RP Shenanigans

[sahonithereadwolf]

Thinking about the werewolf from the hate mail Lemgo council pharmacist David Welman (1595 - 1669) got after being accused of being a werewolf

[sahonithereadwolf]

it's so fucking cute. That war wlf is frolicking

[probablybadrpgideas]

enemy idea: war wlf

[lizardsister]

d&d cryptid

a half-elf with a healthy relationship with their parents

[yourplayersaidwhat]

Skulls & Shackles: The Musical

To the tune of “Do You Wanna Build a Snowman?” I call it, “I Failed Another Swim Check.”

I failed another swim check. Oh god, I’m going to drown. Or get eaten by a Sharktopus or Grindylow, or heaven knows what else. I used to be much better at rolling dice, but tonight my luck ran out… I failed another swim check, a pirate shouldn’t drown.

I failed another swim check. I think the end is near. I lost sight of Conkubar, I’ve gone too far, I could really use a beer! The Sharktopus is approaching, he’s closing in. I watch my life flash by… I failed another swim check, now I’m stuck inside his stomach.

I failed another swim check. This is surely certain death. How many rounds are left? I’m scared to ask, oh, shit! What’s that? A harpoon just whizzed right by my head! Everything is out to get me, or so it seems… I hope my death is quick. I finally passed my swim check! Too bad I’m out of breath.

[oldpowdernewguns]

After we all individually nearly drown in a river ^

[oldpowdernewguns]

Holy Musical Bagpipes

When your adventuring party buys a pair of bagpipes just because bagpipes. 

[oldpowdernewguns]

Triss Windfall digs the nondenominational hell into this cinamon roll

[oldpowdernewguns]

Gnomish Haggling

RenVar: What’s your price on these sir? I’ve only one arm, as you can see, so I can’t go that high.

Waves both arms around

[samurai-jack-archived]

samurai jack icons from the new episode!

feel free to use! please like/reblog if using!

[oldpowdernewguns]

Carolyn, does Ka'Larr look anything like Sad!Samurai Jack???

[oldpowdernewguns]

Bad jokes 2

And what sicknesses are stronger than other sicknesses? Dwarven ails!

[oldpowdernewguns]

Bad jokes 1

What do you call a sorcerer who forgets they have spells beyond level 0?

Cantripin’ balls!

And what do you call an angry middle eastern themed character?

Barbarian nights!

[oldpowdernewguns]

when I find myself in times of trouble, Triss Windfall comes to me, speaking words of wisdom: “tiiiiiiiitttsssss”

[oldpowdernewguns]

ya rickety sewer rat, pt 2

Osuk: Oh no

Triss: Oh, oh, /crap./ I'm sorry sir, weren't we holding an insult contest?

Drunken Patron: Who would sshtart shomething as shtupid ash that?

Triss: You got me. It was me. I am stuuuupid

and bruise easily

here, let me buy you a drink

Drunken Patron: *begins to lunge forward, his drink sloshing onto Triss*

Osuk: I assure you, sir, she meant no real disrespect. *attempts to jump between them*

Drunken Patron: *glances at Osuk* wash I talkin' to yous?

Osuk: Who? Me?

Triss: Here, seriously, lemme buy you a drink to show there's no hard feelings

Drunken Patron: *appears to have forgotten about Triss* Yash yoush

Triss: *sighs deeply* tiiiiiiiitttsssss

Osuk: Hey man, I'm just trying to stay out of trouble (for once)

Triss: Ey, yo, mewling quib, you wanna drink or nah?

Drunken Patron: *Hears the drink offer and turns to Triss* Gimme ale!

Triss: Sure thing *buys incredibly strong drink hoping drinky will fall asleep*

Drunken Patron: *begins following Triss like a lost puppy dog, carrying his drink in his hands*

Triss: *has no idea what to do now* Go home drinky, go home

and dream of large lagers

Drunken Patron: No, mommy, I dun wanna go home

Triss: But you have school in the morning! *whispers to Osuk* what do I dooooooooo

Osuk: Hey buddy, she got you your drink. Why don't you lay off a little? *sniffs* you seem like you've had enough

Drunken Patron: *appears to be about to respond when he falls forward in a drunken tiredness toward Triss, having finally blacked out. His ale is dropped and rolls towards Osuk's foot, spilling up and out onto it*

Triss: 'night drinky, mom's gotta go to..... work. yes.

*in one long breath* ohgodswhatjusthappened

Triss: *manages to dodge the large drunkard falling into her and pokes drinky with foot*

So. That escalated quickly. Thank you for having my back Osuk

Osuk: No problem.

[oldpowdernewguns]

ya rickety sewer rat

Triss: *sidles over to the insult contest occurring by the fireplace* I got a good one! Fight me if you dare!

Osuk: ahem, someone was getting into an insult contest?

Triss: Indeed! If there's anyone brave enough to best my brave ... brinsults? Lost that one there.

Drunken Patron: *eyes Triss, his hand sloshing his ale* You *hic* wanna go?

Triss: Advance towards me, brethren!

Osuk: *rolls eyes and mumbles* This will be fun

Drunken Patron: *stands, wobbling as he does so, his beer belly jiggling upward and downward like a bobber on a fishing line*

Triss: Well, say something, you repulsive, pus-filled pudding!

Drunken Patron: Y-you repulshive peshtulance!

Triss: Nicely put, you son of a poorly-trimmed she-goat!

Drunken Patron: How dchare you call me sche goat, you decscheitful crumudjun!

Triss: I bet the donkeys outside are afraid of the size of your ass

Osuk: *snorts into drink*

Drunken Patron: *appears to have forgotten what was going on, and was genuinely insulted by the last insult* Whatchu say 'bout me?

[oldpowdernewguns]

do cash registers exist here

Ka'Larr: *gives a gold piece*

Evelyn: *gives a gold piece as well*

Triss: That's quite the reasonable price, can I rent a room as well?

GM: 100 copper = 1 gold

10 silver = 1 gold

Triss: *also gives gold. Does this guy have enough change?*

Sidona: No, he probably does not

Osuk: *same*

Lynna: maybe he's a magical innkeeper with enormous amounts of change

Inn Keeper: *takes each of the gold pieces and brings back 8 silver pieces apiece*

Sidona: change in silver, smart

[oldpowdernewguns]

introductions! pt 2

Osuk: Fair enough.

Ka'Larr: How about you take one of the ladies on? Elves are stronger than they look.

Triss: Dooon't look at me. Half the elf, a quarter as strong.

Evelyn: *shakes head*

Ka'Larr: *turns back to Triss, to explain* Ka' is my family name. So Ka'Larr would be my name to anyone outside my family.

Triss: Ohhh, alright. Sorry about that.

Ka'Larr: Speaking of names. I didn't quite catch yours. *gestures to the dwarf and elf*

Evelyn: I don't make a habit of using strength as a game.

Triss: What do you make a habit of using it for?

Osuk: Oh, right. Sorry, games of strength excite me. I forgot to introduce myself. I'm Osuk. Osuk Graus.

Triss: Hi Osuk!

Evelyn: And I am Evelyn.

Triss: *waves* Triss

Ka'Larr: *offers the drink that the patron bought him to Osuk* You might appreciate this more than me.

Osuk: Good to meet you all.

Triss: Nice to meet you too.

Osuk: *accepts drink tentatively* Uh, thanks...I'm always one for a nice ale.

[oldpowdernewguns]

introductions!

Evelyn: *finds a table for them to sit at*

Ka'Larr: *takes the drink back over to their little band*

Triss: I believe a victory such as this deserves a celebration!

Evelyn: Well done, indeed my friend!

Ka'Larr: *wipes his hand on his sash, seeing as he's got nowhere else to wipe it*

Triss: You go Ka'L. Can I call you Ka'L?

Ka'Larr: Well, I could've done with a little less spit.

Triss: I bet.

Ka'Larr: *roughly* no.

Triss: Ok, sorry *holds up hands disarmingly*

Osuk: *To Ka'Larr* it's a sad day when a human can beat a man a dwarf can't but well done! Maybe I'll have to challenge you next? Loser buys another drink?

Ka'Larr: Does anyone want this... ale? I am not one for alcohol.

Osuk: Or something else? Since you're obviously not a fan of that?

Ka'Larr: *shakes head* I've had enough of arm wrestling for tonight.

[oldpowdernewguns]

they're all tall, who cares

Triss: Dwarf, do all tall-folk look alike?

Triss: I'm genuinely curious

Osuk: uh... yes

[oldpowdernewguns]

such creativity, much wow

Evelyn: *hears them talking of an inn as she passes by*

Evelyn: What inn are you looking for? I have passed many and may be able to point the way.

Osuk: The one on the west side of town, near the inner wall.

Evelyn: There is one right by the inner west gate, tastefully called "Inn." I can lead you there if you would like. A little rest could do me some good.