Fuck. She Zepbounding.
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we're not kids anymore.
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Fuck. She Zepbounding.
A Soft Novermber Night
2020
Zhang Yidan (instagram)
LISA ANN WALTER as CHESSY The Parent Trap (1998) dir. Nancy Meyers
Everything I think and everything I do is wrong. I was wrong about Elton, I was wrong about Christian, and now Josh hated me. It all boiled down to one inevitable conclusion: I was just totally clueless.
Clueless (1995) dir. Amy Heckerling
petition for stars in the day time please???
girls already exist
Jack Falahee + supporting Conrad Ricamora’s theatrical projects ♥
When you’re desperate you do stupid shit.
Guess who’s blown up 10lbs above my highest ever weight? And guess who’s doctor was like “ohh cool, have you tried this really neat thing called dieting?” So eff her and eff everything.
Today was a “fuck it, surgery time” kind of day.
So, instead I bought a Team Beachbody challenge pack from a friend who coaches (ie makes money off fatties like me). It did the 21 Day Fix and Shakeology. You know, stupid shit desperate people do.
So...yeah. I will likely pick this blog back up to discuss my experiences with it. Yay?
Where you at followers. You here with me?
Ughhhh I just need to knuckle down and do this shit.
Intuitive Eating:Â
Reject the Diet Mentality. Throw out the diet books and magazine articles that offer you false hope of losing weight quickly, easily, and permanently. Get angry at the lies that have led you to feel as if you were a failure every time a new diet stopped working and you gained back all of the weight. If you allow even one small hope to linger that a new and better diet might be lurking around the corner, it will prevent you from being free to rediscover Intuitive Eating.
Honor Your Hunger. Keep your body biologically fed with adequate energy and carbohydrates. Otherwise you can trigger a primal drive to overeat. Once you reach the moment of excessive hunger, all intentions of moderate, conscious eating are fleeting and irrelevant. Learning to honor this first biological signal sets the stage for re-building trust with yourself and food.
Make Peace with Food. Call a truce, stop the food fight! Give yourself unconditional permission to eat. If you tell yourself that you can’t or shouldn’t have a particular food, it can lead to intense feelings of deprivation that build into uncontrollable cravings and, often, bingeing When you finally “give-in” to your forbidden food, eating will be experienced with such intensity, it usually results in Last Supper overeating, and overwhelming guilt.
Challenge the Food Police. Scream a loud “NO” to thoughts in your head that declare you’re “good” for eating under 1000 calories or “bad” because you ate a piece of chocolate cake. The Food Police monitor the unreasonable rules that dieting has created . The police station is housed deep in your psyche, and its loud speaker shouts negative barbs, hopeless phrases, and guilt-provoking indictments. Chasing the Food Police away is a critical step in returning to Intuitive Eating.
Respect Your Fullness. Listen for the body signals that tell you that you are no longer hungry. Observe the signs that show that you’re comfortably full. Pause in the middle of a meal or food and ask yourself how the food tastes, and what is your current fullness level?
Discover the Satisfaction Factor. The Japanese have the wisdom to promote pleasure as one of their goals of healthy living In our fury to be thin and healthy, we often overlook one of the most basic gifts of existence—the pleasure and satisfaction that can be found in the eating experience. When you eat what you really want, in an environment that is inviting and conducive, the pleasure you derive will be a powerful force in helping you feel satisfied and content. By providing this experience for yourself, you will find that it takes much less food to decide you’ve had “enough”.
Honor Your Feelings Without Using Food. Find ways to comfort , nurture, distract, and resolve your issues without using food. Anxiety, loneliness, boredom, anger are emotions we all experience throughout life. Each has its own trigger, and each has its own appeasement. Food won’t fix any of these feelings. It may comfort for the short term, distract from the pain, or even numb you into a food hangover. But food won’t solve the problem. If anything, eating for an emotional hunger will only make you feel worse in the long run. You’ll ultimately have to deal with the source of the emotion, as well as the discomfort of overeating.
Respect Your Body. Accept your genetic blueprint. Just as a person with a shoe size of eight would not expect to realistically squeeze into a size six, it is equally as futile (and uncomfortable) to have the same expectation with body size. But mostly, respect your body, so you can feel better about who you are. It’s hard to reject the diet mentality if you are unrealistic and overly critical about your body shape.
Exercise—Feel the Difference. Forget militant exercise. Just get active and feel the difference. Shift your focus to how it feels to move your body, rather than the calorie burning effect of exercise. If you focus on how you feel from working out, such as energized, it can make the difference between rolling out of bed for a brisk morning walk or hitting the snooze alarm. If when you wake up, your only goal is to lose weight, it’s usually not a motivating factor in that moment of time.
Honor Your Health—Gentle Nutrition. Make food choices that honor your health and tastebuds while making you feel well. Remember that you don’t have to eat a perfect diet to be healthy. You will not suddenly get a nutrient deficiency or gain weight from one snack, one meal, or one day of eating. It’s what you eat consistently over time that matters, progress not perfection is what counts.
So, A glitch, maybe??
Thinking of trying out the new WW program but wtf why are the online tools $40 a month?? It’s always been $20...it’s only like $3 less a month than meetings. Is that the point?
oh and since I did the health update, here’s the baby update...
Okay, Here’s the dish....
So I’ve been meaning to make this update but I wanted to make sure I’ve got all my ducks in a row first. Soooo background! We’ve seen a bit of a turnaround in our lives financially. We were bought out of a property we owned with hubby’s siblings and that has been an amazing blessing. We are debt free and we have a manageable amount of monthly expenses. We can breathe again in that area and it feels really good. Shortly before this was final, I decided to sign up for Weight Watchers again (meetings and all). I went to exactly one meeting and pretty much haven’t touched the program since. I’m over the yo-yo business that weight watchers seems to put me through (or I put myself through with WW??). Either way, when I lose weight, I lose it all over my body, but when I gain it back it goes directly to my hips. This became very clear while on vacation in CA in a Target dressing room trying on their largest size pants. I had a fun little breakdown and thought of the 8 people I know directly who are getting their bypass and thought “Fuck it. It’s surgery time.”
I spent the next few hours researching and only found one major red flag: pregnancy. They want you to wait 18 months post surgery to have a baby. There are other red flags I see now and saw before, but at the time that was the deal-breaker. My dad (who’s on his last 5lbs before scheduling his surgery) was no real help. He thinks I should do it. But I’ve never wanted the surgery. There’s nothing wrong with it, but I just never wanted it, and I still don’t want it. But I do want something. Something less than surgery, but more that your average program. And that’s what I’ve done.
I started at the MD Diet Clinic in Salt Lake City this week. I’m currently on day 2 of my carb/sugar “detox.” In a couple days I start a high protein/low carb diet paired with an appetite suppressant (Qysmia), a insulin regulator, a diuretic, and weekly vitamin injections. It’s all quite crazy? I guess? I’m on board though.
The hitch right now is that I’m on my third week of what everyone and their grandmas are saying is food poisoning. (The internet tells me it’s more likely a parasite so YAY). Either way, so I’m also taking a probiotic and will soon be seeing my doctor to discuss my abnormal thyroid results from the obesity panel some asswipe doctor ordered for me when I went in for said *food poisoning*. Despite my annoyance with that, it will also help me with things are really awry with my thyroid.
Anyhoo so we’re going to be starting this blog up again with the updates. Who’s with me? Questions? General feedback??
Plank challenge with babies.
loook at meh bahbeh.