Nani took a slow breath, steadying herself. She knew herself that she could be irrational at times, and that it all stemmed from a fear of loss. Nani moaned about being tired, and having too much to do, but she never asked Lilo to take on the responsibility of it all because it was Nani’s responsibility to protect and look after her sibling, not the other way around. It never occurred to her that taking away the responsibility would make her feel like she was being babied.
“Lilo, I–” Nani started, coughing to clear an uncomfortable lump in her throat. “I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t be treating you like a kid, because you’re not. I just never wanted you to be, I don’t know… I never wanted you to have to deal with half the things I had to learn when I was your age. You already went through enough and then I guess it just… turned into a bad habit. You’re the most important thing in the world to me, Lilo. You know that, right? I’m sorry I haven’t been treating you fairly.”
Did it sting? Yes. Was Nani trying? Also yes. And she could see Lilo was too. It broke her heart knowing just how terrible a sister she had been lately.
Nani’s brow raised when Lilo said she had a job. Uh, yeah, Nani already knew that. It was at the studio, right? Apparently not. Nani leaned back on her wrists as Lilo stood, watching curiously as she went off to rake through her cabinet. The surprise at the wad of cash she returned with was evident on Nani’s face.
“Woah, wait, hang on. Where is this other job? Why didn’t you tell me, Lilo? I need to know these things.” Nani wasn’t angry, but she was hurt that Lilo didn’t feel like she could come to her about it. (That didn’t feel very responsible, but Nani decided to keep her mouth shut on the matter.) She took the money, fanning through it. “Lilo, I can’t take that from you. Keep it. You’re not paying the electricity bill.”
Nani pinched the bridge of her nose, trying to think of a quick solution before Lilo took the objection as a denial of responsibility. “Look, okay, uh… Here’s an idea. I’m not gonna make you pay for living here- this is our parent’s house, and I know they wouldn’t want that- but if you’re serious about this then we can work out, like, dig money or something. And I’ll clear off that old notice board that fell behind the fridge, we can stick it up and figure a schedule or to-do list for chores and college. Does that sound reasonable? Hand on heart for no nagging.” She punctuated by placing her hand on her chest and raising the other.
In reality it was more than just a feeling of being babied. It was a feeling of not being recognized or worthy. It gave her a feeling of not being equal, of not being capable of making her own decisions. Responsibility had meaning to Lilo, even if to some people it was a burden. For Lilo it was the oportunity to prove herself. To have a place in this world.
“The thing is Nani, what you deal with isn’t a bad thing. It’s not something I should be protective off. By taking away my responsibilities you are taking away a lot of skills necessary to live in this world.” At least that was Lilo’s biggest fear. To not be ready in a time where Nani wouldn’t be there for her anymore. “At this age I should know properly how to do the laundry, how to make simple meals. You know basic household stuff.”
She shook her head. “I know I’m everything to you Nani, it’s the same to me. But my point is, if you love me you’ll have to let go a little. I promise you nothing bad will happen when I use the stove- well some food attemps will end up in disaster that’s bound to happen when you learn things but you get my point.”
When it came to the job it was pretty easy to explain. She took her laptop and opened a website, her website. “I’ve been posting my pictures on a website, I thought since i have a lot of assignments and since the school gave us full rights to the pictures we take for class assignments I’d just sell them. Of course I checked with both the principle and the teachers first. And basically as long as it didn’t have students, or if I have their permission to see I’m allowed to put them online.”
Not all the money in the bag was what she had earned. Due to being over 18 she could get her own bank account. 50% was on there.
She nodded. “Would 30 dollars be enough dig money. I think that’s about what I eat right?” Well she knew it would probably be more, but at the moment she was starving herself so it might be more accurate.
She nodded once again. “Yeah and that way we won’t get in each-other’s hair all the time because we can just check the table. I can take a picture off it and put on some alarms on my phone as well.”
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