Once upon a time there was a girl named Ellie (that's me), and I tried out for the Green Bay Packers in 1911. Turns out, I was very good, and I ended up getting into the final stages of try outs, along with Aaron Rodgers and an elderly centaur. I was drafted and became the wide receiver, and Aaron became the quarter back (he has always been the quarterback, the Brett Farve thing was a widely accepted conspiracy theory). The elderly centaur was kicked out, because he had four legs, giving him an unfair disadvantage. While on the team, I became very good friends with both Aaron and Donald Driver. However, Aaron and Donald never really got along, so I scheduled my week alternating days. On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, I went tutu shopping with Aaron (whose favorite color was purple). On Sundays (after church), Tuesdays, and Thursdays, Donald and I had elaborate tea parties. Aaron's birthday just so happened to land on one particular Tuesday, and I was conflicted as to whether I should appease Donald and go to the previously scheduled tea party, or go tutu shopping to celebrate Aaron's birthday. I decided that I would have plenty of other chances to have tea parties, and Aaron's birthday only came once a year. Therefore, I went tutu shopping with Aaron. Donald Driver was very angry, and wanted revenge. Now, this was right around the time that my Hall of Fame Plaque was to be unveiled. So, Donald got a group of ninjas together (one of which was Jordy Nelson, who later related this story back to me) and stole the plaque, and gave amnesia to all he people involved in the project. (That's why you probably have never heard about me, I was the star packer player, but eventually retired in 1986, on my 100th birthday.) Now, you are probably wondering why Jordy told me about this happening. You see, one day, me and Aaron were boating off the coast of Alaska. Then, we came across a baby whale, who was very sad because he was over weight. Aaron and I got him onto a great weight loss plan, and he was so happy that he brought us to his sister, the magical mermaid-lady. She was very happy that we helped her brother, and gave us each a special power. She gave Aaron the power of accurate long distance spitting, and me the power of incredible sense of smell. On our way home from Alaska, I smelled smoke coming from Mr. Nelson's magical pony farm. I notified Aaron, and he sucked up the entire ocean and spit it onto the farm, putting out the fire. Jordy and his dad were so grateful, that Jordy became good friends with us, and his father gave us each a magical pony. Mine was called Mandy, and Aaron's was called Andy. We rode our magical ponies to Arkansas, where we landed in a strawberry field and ate a bunch of strawberries and got really fat. Then, we went to Planet Fitness every day to get fit. nest door to Planet fitness was a Cost Cutters, and they had a special haircut tueasday deal, where a harcut was just five bucks. Me and Aaron went there every Tuesday for a year after we worked out, and every time, I got a little trim. However, over the course of a year, many little trims add up. And that, friends, is the story of why I have short hair
