platonic homodachis, the waifus for laifus

[ohshitdidisaythat]

… I sharted call that a

Sauce Poot

[ohshitdidisaythat]

It’s wild Wednesday time to have orgies ….

NOT IN THE SOYBEANS

[ohshitdidisaythat]

Getting ready to sleep and

Spicy: are those zippers?! On your legs????

Death: well how else and I supposed to reach my insides

Spicy: …….. f-ing yuck

[ohshitdidisaythat]

Ow my juices ..

Admin deathsquat

[ohshitdidisaythat]

Me: *shines cat laser into friends eye*

Friend: I’m blind!! My cornea!!?

Me: Corneas arnt real it’s what the government wants you to think

Friend: then ow my retina

Me: also fake we have no eyes we are just tiny worms floating in a vat of jelly fed nothing but a fake reality

Friend: reality is about perception and I perceive in my reality of my own mind that you burned my f-ing retinas 

Me: .....sounds fake but ok

[ohshitdidisaythat]

... two guy threesome with a chick is the true social distancing 6ft apart no eye contact ...

-my coworker

[ohshitdidisaythat]

Deathsquat: do you agree with your government assigned sexy

Me: ye, always wanted to be a middle aged man

[ohshitdidisaythat]

... also nah i shoulnt be up rn lmao

Dont tell anyone shhhhh

wait what the fuck its 830 uhh

[ohshitdidisaythat]

... but when their shlining there fucking shlong I don’t fuck with that....

-my coworker

[ohshitdidisaythat]

I’m ...... going to eat a croissant

And die

As is our fate as the human race

-admin deathsquat

[ohshitdidisaythat]

Jesus

Well then

*loads shotgun with good intentions*

[ohshitdidisaythat]

...is this the beef you were looking for...

-Admin deathsquat

[ohshitdidisaythat]

... I didn’t speed run this lovely Asian Twink just for you not to use him...

Spicy homosexual

[ohshitdidisaythat]

I can stick my phalanges wherever I want..

Deathsquat

[ohshitdidisaythat]

One day I will will meet the girl of my dreams and she’ll be so wooed by my Harry Potter jammies love of semi dangerous reptiles blatant and incompressible Spanish pick up lines that she will swoon into my arms like and old school Victorian Maiden with vapors and drop all 50 layers of her petticoats and bloomers to which I will respond wow that’s a lot of petticoats how do you breathe and what the fuck are bloomers anyway come away with me and we shall go nowhere because I’m a hermit and instead watch Netflix and I’ll cook you dinner tonight then we’ll cuddle so hard we get kinda sweaty but that’s ok because the serotonin in our brains is like mmm yes cuddle sluts and we can play 20 questions and get to know each other and I’ll always be learning something new because I have short term memory and will forget all of it tomorrow but that’s fine because love has it’s ups and downs then we’ll get married and have cats and a tortoise but not a turtle because they smell weird and i’m afraid of salmonella we can go on d&d campaigns together and you’ll fall in love all over again at my shit poor dice rolling and 50 flash cards Because I forgot my backstory again and what abilities are available and or inherent to my class we’ll grow old and might have a kid if I ever get over my phobia of fucking up a child like the rest of my family did to all of the children in said family and I’ll convince you to name them something convoluted that I’ll shorten to one syllable and then we will die not knowing if the divine is real or if we are just slow rotting in our own juices for the rest of forever or at least until all our flesh decays and we are bone and cloth scraps

I’m on some heavy pain meds not gonna lie it’s me admin spicy homosexual

[ohshitdidisaythat]

...So I get the art bug, paint a nipple, wat apiece of cake, and pass out...

-admindeathsquat

[ohshitdidisaythat]

.. the fourth one is anal ... for me....

My coworker Matthew