I'm a fool

Independent Remus Lupin Rp blog 18+

[excongodfather]

Laying Low at Lupins || Sirius and Remus

[excongodfather]

"You’re not doddering," Sirius scoffed smirking a little. "Bit greyer ‘round the edges, but still so handsome," He smiled and quite possibly blushed just a little. "This place suits you better even when we were younger. Thank you for keeping it."

Sirius put reached over steadying the cup, “Drop it,” He repeated with a nod. He didn’t need to press it. He’d said what he needed to say, though he hardly thought that Remus deserved it. Now wasn’t the time it seemed. His hand moved from the tea cup up to Remus’s cheek caressing it.

[oldanddangerous]

"You should see me in the wee hours, you'll change your mind." Sirius's words seemed to fall off his tongue just as easily as they always had, causing a deep ache in Remus's chest. "What can I say? I'm a sentimental old fool."

Sirius's touch was ice cold and it made Remus start, his honey eyes finding Sirius's cool grey ones. Clearing his throat he reached up to grip Sirius's hand, forcing it off his face with an apologetic smile. 

[oldanddangerous]

Ah, yes, Hullo. - Open

[teddyloonylupin-deactivated2015]

The boy nodded. He liked being able to help his father with what he could. Teddy knew he wasnt smart, so wasnt able to help that way. When he found the scroll in the kitchen he made his dad a cup of tea just how he liked it before turning with the parchment and mug. “here.. Thought you might want some tea…” He offered, hoping he was being helpful. 

[oldanddangerous]

Having already zoned out since Teddy left the boy's voice made him jump. Looking up, slightly confused before smiling. "Thank you. I was starting to wonder where you'd gotten to." 

[oldanddangerous]

Ah, yes, Hullo. - Open

[teddyloonylupin-deactivated2015]

Oh. The scroll. “I think you left it in the kitchen…” He shrugged his shoulders. Teddy was not too observant without his camera either. The boy licked his lips. “want me to check?” He offered his parent with a smile.

[oldanddangerous]

"You think? Um, yes, please. I'll continue in here." Shaking his head slightly he started to bind the scrolls he'd managed to find, to set them aside. Smiling over quickly to Teddy with a small nod. "Thank you."

[excongodfather]

Laying Low at Lupins || Sirius and Remus

[excongodfather]

"I thought you’d still be there," He knew how stupid that sounded. No one over the age of 25 dared to live in that building even a decade ago, but he had wanted to go home and that was the home that he knew. "Silly of me. If you know where any of it’s stored, I’d like to have it back," He wasn’t sure what state it was in, but it was all he had.

"You were the interesting conversationalist. I better close my mouth before I get myself into trouble," He smiled just a little, but it was short lived before his face returned to something neutral edging on sad. "I’m just sorry, alright? I fucked up and sure, I think I paid rather handsomely for my mistakes, but I’m sorry all the same. For fearing you most of all."

[oldanddangerous]

"Could you imagine a doddering old man in a place like that? I'd probably be dead if I stayed, no matter how nice it was with you there." Cringing slightly, his words sounding sweeter and more sentimental than they should have. "Um, well, you know what I mean. And yes, some of it's in the attic. I had no where else to put it."

Trying to feel nonchalant about it Remus smiled, his face feeling tense. "Don't be. I...I had it coming." His cup trembled in his hand as he added creme and sugar, this wasn't a conversation he wanted. "So let's just drop it ok?"

[weasley-phelps-deactivated20140]

[godricshallowes-deactivated2015]

Everyone had heard it: the Potters were dead, but their baby son? He had defeated You-Know-Who.

[oldanddangerous]

I think I'm going to call it a night, as I'm very unwell.

[oldanddangerous]

Ah, yes, Hullo. - Open

[teddyloonylupin-deactivated2015]

Teddy blinked a few times the muttered a soft “Huh?” He was not nearly as smart as half the boys his age, and was so very confused by his fathers words.

[oldanddangerous]

Unfurling a scroll, Remus's own thin flowing words scrawled absently across the yellowed paper. "Like this, different words but essentially exactly like this. Have you seen it?"

[excongodfather]

Laying Low at Lupins || Sirius and Remus

[excongodfather]

"Fine," Sirius said, though he would have liked some of his own clothes. He and Remus had never quite had the same taste and clothes. "Do you know…my things that were at the flat…Are any of them still around? Clothes and things…" He wasn’t sure what had happened to the flat. "I did go there when I escaped. They were gone…Just office buildings now."

He swallowed hard trying to make himself look more comfortable for Remus’s sake if not for his own. He wanted things to be right. He wanted to fit again, “I’m a different person now. Maybe he’s a talker,” He shrugged. He wasn’t going to press it. “I’m sorry. For everything.”

[oldanddangerous]

"Oh...those. Some of it's been lost here and there but some of it is around." His tone was dismissive, as if admitting that he had held on to an old friends' stuff for over a decade was entirely normal. "The old building was condemned, though after living there I can't say I'm all that surprised." 

Settling in himself Remus found his eyes settling on Sirius. "Well if he wants to talk by all means let him talk. I can just hope what he wants to talk about is interesting." Finally pulling his eyes off of his hollow roommate, looking down with a weak laugh. "What for?"

[excongodfather]

Laying Low at Lupins || Sirius and Remus

[excongodfather]

Sirius nodded and went to go looking for his clothes. He used his stolen wand to add a cleansing charm to what he’d managed to do the old fashioned way. It helped. He borrowed a jumper and a pair of trousers. There was a time when Remus’s clothes wouldn’t have fit him. Now they hung off of him as he wandered back to the sitting room. He sat down.

"I don’t know how we’re meant to do this," He took a cup of tea and sipped it. It was pleasant and more than he’d had in a long time. "Do we pretend it never happened? Do we…talk about it? What do we do, Moony?"

[oldanddangerous]

"Merlin..." Remus breathed out, his eyes following Sirius. "I...um, haven't seen those clothes in years. Are you comfortable?" He didn't really look it and Remus certainly didn't feel it. 

"There's too much to discuss. We won't ever be able to get through it all and we both know we'll only get upset. Let's just accept it and move on." More idyllic words slipping pointlessly off his tongue. "After all, you never really enjoyed talking things through anyway."

[oldanddangerous]

Ah, yes, Hullo. - Open

Humming to himself as he righted several scrolls of faintly aged parchment as a soft, polite cough broke through his trance. Glancing up he smiled mildly. “Ah, yes, hullo. What can I do for you?”

[teddyloonylupin-deactivated2015]

Teddy rocked on the heels of his feet then offered a smile at his father. “Just seeing what you are up to…” The boy said softly with a small shrug of his shoulders.

[oldanddangerous]

"Feigning a semblance of organization to easy a weary mind. On that note have you seen a few feet of parchment, red ink? I suspect I've lost it." Mumbling as he resumed his messy sorting. "Hardly interesting though." 

[excongodfather]

Laying Low at Lupins || Sirius and Remus

[excongodfather]

"Ah, yes," Sirius said his own voice taking on an edge of bitterness that he’d been trying to keep away. "We always were very good at ignoring things. Remind me, how did that work out for us the last go ‘round?" He shook his head and looked away. "I’ll need clothes. I don’t want to ruin the furniture," He said softly.

Sirius walked around the room, his ragged shirt still forgotten on the floor. He looked at a couple of things on the mantle. He picked up a picture, “This you?” He asked looking at the picture of a child before putting it back on the mantle. “It’s lovely,” He said. “Much nicer than where I’ve been, but most things are.”

He was silent for a moment, “I don’t want to fight.”

[oldanddangerous]

"If you don't want to fight, simply don't fight." If things were that simple they wouldn't have fought when they were young but Remus clung to it blindly all the same. Coming back out with some milk and sugar. "I've some spare clothes in a trunk in the hall closet, you're welcome to them."

Glancing towards the mantle he nodded once. "Yes, mum was fond of pictures, especially the muggle kind. I'm sure if you look hard enough you'll find shoe boxes of photos all over the house." He shrugged, not really wanting to dwell on it. 

[oldanddangerous]

Ah, yes, Hullo. - Open

Humming to himself as he righted several scrolls of faintly aged parchment as a soft, polite cough broke through his trance. Glancing up he smiled mildly. "Ah, yes, hullo. What can I do for you?"

[compassinq-deactivated20131214]

ANON HOUR STARTS NOW. NOTHING DELETED. EVERYTHING ANSWERED

[excongodfather]

Laying Low at Lupins || Sirius and Remus

[excongodfather]

"Not anymore," He said softly holding up a shaking right hand," He shook his head. "They’re bad, Moony. They’re bad and not going away anytime soon," He looked away. "You don’t have to pretend I just went off on vacation or something. I know you’re trying, but…You don’t have to pretend things are alright. I know that they’re not."

He wasn’t a fool, not anymore at least. Perhaps he had been once, but now he knew better. Things weren’t alright and probably wouldn’t be again. “It’s a nice place. Is it yours or the Orders? I didn’t get much information from Dumbledore.”

[oldanddangerous]

"Maybe I want to." He snapped back, his voice holding more acid than he was intending, a small look of mortification seeping across his features. "I'm not being patronizing Sirius, I just don't see the point in wasting our time dancing around each other. So I'm choosing to ignore things, that's all."

Shaking his head he wandered into the kitchen, making a show of clinking things together to seem busy. Calling back. "It was my parents." It sounded bad when he said it out loud, wondering what Sirius might be thinking of them, after all it had been so long since he'd had seen them. "I've been here and there for so long I sort of let it go to the dogs, but it's nice enough."

[excongodfather]

Laying Low at Lupins || Sirius and Remus

[excongodfather]

"Yeah, well…Can’t always talk in Azkaban," He muttered not looking at Remus. "You have to find some way to keep people away, keep the…the guards at bay," He didn’t meant the Dementors. There were human guards at Azkaban, used mostly for inspections. It was best to keep them afraid. "Managed to nick a broken quill and ink off of them a few times. Did what I had to do."

Sirius cleared his throat, “Yet. I didn’t have to go back to Azkaban yet,” He was certain this was all borrowed time right now. He couldn’t stay in hiding forever and sooner or later he’d slip up and be caught.

[oldanddangerous]

"Well...That's good then. And on the plus side, you have a surprisingly steady hand." Desperately wishing he could just shut up again, preferring awkward silence to a string of painful words. "They don't look half bad you know."

Shaking his head he coughed softly. "Well...maybe. But let's not worry about that. It may not be much but I assure you this place is safe. Assuming you don't lick the walls, I suspect they're done in lead paint." 

[excongodfather]

Laying Low at Lupins || Sirius and Remus

[excongodfather]

Sirius nodded closing his mouth. He could take a hint. He could tell Remus didn’t much want to talk to him. He reached for the rag and dipped it in the water again. He didn’t much care how hot the water was. He pulled the grimy shirt he was wearing off and began working on his chest knowing he looked quite a bit different including the tattoos and some scarring. He avoided looking at Remus.

"I figured as much," Sirius nodded. "I can’t believe he got away. It…it was all for nothing," He shook his head and continued washing himself up. He felt like he would never be clean again.

[oldanddangerous]

Remus caught himself staring, his eyes tracing the deep pale lines and striking black marks. "You've got tattoos?" The words left his mouth before he could even consider how upsetting they could be. Feeling flustered he looked away, clearing his throat weakly, all words he could think of died in his throat.

Peter had gotten away but Remus refused to see it as all for nothing. Shaking his head he rubbed his hands together, speaking softly. "You didn't have to go back to Azkaban...so that's something. Isn't it?"