faintwhispers

the losing dog

[olderthaniam]

and if the day comes where we cross paths again, I promise that you will not recognise me. Yet I’ll know it’s you, even after all these years.

I’ll always remember.

[olderthaniam]

I wonder if the time will come where I do not think of you. When I’m not stopped in my tracks from the memory of you.

I wonder if I’ll ever forget.

I wonder if I even want to forget.

[olderthaniam]

In my wildest dreams I’ll find a love that passionate, yet gentler, kinder, softer. I will not allow myself to repeat the same mistakes I did the last time. I’ll let love sweep me off my feet.

[olderthaniam]

I wonder if I will ever find happiness or if I’ll ever feel that I’ve done enough to warrant a better life.

I wonder if this is all I have in me.

[olderthaniam]

who am I without a heavy heart and a brain on fire?

[olderthaniam]

Something is missing but I don’t know what. My instincts tell me it’s a lack of enjoyment in whatever I do. That I’m choosing to do things to survive, but does that really matter if at the end of the day if I’m miserable and depressed? I know I want to pursue something I love, I’m terrified of the repercussions. If I do one thing I want and not need, the rest of my life comes crumbling down.

I’m trapped in this vicious cycle with no way to escape it. It feels like I must either accept that these are the way things are supposed to be or leave. But the only way out feels like dying.

[olderthaniam]

I dream of you like you’re still mine

[olderthaniam]

I have a feeling I’ll never see you again

Your laugh is fading, I can’t remember how you used to hold me

I fear after all of this, I’ll just be left with that sick feeling of melancholy

[olderthaniam]

Some days nostalgia consumes me, all I can do it sit in the chaos and hope it doesn’t swallow me whole.

[olderthaniam]

One day you’ll come to find out that I never quite forgot about you.

You’ll see yourself in everything I’ve created and destroyed. A glimpse of what was and what could have been.

You will try to understand the agony, the struggle and acceptance that came with learning to live with the memory of us. I tore out my body, limb from limb, until there was nothing left of me but an image of you.

Yet, you’ll call my work beautiful, and tell me how proud of me you are, never noticing the scars of your name that suffocate my body. Never noticing the old parts of you still clawing at my skin, begging for me to give in.

You are my muse

[olderthaniam]

and after seeing the worst parts of you, I couldn’t help but love you even more than I ever imagined.

[olderthaniam]

I weep because you cannot save people. You can only love them.

- Anaïs Nin

[ptimepoet]

you were written on every molecule I ever became | p.d (via lostcap)

[olderthaniam]

I hope one day you won’t be the first thing on my mind when I wake up and fall asleep.

It’s a vicious cycle

[olderthaniam]

I have a feeling I will never see you again.

i pray it doesn’t come true

[olderthaniam]

you joined the wheel you swore to break.

[olderthaniam]

I knew it would be the last time we ever spoke, but I never imagined it would end like that