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@oldguynewblog
MY FAILURE AS A COWBOY
The woman was an easterner recently arrived out west because of her husband’s job. Our daughters went to school together and we were just making small talk as parents do when getting to know each other. At one point the conversation turned to jobs we’d had as kids. I mentioned having worked on a ranch while I was in high school. That seemed to interest her. I guess they don’t have a lot of ranches in Connecticut.
Then she looked at me suspiciously, her eyes narrowing. “You don’t look like you worked on a ranch,” she said.
Well, I did. OK, it was only a little ranch and I only worked a couple of summers and I didn’t do any ropin’, ridin’, or branding. Mostly I dug endless fence postholes and kicked endless hay bales out the back of a pickup as it rattled across pastureland. I did see a cattle drive if one counts half a dozen herefords driven up a ramp into a truck on their way to the feedlot.
Anyway the woman’s comment kind of bothered me so I asked Wrangler Dave why she would say such a thing. After all, as I pointed out to him, my jeans were just as dusty as his, my boots just as scuffed. I’m Grade-A western born and bred, says so right on my birth certificate.
He took a deep sigh. With Wrangler Dave, the deeper the sigh, the more thoughtful the comment to come. “It’s them glasses you wear.”
“You telling me there’s no near-sighted cowboys.”
“Not so’s you’d notice.”
I thought to myself that maybe he had a point. John Wayne never wore glasses. Dave also told me I had to work on my “yups” and “nopes” and stop saying “yes” and “no.” And I should sprinkle an occasional “ain’t” in my conversation once in a while.
I told him I just sounded silly saying “ain’t” but he was insistent. So I just let the matter drop. It’s like he’s always maintained that Roy Rodgers’ horse Trigger was smarter than Hopalong Cassidy’s horse Topper. There’s just no reasoning with a man like that.
Wrangler Dave and I took part in one big round-up though it wasn’t cattle. Might have been easier if it had been. There was a park in town with a pond where people liked to feed wild ducks. However a handful of wild geese had muscled in on the action. Wild ducks quack “Please feed me ‘cause I’m cute.” Wild geese honk “Gimmie or I’ll pinch you with my big pointy beak.” Clearly the geese had to go.
Merchants around the pond offered to pay some of the country kids a buck per relocated goose. On the appointed day kids from various farms and ranches and their parents gathered at the pond. We had the kids spread out in a long line. At the signal they moved forward, whooping and waving their arms.
The geese, protesting loudly, gave way slowly. Ahead of the line bigger kids waited with sturdy grain sacks. The trap closed. The air was filled with feathers and the yelps of pinched kids and the honks of ticked-off geese.
The tide of battle swung in favor of the kids. Securely bundled in grain sacks with their heads protruding the furious geese were loaded onto pickups. Then they were driven several miles from town and released unharmed. Indignantly they waddled away across the open fields.
Wrangler Dave and I high-fived each other. Yippie-hi-yo!
Till next time, Michael out.
THE WIT AND WISDOM OF WRANGLER DAVE
Note: the events in this story are true to the best of my knowledge, but are formed of the memories of my childhood, so some details may be different than I remember them.
Other than for reasons of college or employment I’ve never really lived in a big city. At the moment I live in what I suppose one could call a small city although the tallest building in town is only three stories. But I have lived in small towns, the kind of place where nobody cares much who said what on David Letterman last night. But they brag when somebody in the family wins a 4-H red ribbon at the county fair. And when the town fire engine passes in the 4th of July Parade they cheer just as if they’ve never seen it before.
Which brings me to Wrangler Dave who was the head wrangler at a ranch near my house (which is why everyone called him [all together now] Wrangler Dave). When it came to city people he was what you could call prejudiced. He didn’t so much pronounce the words “city people” as much let them fall from his lips to the dust where they wriggled like worms and died. He particularly didn’t like Sunday picnickers whom he placed on the evolutionary scale somewhere between salamanders and sodbusters.
One day I hitched a ride with him in his dusty battered pickup into town. We passed a family pulled over next to a pasture and its wooden fence. They had a couple of small kids: one straddling the fence; the other already over it. Mom was peering at them through a camera.
Dave stopped and rolled down his window. I expected him to bark at them but his voice was surprisingly gentle. “You folks are welcome here,” he said, “but you might want to bring the kids back over to this side of the fence. We got a big ole’ bull who kinda figures that pasture is his.”
The family looked at us with great wide eyes. Dave touched the brim of his hat to them and with a lurch we drove away. “Now Dave,” I said, “you know there’s no bull in that pasture.”
He looked thoughtfully through the windshield. “Ya reckon so?”
“I know so and so do you.”
He looked appropriately remorseful. “I reckon you’re right…suppose we ought a go back an’ tell ‘em?”
I looked through the rear window. The father was yanking the kids back over the fence while his wife watched out for the “bull.”
“Nope,” I said, “It’s too late.” Sometimes I think even the most canny Wall Street banker could learn a thing or two from Wrangler Dave. He was also something of a philosopher. One afternoon I returned from a travel writing assignment to find him sitting on his customary hay bale. He handed me a cold longneck beer bottle.
“Heard tell you went to some big city back east,” he said. “How’d you like it?”
“Didn’t,” I said. “Glad to be back.”
There was a moment’s silence, and then the sound of a couple of beer bottles being opened. Out in a nearby pasture a colt gamboled, kicking up puffs of dust with it hooves. Dave nodded approvingly. “Yep,” he said.
Which about summed it up.
Next time, Wrangler Dave and the Great Goose Roundup. Until then, Michael out. Additional books and short stories by Michael A. McKeever can be found on Amazon.com/Kindlebooks
EEEU! YUCK! LEECHES!
It was one of the most beautiful shops in Disneyland. Richly burnished inlaid wood gleamed under soft lights. Lovely antiques were tastefully arrayed in glass-fronted cabinets. A magnificent Wedgewood bust of Hippocrates looked down from its shelf. All was grace and elegance.
And then you saw the leeches. Some guests recoiled at the water-filled bell jar of slippery black creatures. Disney cast members behind the counter grew used to guests making faces and muttering “eeeu” and “yuck” as they peered into the big glass jar. But for others on their way up Disneyland’s Main Street, the UPJOHN PHARMACY leeches were a must-see sight, particularly for small boys.
There was a good reason for the leeches of course. The Upjohn Pharmaceutical Company had spared no expense to recreate a truly authentic late 19th/early 20th century apothecary. And naturally this included medicinal leeches like those once commonly used to bleed infected patients.
But also on exhibit were over a thousand priceless medical antiques gathered from all over the world. There was an exquisite porcelain and marble pharmacist’s balance from an 1840 French apothecary. Several finely crafted microscopes were on exhibit, the oldest dating from 1700. Shelves were lined with antique Spanish porcelain jars, their labels announcing their once-upon-a-time contents.
Much of the stock in the cabinets had been found still in their original 19th century packaging at historic Morgan’s Pharmacy in Philadelphia. Even the leaded glass chandeliers overhead once lit an 1890s Kalamazoo, Michigan pharmacy. Truly the Upjohn people had gone to astonishing lengths in their quest for authenticity.
Inside, registered pharmacists in period clothing were on duty to answer guests’ questions. Small sample bottles of vitamins were offered gratis to guests and free postcards of the shop were available as well as a booklet on its contents. Today many of those booklets and cards are treasured family mementos of a long-ago day in Disneyland. But it’s not unusual to find them on sale on the internet as Disneyland collectables.
Today the shop, as elegant as ever, is filled with the quiet ticking of clocks. The UPJOHN PHARMACY has given way to the NEW CENTURY TIME PIECES AND JEWELRY SHOP. Still, every so often, a guest will wander in and look around with a slightly bemused expression. And then they’ll ask whatever happened to the leeches.
The leeches in their jar were removed along with the porcelain apothecary jars and brass-tubed microscopes. They are gone from Disneyland. Maybe. In the 1970s the then-connected Adventureland and Frontierland rivers were drained for routine maintenance. In the riverbeds workmen were astonished to find, along with glasses, cameras, etc. dropped by guests over the years…leeches!
Some workmen insisted the slimy black creatures in the ooze weren’t really leeches. Instead, they were just slugs. Just…very big slugs. Whatever, I leave you with food for thought (so to speak). The leeches/slugs were removed and the rivers refilled. Still, as you ride the MARK TWAIN or a jungle boat, you might look down at the murky water and…wonder.
Next time, something different than fond Disneyland memories. The wit and wisdom of Wrangler Dave. Until then, Michael out.
Additional books and short stories by Michael A. McKeever can be found on Amazon.com/Kindlestore
Disneyland, Missouri
Another unanswered Disneyland question…one that will probably never be answered because it’s a pretty silly question. But it’s fun to think about. First, a little background.
It’s a little known fact that deep in the heart of Disneyland rests a small piece of the State of Missouri. To learn how it got there we have to go back to Disneyland’s earliest years.
In June, 1956 Frontierland’s Tom Sawyer Island welcomed its first guests. Rafts shuttled dignitaries across the Rivers of America for the opening ceremonies. Among those attending were youngsters Chris Winkler and Perva Lou Smith, Hannibal, Missouri’s official Tom Sawyer and Becky Thatcher for 1956.
On Tom Sawyer Island the two young people, dressed in period clothing, sprinkled water dipped from the Mississippi River on the ground. Then they read aloud an official proclamation bearing the seal and signature of Missouri Governor Phillip Donnelly. Enacted and approved by the Missouri State Legislature in the state capital of Jefferson City, Missouri, Tom Sawyer Island was henceforth and forever annexed to the State of Missouri!
The assembled dignitaries chuckled and posed for photographs. Then everyone returned across the Rivers of America to the Plantation House Restaurant for a luncheon of catfish especially flown in from Missouri.
It is doubtful whether California recognizes Missouri’s “annexation.” But if the matter should ever come up it raises an interesting and still unanswered question. Since one of Frontierland’s most venerable attractions is actually located on Missouri soil, does Disneyland owe several decades of back property taxes to Missouri?
Next time, Disneyland’s grossest attraction. Until then, Michael out.
Additional books and short stories by Michael A. McKeever can be found on Amazon.com/Kindlestore
DISNEYLAND LOSES CAVEMEN
People love Disneyland trivia. Like name the ship in the PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN attraction. Easy. SEA WITCH. OK, having worked there gives me an unfair advantage. But there are some questions that remain unanswered, that perhaps may never be answered. Like the mystery of the missing cavemen…
Once, at the dawn of time, there lived a clan of cave people. They were cunning and brave and they hunted great beasts like the mighty mammoth. In fire-lit caves they painted their story on rocky walls. And then they vanished.
Well, it wasn’t really the dawn of time. It was the 1964 New York World’s Fair.
One of the hits of that fair was the Ford Motor Company exhibit. Fairgoers waited in long lines to step off a moving ramp into a sleek 1964 Ford convertible. As the car moved along a track its passengers entered a “time tunnel.” Moments later they emerged into a primeval swamp where huge dinosaurs roared and stomped. The ground shook as boiling lava flowed from a volcano.
The car rounded a curve and uncounted millennia fell away. Now there were prehistoric people. Hunters hauled a fallen mammoth on a sledge. A cave child twisted a pointed stick into a smoldering chunk of wood.
Another bend and the past was replaced by visions of a shining tomorrow. Finally the car passed through a transparent tunnel into the outside world. In twelve minutes fairgoers journeyed through millions of years. Fifty thousand people a day could take the trip. And for many the dinosaurs and cave people were their first introduction to Disney audioanimatronics.
Other world’s fair exhibits that year relied on Disney audioanimatronics. Dozens of moppets from around the world sang of peace and brotherhood for the United Nations’ UNICEF. Abraham Lincoln took up residence in the Illinois State Pavilion. General Electric told the story of electricity in American homes in six audioanimatronic acts.
After the fair closed most of the Disney creations found new homes in California’s Disneyland. Mr. Lincoln moved into the Main Street Opera House and the world’s children sing on in Fantasyland’s SMALL WORLD. The brontosaurus endlessly munches his swamp grass in the PRIMEVAL WORLD train tunnel. A revolving theater was built in Tomorrowland for the General Electric exhibit. Eventually the GE audioanimatronic family moved to Florida where today they enjoy an active retirement at Walt Disney World.
But the cave people never made it. Maybe nobody could think of a place to put them. In any case they are nowhere to be found.
Today from the hot, dusty plains of Africa to the windswept steppes of Asia anthropologists search for traces of our prehistoric past. But perhaps they are looking in the wrong places.
Perhaps the answers they seek, the fabled “missing link,” lie in dusty crates in the far corner of some vast Disney warehouse. Maybe near the crates filled with LIGHT MAGIC PARADE leftovers.
Next time another unanswered Disneyland question. Until then, Michael out.
Additional books and short stories by Michael A. McKeever can be found on Amazon.com/Kindlestore
ORANGE COUNTY, CALIFORNIA
SAY GOODBYE
Disneyland is at is 1313 South Harbor Blvd., Anaheim. Just down the road at 1000 South Harbor was the University of California’s Orange County Agricultural Extension building. It was extensive with offices for crop specialists, laboratories, an agricultural library, test kitchen and land where UC scientists grew experimental crops.
That was in the 1970s when Orange County was one of the richest, most productive agricultural areas in the country. The county’s South Coast strawberry fields yielded seven times per acre more than those of the other 49 states. Its lettuce fields were annually harvested five times over. Its fertile lemon groves produced nearly three fourths of the nation’s lemons.
And there were the oranges, tens of thousands of trees, their fruit ripening in a benign climate. During late summer the South Coast was the main Valencia orange supplier for the entire United States.
That was before Orange County was dismembered by rampant development, its rich soil entombed beneath hotels, housing tracts and shopping malls.
The Agricultural Extension Office isn’t there anymore either. Relocated, it is a shadow of what was, tucked away like an afterthought on a back lot at the county fair grounds. True, there is a U.C. field station south of Tustin. But one wonders how long the regents will fund it in these uncertain times.
The cows were first to go. Once there were towns where cows outnumbered people. Dairyland boasted 18 dairies within 1.76 miles. The town seal bore a cow, a chicken and a sprig of wheat. Nearby was Dairy City with its Holsteins grazing in lush pastures. Just across the border in L.A. County, Dairy Valley’s 100,000 cows outnumbered its residents 29 to 1. In 1966, its dairies a fading memory, the town was renamed Cerritos.
Meanwhile in back in Orange County it seemed silly to call a town Dairy City when there were no more dairies so it was renamed Cypress. Nearby Dairyland became La Palma, the “City of Vision.” The University of California reassigned its dairy specialist to Northern California.
In 1979 the University released a bulletin warning “Farm Advisors Threatened with Removal from Orange County.” It pointed out that the U.C. Extension was a bargain for the county with 80% of its cost covered by the federal government and the University. The County Board of Supervisors agreed and the Extension dodged the financial bullet.
Some farmers defied the developers no matter how generous the offer. In 1954 two brothers, Hiroshi and Masao Fujishige, bought 56 acres for $10,000 and began planting strawberries. A short distance away snorting bulldozers leveled 180 acres of orange trees to make room for Disneyland.
That sounds like a lot of trees but at the time, not so very many. Aerial photos show Disneyland as an island in a vast sea of orange trees that seemed to go on forever. But they didn’t of course.
Meanwhile inevitable change surrounded the Fujishige farm. Next door at the WIDE WORLD IN WAX tourists could see waxen figures of Albert Einstein, the Beatles and the Pope. At the far edge of the farm the soft chirping of crickets competed with music from the “La Vida a Go Go” nightclub.
The wax museum and nightclub are long gone. But the Fujishige brothers farmed on. Disney, wanting to expand, offered to buy the land. The brothers refused. In 1994 Disney offered to lease it for 32 million dollars. The brothers said no. They just liked being farmers. A decade later, with one brother dead and the second in a coma after an accident, the family gave in. Of the original 56 acres, Disney purchased 52.5 for 99.9 million dollars. In 2009 the Fujishige brother’s farm harvested its last strawberries.
But there were still the endless orange groves. “The Orange,” observed California writer Charles Lummis, “is not just a fruit, but a romance.” In 1872 developer W.T. Glassell decorated the front of his sales office in Richland with orange tree saplings. Not long afterward Richland was renamed Orange.
It was a good sales gimmick. In 1921 the County Board of Supervisors proclaimed Orange County “The land of the orange blossom.” By 1938 there were 67,536 acres of groves. There were so many orange trees that nobody noticed when they started to disappear. But they were. In 1963 28,000 acres remained. In 1968, 21,209 acres. By 1974 the number had fallen to 12,644. Today there are perhaps 80 acres left, scattered in small groves here and there.
Which brings us to five acres of scraggly untended orange trees that survive primarily because they refuse to die. The little grove is in a corner of Santa Ana, a community that is already 98% developed. Though neither watered nor pruned the trees persist in producing big round Valencia oranges. The current owners refuse to allow anyone to harvest them so they simply fall from the trees and rot.
For ninety years they were the pride and joy of the Sexlinger family. There were well over 200 trees in the grove then and a farmhouse. The house, still standing, is weather-beaten. But it was a home once where generations of Sexlinger children sat around the kitchen table doing their homework amid the smell of freshly baked bread.
In 2006 the last Sexlinger, Martha, passed away. In a well-meaning bequest she left the land to Concordia University. Today it is in the crosshairs of a developer who intends to clear the property and put up 24 townhouses.
That would be immensely sad. No, it is not a place where a great battle was fought or an historical figure lived. It’s just a farmhouse and some scraggly trees. But it is probably the last family orange grove left from a time when Orange County deserved its name.
The development company, to their credit, is aware of the heritage it represents. In their environmental report they promise to set up a “commemorative interpretive sign.” They say the sign “will include photographic display of the farmhouse and verbiage describing the history of the Sexlinger farm and the significance of the citrus industry to the region.” They even offer to let the Santa Ana Historical Preservation Society salvage “potential artifacts” from the farmhouse before it is reduced to kindling.
But a gutsy little band called the SAVE OUR ORCHARD COALITION has a better idea. Instead, with Santa Ana’s and/or Orange County’s blessing, preserve the farm as the “Sexlinger Center for Urban Agriculture.” Make it a place where school children can pluck an orange from a tree with its leaves still wet with dew. Let them scatter feed to chickens in a real farmyard. Plant community gardens where both children and adults can feel the soil crumble through their fingers.
Maybe find an old tractor and start it up once in a while. The vast majority of Orange County children have never heard a tractor in their lives. Maybe they ought to. And maybe, on orange blossom scented evenings families could bring folding chairs and watch movies outdoors.
Yes, argues the Coalition, the Center could be financially self-sustaining as nonprofit through membership donations, admissions, special fee events. They bubble over with ideas like eco labs with outdoor learning stations and workshops. Look them up on facebook (SAVE THE SEXLINGER ORANGE ORCHARD). Or just Google SEXLINGER FARM.
But hurry. In late January, 2012 each side will plead its case in the quiet wood-paneled precincts of a government hearing. Should the vote favor the developer bulldozers will cough a cloud of bluish exhaust and shove aside the last little family grove in Orange County. And you won’t even have had time to say goodbye.
Additional books and short stories by Michael A. McKeever can be found on Amazon.com/Kindlestore
Disneyland Parades Two: Gone With the Wind
The queen of all parades, Pasadena’s Tournament of Roses Parade’s very name evokes grace and pageantry. In 1973’s Rose Parade the lead float honored the Walt Disney Company’s 50th anniversary. Around the float marched several of Disneyland’s most beloved costumed characters. But this in itself presented a problem, namely the length of the parade route.
The Disneyland parade route from the Small World gates to the gates next to Main Streets Opera House is about a mile. But the Rose Parade’s route is five miles long which a long way to march in a heavy Brer Bear or Fantasia hippo costume. Clearly the only solution was to split the distance between duplicate Disney characters. Midway on the route the entire Rose Parade would halt and one Disney unit would march off while a duplicate unit marched on.
Carry it off and the public would never know. But miss up and floats could bang into each other, spooked horses rear, brass bands drop their instruments and we would never hear the end of it. In other words the maneuver had to be flawless in execution and precisely timed down to the minute.
And it was. Halfway down the route the entire Rose Parade abruptly stopped. Viewers watched in amazement as right in front of them the Disney unit came apart. Floats and musicians stood in place while dozens of Disney characters turned sharply left and off the street. At the same time dozens of other characters marched out from where they had been hidden in a neighborhood preschool.
For a brief moment the two units meshed like a deck of cards being shuffled. Then the second unit moved into place and the parade resumed. Disaster had been averted. But back at Disneyland a new disaster awaited.
We had worked all night and some of us much of the previous day. Back at the Park, numb with exhaustion, we stumbled off the buses like zombies. Backstage waited “Tent City,” a collection of huge military-style canvas tents. Olive drab and floored with sheets of plywood they were dead ringers for the tents in the MASH television show. And at the moment they were filled with props, costumes, etc. for Disneyland’s twice-a-day holiday Fantasy on Parade. Or rather, they had been. For while we had been in Pasadena Southern California’s notorious Santa Ana winds had struck.
The tent with the props leaned drunkenly on whatever poles had not come down. But the main tent had collapsed, burying the Fantasy on Parade costumes, makeup and wig counters, etc. under hundreds of pounds of canvas!
But Disneyland certainly couldn’t be cancel the parade. Already crowds were gathering along the route, staking out the best vantage points. We couldn’t disappoint them. After all, as the saying goes, “The show must go on!”
Slowly the canvas was peeled back and the parade assembled. Since it was New Year’s Day the backstage staff shops were either closed or manned by skeleton crews. So we improvised. Some of the dwarf costume (Them again!) heads were missing patches of white paint from their beards. With barely half an hour to spare I ran into the main wardrobe office and grabbed all the white shoe polish I could find. (The next day craftsmen at the Staff Shop removed my “repair” and redid it properly.)
At two o’clock sharp Fantasy on Parade stepped off with Mickey and Minnie and the tin soldier band and dancing snowmen (and snow ladies) and all the rest. Santa rode the last float, his bright red coat replaced by a casual lounging jacket as he relaxed from his holiday labors. I watched him move out through the gates. And then I went home and fell into a deep sleep.
Postscript: Construction began soon after on the vast complex of sturdy metal buildings that today houses Disneyland parade floats, etc. In fact they were ready for the second season of the Main Street Electrical Parade the following June. The iconic Blue Fairy float rolled through the new building’s huge double doors and Tent City passed into unlamented memory.
So until my next blog…Michael out.
Additional books and short stories by Michael A. McKeever can be found on Amazon.com/Kindlestore
Since I worked at Disney for so many years, I thought it might be fun to write about some of my experiences. It's something people have frequently asked me about, so I hope I'm not alone in finding them entertaining.
For today, it's:
Disney Parades One: Flying Dwarf Hands
I knew the parade was in trouble when the kids started wandering away. Behind them Light Magic, Disneyland’s most spectacular parade yet, rolled down Main Street. The technology was state-of-the-art fiber optics and lasers. Celtic music blasted from huge floats like Riverdance on steroids. Tiny squares of silvery paper fluttered through the air leaving their magic everywhere, undoubtedly to the joy of the Park’s cleaning crew. It was May 21, 1997.
Every so often the parade ground to a halt. Dozens of bizarre-looking “pixies” jumped off the floats and began dancing frenetically. Soon they were joined by Disney characters dressed for some reason in pajamas. After several boisterous minutes everyone got back on the float which then rumbled down the street.
The kids seated along the curb greeted the first float with startled but interested looks. But when the second, which looked pretty much like the first, stopped to disgorge more frenzied pixies they began fidgeting. They watched the third with glazed-over eyes. By number four they had wandered away to look in the store windows. (Even more bored were the poor souls seated where the floats did not stop leaving them nothing to watch.)
Disneyland executives did their best to put a positive spin on it. DL President Paul Pressler proudly posed amid smiling children in Light Magic tee-shirts. At a post-parade press conference DL Entertainment VP Michael Davis reminded the media (of which I was one) to “remember, at first the critics didn’t like the Electrical Parade either.” Meanwhile Light Magic stumbled through the rest of the summer then mercifully vanished, never to be seen again.
In any case I disagree with Mr. Davis about the critic’s reaction to the Main Street Electrical’s summer of 1972 debut. I was there, as a Disneyland Wardrobe Department character specialist assigned to the parade. Like everyone else who worked on it I was enormously proud of its then cutting-edge technology. We hoped both the critics and the anxiously awaiting crowds would like it. They did, both the crowds and the critics.
The Los Angeles Times “loved it,” calling it “brilliant in every sense of the word!” Variety pronounced it “a charming procession of lighted fantasy.” The Hollywood Reporter Hollywood reporter found the Electric Parade “exciting, colorful, dazzling.” It was, as one newspaper headline proclaimed, “A Smashing Success!”
True, that first electrical parade was in places somewhat more primitive than the ones that followed over the years. Some of the floats were simple black metal frames festooned with twinkling lights. When the DL Publicity wanted an 8”x10” B/W glossy photo for advance publication only part of the parade existed. But one very dark night, a Casey Jr. locomotive and two frame floats, Cinderella’s Carriage and the D (for Disneyland) Banner, were rolled out onto a backstage parking lot.
Mickey Mouse climbed into Casey’s cab and two Cinderella dancers (the girl was actually a Park secretary because there were no dancers yet) posed nervously by the “carriage.” The lights were switched on, the photos were taken and sent off to waiting newspapers.
As primitive as some of the early floats were; others are still fondly remembered. One of the highlights of the latest parade is the large green-lit dragon “Elliot” from the movie Pete’s Dragon. To me the dragon with its goofy grin looks kind of wimpy. But then I remember the parade’s first dragon a fearsome beast that wound sinuously down the street hissing smoke at parade watchers.
There were glitches of course. The battery packs and connecting wires that lit the thousands of tiny lights on the costumes and floats overheated. Float drivers had trouble navigating Disneyland’s Main Street horse car rails in the darkness. And there was the matter of the Seven Dwarf’s lanterns.
In the first electrical parades the dwarfs simply walked down the street waving to people. But then it was decided that being miners, they ought to carry mining lanterns. In due course miners’ lanterns arrived. Real ones, sturdily built and heavy.
Of course the dwarfs couldn’t actually carry the lanterns with their rubbery sausage-like “fingers.” Handles, hidden by the costume’s sleeves, protruded from the “hands” which the person in the costume grasped. The problem was solved by stitching two of the fingers around the lantern’s handle. However the lanterns were so heavy that sometimes the stitches would break and the lantern would fall with a loud clunk. Annoying but not a real problem.
But then came the Night of the Flying Dwarf Hand! The parade had circled Main Street’s town square and was headed toward the backstage gates. I was walking along side the dwarfs checking something or other. Suddenly one gave an enthusiastic goodbye wave during which he accidentally let go of his “hand.” The hand, with the lantern still attached, landed at the feet of some startled (and probably horrified) parade watchers.
I rushed over and snatched it up. At the same time a teenage boy darted out of the crowd with the idea of getting the coolest Disneyland souvenir ever! I wouldn’t let go and neither would he. Fortunately the cavalry came to my rescue in the form of a parade aide followed by a security officer. The teenager, deciding that discretion was the better form of valor, disappeared back into the crowd.
Hiding the hand/lantern beneath my jacket and hunched over like Quasimodo, I rushed backstage. Eventually the problem was solved when the artisans at the Park’s backstage Staff Shop created functional yet lightweight lanterns.
--Part Two will be up soon!--
Additional books and short stories by Michael A. McKeever can be found on Amazon.com/Kindlestore
FLOATERS
The other day at our local library I was looking at the DVD floaters on the shelves. It’s amazing what you can learn about your fellow citizens by looking at the floaters.
“Floater” is library slang for books, DVDs, and whatever else that has been requested from another neighborhood branch. For example, you request an obscure book like Founding Fathers’ Favorite Foods (say that three times fast) from your local branch. It arrives, you check it out, read it and return it. But FFFF is not returned to the library from whence it came. Instead it is placed in your library’s collection until someone else, someplace else, requests it.
In other words FFFF, plucked off its original shelf by someone’s request, is now doomed to “float” through the library system without a permanent home. Think of poor Charley on the M. T. A. (ah, the Kingston Trio, remember them?): “He never returned, no, he never returned and his fate is still unlearned.”
Consequently, should you come across something especially exotic or esoteric resting on the shelves, the chances are pretty good it was ordered by someone in your community.
The town I live in is not unlike countless other American towns: smallish, quiet, bisected by a river trudging through on its way to the sea. Nightlife is nil; you have to go to the next town over to find a movie theater. When you see someone in a suit he’s probably either an insurance salesman or returning from a funeral.
Yet, looking at the floating DVDs in our library which is housed in a rented storefront, I find myself continually surprised at how diverse and downright exotic the community I live in really is.
Last time I checked, there were three or four Bollywood movies, requested, perhaps, by someone homesick for Mother India. Sometimes there are movies with actors speaking Vietnamese, Tagalog or Cantonese. There are several Japanese anime DVDS with characters with impossibly big eyes who yell a lot. The Middle East is in constant turmoil, yet films in both Arabic and Hebrew share the same shelf in a sort of floater entente cordiale.
But then another mystery arises: where are the people who ordered all these floaters? Surely they must stand out. However, I have yet to see anyone in town wearing a turban, or sari, or kimono.
As a matter of fact, we all pretty much dress alike: jeans and shirts, mostly (both genders). And we all do pretty much the same things: join the P.T.A., shop at Walmart, fish in our muddy little river. The ones who order the floaters must be clever foreigners, disguising themselves as average Americans in countless other American towns. Or maybe that’s just what they are—American, same as you or me. After all, every American family (unless you’re Native American or as our Canadian cousins call them, First Nations) originated somewhere else, some just not as long ago as others.
Meanwhile the town I live in is changing, whether for good or worse depends on whom you ask. I can see those changes by looking at the library’s selection of magazines, which are generally chosen by local librarians who know their patrons’ preferences. A library by the seashore is bound to carry surfing and/or yachting magazines, for example. Our library still carries a few guilty pleasures like People and Cosmopolitan, but its readership has grown more sophisticated in their tastes, as evidenced by the growing popularity of magazines like Atlantic and The Economist. Interest has increased in business and financial magazines as well.
Meanwhile our local 4H Club still holds meetings, but you don’t see real cowboys in battered pickup trucks in town much anymore. And magazines like Horse & Rider and Farm & Ranch Living long ago vanished from the library’s shelves. Like I said, change is coming to our town, regardless of whether people think change is good.
If you’re also curious and want a quick insight into the sort of area you live in, stop by your local library and check out the DVD floaters and magazine titles. You might be surprised by what you learn about your town.
So, until my next blog….
Michael out.
Additional books and short stories by Michael A. McKeever can be found on Amazon.com/Kindlestore
Travel writing is one of those gigs everyone wishes they had. You get paid (plus expenses) to go to neat places and stay in nice hotels. Public relations people fall all over themselves treating you beautifully so you will write nice things about…whatever business they represent. On some assignments I had the nagging feeling that they sent French royalty to the guillotine for living this well.
The bad news is that even in good times there were more writers who wanted to do travel than were needed. And these are not good times.
I live some miles from a city that, counting suburbs, has a population of nearly two million. Its Sunday travel section once boasted several pages. Today it’s down to a page and a half, and even that is mostly ads. Four national magazines that regularly bought travel articles from me are now out of business. It’s a little like riding in the Charge of the Light Brigade with people being shot out of their saddles all around you. Who’s next?
But all is not gloom and doom, there are still magazines that buy travel. Coffee table magazines for example: glossy paper, thick as a plank and heavy with pictures of Balinese sunsets and misty Scottish moors. They pay quite well but are notoriously difficult to break into. When querying, remember that they’re just magazines…and Everest is just a big hill.
If you are serious about travel writing, consider magazines that, while not focused on travel per se, still run an occasional travel piece. RV magazines, for example. Retirement magazines. Outdoors magazines. No, they will not send you on assignment to the French wine country. In fact, they’re not likely to send you anywhere, and the pay can be downright pathetic. But it’s a start.
Ah, but how do you write travel when you can’t afford to leave your home town? To quote a cliché: wherever you are, most people aren’t. So write about where you are. Find something small or little known; “hidden treasures” are a travel-writing evergreen.
For example, writing about Las Vegas? When your readers tire of the casinos’ constant din, recommend Red Rock Canyon twenty miles and a million years away from the Strip. Crimson cliffs thrust hundreds of feet in this domain of the big horn sheep and mountain lion. Indian pictographs remind us that there were other humans here long before Bugsy Siegel got the bright idea to build the Flamingo.
Poking around in Nashville, I found the neatest toy museum tucked away in a shopping center. In Savannah the pastor of a church showed me where runaway slaves used to be hidden. In San Antonio I stood by a chuck wagon eating hot biscuits, just like those that filled cowboys’ bellies during the great cattle drives. In Christiansted I mailed letters from a post office that has withstood 260 years of Caribbean hurricanes.
You can even find hidden treasures in places that have been written about into the ground. California’s Disneyland opened in 1955, which means travel writers have been writing about it for nearly sixty years. What’s left to say, you might ask?
There is not far from the Magic Kingdom a small park in which several historical buildings have been preserved. Among them is a little garage. Once it was in Los Angeles attached to the home of Robert Disney. In 1923 Robert’s nephew Walt used the garage while building a crude animation camera stand. Said he was going to make movies about a mouse named Mickey.
Every year vast crowds pour like lemmings through Disneyland’s turnstiles. Virtually none of them are aware that the humble little garage where it all started is only minutes away. So I wrote about it. How did I know it was there? Poked around. Asked around. You do the same and you’re bound to turn up something interesting wherever you are.
And always remember that editors like travel articles with useful “tips” for their readers. In Honolulu’s Waikiki, for example, some hotels pointedly advertise their close access to the beach. But Waikiki, wedged in between the ocean and the Ala Wai Canal, is only a few blocks wide. If a visitor is willing to walk an extra block or two every hotel is pretty much “near the beach.”
New York City is an expensive place. So your readers might appreciate knowing where they can buy a truly unique souvenir for mere pennies. Buy a postcard in the United Nations building gift shop and one UN stamp. Mail it to yourself. There are only two places in the world where UN-stamped letters can be mailed and your card proves you were in one of them. (The other is in Switzerland.) Plus, at no extra charge, the card has been dated with a postmark!
And how do you find tips like these? All together now: poke around. Ask around.
But whatever you do, try not to become too sophisticated. Always keep your sense of wonder.
I first saw the old colonial city of Williamsburg, Virginia very early in the morning. It would be an hour or more before the first tour buses would arrive. A soft mist lay over the gardens of the Governor’s Palace. A glossy carriage with a royal seal emblazoned on its doors rolled through the gates, pulled by chestnut-colored horses. As I walked up Duke of Gloucester Street a lady dressed in 18th century clothes walked toward me, probably on her way to work. When she drew near she curtseyed and bade me “A fine morning to you, good sir.”
It’s on days like that when it’s really fun to be a travel writer.
Additional books and short stories by Michael A. McKeever can be found on Amazon.com/Kindlestore
A Writer's Rant
I am told by my daughter, who knows such things, that to make my blog successful I must have readers. Without readers, she points out, I might as well just be wandering around mumbling to myself.
How, I asked hesitantly, does one get readers (besides scanning pictures of cute kitties and naked folks)? Tags, she answers. In other words, if I blog about trains then someone who types in trains will call up my train tag and possibly read the entry. So here goes…
GIANT PANDAS! RACE CARS! NAPOLEON!
There, anybody who looks up panda bears (yes, they are bears), fast cars and Napoleon (there were three Napoleons, believe it or not. Confusing, oui?) will be referred to my blog. True, they may be irked that there isn’t really anything about pandas, etc. in my blog but hopefully they’ll at least stick around a little while.
Actually this time I thought I’d blog about writing, specifically travel writing. The kind where friends look at me disbelievingly and gasp, “You mean you really got paid to go to Tahiti and Paris!?” No, somebody else got paid to go to Tahiti and Paris. But, yeah, I did get sent on some pretty interesting assignments. And I thought I’d give you a few tips on how you can break into travel writing, too.
But first I get to vent a little about writing. It’s my blog so I get to vent (but feel free to join in). I miss how easy writing used to be. Paper. Typewriter. Any questions? It was all so simple!
Even long before that, we writers had a pretty good gig going. While knights were being turned into pin cushions by arrows at Agincourt, we sat safe in monasteries, scratching away with goose-quill pens. Yeah it took a long time to write a book, but they were absolute works of art. Ever see the medieval IrishBook of Kells? A writer did that!
Then that damn Johann Gutenberg started messing around with moveable type. That made books both easy to print and cheap. Suddenly every serf and milkmaid decided they wanted one. And that meant writers had to write more and faster. And people wanted to read entertaining books: meditations on the Confessions of St. Augustine were out; sex and violence were in. Check out Canterbury Tales, pretty hot stuff!
Writers weren’t the only creative types to chafe under the new commercialism. Musicians and artists did, too. Imagine…
Michelangelo: “For the Glory of God I shall cover the vault of the Sistine Chapel with magnificent art…for this task I was born an artist.”
Pope Julius II: “Yeah, yeah, just paint the ceiling…and don’t use up so many brushes. You think pig bristles come cheap!?”
OK, enough venting, on to travel writing. In my next blog entry I thought I would offer some advice that might help make your writing more saleable…things that helped me. But for now I’ll leave you with a few Official-Travel-Writer-Phrases™ that will make you sound like the real deal:
Always remember that to a travel writer, land is in constant motion. Prairies are rolling, views are sweeping and mountains soar. Historical small towns are “lost in time.” There are no sunny deserts, they are all “sun-drenched.” Unless of course you are on a patio in Santa Fe, which is “sun-splashed.”
Bed and breakfast inns with “Victorian ambiance” usually means the bathroom is at the end of the hall. “Rustic” means that rattling sound outside at four a.m. is a raccoon trying to open the trash can. Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera…
So, until my next blog….
Michael out.
Additional books and short stories by Michael A. McKeever can be found on Amazon.com/Kindlestore
An Introduction
My name’s Michael. I’m told that the first order of business when starting a blog is to introduce myself. OK, I can handle that. As to why I’m attempting this, my first blog, I’ll let you know as soon as I know. The overall title is OLD GUY, NEW BLOG, which my daughter assures me fits me well.
How old am I, you might ask? My boyhood hero was cowboy TV/movie star Hopalong Cassidy. If you have any idea who I’m talking about, we must be from the same generation. Or to put it another way, when I was a little boy, I told Santa I wanted the Hopalong Cassidy cap pistol with Topper the Wonder Horse engraved on the plastic grip and a lasso artfully etched along the barrel. It also had a hidden place to store an extra roll of caps--a handy thing for a guy in bandit country.
Santa said sure, he’d bring me one. That Christmas Eve I put out cookies and a glass of milk for him. Sixty plus glasses of milk later I’m still waiting.
What kind of a person am I? When Vincent Van Gogh signed his paintings, he usually tucked his first name deep in a corner, but his drinking buddy Gauguin scrawled his last name boldly, fiercely on his works. He wasn’t Paul Gauguin, he was GAUGUIN!
I’m more of a Vincent than a Gauguin. I’m also a writer, not a painter. I think this is the part where I tell you I like candle-lit dinners and long walks on moon-lit shores, except that I’m a big fan of electricity and I prefer sunny days on the beach.
Doesn’t matter anyway, I have a patient wife, a semi-patient daughter and three cats so I’m pretty well set in the relationship department. I also have a captive eagle. (OK, he’s not really an eagle, he’s only a parakeet. But he thinks he’s an eagle and we’ve never had the heart to tell him he’s not.)
What kind of a woman is my wife? Once when I was courting her we walked across a park lawn and she tripped over a sprinkler head. Another time, another walk on the same lawn and again she tripped over the same sprinkler. Third time, same lawn except that this time I was alone.
I came across a groundskeeper working on the sprinklers. Talked him into letting me have the exact same sprinkler head, which I then had gilded and mounted like a trophy and gave it to my then-fiancée. She married me anyway.
Education: state university. Roosevelt was president then, just can’t remember if it was Franklin or Theodore.
First job after marriage (as in first real job): character specialist in the Disneyland Wardrobe Department. Donald and Mickey. Snow White and Winnie the Pooh. Wife said it was the perfect place for me but stayed married to me anyway.
Children: one daughter who has no choice, she’s stuck with me.
Major turning point in life: astonishing discovery that there are actually people who will pay you to write stuff. After that, I tried writing professionally, even though I didn’t know what I was doing. Five books and over two hundred TV/radio scripts, magazine and newspaper articles later I still don’t know what I’m doing. But if you don’t tell anybody, I won’t either.
Besides, this blog won’t count, it’s just for fun. I live in a small semi-rural town, the kind of place where everybody cheers for the fire engine in the Fourth of July parade like they’ve never seen it before. But at the same time I’ve had a vast variety of life experiences including twenty years as a travel writer. So, as I relive those experiences and have new ones through my entries here, I hope you’ll come along.
Additional books and short stories by Michael A. McKeever can be found on Amazon.com/Kindlestore