אתה חסר לי

after

[leaxavr]

💔

[okaitlan]

I haven’t logged in to tumblr in so long, but my heart is heavy so here I am.

[okaitlan]

happy second birthday.

you were so tiny and your impact so hugely profound.

always my baby, my first born.

[4a0000-deactivated20180901]

The moon has known me all my life

[lilldiosa]

this is the most comforting thing I’ve read so far in 2018

[pukicho]

When's your bedtime :)

Whenever I next collapse is purely up to the gods

[1980vibes]

cactus are from another planet, i swear it

[okaitlan]

car gods please bless us soon or we won’t be able to buy food and pay rent, amen.

[dankmemeuniversity]

[different-landscapes]

[okaitlan]

- I am tired of feeling guilty for feeling sad/angry/guilty, and for being made to feel pathetic for missing my baby. 
- I am grateful for sweet friends who make me laugh when it’s all too much and I can’t breathe, who don’t treat me like I’m fragile or some kind of obscurity. 
- I still feel like the tragedy that was losing Thomas defines me, but I know it won’t forever. I’m allowed to live in my grief cloud. 
- Sometimes it feels like Brenton and I are on different wavelengths and then he shows me how we aren’t. He’s there for me in ways no one else can be and I am grateful to the universe and the bizarre domino effect that brought us together. Everything would be so much harder if he wasn’t here. - Sometimes i just wanna fill the empty weight in my arms so badly, but mostly I'm too scared to get pregnant again.

[okaitlan]

Thomas’s doll finally finally finally came.

It’s his exact length and weight at birth and it feels so nice. If I close my eyes and focus on the smell of his little blanket it’s almost like we’re together again.

[okaitlan]

i will love you night & day shadows & all

[okaitlan]

I’m just so not coping today. I have a post half written talking about Thomas’s birthday, but I just cannot focus right now.

[bruised-heartsuggestions]

More than all the stars in the sky I love you, longer than our universe shall last I’ll stay with you.

[marriageis]

Marriage is realizing that because you sleep together nightly, you spend roughly 1/3 of your life cuddling your spouse.

And yet it’s somehow still not enough.

[okaitlan]

I’ve been keeping myself up thinking about where we were a year ago. I just wrote a whole fuckload more on this post but there’s not much point to any of it.

I’m so angry. It’s just not fucking fair.

[ankhors]