[oliventz]

I just spent a whole week with my birthday and he's everything I've ever wanted in a father. I've been on cloud nine even with a funeral. My younger cousin plays IDV and we connected so heavily and I can't wait to be a good big cousin to her (she's 15) and help her through life as a queer person. Literally I've never connected with my family on this level and knowing I was almost isolated from this is almost funny to me.

[oliventz]

I've put off watching Russian Doll again for so long and I'm finally ready to share that really important part of me with the person I love and the person I know will connect to it more than anyone in my life ever has and I'm just !!!!!!!! Aaaaaa!!!

[oliventz]

Ok happy post time. It's been like 4 months now with our boyfriend and he's coming in June for our half year anniversary and I'm literally so excited to finally hold him and cuddle him and kiss him and be with him for a whole week

[oliventz]

Mommy's money ! ♡

[oliventz]

Man. I finally broke down and told my boyfriend about the abuse I suffered and how my abusers still tried to contact me calling me names like they weren't the ones sniffing around my blog and now he has their places of work, full legal names, and evidence against them.

[oliventz]

Hm.

Sits down.

You know the more I do thinking and therapy the more I realized just how heavily my ex partners abused and manipulated me and it turns out I repressed way more than I thought

I was taken advantage of while drugged several times over, new kinks being added without my explicit sober consent. First time sex was initiated when we were crossfaded, as we'd said no every other time before. We were told the only way the relationship we were in would work is if we allowed our sexual boundaries to be pushed and despite not being ready, were told if we wanted to have sex with one of our partners again we would have to finally agree to a threesome which definitely would've actually happened had things not ended as quickly as they did after that.

Examining the fact that they both called a breach of consent "not a big deal" and acted as though fucking next to me when I was asleep when I said that made me uncomfortable was, in the end, just a misunderstanding and not serious is so weird because every single person I tell that story to, therapist doctor or friend, they say it falls into the category of full ignorance of consent and could be considered sexual harassment.

Over our time with out exes our body was cut, we were purposefully mislead and misinformed about bdsm, were taken advantage of financially and cohersed into fraud and frivolous money spending. Undiagnosed disorders were used to explain away abusive and cold behaviors. One of our ex partners put their position as a psychologist over us, telling us what was wrong with us and how to fix it while one or both of our ex partners would exhibit similar or worse behavior

I fully 100% believe they are both my rapists and that they will continue to abuse whatever partner(s) they bring into their lives if they do not destroy and manipulate each other first and I have no intention of sticking around to watch that shit happen. I just know that what they put out into the world is always gonna come back to them threefold and right now, they've put out more bad than good.

[oliventz]

The amount of batshit insane things they normalized and encouraged was also? So awful??? One of the first things I was shown by partner 1 when we started living together was an anime fully centered around pedoph!l!a!! And they were so excited about it and talked about how they were kin with the main character (a pedophile) and when we split a disgusting teacher from the show to cope he began to flirt and bond with him and encouraged a teacher kink which was definitely him coping with teacher trauma through us

When we told one of partner twos (who split to the brother of our d&d character) alters that our introject was starting to have feelings for his twin brother not only was the relationship encouraged immediately, but our introject was told that the night prior his brother had jacked off to fantasies of him. This brother encouraged codependency and later harshly withdrew it before stonewalling, like an abuser would. But what I think is the most fucked up is that our first time having sex with their system (after saying we weren't super ready yet- after they had already violated our consent by trying to fuck our other partner next to us sleeping) was crossfaded and in public. He took the cigarette out of our introject's hand, pushed him down, kissed him, and initiated. While we didn't say no, the introject felt pressured. Our hypersexuality was triggered enormously after that with intense periods of need and repulsion.

But like legitimately past all the sex we keep thinking about how frequently the excuses of having undiagnosed (and unmanaged) narcissism and aspd were used. My system firmly firmly believes that disorders do not define a person and villianizing someone with disorders is horrible and wrong but it was constantly not only an excuse to begin treating us more poorly, but an excuse to other us. Almost immediately, it was our fault that we weren't like them and "couldn't understand us like we understand each other" because I didn't have aspd (but they said that they could understand me just fine). And I get that sometimes things have to end but my fucking God imagine abandoning someone during a suicidal psychotic spiral imagine telling them they should've gotten admitted by telling the nurse about your torture room like they weren't the ones that had them. If it weren't for the loveliest kindest system (and now partner) we've ever met, we would no longer be here. I think they probably would've considered that an achievement, I don't know. I don't really care at this point.

My biggest like. What makes me feel sick to my stomach every time I think about it is the aforementioned torture rooms they have inside their heads. They've gleefully talked to me about how in their headspaces, they violently maim and kill the people they dislike or who made them upset. They've told me the kinds of things they do- how partner two's ex husband was frequently murdered in there. It. Eugh. I know that I'm in there- several of us probably. There's no way they wouldn't.

I was also. Set up as a financial abuser? Despite always always making sure that the funds partner 1 and I shared were known as ours. We tried to make budgeting decisions to be adult and always asked for input about buying things and that was heavily taken advantage of especially when we came into a life changing amount of money. Before that, though, our abusers had finally convinced us to cut our parents off and file as independent. With the help of a college resource worker, I got thousands. We were quickly taken by them to set up a new bank account and then the spending began. Every time we would worry or feel reluctant to spend any more, we would be encouraged to not look and just have fun. We bought them expensive dinners, a nintendo switch, anything they wanted. We bought a van to live in even when they likely knew they wouldn't be sticking around much longer. I wonder if partner two triggered my mania on purpose sometimes but I don't think so. What I do think is that he shouldn't have a psychology degree as a narcissist with aspd God forbid be working around/with impressionable youth. I admit to giving him permission to analyze me because it seemed fun and I trusted him. But that trust was so severely mishandled, I'm still grappling with it a little now. I was constantly told when I was doing something wrong and why psychologically I was doing it. And then told to fix it. "Not immediately but we can work on it" type beat. And I just. I can't put to words the way that I was manipulated with that.

I think back a lot to the time before partner one moved in now- when we were online and mutually obsessed and all that. I remember suggesting he attend my college. I remember hyping it up. I remember also constantly asking if he was sure. It was a lot of student debt- a lot to ask. He made that decision but now it's my fault. I made him come. I made him stay. He made a lot of promises and I know I did too but he promised he would get a job and he didn't. He didn't when his student loans fell through. He stayed in my dorm with me. And I did some desperate things in that time. I let my rich roommate (silicone valley millionaire kid) do horrible creepy shit to me so her parents would pay off his debt. He never agreed to it, I was pushy and that's on me- but God. I saved him 48k in debts and sacrificed a lot to do so. He got a job but his id was expired so I got his ass to his hometown to renew his ID... he got one job afyer and both partner 2 and I made him quit because it was killing him. He didn't get a job after that, and he said he was trying but not one time was he interviewed. I had to support us on around $400 a month with my part time on campus job. He got a job immediately after leaving.

I just. I told myself I would never let someone use me for my money and kindness again and they genuinely drained all of it that they could in the end. I'm happy now, safe, with loving parents and impending vacations like Hawaii. I have the most amazing partners I could ever ask for and have found new validity and worth in myself through them like I never could before. I live a generally stress free life now with incredible health/mental health care. I can finally just take a deep breath and rant as much as I need about the people who hurt me knowing they no longer can.

[paladitos]

don’t worry darling is so tragic because florence pugh is acting her ass off at a brick wall

[eternalsummer2006]

stinkytofubaby on instagram

[oliventz]

My boyfriend wants to use nice stationary to write back and forth with me I'm so in love with this man ♡

[oliventz]

Oogly boogely

[oliventz]

Sitting so pretty rn while my friend recovers and transfers my ex's IDV account

[hollowtones]

They’re putting all kinds of stuff in a sandwich recently. 

Check it out when you have the chance.

[wifehaver103947]

mutuals do this!!!!

[showpoison]

@kasbatz

[oliventz]

I'm legitimately excited to be going back to Hawaii in March! I was just sitting here thinking about how absolutely amazing it's going to be to be by a nice beautiful warm beach again. Beach-loving alters will get to come out. I'll get to relax and swim and have a genuinely stress free week

[oliventz]

[oliventz]

Good morning Wednesday is such a funny fucking show I love it I'm just like Enid frfr

[oliventz]

Hm.

Sits down.

You know the more I do thinking and therapy the more I realized just how heavily my ex partners abused and manipulated me and it turns out I repressed way more than I thought

I was taken advantage of while drugged several times over, new kinks being added without my explicit sober consent. First time sex was initiated when we were crossfaded, as we'd said no every other time before. We were told the only way the relationship we were in would work is if we allowed our sexual boundaries to be pushed and despite not being ready, were told if we wanted to have sex with one of our partners again we would have to finally agree to a threesome which definitely would've actually happened had things not ended as quickly as they did after that.

Examining the fact that they both called a breach of consent "not a big deal" and acted as though fucking next to me when I was asleep when I said that made me uncomfortable was, in the end, just a misunderstanding and not serious is so weird because every single person I tell that story to, therapist doctor or friend, they say it falls into the category of full ignorance of consent and could be considered sexual harassment.

Over our time with out exes our body was cut, we were purposefully mislead and misinformed about bdsm, were taken advantage of financially and cohersed into fraud and frivolous money spending. Undiagnosed disorders were used to explain away abusive and cold behaviors. One of our ex partners put their position as a psychologist over us, telling us what was wrong with us and how to fix it while one or both of our ex partners would exhibit similar or worse behavior

I fully 100% believe they are both my rapists and that they will continue to abuse whatever partner(s) they bring into their lives if they do not destroy and manipulate each other first and I have no intention of sticking around to watch that shit happen. I just know that what they put out into the world is always gonna come back to them threefold and right now, they've put out more bad than good.

[oliventz]

The amount of batshit insane things they normalized and encouraged was also? So awful??? One of the first things I was shown by partner 1 when we started living together was an anime fully centered around pedoph!l!a!! And they were so excited about it and talked about how they were kin with the main character (a pedophile) and when we split a disgusting teacher from the show to cope he began to flirt and bond with him and encouraged a teacher kink which was definitely him coping with teacher trauma through us

When we told one of partner twos (who split to the brother of our d&d character) alters that our introject was starting to have feelings for his twin brother not only was the relationship encouraged immediately, but our introject was told that the night prior his brother had jacked off to fantasies of him. This brother encouraged codependency and later harshly withdrew it before stonewalling, like an abuser would. But what I think is the most fucked up is that our first time having sex with their system (after saying we weren't super ready yet- after they had already violated our consent by trying to fuck our other partner next to us sleeping) was crossfaded and in public. He took the cigarette out of our introject's hand, pushed him down, kissed him, and initiated. While we didn't say no, the introject felt pressured. Our hypersexuality was triggered enormously after that with intense periods of need and repulsion.

But like legitimately past all the sex we keep thinking about how frequently the excuses of having undiagnosed (and unmanaged) narcissism and aspd were used. My system firmly firmly believes that disorders do not define a person and villianizing someone with disorders is horrible and wrong but it was constantly not only an excuse to begin treating us more poorly, but an excuse to other us. Almost immediately, it was our fault that we weren't like them and "couldn't understand us like we understand each other" because I didn't have aspd (but they said that they could understand me just fine). And I get that sometimes things have to end but my fucking God imagine abandoning someone during a suicidal psychotic spiral imagine telling them they should've gotten admitted by telling the nurse about your torture room like they weren't the ones that had them. If it weren't for the loveliest kindest system (and now partner) we've ever met, we would no longer be here. I think they probably would've considered that an achievement, I don't know. I don't really care at this point.

My biggest like. What makes me feel sick to my stomach every time I think about it is the aforementioned torture rooms they have inside their heads. They've gleefully talked to me about how in their headspaces, they violently maim and kill the people they dislike or who made them upset. They've told me the kinds of things they do- how partner two's ex husband was frequently murdered in there. It. Eugh. I know that I'm in there- several of us probably. There's no way they wouldn't.

I was also. Set up as a financial abuser? Despite always always making sure that the funds partner 1 and I shared were known as ours. We tried to make budgeting decisions to be adult and always asked for input about buying things and that was heavily taken advantage of especially when we came into a life changing amount of money. Before that, though, our abusers had finally convinced us to cut our parents off and file as independent. With the help of a college resource worker, I got thousands. We were quickly taken by them to set up a new bank account and then the spending began. Every time we would worry or feel reluctant to spend any more, we would be encouraged to not look and just have fun. We bought them expensive dinners, a nintendo switch, anything they wanted. We bought a van to live in even when they likely knew they wouldn't be sticking around much longer. I wonder if partner two triggered my mania on purpose sometimes but I don't think so. What I do think is that he shouldn't have a psychology degree as a narcissist with aspd God forbid be working around/with impressionable youth. I admit to giving him permission to analyze me because it seemed fun and I trusted him. But that trust was so severely mishandled, I'm still grappling with it a little now. I was constantly told when I was doing something wrong and why psychologically I was doing it. And then told to fix it. "Not immediately but we can work on it" type beat. And I just. I can't put to words the way that I was manipulated with that.

I think back a lot to the time before partner one moved in now- when we were online and mutually obsessed and all that. I remember suggesting he attend my college. I remember hyping it up. I remember also constantly asking if he was sure. It was a lot of student debt- a lot to ask. He made that decision but now it's my fault. I made him come. I made him stay. He made a lot of promises and I know I did too but he promised he would get a job and he didn't. He didn't when his student loans fell through. He stayed in my dorm with me. And I did some desperate things in that time. I let my rich roommate (silicone valley millionaire kid) do horrible creepy shit to me so her parents would pay off his debt. He never agreed to it, I was pushy and that's on me- but God. I saved him 48k in debts and sacrificed a lot to do so. He got a job but his id was expired so I got his ass to his hometown to renew his ID... he got one job afyer and both partner 2 and I made him quit because it was killing him. He didn't get a job after that, and he said he was trying but not one time was he interviewed. I had to support us on around $400 a month with my part time on campus job. He got a job immediately after leaving.

I just. I told myself I would never let someone use me for my money and kindness again and they genuinely drained all of it that they could in the end. I'm happy now, safe, with loving parents and impending vacations like Hawaii. I have the most amazing partners I could ever ask for and have found new validity and worth in myself through them like I never could before. I live a generally stress free life now with incredible health/mental health care. I can finally just take a deep breath and rant as much as I need about the people who hurt me knowing they no longer can.