I let another one go. He was a good one too. A real good one. He would have done anything to his fullest capacity for me. The unfortunate truth is that his fullest capacity can’t go as far as I am going to go. He taught me so much about myself that I had been missing. He was a drifter in my journey of life. It’s so sad, because he had become such a good friend. I learned trust from him. I learned what a non-toxic relationship looked like. I learned more about what I’m looking for in a partner.
I have been on a deep soul search, doing some massive amount of shadow work in my life this past year or so. My ‘drifter’ came to me suddenly and will be gone just as suddenly. We had a deep connection. The kind of connection that allows you to become attached to someone, but knowing deep down in your gut that this really isn’t your partner. Knowing it since pretty much week 3. The night you are in a bathroom after having several drinks with dinner and your aunt asking, “so what’s up with you and Cee?” And you turn around and without hesitation say, “well I don’t know, but I know he ain’t the one for me.” But even knowing that, I’m thankful for the attachment. I did truly love him. He was too good of a person not to love. This moment is making me realize how much i have healed this past year. And learning to be okay if something happens or being okay if nothing happens. It’s Life. It sucks. But only sometimes….Sometimes we win some and sometimes we lose some.
I sometimes hate being so deep into my soul. The old soul, they say? The one who as so much experience with life, for which they are far misunderstood, but also the one that people cling to because you have the part of themselves that they are looking for.
-justK
