t know why Zoe’s even talking to him. She should hate him. He imagined she would–that if she ever saw him again, there’d be a look of contempt for letting her think that her brother had cared. Evan felt like he would deserve that, instead of this: the hug, the smile, the helpful heads-up about Connor’s presence. He doesn’t notice the odd expression she was looking at him with, his eyes burning a hole in the ground. His fingers fidget and he can tell they are, but he can’t help it. There’s more advice dispensed about her brother, and he forces himself to nod his head. His voice, however, is lost as he feels his chest tighten with anxiety. Evan’s pretty sure that no one else has ever had to deal with the reality of a dead person coming back to life, and knowing how you lied about them.

Zoe notices how quiet he has gotten and starts to get a bit worried. Yes, she is still really upset with him, but she still cares about him. She knows how bad his anxiety can get. “Are you alright, Evan?” She asks giving a concerned look, “don’t worry too much about Connor. He’ll probably just say a few mean things and then never talk to you again.” Evan won’t even look at her anymore. Zoe sighs and places her hand on his shoulder, “It’ll be okay, Evan.”

andheres-why :

If Evan could see himself, he imagined he visibly paled at Zoe’s guess that Connor did know the truth. However, he could feel his stomach figuratively tying itself up in knots. Lying tree hugger. “Oh.” Is all he can utter for the moment, imagining that her brother will be furious–and he was capable of pushing pretty hard. At least he didn’t have a broken arm this time–no, that wasn’t very helpful. The guilt felt like it was piling on his shoulders, crushing him. Evan remembers that day in the Murphy house when the truth had come out. “H-he knows about…about all of it?” He asks, though it’s obvious that’s what she meant. Evan’s voice shakes, and he tries to keep himself calm, but it doesn’t work.

“I just told you he does. Calling you a lying tree hugger kinda implies that he knows about your lies.” She said giving him a weird look, “He must have looked it up online. He probably read all about it. Everything you said about him.” Zoe hasn’t looked anything up since Evan told her the truth. She assumes its still online, Connor could easily find it just by searching his name. “Try not to worry about him too much. If you see him just try to avoid him, walk the other way.” Zoe used to do that a lot, she hated being around Connor. He’d always try and find a way to make her upset. Whenever she’d see him at school she would avoid him.

andheres-why :

He can feel the anxiety beginning to rise, thinking of Connor being here. Did he know about the lies? The Connor Project? Their only two interactions had been so different–from being shoved in the hallway, to the fleeting kindness that had turned into paranoia, anger, and a stolen letter that was never meant to be seen. Evan’s fingers twist the fabric at the hem of his shirt, and he tries to seem cool, and calm, and collected. Yeah, even he wasn’t that great a liar. “No, that’s–I’m sorry. I believe you–it’s just…” Evan explains. “Does he know about the…um, The Connor Project?” He feels like he’s selfish for asking about that, but the question is out before he can shut himself up.

“I’m pretty sure he does know..” She says thinking back to her conversations with Connor. “He never said anything about it, but he did mention us dating. He called you a ‘lying tree hugger’.. so I assume he knows about it. ” Zoe says running her hand through her hair, looking down. Connor will probably be pissed to see Evan here. All the lies he spread about him, everything he did to his family. She hopes Connor doesn’t do anything crazy, he’s already pushed Evan down for no reason, what will he do with a reason to be mad?

andheres-why :

“I know, but neither does showing up in London.” She shrugs.” I’ve talked to him multiple times now. He’s really here, Evan. I wouldn’t lie about that.”

andheres-why :

“Oh, um, well–I’ve been staying with this elderly couple. Or–I guess they’re more middle aged, but one’s a nurse and they saw me sort of freaking out but it’s fine. I’m fine.” Evan explained, rambling a bit and correcting himself. He thought she sounded worried, but quickly reminded himself that he didn’t really deserve her sympathy after what he’d done to her and her parents. Of course, the 17 year old was harder on himself than anyone else. His eyes widened in surprise when Zoe told him how long she’d been here. It made sense, he guessed. He hadn’t exactly been in touch with her for some time. “Wow.” He didn’t know what else to say. “Is there anyone else here that you know?” Now it was his turn to be concerned, even though he knew Zoe was smart and capable.

“That was nice of them to help you out and take you in for a while. Everyone that has shown up here gets an apartment. I can show you where it is. I was just heading back there.” She smiles softly at Evan. Her smile fades as he asks if anyone else is here. “Uh, yeah..” Zoe pauses and looks down before telling him about Connor. There's no way he’d believe her. He will probably think she’s insane, she wouldn’t blame him though.I wouldn’t believe it if someone had told me my brother was alive. “Connor is here. He’s alive, Evan. I know it seems impossible but its true.”

smckingdrugs :

❝ Everybody’s fucking sorry.. ❞

“I don’t know what you want from me, Connor..”

andheres-why :

He looks up at the sound of the other person’s voice, shock written across his features as they recognize one another. Evan continues to be surprised when Zoe’s arms wrap around his shoulders. He freezes for a second, arms awkwardly moving up and hands ghosting over her back. “It’s okay,” He assures her when she apologizes. He wants to echo her sentiments, but his voice seems to be lost as he tries to take in everything. Zoe was standing in front of him, and things seemed…okay–which wasn’t entirely shocking, but after what he’d done, Evan never imagined she’d ever be hugging him. Chalking it up to the whole ‘randomly-appearing’ thing, he manages a sheepish half smile. “It’s, uh–I’ve been here a couple of days.” He explains, hand fidgeting with the drawstring of his hoodie. “You? I mean–have you been here…long?” It feels like any progress he’d made socially had regressed with the situation, and he was back to stumbling over sentences and lost eye contact.

“A couple days? Where have you been staying?” She asks Evan, a hint of concern in her voice. Though Zoe's trust in Evan has gone, she still cares about his wellbeing. No matter how much Zoe hates somebody, she will still care for them a bit, like with Connor. She had loved Evan at one point, those feelings don’t just disappear. “I’ve been here for about two months I think,” Zoe thinks for a moment, back to when she first showed up in London, “Yep, two months.” It didn’t seem like she’d been here for that long, but it's already been two months.

wanted-to-believe :

@ofscribbledstars

When Evan had first arrived in London, he’d had a panic attack. Thankfully, a stranger had witnessed it, helping him through it and offering him a place to stay for a little while. Now, as he walked along the streets, he was focusing on how he’d get back home. He had a mere 10 dollars in his wallet, and his debit card only had $5.96 (and a pending charge of $1.45), so trying to find the airport and a flight across the Atlantic wasn’t an option. Hands shoved in his sweatshirt pockets, Evan continued on his way, head down. As he approached a crosswalk, he bumped into someone, nervously mumbling an apology.

“Oh, it's alright don’t worry..” Zoe says as she looks at the person who bumped into her, “Evan? oh my gosh!” She smiles and hugs him tight. Finally, someone other than her brother shows up.The girl was happy her brother was alive again, but she can actually talk to Evan without getting into a fight, so that's nice. “Sorry- I’m just so happy to see you. It's nice to see someone from home around here.” Zoe blushes as she pulls away from the hug. “How long have you been here?” He probably hasn’t been around long, Zoe would have seen him sooner.

kleptomcniac :

“You know…” Peter flashed off his seat, and in the blink of an eye he was behind the couch; in the kitchen. “I never liked this song.” Peter called from the kitchen, grabbing two bottles of coke from within, bringing them back in under a second, he sat back down on the couch. “I think I mostly like the songs with Elsa in.” He said, passing over one of the bottles to Zoe.

“I don’t care for it either,” Zoe says looking over to find him not next to her anymore. She sees him in the kitchen and then he is suddenly back on the couch. Zoe looks at him shocked, “How did you just do that?”

smckingdrugs :

“N-no. You don’t, and I can’t explain it because… Because I don’t fucking understand it either. “

“I’m sorry, Connor..”

dungeonmasterisms-deactivated20

ofscribbledstars:

“You could have tried harder! …I just want my old brother back..” Zoe lowers her head, mumbling the last part.

“ It’s not easy, Zoe! You don’t understand what it’s like, the shit and piss inside my fucking head. “

ofscribbledstars-blog

"No, I don't understand. If you would just talk to me, maybe I would."

dailylauradreyfuss

ofscribbledstars-blog

dailylauradreyfuss :

benSPLATT: We enjoy each other’s company hotdamnitslaura: He’s alright

#{ You and me - Thats all that we need it to be |Evan| }#{ you never knew how wonderful that smile could make someone feel |mirror| }#//I love these two :)

smckingdrugs :

“ Tried and didn’t fucking succeed! You all fucking sucked! “ Connor snapped, moving closer again until he was close enough to hover over her. “ What, you don’t think I’ve tried to be okay? I don’t like it being hard either! ”

“You could have tried harder! ...I just want my old brother back..” Zoe lowers her head, mumbling the last part.

kleptomcniac :

“Alright, it’s a deal!” Peter chuckled, nodding his head. He KNEW he was a good Elsa, after all she was his favourite character. “Of course I am, nobody can belt out the lyrics to Let it go better than I can. You’ll see!”

“I can’t wait to see that.” She giggles and turns her attention to the movie now.Do You Want To Build A Snowman starts playing and Zoe starts humming along.

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