“why do you need love so badly?” @ohlovelywar - Tumblr Blog

Jun 28, 2022

Pairing: Remus Lupin x f!reader

Word Count: 16780

Content: Fluff & Angst

Summary: When you are revealed to be fancying someone, Sirius Black and friends take it upon themselves to figure out who it is. Will their highjinks ruin your chances? Or will you finally get the romantic attention of the one and only Remus Lupin?

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“Leave her be, Sirius. Can’t you see the girl’s uncomfortable?”

You couldn’t help the relieved smile that passed over your lips at the boy’s words. There he was again, taking care of you. You hated how he did it so easily.

“Oh Moony why you have to ruin all the fun?” Sirius cackled. He winked at you and continued despite the warning. “Just wanna know who in all of Hogwarts would have our friend all riled up.”

“I am not riled up!” You protested, earning heafty laughs from all across the room. Sharp glares shot out towards your friends. You’d expected a laugh from Sirius, even James, but seeing Lily, Marlene, and Dorcus join in felt like an afront. Even Remus had chuckled. You decided that Sirius needed to back down and you knew just how to do it. “You wouldn’t be able to handle me all riled up, Pup.”

That did it. The lean foreward, the small dip in pitch, a slight pause before the nickname - which included you unabashedly checking him out - and the tiniest smirk took the boy by surprise. The whole room, actually. It came to mind that your friends had never actually seen you be blantantly flirtatious. It was likely because you had no courage to be flirtatious with the one person you desperately wanted to flirt with. But Sirius Black? Easy.

The girls behind you began to giggle at Sirius’ continued silence. Your friend did look quite funny, completely gobsmacked.

You began to chuckle yourself, “I told you. He’ll never learn, will he?” You’d offered the question to Remus. Conversation slowly began to resume. When your eyes found Remus, he was looking at you with the same cautious surprise as the rest of the room. His eyes flicked from Sirius to you before answering.

“’Fraid not.” He reopened his book and said nothing else. Worry itched at the back of your mind. Jokes and laughter were beginning to rise once more. James kept teasing Sirius with help from Peter.

“Stop oogling Pads!”

“You’re starting to drool!”

“I am not!”

“Maybe y/n is in the market for a puppy?”

“Doubt she’d go for a Black one.”

“This is absolutely disgusting.”

“Thanks Sirius,” You rolled your eyes, “But just to clarify so you’ll leave me be: he and I? It’ll never happen.”

“Why not?”

You thought for a moment. Whatever you said next needed to be impossibly vague. Lily was smart as a wip, Marlene devious, Dorcus great with a puzzle, and, despite their carfree and rebelious nature, the marauders were just as clever. Thousands of lovely thoughts passed through your mind, each more elaborate than the last - also just as revealing. You needed something simple. Something that couldn’t easily be traced. Something only a few of them might understand. You’d gathered up your things, knowing they would all keep trying to ask you questions if you stayed. You slipped on your coat. A groan came up from around you. You picked your way through the tumble of companions. Sirius had stood, raising to his full height as if trying to intimidate the answer out of you. Your eyes scanned across the group, their faces all impatient and pointed at you. Except Remus. You took your gaze away from him quickly. Hopefully not too quickly.

“He’s Shakespeare,” You answered.

“You’re going mad over a dead playwright?” James asked. Hadn’t expected him to know who that was.

“No,” Lily rolled her eyes, “She’s comparing the guy to Shakespeare.”

“D’you not think Shakespeare’d like you?” Peter asked.

You shook your head. “Because Shakespeare is Shakespeare.” The sigh that left your lips could have fueled a thousand hearts. With quiet remarks about being back later, you ducked out of the common room and the line of fire.

***

You settled out in the courtyard despite the cooling weather. The quiet chatter of the outdoors was worth taking advantage of, even if it left you with a cold. Alone, you finally let out the embarrassed groan you’d been keeping a lid on. Blood rushed to your cheeks and your ears burned. You hated that you fancied someone; worse that it was one of your dear friends. It had hit you all at once. Sitting in the library, later than was respectible, candlelight flickered over his face. In his eyes. You’d just made a lazy joke - not even a good one - and he’d looked up at you with that dreadfully wonderful smile.

You were sure over the past year it’d only gotten worse. Though you did pride yourself on keeping your dramatics to yourself, a part of you had secretly wished someone would notice. Now that they had? Well, you had imagined it being less abrasive and more not humiliating. If only Sirius hadn’t been the one to catch your dreamy look whilst reading. Literally anyone would have been better - actually, not anyone. Lily wouldn’t have brought it up infront of everyone. But, despite James Potter’s fodness for the two, Lily and Sirius were quite different.

You retrieved your book, hoping to read a while before the sky grew dark. Cold wind brushed your hair off your shoulders. Leaves rustled and you imagined the caress of Avonlea’s woods curling around you.

The eyes falling on you went unnoticed as the chapter captured your attention.

***

Remus was not spying.

It was true that y/n had left quite quickly after being prodded and subsequently flirting with Padfoot. It was true that he’d listened intently as she offered information to everyone. He didn’t believe it until she said it, but y/n fancied someone. Set him level with Shakespeare even. It was also true that he’d begrudgingly listened to James and Peter prattle on about how flirtatious she’d been with Pads as soon as the portrait had shut.

“Have you ever seen her flirt before? And like that?” Peter had looked at him with wide eyes. Remus had merely shrugged.

“She was just messing with Sirus’ head. Merlin knows he only thinks with one of them,” Marlene cackled.

“Can you blame me?” Sirius threw out a wicked smile. “Hell, I’ll keep thinking that way if that’s the response it illicits.”

“Despite the puppy having no words?” James teased. Sirius rolled his eyes. Remus couldn’t help but size up his friend in a not-so-friendly way. Could it be possible that this scoundrel was being compared to The Bard?

“She said Shakespeare, James, not tawdry romance writer.”

Thank heavens for Lily Evans. Remus relaxed. He noticed his fingers ache a bit and realized he’d been gripping his book tightly. Some silent deep breaths settled him. Marlene and Dorcus whispered, heads together. Marlene was counting on her fingers - no doubt the two were trying to piece together the puzzle y/n had left. Part of him wanted to. Part of him wanted to forget the whole thing.

“Her lips said Shakespeare, but her body definitely said tawdry romance writer!” James slammed an arm around Sirius, a friendly agreement to Padfoot’s twisting of Lily’s statement. That was as much as he could take.

“Right. I’ve forgotten something in the library. I’ll meet you down at dinner,” Remus stood and stepped out of the common room. After travelling around aimlessly, he noticed the familiar figure from the corridor.

He wasn’t spying. Not at all.

He leaned in one of the archways, just barely peeking around to see her. Across the courtyard, y/n sat comfortably against another carved opening. Her legs lengthened out across the stone, book in hand, eyes crinkling at something on the page. They’d done that together quiet often - get lost in books. He could always rely on her to be a quiet place admist their loud companions. Their friendship didn’t need boasting. He’d always enjoyed that.

A loud crunch halted his thinking. Y/n’s head popped up. Looking down at his feet, under which many fallen leaves laid squished, Remus sliently cursed himself. He quickly hid behind a pillar. He even held his breath. Thoughts rushed through his head; Why was he hiding? It wasn’t like he was spying on you. Why did he have to step on that damn leaf? When did he even begin to move?

“Hello?”

The tall boy held tight to his breath, suddenly afraid to make any movement at all. He could hear y/n getting up from her spot. The book had closed with a muddled thump and her trainers crunched over other strewn about leaves. Remus swore she was just upon him when the clock rang out. Dinner. Her reluctant footsteps backed away from his hiding spot and off into the distance. Remus sighed. He was relieved he hadn’t been caught. The thought occurred to him, furrowing his brow as he shuffled towards the Great Hall.

***

When Remus didn’t sit down next to you at dinner, you immediately became confused. You slid down across from him and flashed a friendly smile.

“This is different.”

He looked up at you. Something strange masked his face. An uncertain itch scratched in the back of your mind - he hadn’t smiled back. You didn’t speak, instead waiting for him and fiddling with your hands as they laid toward the boy across the table.

“Needed some more elbow room,” Remus shrugged. He looked away from you, bringing a book to his face and hiding his lovely eyes. At first, you just stared. Less than a hour ago he was defending you. Now… now you were finding out he’d been bothered by you - you’d been invading his space. With a quick jolt, you yanked your hands back to you. It was painful to realize just how often you had allowed yourself to linger too close. He must have hated it.

By the time your friends had arrived, you were back to the orignial spot you’d taken. You too had buried yourself in a book. Avonlea and Anne’s escapades felt safe and warm in comparison to the cold shoulder. The loud group filled the wide open space between you and Remus, offering the tiniest bit of relief - he was much harder to see in your periphery now that you both were surrounded.

“What are you reading?” Lily set her chin lightly on your shoulder.

“Your love story,” You joked.

Lily laughed and took the book from your hands, “Anne of Green Gables?”

“A fiesty red-head joining a world she wasn’t born into, dealing with a tricky classmate who teases her relentlessly,” You reached over the girl to take the book back, trying not to laugh at the surprise on her face. “The classmate, who is hopelessly in love with her, garners only her stubborn frustration before they finally develop a competitive friendship.”

Lily’s mouth was slightly agape, her cheeks the tiniest bit pink. “I told you,” Your voice was sing-song. “They eventually get married,” You teased, watching her face go white as a sheet. “But that’s not until the fifth book.”

“That is not what is happening,” She whispered. The two of you shared a knowing look before returning to dinner.

A swift kick under the table caused you to yelp in pain. Your book slammed down on the table, eyes angry as they met with Sirius’ pleased face. “What the bloody hell was that for?”

“Your attention, obviously,” He winked.

An exasperated sigh left your lips, “And saying hello, calling my name, anything not involving giving me a bruise, was not going to work because?”

“Cause, bookworm, you were in fantasy land. And not the fun kind.” At this Sirius winked again. Your brows furrowed.

Your next words were cautious, “What do you want?”

“Do I have to want something in order to have your attention?”

“Well, that is usually the only time you want my attention.”

The boy laughed. He seemed dreadfully pleased with your response. It made you nervous. There was no bigger trouble maker than Sirius Black. You kept your finger in place, closing the book around it. He was in a much more collected state than you’d left him in.

“You ask her yet?” Peter called across the table. Your head snapped to the shrimpy boy and back to the scoundrel ahead of you. It took plenty of will not to glance at Remus in between.

“Ask me what?” Your voice was already showing your hand.

“I was easing into that Pete,” Sirius rolled his eyes before looking back at you, “We thought it’d be nice to start a book club of sorts.”

You snickered. The thought of the marauders being part of a book club was preposterous. The only one who you could imagine not making a complete mockery of things was Remus. …And you weren’t sure Remus wanted to be around you anymore.

“A book club? You’re not joking are you?” Lily’s voice was light with excitement. You looked over at her, noticing James’ enraptured sigh.

Sirius quickly gathered the group’s attention with a few snaps, “Ladies and Gentlement, I, Sirius Black, propose weekly readings of the finest literature known to the wizarding and muggle world alike.” There were many nods and pleased smiles surrounding you. You couldn’t help but feel excited yourself.

“We will begin, of course, with the pride of England himself, Bill Shakespeare!” Sirius went all out with the dramatics.

“William.”

At the same time, you and Remus corrected your friend. Your eyes disobeyed you and grazed over him. He hadn’t even looked up from his book. You eyed Peter, then Sirius. Your eyebrows raised, looking for any response from the girls. Lily looked terribly pleased. Marlene seemed interested. Dorcus just shrugged.

“You’re serious?” You asked.

“In more ways than one.”

Everyone groaned at the joke.

“Sorry, bad joke. The point is, you made Shakespeare seem quite interesting. Thought maybe reading would be more fun when everyone has to play a part,” Sirius explained.

“You’ve come up with this idea just because I like Shakespeare?” The words lifted like bubbles in the air. You hadn’t meant to come off so surprised, fragile, but the earlier dismissal by Remus had left you more vulnerable than you expected.

A cheeky smile flashed on Sirus’ face, “Absolutely. Clearly we all need to do our research.”

“Fine,” You rolled your eyes. “It is a proper idea. It’ll culture some of you up,” Sarcasm lingered in your words, causing protests from some of the group. “But I’ll only agree if everyone else does.”

Sirius took your response as a blatant yes. He turned his overwhelming attention away from you. It was a relief. You couldn’t help but look over at Remus. His brown hair sat in ruffled waves, likely having been fluffed whilst reading a particularly tense part of his book. You’d hoped to guage his response to Sirius’ proposition. The irritating itch of disappointment struck the back of your mind once more.

***

“Oh of course this is the one you’d pick to start,” Your shook your head at the play sitting in your lap.

The common room had been rearranged, allowing the group to sit gleefully by the fire as those reading stood ahead of them. Marlene, Dorcus, James, and Sirius had agreed that the readings needed some performance.

“Is it not the most famous? Thought you liked Shakespeare?” Sirius teased.

You sighed. “Yes, it is probably the most famous, but-”

“Doesn’t like this one much. Can’t blame her. It is quite sad.”

You held tight to your breath, forcing yourself to not blush or look at the boy. For a week you had watched Remus drift farther away from you. Where you’d usually have someone to help you walk to class whilst reading, you’d instead bumped into the most unfortunate things. Your late night study sessions were solitary. Dorcas had instantly spotted your dismay. A few times, she, Marlene, and Lily had approached you, hoping to nudge some answers out of you. They’d even sent others to try. You’d barked at James and snubbed Peter. Everyone had failed. You’d covered your crush for a year; you were well prepared to hide the growing pain. Sirius looked at you waiting for your confirmation. You just shrugged and nodded.

“S’alright! Maybe we can make you a fan?” He offered a sly grin.

“Anyway! Let’s pick parts!” Marlene brought everyone to attention.

***

Remus had dreaded the first meeting of Sirius’ ‘book club’. Leading up to it, his three friends had done more preparation than they ever offered their classes. It became a repeated habit. They’d follow him into the library, begging Madam Pince to help them find as many plays as the school had. What should have been peaceful study sessions instead turned into his desperate fight to ignore his friends. The goal of his lonesome studying was to avoid the conversation of y/n’s fixiation on some boy and the sudden emergence of her flirty nature. Peter, James, and Sirius made that impossible.

“What about this one?” James leaned over the table to point a scene out to Sirius. “Seems like ‘wallowing in lily-beds’ could be fun to play out.”

“Prongs, that’s cause you’re thinking of wallowing in Lily’s bed,” Peter groaned. He seemed quite taken with another play.

“Can’t blame a guy,” James rubbed the back of his neck.

Sirius nodded, “Maybe, maybe. I’m thinking y/n requires a bit more romance Prongs. She refused to play Juliet.”

“Well, she doesn’t seem like a love at first sight kind of girl,” Remus mumbled to himself.

“What was that?”

Remus silently cursed. He kept scribbling on his parchment, hoping that the deafening silence would end. When it didn’t, he looked up to find his mates staring at him.

“What did you say?” Sirius prodded. Remus was getting quite irritated with his friends persistence around y/n.

“She doesn’t seem like a love at first sight kind of girl,” He grumbled, loud and clear enough to be understood.

“Who doesn’t?”

The light and bright voice took him by surprise. His breath caught in the back of his throat. He heard the happy hellos from the other boys and lifted his gaze to see y/n. She was still waiting for an answer. She seemed, nervous - eyebrows slightly pinched over startling eyes. Daylight always left her eyes brighter than stars. He couldn’t bear to hold her look for more than one moment. He couldn’t decide whether Padfoot’s engaging with her was releiving or infuriating.

“There’s a girl we know, and we’re unsure if she believes in love at first sight. What would make a girl believe in that?”

Y/n quietly considered the question. When she began, a precious smile curled on her lips, “Luckily for Potter, Lily is not a love at first sight girl. If that helps. At least, not in its traditional sense.” James’ shoulders did relax a bit at her words. Remus couldn’t help but chuckle.

“What do you mean by ‘traditional sense’?” Sirius nudged open a seat, coaxing her to join them with his hand. Remus had seen this gesture before. With deepening concern, he took stock of all the actions of his friend. It led to a horrifying thought - Sirius was trying to court y/n. His thoughts caused him to miss her hesitance, how she’d pulled the chair farther away from the long haired boy.

“Well, I believe there are two kinds of love at first sight. There’s the traditional: the fanciful look across the room, hearts instantly bursting, falling madly in love within moments. Bit much if you ask me. There’s way too much room for error. Though James did well for himself, falling mad for Lil the first time you saw her,” The thoughtful girl’s grin grew as she poked fun at Prongs. The boy covered his bright red face in his arms, only leaving a mess of curls exposed.

“And the second?” Sirius leaned closer, hand propping up his chin.

Remus, for the first time in days kept his eye firmly locked on her. His quick and hidden glances in class had sufficed until this moment. She looked nervous again. Her eyes darted around the library, fleetingly landing on him, bouncing around until she turned her head to gaze out the window.

“The second…,” She began slowly, “Isn’t about physically seeing. But more seeing with your heart. Looking at someone you’ve known for years and feeling as though you are seeing them anew. The tiniest and most delicate of changes having marked the clear path of your descent into adoration, unbeknownst to you until you don’t just look, you see. Your heart doesn’t burst because it isn’t too much all at once. Its the revelation that all that love has been there all along…” Her voice carried, a melody on an imagined breeze. Remus forgot how to speak. His chest burned terribly and his fingers felt numb. When did she start talking like that? His mooning was cut short by the black-nailed, ring-clad hand rubbing her shoulder.

The girl’s dreamy moment crashed around her and she jumped at Sirius’ touch. Her face burned heavily before she covered it and laughed. The laughter bent her closer to his friend. Remus’s stare turned cold, focused on the lingering hand that was rubbing y/n’s arm. Sirius looked over at the other marauders, winking and sporting another wicked smile. Remus could have exploded.

***

Laughing was the only way out of the mess you’d just gotten yourself into. Embarrassment at the vulnerable moment took root deep in your stomach. In truth, you had sounded a bit like a writer yourself. One momentary glimpse of Remus had been all you needed to wax poetically instead of just simply stating your thoughts. The jolt of Sirius pulling you back to the real world had scared the giggles out of you.

“Sor- sorry. Was a bit lost there. Erm- didn’t mean to be that dramatic. My book must be rubbing off on me,” Your embarassment lingered as your laughter died away. “Last time that happened I-”

You cut your sentence off, having turned to speak to Remus. You’d been hoping to see his face light up with recognition; all the times he’d teased you for speaking with so much melancholy after a month of reading Poe. Instead, you found a hard, stony gaze. The words died on your lips and you immediately stood up. You were invading his space again. He didn’t want you there. Your jaw clenched together, trying desperately to hide the pain that resonated in your chest.

“Nevermind,” Your voice came out flat. “Best leave you to your studies.”

“Oh don’t just leave us with all that poetry and no help!” Sirus whined. You shook your head. You stopped to examine the open plays.

“Well, here’s your problem,” You snatched Macbeth out of Peter’s hand, “You’re still picking tragedies. We’ve read Romeo & Juliet, Othello, Hamlet. You aren’t going to convince Lily to snog James when her character is bound to die. You’ve got to pick a comedy.”

James gave you an odd look, “You think I should try and make her laugh?”

“No dimwit. Comedy is just a classification. Not all of them are funny. They’re comedies because they have a happy ending. And usually weddings,” You tacked on the last bit with a bit of confusion. You’d never fully understood that trope.

“Weddings is good!”

A small chuckle slipped past your lips at James’ words. You couldn’t help but give one last glance to the newfound stranger in your dearest friend’s clothes. Everything about him was familiar and lovely, despite the icy countenance you had somehow brought upon yourself. Your feet felt heavy as you searched through the shelves. Instead of staying, you heaved a stack of books into your arms and trudged back to the common room. The door to your dormitory was already wide open, Marlene and Dorcus chatting away.

“There you are!” Dorcas wrapped an arm around you as you joined the fold.

“We’ve figured out who Shakespeare is!” Marlene squealed. You just shook your head.

“I highly doubt it,” You muttered.

Lily looked up from her desk, eyes narrowing on you. She raised an eye brow, holding a secret conversation with the other two girls. She finally asked, “What happened?”

“Nothing, nothing. I’m alright,” You lied.

Marlene wasn’t having it, “Okay lets try that again. What happened?”

“Am I… do I bother you at all?” You rubbed your palms into your knees as you spoke.

“You’re bloody annoying with this whole ‘I’m hiding my crush from my friends’ bit,” Dorcas laughed. Then she saw your face. “Oh love, no no. You are not a bother to us.”

“Why would you ever believe that?” Lily sat next to you on your bed.

You took a deep breath before answering. Despite everything, you couldn’t let them know you fancied Remus. How many friendships would you ruin just by admitting that fact, let alone trying to pursue it? Knowing you felt steady, you answered, “Well. Few weeks ago Remus told me in a nice way that I’d been intruding on his space. Usually we walk to classes together, share notes, study. Didn’t think it was a problem until he said something. So I’ve left him alone. But in the library… all the boys were there and they asked me a question and after I sat down and answered it, he looked so angry. And I don’t know what I’ve done to make him not want me around.”

The girls crowded around you, rubbing circles into your arms and back. Their embraces were sweet and they quietly reassured you that you couldn’t have done anything wrong.

“Just keep thinkin’ on your sweet Shakespeare. Don’t let Moony get you down,” Dorcas gave your shoulders a tight squeeze.

“Yes. Of course,” You nodded, feigned relief in your voice, “Shakespeare.”

***

You were trying to skip the upcoming reading. Surprisingly, your friends truly seemed to enjoy reading out the plays. Part of you wanted to bask in the glory of being the cause of such great fun, but that part was small in comparison to the other; filling slowly and constantly with sorrow as your own Shakespeare disappeared from your life. You saw Remus everywhere, but he was no longer taking a role in your story. Burning despair grew each time you realized he didn’t want you around. It had grown worse. At first he’d been able to stand hours in your company. Now, he was itching to leave the moment you were in his presence.

“I haven’t been feeling well the past few days. The last few months have been rough, so much homework and setting aside one night a week to read the next play has gotten me off my schedule. I’m drowning. I just need a night off.”

Though honest, the exhaustion in your voice wasn’t from work. You hated lying to your friends. You had been ahead on assignments since the start of term. But you couldn’t very well say ‘Remus Lupin, the one my heart burns for, has completely discarded our friendship, leaving me not only yearning for unrequited love but with an aching loneliness. Therefore, please don’t make me sit in a room with him as he continues to hate me so loudly.’

“Drowning? Didn’t I mention you’d be a lovely Ophelia?” Sirius swooped around so he could face you while walking.

“Starting to understand her better every day,” You muttered.

Sirius reached for your hand, which you didn’t fight. His flirting had become boring at this point. Just another thing you had to deal with. “My dearest y/n, hast thou been spurned by thine love so’st secret?”

“Thy. It should be: hast thou been spurned by thy love so’st secret,” You corrected and took your hand back.

“He has, hasn’t he? Shakespeare’s screwed up!” Sirius said with a laugh.

You huffed, walking away. You didn’t need Sirius Black to be making fun of you. It was bad enough that he got a part of Remus and you didn’t. “It’s not funny.”

“Hey, hey. I’m sorry, okay? S’just the sun and moon set on this guy for you; I’ve been wondering when he was going to slip up,” Sirius shrugged at your side. You didn’t respond. “How ‘bout we make today short. Push the play to next week and come up with something else? You’ll be off boring yourself to death in no time.” He grinned wildly at you, his eyebrows raised waiting on your answer.

“Dunno,” You slumped against a wall, “I don’t know if I have it in me, Sirius.”

“Just come. Maybe we can reignite that fire of yours,” The boy was leaning over you, pirate smile half hidden by the hair falling in his face. Your eyes rolled at his cheeky actions.

“Okay.”

***

The library felt lonely. Or maybe it was him. Maybe it was Remus who felt lonely. It had been two months since Sirius had announced to everyone that y/n was fancying someone, two months since she’d openly flirted with his best friend, two months that he’d kept as far away from her as he could. His whole body lit up in flames when she was around. Just remembering the brushes of their legs at meals or arms when studying sent shivers down his spine. He hadn’t been within five feet of her on purpose and yet she monopolized every waking thought. He’d even dreamt of y/n. Remus was so deeply lost in thought that he missed the trio of boys joining him. It wasn’t until a hand was waving in front of his face that he took in his new deskmates.

“Earth to Moony! Your friends are in dire need of your help,” Sirius beamed.

“Pads, I am trying to work. Why do you insist on interrupting my studying?” Remus groaned.

“He sounds like y/n,” Peter pointed out.

“Which is the exact reason I need his expert advice Wormtail!” Sirius slung an arm around the smaller boy. Remus felt dread spreading through his chest. He shook his head, sandy hair falling into his eyes.

“C’mon Remus, you ought to know her better than any of us,” Peter nudged. “Sirius tell him about the leaning thing. Then he’ll understand!”

“What leaning thing?”

“Ah yes,” Sirus leaned his chair back. His smile was overtly smug. “I took the time to walk y/n to Arithmancy today. She was quite pouty. Told me she didn’t want to come to our book club tonight. Said she was drowning in homework-”

“That can’t be true,” Remus blurted out. The boys all turned to look at him. He shrugged it off, “She starts getting ahead on assignments the first week.”

Sirius nodded, pointing happily at him, “See, I also thought something was odd about that. Me, being suave as always, focused on ‘drowning’ and reminded her of how I thought she’d be a lovely Ophelia-”

“That’s because you originally wanted to be Hamlet,” James pointed out.

“Besides the point. When I said that, y/n said she understood Ophelia now! It seems her beloved Shakespeare is losing his footing,” Sirius sighed, pleased.

“And?”

“I made a joke. She corrected my grammar, but not the sentiment. She’s been spurned!”

“Should you really be so happy about that?” James asked the question that was on the tip of Remus’ tongue.

Peter piped up, “Just tell them about the lean!”

“Okay, okay. She got miffed, but I just explained I didn’t believe someone could be so great and that I was sorry. I told her I’d find a way to keep tonight short. She stopped and stood against the wall. Said she didn’t know if she had it in her and-”

“And Sirius said ‘maybe we can reignite that fire of yours’ while leaning over her on the wall! Man’s a genius,” Peter finished for Sirius.

“What did she say?”

“She said ‘okay’. Not as enthusiatic as I’d like, but that is why I need your help, my well read friend,” Sirius dropped the chair back onto its front legs. “I have to come up with something more enticing than our plays that will get her wanting to keep book club and forget about the stupid git she fancies.”

“Why?”

This took the rest of the boys by surprise. But Remus had to know. He’d seen his friend’s flirtations end in messy arguments and broken hearts. Though he loved Sirius like a brother, the last thing he wanted was y/n becoming a casualty of Padfoot’s conquests. Peter looked on, wide eyed. James was looking from Remus to Sirius and back.

“What can I say?” Sirius chuckled, “Always found her attractive. Decided she’d be a nice little chase that day she practically eye-fucked me in front of you all.”

“She didn’t eye-fuck you,” James interrupted. “She just checked you out.”

“The point still stands. Since this mystery man is letting her down, she won’t be looking for anything serious. And who better to help her get over this dolt?”

Remus’ blood boiled. “And completely ruin your friendship? Possibly all of our friendships?”

“It hasn’t gotten that far yet,” James eased the tension, shooting a slightly confused look at Remus. “Let’s focus on keeping the book club going. Evans is so close to kissing me. I just know it.” At least Remus could count on James to be just as lovelorn as he was.

“Don’t know why you’re so stiff. You haven’t spoken to her in weeks Moons,” Sirius rolled his eyes.

Remus’ thought drifted back to what y/n had said to Sirius. She felt like Ophelia… alone, abandoned. His chest ached, He could just see the darkened look in her eyes, leaving them dull. Y/n hated to show when she was hurting, but anyone looking, really looking, could tell. His own lonliness offered an irrational thought - maybe she missed him. He rubbed the space between his eyebrows, pushing off a headache. “Just been busy.”

“Back to the predicament. What do we do about tonight?” Peter snapped everyone back to the task at hand.

“Sonnets,” Remus said plainly.

“Sonnets! Moony you’re a genius! What’s a sonnet?”

James broke into loud laughter. Peter followed. Even Remus had to chuckle. Madam Pince shushed their group with a sharp scowl.

“Sorry Madam. We’ve just had a revelation. Would you be a dear and direct me to any of Shakespeare’s sonnets we have here?” Sirius flirted with the woman. She pointed to the small poetry section in the back corner and stormed away. Peter and Sirius ran off, leaving James and Remus to wait.

“Will you help me pick something to read? I’d like to impress Lily,” James asked softly. Remus relaxed and nodded. “I could help you pick something as well,” James continued, “If there’s anyone you’d like to impress… or out-do…”

Remus stiffened. “I don’t believe I know what you’re talking about,” He cleared his throat.

“Guess I am wrong. Could’ve sworn you were mad at Padfoot for pursuing y/n,” James mumbled. Remus considered showing his hand to James. James Potter who had been in love with Lily Evans since they’d first met, he’d understand the predicament Remus had gotten himself into. But when Remus went to speak, the words died in his throat.

“Well, maybe I could just help Pads pick something dreadful,” James suggested. Remus didn’t say anything, but the little smile on his face was answer enough.

***

Y/n was tucked in one of the small alcoves when the boys entered for the night’s gathering. A blanket was wrapped tightly around her, teacup in hand as she flipped the pages of a book. She had to be on the third or fourth book of that series at this point. She was alone. Remus eyed the empty chair opposite her.

“Sirius can I have the book? I’d like y/n’s help,” James asked. There insued a game of keep away. Remus kept shushing them, even though he knew that y/n could get sucked into a novel in the loudest places.

James succeeded. He ordered the rest of the boys to get things set up, the hour almost upon them. Remus quietly agreed. He’d never helped before. He’d always shown up just as they began in order to limit his time watching Sirius make passes on the shy girl. Today, he obliged the request and took up post closest to the alcove.

“Could I get your help?” James had plopped into the empty chair.

“With what?”

“I’d like to impress Lily. I, well I’m going to read this, but I need some tips,” James opened the book and slid it across. Out of the corner of his eye, Remus saw her nose scrunch up in a giddy grin.

“Well, you’ve already gotten yourself to a great start. Sonnet eighteen is by far, one of the most romantic of the sonnets.”

“Remus helped me pick it.”

“Of course he did.”

Remus’ heart flipped in his chest. Once again, that dreamy melody had lingered in her voice. He glued his eyes to the chair he was moving. It took all his power to not stare, drink in her every detail. His hands felt sweaty and his ears felt hot. The tall boy suddenly dropped the chair into place and rushed up and out of the common room. Inside the dormitory was cool and dark. Remus didn’t feel the relief he’d hoped to find. Soft cotton sheets stung his skin. He couldn’t relax, the silence too empty. It was denial that flooded his mind and reassured him that his normal affinity for quiet had nothing to do with y/n. His arm absentmindedly reached for the books on his nightstand. Within moments he was reading over the patterned words and telling himself it was just for pleasure, not practice.

***

He hates me.

The thought echoed so loudly in your head that you nearly let a tear slip. You knew it had to have been your words, your stupid little sigh over him, that sent him storming out of the common room. Your eyes trained blankly on the table before you. Your stomach was hurting again.

“Y/n?”

“Right, sorry. The first thing is to not let your focus be so heavily on the rhyme. This was written ages ago and some of the pronunciation just doesn’t work. Iambic pentameter is all about stressed versus unstressed syllables-”

“Sound like I’ll get on with the stressed ones tonight,” James joked, hand rubbing the back of his neck.

You couldn’t help but smile. Lily was so lucky to have someone this devoted. “Relax lover boy. You’ll be fine. It’s a rhythm. Like a heartbeat. Ta dum, ta dum, ta dum. Try it.”

James cleared his throat.

“Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day.”

“Good. Now not so mechanical. Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day.”

James repeated your words, matching each little inflection. His voice shook a bit.

“Prongs, do you think Lils is lovelier than summertime?” You asked, taking the focus away from his reading.

“Course. She’s much better.”

“That is the sentiment of the whole poem. That summer fades, and she won’t. That she’s more wonderful than anything nature could offer. Let that bursting heart of yours explain itself without having to use your own words,” You couldn’t help but get a bit caught up as you spoke. James nodded, still nervous but clearly feeling more prepared. You tapped the page and spun your finger around in a circle. The boy nodded, beginning to silently practice the entire poem.

It wasn’t much longer before the evening commenced. You’d hid yourself amongst the girls, forcing Lily to sit beside James. Though your own heart was in consistent turmoil, you still hoped to plot out a happy ending for your two friends. Marlene and Dorcas took the first turns, subsequently laughing through the pattern and questioning Shakespeare’s motives.

“Telling me this man think’s all I’m good for is some damn reproduction?” Dorcas cackled.

“Can’t say anyone would hate practicing with you Dorcas,” Marlene giggled. Those two would be heading down an explicit rabbit hole if no one stopped them.

“Sirius, why don’t you go?” Peter called out. The fiendish boy obliged, pretending he was being applauded by many.

The boy cleared his throat dramatically and began, “Whoever hath her wish, thou hast thy Will.”

Your eyes widened. You covered your mouth with a hand, fully in disbelief. Your eyes darted across your friends. James seemed particularly pleased. And Remus, who’d taken residence at the farthest corner from you, pressed his lips into a firm line - he knew too. You tried to stay composed. The boy finished, bowing elegantly as if he hadn’t just gone through stanzas begging for sex.

“Did you not like it?” His eyes were trained on you. As were the rest of the groups.

“It was orated nicely,” You began, “But Sirius did you take the time to understand it?” Your voice was betraying you. Swallowed laughter shook each word.

“What do you mean? Of-of course I know what it’s about!” You rolled your eyes at the childish outburst from the boy.

“So you intended on reading the one sonnet where Shakespeare is literally begging this woman to have sex with him?”

The room exploded in laughter. Sirius’ face grew red with embarrassment before he drew his fox-like demeanor back together. “I’ve never had to beg for sex before. Wanted to see what it was like.”

You ignored his provocative tone and watched as Lily snatched the book and picked something to read. As with everything she did, she was proficient. The evening continued, Peter electing to recite a piece about time and Marlene picking a particularly cruel one to read when James’ nerves got the best of him. You gave him a reassuring smile when he did stand to speak. While his eyes stayed trained on the book, you watched Lily and the bit of heat that raised as he spoke. When he finished, the two shared a tender glance. Part of you was jealous. You couldn’t help it. Not for the curly headed boy, but the courage he’d always had to reach for your friend. And of her, being so lovely as to inspire the genuine effort that typically eluded James Potter. You were so caught up in thought that you missed the group turn to you.

“Did I say something outloud?” You asked.

“No, that is why we’re waiting,” Sirius winked, again.

“For what?”

“It’s your turn,” James held out the book.

You shook your head, stuttering for a response, “I-I couldn’t. No, no, oh no. You, you really don’t want to hear me. I’m not a good, good reader.”

“That’s a lie!” Dorcas yelped.

“You’re always so lovely reading in the plays. Don’t know why you’ve been shying from bigger parts,” Marlene pinched your cheek.

“C’mon. S’just one little sonnet,” Sirius purred.

Lily put her hand on yours, giving a direct and sincere look, “You always say that catharsis is the most important part of the play. Might as well see if you can get there?”

Your heart nearly broke right then and there. The red-headed girl had that knowing look in her eye. You were fairly certain she’d be the one to piece together your heartwrenching situation. Still, you hoped she was still a few steps behind you.

“Okay. Just don’t make me stand up there all by myself,” You took the book in your hand and began to search the aged pages.

“I’ll stand up there with you!” Sirius volunteered. Your brows reached for one another and Lily came to your rescue.

“Let her just sit here. We can all sit and be cozy by the fire.”

Your fingers brushed over the printed words. There were more than enough poems to express your overwhelming fancy, but you focused instead on the few that spoke for the longing weighing on your chest. You showed the pages to Lily and let her pick. The book sat steady in your hand, your heart thundering as you took unsteady breaths, and with an anxious view of Remus right outside your eyeline, you began.

“My love is a fever longing still,

For that which nutures the disease;

Feeding on that which doth perserve the ill,

The uncertain sickly appetite to please.

My reason, the physician to my love,

Angry that his prescriptions are not kept,

Hath left me, and I deperate now approve

Desire is death, which physic did except.

Past cure I am, now Reason is past care,

And frantic-mad with evermore unrest;

My thoughts and my discourse as madmen’s are,

At random from the truth vainly expressed;

For I have sworn thee fair, and thought thee bright,

Who art as black as hell, as dark as night.”

The crackling fire was all the response you recieved. Sorrow sat still in your chest, rooted and unmoving despite your try. You didn’t dare look at anyone, but handed off the book.

“That was a bit darker than I expected,” Sirius chuckled awkwardly.

“Well, I picked it. She just made the story clear. Maybe another…” Lily snapped back at the rascal. The book came back much too quickly. Another of the hearbroken verses stared back at you.

“Dear, please. Entreat us with another. You’re much more suited to this than us fools,” Dorcas gave a weak smile.

“I don’t know…” Your hands gripped tight to one another. The fire caught in bronze eyes, looking at you with either expectation or the preamble of frustration. You couldn’t be sure.

“Just one and we can be done, if you want.”

Frustration. Your eyes closed in the wake of the boy’s words. You nodded silently, hands shaking as you lifted to read once more. Catching your lip in your teeth, you settled your heartache by supplying another pain.

“Farewell! thou art too dear for my possessing,

And like enough thou know’st thy estimate,

The charter of thy worth gives thee releasing;

My bonds in thee are all determinate.

For how do I hold thee but by thy granting?

And for that riches where is my deserving?

The cause of this fair gift in me is wanting,

And so my patent back again is swerving.

Thy self thou gavest, thy own worth then not knowing,

Or me to whom thou gav’st it else mistaking;

So thy great gift, upon misprision growing,

Comes home again, on better judgement making.

Thus have I had thee, as a dream doth flatter.

In sleep a king, but waking no such matter.”

***

All Remus desired the moment y/n finished reading, was to hold her tight in his arms. She’d hid the tiniest tremble of her lip, biting down harshly as she finished and shoving the book into Sirius’ hands. He watched her gather herself up and peel away from the group.

“Sorry to take up your time,” She spoke quietly to him, not meeting his eye, before rushing up the stairs. His stomach hurt. He felt like he’d been knocked over by one of his friends. Sirius and James would do that frequently when his monthly counterpart got a bit out of hand.

“Alright what has gotten into you?” Marlene’s voice raised, heated.

“Sorry? Thought the point was tonight would be short,” Remus turned to look at Sirius. “That’s what you said.”

Marlene ignored his excuse, “You’ve turned into a foul git, you know that?”

The afront was more than Remus understood. “I haven’t done anything. I didn’t intend for her to run off.”

“Surely, you realize she thinks you’re finished with your friendship. You haven’t spoken in weeks. When you have, you’ve grumbled and growled. Even if she really is getting on your nerves, Remus, I expected you to be nicer about it,” Lily’s face was feirce. She had stood and was looking down on him in complete disappointment.

“I-I don’t know what you mean,” Remus looked away, guilt curling his shoulders.

“C’mon Moons. Just make up with her. She’s not going to want to go out with me if my best friend hates her,” Sirius groaned.

“And you say I’m the git?” Remus pointed harshly to Sirius, raising his eyebrows indignantly at the girls.

“Right. That is enough.” James stood between his friend as his beloved Lily. “Clearly something has caused some tension. Now, we know that things aren’t going to fix overnight. I suggest we all go to bed and cool off. Next week, we will all try and spend some time chatting and smoothing things over. And you,” James pointed right into Remus’ chest, “Will be participating in the reading next week. No buts. Acting all uppity about something y/n enjoys is not very kind.”

Remus wrapped his arms around himself, feeling childish and downtrodden. He hadn’t thought what his removal from y/n would cause. He didn’t expect Lily, Marlene, and Dorcas to notice, let alone have been told how she felt. Ophelia. Abandoned. His heart was a stone in his chest, weighing down until he couldn’t breathe. Laying flat on his bed and staring at the ceiling, he allowed every thought of y/n to encapsulate him. She’d apologized to him for taking up his time. Lily said she’d been sure he no longer desired the friendship - that y/n thought she’d been bothering him. His scarred hands drug across his face. What would he do? He couldn’t be near y/n without wanting to take her in his arms and confess his blubbering adoration. He also couldn’t be near her without wanting to deck his dog of a friend. Maybe he should have taken James’ offer. Maybe y/n would have responded to his sonnet reading just as Lily had for James…

“Moony?” James called out in the dark. “Still up?”

“Still up,” He answered.

“You’re a catch, you know?” James spoke softly. Remus didn’t answer, too confused by what he’d heard. “And much more suited to her than Padfoot.”

“Lily blushed. By the way. The whole time you were reading,” Remus offered - his way to say thank you.

***

You were much more careful as the next weeks passed. Thankful that quidditch practices had interfered with the book club, you sequestered yourself far from your friends. Madame Pince had shown you a lone study corral hidden away in the library that you could use. Many nights a week you’d go straight there after dinner, holed up with massive stacks around you to muffle your sniffles. You’d started over your reading, preferring the sweet and childish antics of Anne of Green Gables to the more overtly romantic sequels. You couldn’t start the fifth book no matter how hard you’d tried. In fact, you’d stopped before finishing the fourth - you couldn’t bear to read as Anne and Gilbert finally got engaged. It just didn’t feel fair.

Just after classes you drug your body up to your dorm, painfully aware that the book club meeting was swiftly approaching.

“Are you excited that we’re finally getting back to reading?” Dorcas smiled. She’d taken to twisting her hair in intricate plaits, causing her hair to reveal its true length.

“Not sure. I really appreciate that all of you decided to try the plays out based off of my personal attachment. But I feel a bit guilty. There’s other things that you’d like to read or do together, I’m sure. Why don’t we move on from Shakespeare?” You gave a weak smile. You weren’t looking forward to watching Remus wince at your voice, refuse to look at you. You hoped things would cool off if your friends would stop spotlighting your interests.

“Not now! They’ve finally gotten a fun one for us!” Marlene whined. You noticed she also looked lovely, hair pinned into a fancy bun. You turned to Lily and confirmed your suspicion, she too was looking quite charming.

“Have I missed something?” A small laugh escaped your lips.

Lily just smiled, “What do you mean?”

“You’re all positively gussied up?” You laughed. Afraid you may have come off as rude, you added, “Of course you’re truly splendid! But what is the occasion?”

“We’ve been inspired by the play tonight,” Dorcas had a sparkle in her eye. She grabbed your hands, pulling you to sit at her desk. “It is full of enchantment and-”

“Therefore we’ve decided to be enchanting!” Marlene finished her phrase.

“Alright, you’ve got my interest. What are we reading tonight?” You couldn’t help but beam at your friends and their dramatics. Dorcas had taken to messing with your hair. It was quite soothing. Your eyes dipped closed as you relaxed.

“A Midsummer Night’s Dream,” Lily answered.

“Really? That’s wonderful! It is quite fun,” Your eyes popped open. All three girls smiled back at you.

“Good, because James and I already divvied out the parts,” Lily gave your hand a squeeze. Dorcas was playing with your hair again and Marlene was rumaging around your trunk. Suspicion floated like a bubble before your eyes. Lily raised an eyebrow to appraise your response, “My dear Helena, how may we prepare you for act one?”

You warred within yourself. Being Dorcas and Marlene’s dress-up doll was quite fun. They doted on you in such a giddy manner that it was easy to get swept up. However, the nervewracking weight of a large role, even if it was one of your favorite plays, was causing you to nearly break apart. One thought was persistent above all else: what would Remus think?

The common room was alight with floating candles. Vines were curled across the ceiling and down the fireplace. You were awestruck at the sight. The group had outdone themselves.

“What do you think?” Sirius grinned up at you. He’d dressed in a puffy shirt and looked more like a pirate than ever.

“It’s truly enchanting,” You admitted.

“Better be. I didn’t do all this planning and convincing Evans to fake marry me for nothing,” James wiped a bit of sweat from his brow. He had on his quidditch cape. You watched as he noticed Lily and tried to not go slackjawed. Twisting away from the attention, you nestled down next to the fire. You fiddled nervously with the edges of your own flowing skirt. You couldn’t help but try and take count of each person’s role. James would be playing Theses as well as Puck, Lily was Hypolita and the other fairies, Peter would be juggling many if not every ‘players’ role, Dorcas was set to be the queen of fairies, Marlene was Hermia. Your mind lingered on the two roles you’d be reading with most, unsure of whether Sirus or Remus had been set as your- Helena’s Demetrius.

A wolf whistle took you out of your thoughts. You turned to see the strapping boy, neatly dressed and hair perfectly placed. You hated how captivated he left you. It was the candlelight. The candlelight in his gilded eyes.

James and Sirius crowded Remus, howling their approval of his entrance. You were able to break your stare, hiding your bright red cheeks in the light of the fire.

***

Remus had never been angrier at James. Or Lily. Or anyone. The whole beginning of the damned play had consisted of nothing but Remus’ character rebuking the love of y/n’s. After hearing her quiet voice, he knew whatever his friends were trying to do had failed. Not that he had agreed with James that playing y/n’s love interest would be beneficial. No, in truth he was sure he’d said no to the whole foolish gambit… at least until Sirius found a few lines of which he thought he’d try and steal a kiss if he could play Demetrius, then Remus begrudgingly agreed to the role.

An hour and a quarter in, they elected to take a break. The end of the second act had sent Sirius on a swarthy rampage - his character being under a love potion directed towards y/n. He’d been just as infuriating as Remus had expected. He’d chased her around the common room, catching and tickling her as the scene ended. Her surprised giggles had stabbed into Remus’ chest. He’d begun to excuse himself when her irritated tone took him by surprise.

“Get off Sirius. You’re being a menace.”

“C’mon y/n, it’s just a bit of fun,” Sirius was laying the charm on thick.

“Hands off. I’m not one of your little girlfriends,” She spoke plainly. It was music to Remus’ ears.

Sirius was undeterred, “You could be, you know?”

Remus’ heart pounded against his chest, shamelessly watching the interaction and awating her answer. Now sitting by the fire, cup of tea steaming past her nose, she seemed to contemplate the insinuation. Then she laughed.

He devoured the sight. Her hair gleamed in the firelight, falling in luscious curls down her shoulders and back. She’d kicked her legs out from underneath her skirt, the soft fabric pooling mid-thigh. The too-large sweater she sported had shifted off one shoulder and the shadow of her slender neck was projected onto the wall behind her. She was radiant.

“That is not going to happen.”

Remus could have kissed her right then.

***

As the intermission ran long, James slipping off to nip snacks and drinks, your comfort seemed to fluctuate. Every moment with Remus felt subtly charged. You held tight to the desperate aching in your chest, not wanting so much truth to come out as Helena pined for Demetrius. He seemed softer towards you, even as the harsh rhyming insults had left his lips. You’d found it quite easy to lament your unrequited love after watching him for months. Sirius had you fending off advances, moreso now that his own role was under a love spell. Dorcas had come to your rescue with some contrived argument for Sirius to have with Marlene. You took the opportunity to finish your tea and mask your glances across the room. For the first time in too long, you saw Remus smiling. He, James, and Lily seemed particularly tickled about something. They were speaking in hushed tones, their words masked by the crackling fire beside you. Your head turned away quickly. You couldn’t risk being caught and ruining the night - you were really trying not to be annoying.

Peter offered a short recap before the reading began again. The stout boy then ran around frantically, causing quite the riotous laughter from the group as he played a scene practically by himself. You noticed the laughter ease your shoulders and allowed yourself to get excited as you and Sirius returned to the spotlight. You were having fun, pushing away his overacted advances.

And then Demetrius awakened, so Remus stood up and stood on your otherside. Immediately diving into the verse with a ferver you didn’t recognize, all you could do was stare. If you didn’t know better, you might have thought he actually meant the amorous words. You finally broke away your shocked gaze, reading ahead to not miss a line. The oncoming speech was lengthy and the words began to turn strange in your mind. Your eyes flicked back up, between the two boys. Suddenly you realized, Sirius had skipped you and was going even further with his dramatics. Remus responded in kind. You slowly looked back at the scene, trying to get your footing when your eyes landed flat upon Helena’s words: ‘And now both rivals, to mock Helena’.

Everything around you seemed to slow. The puzzle pieces began to fit together. Sirius telling everyone you were romantically compromised, Remus immediately pushing you away, everyone’s sureity that they knew who fancied. And tonight: Remus’ improved mood in your presence, why Sirius had been plaguing you with flirtation, why James and Lily had made the two boys take these roles. Why everyone was laughing… You didn’t want to believe it, but when you looked to Remus, an unfamiliar glint was in his eye. Sirius smiled a voracious smile.

“You are making fun of me.”

“That’s not the line?” Sirius chuckled.

You held as tight to the tears as you could. You knew another moment in the boys’ presence and they would fall unrestrained. You looked at Lily, unable to comprehend what could have caused your friends to humiliate you.

“S-sor-sorry. I-” That was all you could choke out. The book dropped from your hand and you scrambled up the stairs.

***

“What just happened?” Sirius asked loudly.

“I’ve made an awful mistake,” Lily covered her mouth, her eyes shining with horror. Remus watched as she too got up and left without another word. Dorcas and Marlene whispered to one another, recognition dawning on their faces. James nervously tapped his wand against his leg.

“Are we done for the night?” Peter asked.

“Yes, we sure are,” Dorcas shot an unearthly scowl towards James, Sirius, and then Remus.

“Clean up.” Marlene purposefully pushed past Remus and then Sirius.

The four boys were left alone, the energy of their friendly event now dispersed in favor of confusion and pain. Remus couldn’t help but recall the look on y/n’s face. Utter betrayal. She’d had tears in her eyes.

“James, what happened?”

Remus hadn’t meant to growl. However, now that he had, it felt like the appropriate response. James just shook his head over and over. Sirius was looking between the two, clearly beginning to take notice of something.

“I don’t know what happened. I gave Lily the play idea… I don’t know what went wrong,” The boy removed his glasses to pinch the bridge of his nose.

“I do,” Peter shrugged.

All three boys turned to look at him.

“Y/n literally said you two were making fun of her. That isn’t the line, but that is what Helena thinks is happening in the play. She read through everything while you two went back and forth. She thinks you were pranking her - probably about that bloke she fancies.”

Remus felt defeated. He didn’t think he could feel any worse. He dropped into the sofa, hands scraping through his hair.

“This is great!” Sirius randomly rejoiced.

“What the hell is wrong with you?”

“Oh Moony,” A michevious grin stretched taut between curtains of dark hair, “Don’t you see?” Sirius dropped the play onto the boy’s lap. He strut about the room. “Helena is only so upset because she has feelings for Demetrius! That’s why she thinks they’re making fun of her.”

“What is your point Pads?”

“Shakespeare is sitting in this room Moony. Our dear sweet y/n has eyes for either you, or me.”

As soon as Padfoot said it, Remus learned he could feel worse.

***

“Y/n?” Lily’s voice was soft. You didn’t turn to look at her, electing to stare into the night as tears leaked down your cheeks. The stone next to the window was cool and helped ease the headache that was coming on.

“Y/n I’m so sorry. I never intended to poke fun at you.” You felt Lily’s hands smoothing over your hair. Instinctively, your arms tightened around your body. “James was adamant that we could get you and Remus to be friends again with this play. I didn’t realize it could have been one of their pranks - I should have.”

You felt the tears coming faster. The door creaked open, the pitying sighs of Marlene and Dorcas landing on your ears. With one foul swoop the three girls had wrapped you tightly in their arms. No one spoke. You allowed your heart to break, not explaining it, and accepted the understanding of the incredible girls around you. You weren’t sure how you ended up in bed. You assumed that Lily had taken charge of your care. Cuddled under multiple blankets, you heard the concerned whispers as tears lulled you to sleep.

“I can’t believe Potter convinced you to make her that poor girl. Lovelorn and made fun of, all to do the exact thing.”

“I should have read the whole thing before tonight.”

“Why’d you agree to having her go with Remus?”

“James assured me that Remus wanted to make up with her. That y/n would be so pleased to see him happy to join in.”

“Well, she seemed pleasantly surprised at first-”

“Until they started showing their asses. Did you see her face when she realized what they were doing?”

“I could kill all of them.”

“Except we can’t.”

“Why not!”

“Because of her face. Marls, she was heartbroken.”

“Bloody hell.”

“Now I’m really going to kill them.”

***

You successfully avoided any interactions in the common room. You’d snuck yourself to classes, digging into crowds like a thistle and taking seats as far as possible from where you knew the boys would be. It was ironic that your disappearing act had much to do with the boy you were avoiding. Each backway into a classroom, each hidden route from class to class, had been shown to you by none other than Remus Lupin. Your dread at being late for class, and the one occasion when a classmate had become quite creepy towards you, had created the need. Each time you slipped through a secret passage, you couldn’t help but notice a twinge in your chest. Everything reminded you of Remus. And thinking of Remus reminded you how much he hated you.

You were lucky to escape at all. The persistence of the bloody marauders was exhausting. Sirius threw things at you in Transfiguration and hissed loud whispers at you in Charms. Throughout the day, little gifts would appear on the desk. You weren’t sure what was worse, that you couldn’t make it stop or that the gifts were truly lovely.

Potions class proved difficult. Peter, working as a go-between, kept bringing you notes and trying to ask you questions.

“Y/n?”

“Peter. If you keep trying to give her things I won’t just vanish it, I’ll set it on fire in your hands,” Marlene snapped. The poor boy squeaked and skittered back to his desk.

“Lily, Y/n, my dears,” Professor Slughorn waved you to his desk.

“Yes sir?” You both responded.

The old man grinned, enjoying two of his favorite students, “Would you two lend a hand to the gentlemen in the back? Seeing as you’ve already been successful, per usual.”

Reflexively, you turned to look at the students who required your help. You felt your composed mask slip. A piercing gaze locked tight to you. You turned back to Lily, headache beginning to reform.

“You help James,” Lily gave you a nod.

“Stop, you’re going to burn yourself.”

“Y/n-”

“One more shell.”

“You should know that-

“No don’t do that! It’ll explode.”

“Oh buggar. Thanks. What I’m trying to tell you is-”

“There.”

Your whispers to James were direct and quiet. Your face stayed nestled in the book, making sure you kept your eyes far from the tall boy speaking quietly with Lily. As soon as the potion was done, you hiked up your bag, said a polite goodbye to Slughorn, and ducked out.

It was out of the cauldron and into the fire.

“Dearest y/n!” Sirius caught you around the waist as you rounded a corner.

“Get off!” You shouted, pushing the boy away. The hallway blurred around your quick pace. Sirius, disappointingly, kept up with you.

“Please just listen to me-”

“Why should I? Is there a genuine reason why I should want to hear from any of you?” Anger rang through each word. Sirius looked at you surprised.

“Cause we care about you?”

“Clearly,” Sarcasm layered the word. You turned and stormed into the girl’s bathroom, slamming the door behind you. This did not deter the boy one bit. He sauntered in after you like he owned the place.

He leaned against the sinks with his typical coquettish demeanor, “Now that we are alone…”

“Absolutely not. Whatever this is, no.” You gestured at the boy. The bell rang, hundreds of footsteps beginning to echo just outside the doors.

“You’ve ignored me and my notes all day.” Sirius pouted.

Frustration bubbled up in your chest, “It’s almost like I don’t want to talk to you Sirius.” Hearing the thunder of footsteps just outside the door, you circled around him towards the door.

“I’d like to take you out!”

Your hand froze just above the doorknob. Disbelief rattled through your head. When you turned to look back at him, his roguish smile was in its usual place. He winked. A muscle in your jaw twitched.

“Yeah right.”

You stormed out. Mixing into the sea of students, you wriggled through the crowd in hopes of losing the boy. Even amidst the crowd, the cheeky lad spotted you.

“Y/n! Let’s go on a date!” People turned to look as you shoved past and ignored the boy’s calls. He was persistent. Even taking the most convoluted path back to the Gryffindor common room was not enough to keep him off your tail. Or from screaming his date requests across the castle. Your face burned from embarrassment and your fists were turning white at the knuckles.

“No! Leave me alone!” You yelled as you crossed through the portrait hole.

“C’mon! Please! Just one little date. We’ll do whatever you want!”

“Do you really think I’m that stupid!” You barked back.

To Sirius’ surprise, you didn’t head up the girl’s stairs. He followed you closely as you barged into his dormitory. James and Peter, having returned from class while you were being chased, jumped at your entrance.

“Tell him to bloody stop!”

James looked petrified, “What’s going on?”

“I’m being serious! Go on a date with me!” Sirus repeated himself for the nth time.

Stringent and perplexed, you responded, “I said no! I will not now or ever go out with you!”

“Why not! Why won’t you go out with me?” Sirius whined.

“Because I’m in love with MOONY!”

Suddenly all the air left your lungs. Mortified, you watched the three boys take in your confession. A year and a handful of months of covering your crush fully awash with one angry outburst. The room was silent. All your defenses left you. Where your usual independent, headstrong, and practical sensibility had been was instead the brokenhearted, pining girl you’d been hiding inside. Tears obscured your vision, threatening to fall.

“Please,” Your voice was breathy and useless, “Don’t tell him.”

***

Remus was nailed to the floor. From behind his closet door he was obscurred from view. His body disobeyed him, staying still and silent when all he wanted was to do was rush out to y/n.

Peter was the first to speak, “Remus is your Shakespeare? Why wouldn’t you want him to know?”

She didn’t answer. Remus’ heart boomed in his chest. He tried to calm it down, determined to hear her if she spoke.

“Do you not think he’d love you back?” James’ words were gentle. Remus heard the realization and guilt in the boy’s voice.

“How could he?”

Her voice broke. So did Remus’ heart. He couldn’t bear what he’d done. His foolish antics had slowly ripped apart the person he most wanted to protect. He’d been more of a monster himself than his illness had ever made him. Then, she cried. Her quiet steps shuffled out of the room and off into the distance.

“Remus?” James called.

Remus slowly shut the door, revealing himself. His three friends looked at him with varrying expressions.

“What now?” Peter mumbled.

“Well, Moony tells us how he feels,” Sirius, looking serious and, surprisingly, not jealous.

Before Remus could speak, James interjected, “No.”

“What?” Sirius demanded.

“He just needs to tell us how to help,” James began to smile, “Moony’s got a girl to go get.”

***

Spring bloomed against all odds. The wintery sun melted, giving way to green trees, flowering bushes, and easy breezes. It seemed the world was offering you a consolation, new beginnings in exchange for offering up your own heart on a plate. Your mind lingered on the outburst. There was no telling what James, Sirius, and Peter would do. You’d spent most of the evening in tears, your dormmates coaxing information between shudders and sobs.

“So it is Moony?”

“I know, I’m a fool.”

“No sweetheart! How can you say that?”

“He hates me. And here I am blubbering over how wonderful he is.”

“He does not hate you.”

“Remus is the fool. All the boys really.”

“You are so lovely. He, of all of them, has to have realized that.”

“Remus doesn’t want me around Dorcas. He’s made it quite clear. Why I ever even entertained that he could care about me is just plain idiocy.”

“Stop that! Right now!”

“Marls, don’t yell at her.”

“Why wouldn’t he care for you?”

“Because… he’s Shakespeare. And I’m some clumsy old diary.”

“While we love your use of metaphors, you’re gonna have to elaborate, love.”

“Remus is brilliant. He’s eloquent, sincere; he heart is pure gold and his eyes could melt even the iciest person. But like Shakespeare, that isn’t all there is. He’s sharp-tongued and clever, intoxicatingly witty. He makes me laugh more than anyone. Depsite everything against him, he never yeilds to the darkest parts of himself. He should be angry, wild, but instead he’s compassionate and gentle. How could someone so vastly interesting and enticing look at me and see anything other than a plain, boring girl?

…You know, when we were friends he’d walk me to class so I could read without bumping into anyone? I’ve had like a hundred bumps and bruises these past few months. And he’d wake up early to read and have a cup of tea with me; or stay up late and have hot chocolate instead… I-I miss him like crazy. I knew the likelihood of him ever seeing me the way I see him was miniscule, but I thought I’d at least get to have his friendship. I still don’t know what I’ve done to make him hate me so terribly. I can’t even apologize because he practically winces every time I speak. …And even still, as much as he hates me, if he asked me to jump, I would.”

That evening had left you wrenching your own heart out for examination. Fitful sleep plauged you. In the morning, you elected to stay in bed and get in the little rest you could.

When you couldn’t keep your eyes shut, you dressed for class and took yourself through the empty halls. It was pleasant enough. The quiet hallway echoed your steps and you could pretend you weren’t entirely alone.

***

“Remus Lupin you better tell me how you feel about y/n because I am this close to hexing you in front of the entire school.”

Remus had never seen Lily this angry. Her voice caused a quick hush to spread in the Great Hall. Under her glare he felt himself shrink. She’d vaguely threatened the marauders before, but never this specifically. Remus couldn’t form words he was so surprised.

“Hey, hey cool off there Red,” Sirius chuckled.

“Oi, shove off mate unless you want your ass under fire as well,” Marlene snapped viciously.

“Bloody hell, what is going on?” Peter whimpered.

“She told you she’s in love with Moony didn’t she?” James asked. For once, he was the one that was calm and collected. Remus envied it.

“Not just that,” Dorcas replied, shooting a glare at Remus, “She practically spoke in verse about how wonderful Remus is, even though he’s been a complete prat. Never once thought you might just be cruel, just blamed herself for being a burden to the all-mighty Moony. Girl’s hid her feelings for over a year to preserve all our friendships and you two,” She jabbed a finger at Remus and Sirius, “managed to make fun of her for it and leave her in tears.”

Remus held his head in his hands. He deserved every bit of this beating. His stomach was in knots, his shoulders tight enough to ache, and a gaping hole sat where his heart used to be.

“I know you are angry, but there is no need to be,” James spoke, his even voice smoothing over the ragged edges of the conversation, “We were never making fun. As for the rest? Moony’s got quite the explination.”

Remus looked at his friend with wide eyes. He hadn’t been able to make a cohearant scentence since y/n had inccidentally revealed to him that she loved him. The girls looked at him expectantly. Fumbling for the right thing to say, he opened up a book from his lap and handed it over to Lily. Sonnet eighty explained the beginning of his situation quite well. She gave him a skeptical glance before scanning the stanzas. A bit of confusion scrunched up her face. She appraised Remus with her questioning gaze before it flicked over to Padfoot and the realization dawned on her.

“You got jealous.”

Remus nodded.

“In my defense, I cannot help being a flirt. It is part of my natural charisma!” Sirius held up his hands. Remus rolled his eyes. “I also didn’t know that Moons was sweet on her. I was just having fun and it clouded my judgement.”

“How long?” Lily asked, ignoring Sirius.

“A year as well,” James answered for him, “Remember y/n’s exceedingly brazen argument with Snape?”

Dorcas picked up where he left off, “Of course! Not only did she make Snape turn practically purple, she was calling out the mistreatment of those with lycanthropy.”

“Before she knew about Remus,” Lily added, her anger seeming to dissipate in an instant.

“Fell in love with her right then and there. She hadn’t even said a word yet, her eyes were just full of fire,” Remus’ voice finally came out, husky from a lack of use. “She got her first detention that day, after laying out an incredible string of obscenities. On our way out of class she looked at me, clearly worried what I’d thought of her and asked if she’d gone too far. I told her she didn’t and she gave me that smile. The one where her eyes light up and crinkle at the edges. And then she said, ‘Good. You can’t go too far caring about people, no matter what darkness lies within them.’ “

“Let me guess, you fell in love with her twice within the hour?” Sirius had the biggest grin on his face.

“Can you blame me?”

The girls and James cooed at his soft smile.

Marlene, still slightly frustrated, took the book from Lily and hit him over the shoulder with it, “Then why haven’t you bloody said anything!”

Remus rubbed his now sore shoulder, “All the usual reasons I suppose. I didn’t want to stop being friends. Was worried she’d find out about me and get scared. Or worse, that she’d want to help and I’d hurt her. But mostly, I couldn’t imagine her caring about me the way I cared about her.”

“Y/n said the same. Though, hers was definitely more painful to hear,” Peter nodded solemnly.

“Well, you two are a perfect match,” Dorcas sighed.

“Why’s the book got so many corners all crinkled?” James’ short attention span had him nabbing Remus’ book from across the table. It fell open to the passage he’d shown Lily. James flipped through, scanning over each marked page. Sirius read over his shoulder.

A small smile of recognition appeared on Lily’s lips, “Moony, why did you mark all these pages?” He only stammered and blushed. Remus could’ve kicked himself for leaving the book like that.

“Looks like Moony was going to read at Sonnet night,” Marlene grinned, having snatched the book back. She and Dorcas began giggling.

Again, the book was nicked. Sirius checked that each page was still dog-eared before snapping it closed with a satisfying thump. He smiled like a mad-man.

“Padfoot whatever you are thinking, don’t,” Remus warned.

“My dear friend Remus, I have only been a major, huge, whopping, charismatic, sexy cock block. It is time I rectify our friendship by completely ignoring your request,” Sirius had that pirate look about him again, all michevious and proud. “Excuse me all, I have a book to return!”

Without waiting to be caught, he ran out of the Great Hall and disappeared, cackling, into the castle.

***

You were early to History of Magic. It wasn’t an uncommon occurance, you were one of the few students who’d kept History of Magic when O.W.L.s were over. Professor Bins never really noticed whether students were present or listening, at least not with his uppser level students. You thought part of him just went about his schedule from life, giving the same lectures every year the exact same way, regardless of who was in attendance.

You sat in your usual seat, staring out onto the bright morning. The sun leaked through trees and left fluttering shadows on the grass. If you closed your eyes, you could imagine the soft breeze and sweet scent of wild honeysuckle grazing across your cheek. You were daydreaming about reading under a tree, leaning with a particular brunette boy’s arm around you as he read along with you. A tear slipped past your lashes and you quickly wiped it away. It was silly to allow such flights of fancy. You nearly screamed when you turned back towards the professor. Sirius Black was crouching down, head resting on your desk.

“Merlin’s beard!” You whacked his head and earned a gratfying whine.

“I know you’re mad, but I never expected violence!” Sirius snickered. You didn’t answer. Sirius moved to look at you and you continued to avoid his gaze. “I just wanted to truly apologize. My attempts to take you out were sincere. Your flirting is beyond compare,” He winked. This did catch your attention. You cautiously looked at him.

“But, clearly, your heart belongs to one even I don’t dare try to compete with. Good thing too. As you said,” The boy had a cheeky grin on his face, “I could never handle you all riled up.”

The bell rang and hid your groan of irritation.

“Anyways y/n, I’m quite sorry for all the mess. Oh, and here’s your book. I forgot I’d borrowed it.” Sirius set a worn book on your desk.

“This isn’t-” You called out after him but he was gone. As the other students filed in, you swept the book into your lap and got out you materials. You knew Sirius was up to something, but you weren’t sure what.

Binns was discussing the historic events they’d covered up to that point - the ghost was taking a majority of the hour on it. You couldn’t help your curious mind and brought the book back out. At first you didn’t recognize it. You didn’t have a copy of Shakespearean Sonnets…

But Remus did.

Confirming your suspicion, you found his precise signature on the inside cover. Your fingers brushed over it, your heart jumping in your chest. And then, you noticed the dog-eared pages. Part of you knew you should put the book away and not anger it’s owner. But another part of you was so overtly curious that you were turning to the first page before you could stop.

When most I wink, then mine eyes best see,

For all the day they view things unrespected;

But when I sleep, in dreams they look on thee,

And darkly bright, are bright in dark directed.

Then thou, whose shadow shadows doth make bright,

How would thy shadow’s form form happy show

To the clear day with thy much clearer light,

When to unseeing eyes thy shade shines so!

How would, I say, mine eyes be blessed made

By looking on thee in the living day,

When in dead night thy fair imperfect shade

Through heavy sleep on sightless eyes doth say!

All days are nights to see till I see thee,

And nights bright days when dreams do show thee me.

You sighed. Loudly. It was unintentional and you immediately nabbed your quill and began scribbling fake notes. You felt a few eyes on you and silently cursed as you blushed. As your embarrassment slowly dispersed, you glanced down your row. At the opposite end, nervously tapping his fingers on the desk and dusted pink over the cheeks, was Remus Lupin. A spark of hope errupted in your chest, incredibly difficult to ignore. Your rational streak doused the flame, assuring you that Remus could not have marked these with you in mind…

But, Sirius had given it to you. And knowing Sirius, it was intentional.

The bell rang, Professor Binns only just noticing and giving out homework as the small group packed their things away. You threw your things into your bag haphazardly, hoping to get a moment to with those lovely brown eyes. Maybe, just maybe you’d find some hint on the boy’s face. But just as you closed the book, turned to leave, he was gone.

***

“Which one is she on?”

“Could you stop taking the binoculars?”

“If you keep fussing so loudly, she’ll hear us?”

“Why does she have to read all of them?”

“It’s- gi-give it- to- me! She’s on Sonnet 80.”

“Good! See Pete, that’s the one ‘bout jealousy. Luckily for us, Moony’s so lovestruck he mapped out his feelings in the pages he marked.”

“We are less than thirty feet away. Why am I even indulging this behavior? This might be the stupidest thing I’ve ever done.”

“No, not telling y/n you loved her sooner is the stupidest thing you’ve ever done. This? This is the universe handing us a romantic plot already partially contrived!”

“And pray tell what the rest of the plan is?”

“Do we even have a plan?”

“Of course we have a plan Wormtail!”

“Shh! Pads get down!”

“James, do we actually have a plan?”

“Well… we have an Evans. That’s the next best thing!”

***

Remus could feel his hand steady as the quill hit the parchment. When Lily had suggested this plan, he thought it crazy. Then she pointed out that the remedy of communication had solved plenty of Shakespearean comedies and would have solved all the tragedies. He couldn’t disagree.

Now, after hours of drafts, he was setting his words in the nicest handwriting he could craft. He kept checking the time, knowing that y/n would be heading to the library when Ancient Runes let out. He was cutting it close. His heart fluttered in his chest, wondering whether or not his words would inspire that soft smile and wistful look. So wrapped up in the work, he missed the loud clammering as his friends threw themselves into their dormitory. The door swung open with a loud crack against the wall.

“You’re lucky I’ve just put the quill down!” Remus jumped in is seat.

“Bells- about- to- oh man- ring,” Peter sputtered through heavy gasps. Remus’ eyes grew wide. He wasn’t going to make it.

“We’ve got it. Just get to the library!” James yanked his invisibility cloak off the bed.

“Take the map!” Remus instructed. He carefully creased the page into a neat fold as Sirius snatched up the map and ran off with James.

“What I can do, Moony?” Peter, having regained himself, asked.

“Find Lily. If this falls apart, we’re gonna need her.” With that, the tall boy began legging it through the castle. The Fat Lady shrieked at him for nearly kicking out the portrait. But Remus didn’t have time. He wasn’t sure the last time he felt so invigorated. Where the usual hum of anxious worry sat in his chest, all he found was excitement - the rush of knowing he was in love with a girl, a wonderful girl who loved him too.

He tore through the castle and straight into the library, scaring poor Madam Pince.

“Oh, dear. Very sorry professor. Would you mind pointing me toward y/n y/l/n’s new study spot? I’ve got something for her,” He was breathing hard, rubbing the back of his neck while blush tinged his cheeks. The woman pointed him in the right direction.

The study corral was tucked tighly between two bookshelves and a window. He sighed, trying to stay relaxed. He set the letter down once. Then he readjusted it. And once more. It needed something else.

“Y/N WAIT! YOU HAVE TO HEAR THIS STORY!”

“DON’T GO IN THE LIBRARY Y/N!”

The doors to the library immediately opened. Remus was frozen for a moment. He could hear Madam Pince fussing with Sirius and James. Just ahead of him, turned to face and speak to Peter, was y/n. He couldn’t help but grin. Her hair falling just perfectly. He was brought back to reality as Wormtail shot him a wide eyed stare. He ducked immediately behind a shelf as y/n took her seat. She placed his book on the desk, noticing the parchment. Her head swivled around, a confused look on her face. He sucked in a deep breath, watching her reach for it.

And he sneezed. And froze.

“…Remus?”

Of course she knew it was him. Heat burned in the center of his chest. The chair made a soft scrape and Remus scrambled to find anything to look busy.

“Remus?” She repeated. She was at the open end of the shelves, looking at him with apprehensive eyes.

“Hello,” He squeezed out. He was hoping to keep from stuttering and instead came out strained. The apprehension immediately turned to worry and Remus had to quickly save the situation, “Studying for anything specific?”

She relaxed a tiny bit, “Binns wants us to debate next week? Did you miss it too?”

“You missed the assignment?” He tried to surpress a smile. He didn’t know what assignment she was talking about either - he’d been too focused on her. The pale pink of her cheeks deepened and she looked at her shoes. She quickly ducked around the stack, leaving Remus confused. He needn’t worry because she appeared a moment later. She held onto his book.

“Sirius gave me this. He, um, I guess he thought it was mine? Dunno… I-I was trying to figure out who it belonged to,” She explained. Her fingers drew soft patterns across the cover as she spoke. “Knew it was yours when I actually got a decent look at it.” Her arm stretched toward him, small hand clutching the book. Y/n had a small, sad smile as she waited for him to take it.

“Thank you,” Remus gazed at her, “I’ve been looking for this.”

She continued to blush, refusing to look at him. “I-I’ll let you get back to…” Confusion scrunched her brows as she noticed the books surrounding them, “…magical creature mating habits.” The two students felt an increased surge of humiliation.

“I must have gotten turned around. I was looking for things for that, uh… the, um, assignment.” He was covering quite well. At least he thought so until she broke out into a fit of giggles.

“While I see your interest in the mating habits of werewolves, I doubt that will help you in our Werewolf Code of Conduct debate,” She had to steady herself against the shelf. He felt frozen to the spot. When she looked up at him, her face reddened again and some emotion overtook her. “I-I am so sorry. I- I-”

“No no. It must look quite, uh,”

“Like Sirius?” She joked again.

“Exactly.”

She smiled. He realized how long it had been since he’d been the cause of so many smiles. He’d be kicking himself for a while for the past few months. All Remus could do was look at her as softly as he possibly could.

“I’ll leave you to your research,” She pushed off the shelf lightly and quietly stepped back to her study spot.

Remus was beaming. Without a second thought, he leaned around the corner and looked down on the girl as she contemplated opening the parchment again.

“Would a first hand opinion be helpful for your argument?”

Y/n quirked an eyebrow, “You offering?”

“As long as you’re planning on winning,” He joked.

The smile returned, this time hinted with michevious glee.

“I think I can handle that.”

***

You and Remus sat close together, bent over the pile of open books that littered your area. When Remus joined your studying, you couldn’t help but feel elated. You’d desperately tried to keep your mind focused on work. But he was joking with you again. Smiling at you again. Sitting shoulder to shoulder with your legs pressed together again. It was like coming home after having been gone for too long.

You were spread out on the floor, the study corral being much too small for the two of you. The sky grew dark, the clock ringing for dinner, but neither of you moved to get up. Candles had been lit. Bits of chocolate from Remus’ personal stash had been shared. Your homework was long forgotten. After months of wary distance, you had quite a lot to catch up on. To your surprise, he’d asked about the boy you fancied. You were surprised that James and Sirius hadn’t given your secret away.

“To be honest,” You fiddled with the hem of your sweater, “I still am utterly hopeless. The girls are likely tired of my innane gushing. But I know friendship is all I’ll likely get. And I’d happily settle for that than losing them.”

“Really?” Remus asked you.

You nodded, “I wouldn’t give our friendship up for anything.”

“Our?”

“His and my. Our. The two of us, him and me. Yes,” You fumbled, and not at all gracefully. For what felt like the hundredth time in the past few hours, you felt the burning and relentless heat of embarrassment.

“And what if you didn’t have to give anything up?”

You looked at Remus. It was easy to be confused. Firelight flickered across his face, the beautiful image making it difficult for you to read what he was thinking.

“I don’t understand,” You answered quietly.

***

“Where are they?” Lily was pacing around the common room.

“I’m sure everything is fine Lily,” James took the opportunity to offer comfort. She leaned into his shoulder as soon as his arm was around her.

“This is not what the plan was,” She huffed. “It was going to be just like one of the plays.”

“Bloody hell! A few months in the making this has been and we aren’t even going to get to see how it turns out?” Marlene complained.

“I blame you,” Dorcas made an indecent gesture at Sirius.

Sirius scoffed, “I refuse to take any sort of blame! I’m the whole reason they’re getting together.”

“If,” Lily corrected. “They aren’t here so how can we be sure its happening?” The group was silent. Nerves shifting throughout.

“Well we could just go back to the library. They were chatting when I left for dinner,” Peter suggested quietly.

“PETER!” The girls screamed. The poor boy recoiled in response.

“We’re going to miss it!”

“What if it’s already happened? Or worse, didn’t!”

“We’ve got to get down there!”

“Can someone please inform me what is going on?” Sirius yelled.

Lily was smiling brightly. Though her plan had not followed through the way she expected, knowing Remus it would all be okay. She would keep her fingers crossed and do just about anything to witness the final result. She zeroed in on James Potter, the boy’s eyes filled with the usual adoration paired with new curiosity.

“James, how’d you like to sneak around the castle?”

His answer, obviously, was yes.

***

Remus was fiddling with his hands - his beautiful hands. You were worried you might have said something wrong. You’d never worried about that with him until recently. For the past couple of months, that’s all you’d done. Just as you were about to change the subject and apologize, he held something up.

It was the bit of parchment that had been on your desk when you got to the library.

“I thought-” He cleared his throat and continued, “I thougt it’d be easier to write everything down.”

You stared at him in shock. Your heart pounded so loudly you were sure he could hear it.

“Bit silly, I s'pose,” He brushed a hand through his sandy brown hair. “I’m afraid I’ve been a bit of a coward when it comes to you.”

You could have kissed him right then.

“I can’t let you read it.”

This caught you offguard. Looking away, you felt your heart begin to sink.

“I’m afraid it has to be read aloud,” He continued, and you could hear the chagrined smile in his words.

When you looked back, his eyes were on you. Once again, the candelight caught them just so. Your heart melted and you knew, just as before, you’d do anything for those lovely bronze eyes. His eyes momentarily flicked down to the page in his hand. Your heart was nearly bursting through your chest. Chills covered your arms as Remus, your Remus, took your hand in his.

“I’m going to apoogize in advance for my reading. It is sure to be shaky,” He smiled weakly. You let out a small giggle, biting your lip to return the quiet that had surrounded you. You knew in this moment you would wait forever for the boy beside you.

“Forgivest thou thy lowly lovelorn fool,

Who with thy heart hast grossly neglected;

As jealous resolves left affections cool

And abandoned love thus misdirected.

For I, thou wanting servant, O beauty,

Disbelieving thou could’st love completely,

Did burst with amorous furiosity

And hid away thy heart indiscreetly.

Still distanced watched for thy radiant eyes,

Which inspired stars to cease in their shine.

Heartache would not ease with distance unwise,

Yea burned for thy embrace of love as mine.

Forgive thy fool, who reason does now reach,

As I devoted, does thy love beseech.”

He’d barely looked at the paper. In fact, Remus Lupin had held tight to your gaze for fourteen verses. You were glad he did. You likely would have begun to float off, the happiness in your heart lifting you off your feet. Nestled close together on the library floor, later than respectible, your heart was set ablaze. He was air and you were only just beginning to breathe. Tracing your fingers down his scar-filled cheek, you found the words to respond.

“Remus Lupin, I have loved you from afar for far too long.”

You kissed him. It was the boldest decision you’d ever made. Telling the boy you loved him had been the most frightening concept in the world a few hours ago, nearly impossible. Now, you’d done just that. And kissed him.

More importantly, he was kissing you back.

“Damn. She really had to go and out-do him in one sentence.”

You couldn’t help but smile into the kiss, giggles beginning to bubble up. Remus pulled away from you, his hand lingering on your cheek, and glared off into the darkened library. Suddenly, their was a burst of chatter.

“Ah!”

“Alright mate! That’s it Moony!”

“I can’t believe it. This is brilliant.”

“Oh it was so lovely! James have you ever seen anything so lovely?”

“I can think of one thing… Good to see things are working out Moony.”

Out from behind bookshelves and corners, you watched the smiling faces of your friends peak out. Immediately embarrassment returned and you burried your face in your hands. To your greatest pleasure, Remus’ arm curled around you and pulled you flush to his chest.

“Really had to ruin the moment?” You could hear the laughter behind his frustration.

“Just once more,” Sirius responded.

“You alright, love?” Remus spoke quietly in your ear.

You turned your face up to look at him, drinking in the warmth in his gaze. “Well, I could be better.”

He cocked his eyebrow up, getting lost in you for a moment. He grinned madly and cupped your chin in his hand.

“Moony, I’m right here,” Sirius scoffed.

“I suggest you all go to bed. Prefect duties commence quite soon. Wouldn’t want to get detention, now would we?” Remus called, not removing his eyes from you. There were some whines of protest to which he replied, “Can you handle that Prefect Evans?”

“Come on everyone. Mustn’t dally,” Lily called, clearly giddy to help. You couldn’t help but giggle as the group groaned, still mesmerized by the boy holding you close.

Your eyes fluttered closed as Remus kissed you. Slow and tender, the kiss sent another wave of warms through your chest.

“Better?” Remus teased.

You nodded, “Much better.”

Enveloped in candlelit darkness, you shared sweet, anticipated kisses. Quiet whispers passed between you, laughter and jokes. A few times he caught you staring. You couldn’t help it. When Remus finally asked why, you only had one answer.

“I just really love Shakespeare.”

ohlovelywar

this was so so absolutely lovely shakespeare WISHES he could write something this wonderful

#remus recs #fic recs