What is love? By the definition found in dictionary.com says “a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person”. Is that it? Is that what love only is to us? An affection? No there more to love than just am affection. Love cannot be described, since there so many way to define it it’s mostly impossible to describe the real definition of love. I asked my mother what was love and age answers “love is complicated, it’s an emotion that only brings fights and pain”, I asked my father “love is an emotion you only feel when your old becuase that how it’s supposed to be”. These are two examples of different definitions about love in which we cannot understand. For some love is sex, for others love is a kiss. Some describe love as an obsession and for others love equals to hate. I remember my first love, it was great. I thought I was happy in love and that everything was just perfect. I promise to be there I love you forever that type of stuff. That only lasted for a month. I tried again with a new girl after a while, didn’t work out for either of us, we both wanted two different endings in our life’s. Then after another year I dated again, she moved so I decided not to do the long distance relationship becuase it was just gonna be bad. Then my last girlfriend, now she was the longest relationship I had ever had. She was the one women I thought I was gonna be happy with, the one I wanted to marry and be with. The women I loved. She cheated, she lied in front of my face, and I forgave her all the time becuase I didn’t had the proof my best friend told me that she was cheating I didn’t believe him, shame on me huh. Funny how it when I confronted her it was all my fault, becuase I was always too busy either working or studying, going to practice and trying to earn money for a car. That she had friends that had cars and could have taken her anywhere. I swore to never ever love again. And for some time I did not trust or even talked to women. But college sure is fun. I stared college under a Culinary program. The first day I meet the girl, she was not a model, she didn’t have this tiny waist, big boobs super fine as body that these models have. No, but she’s perfect, to this day she’s perfect to me. I feel in love with her. And she with me, this made my days in the cooking labs so much fun around her. Cooking with her and smiling with her. We had our first kiss, and I swear I could have tasted the next 60-70 years of my life. She gave me hope, she fixed me. I still had trust issues because well previous experience taught me otherwise. Shame on me again, she was perfect and we wanted each other more than anything. It wasn’t a sexual attraction, it was more like I need you in my life just sitting there because of your not there then I won’t function. I won’t be able to work or do anything. The more i got to know her, I feel more in love. I feel in love with information. Her favorite color, food, place to be all these things. I know all these things. She likes to play games, scoreboard, she loves anime and especially Pokemon. She loves Panic in the Disco, she prefers jeans over a dress, sneakers over heals, black over pink. The perfect girl in my eyes. I have to admit I’m a little crazy. And I told her that once and she said “ that’s fine I’ll be your Harley if you be the my Mister J” I swear in that moment I kissed her for so long I thought time had stopped. But, it all ended. My stupid problem of trust, my habit of doubt and just fighting with her killed us. I’m sk fucking stupid and when I wanted to fix everything, it was too late. She had left. All those feelings vanished and now there’s nothing. My days became dark. Everyone I would cook my food tastes awful which is weird because I didn’t believe that it was true, you need love to cook sometimes. And now not has a day passes by that I have not thought about her. There hasn’t been a day that I wish that I could kiss her one more time and just be with her. I wish I could turn the clock back and actually slap myself. Becuase now il l never be with her. And the worst part, no matter how much she doesn’t want me, no matter the pain, the suffering. I still love her. Literally if she calls be, or sends a txt I’ll freeze, if she needs anything I’ll do it. If shes hurt I’ll suffer, I don’t understand why I feel like this. We were needed boyfriend and girlfriend she never reached those terms. We were just two people madly in love and then all that vanishes in thin air. And now I feel empty, I feel like everyone I try to do good, I do worst. I’m scared to talk to her because I know she will reject me. She will be cold and just won’t be the same. I don’t know that she feels. I just know it’s my fault completely. The asked me what I thought about love. I skilled and answered “love is not wanting to have sex, is not being boyfriend or girlfriend, is not dancing, sending gifts. Love is when you are willing to love that person even when that person does not love you. Love is, if that person ever needs a blood transfusion, or an organ, that you are willing to give it to that person just to see them live. Love is, a complete understanding that nobody will ever be there like that person and that the only person that is right for you, is that person. That’s love”.
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