olivia's space

thank you for visiting, please make yourself at home and enjoy reading all of my secret feelings! ☕🍵🥛

[olivia-45cal]

living waters

put down your yoke, lay your head down,

you thirsted for long, for tepid water

we so meagre, yet clear eyed, see how

we become so hollow, lost son and daughters

set down heavy pride, and let it in,

from loftier source rushes living waters,

you are safe now, let yourself drink

a heart winged with hope, shelter in it's wings

you are forgiven, so please toss away

the ideas of yourself, the salty tang of hate

make room for the incandescent ray

of living truth, clarity, such a tender embrace

let cumbersome footfalls fall still,

feel the solid earth beneath your soles

shared with countless others, sisters, brothers,

He is risen, and He sees us all

how could you eat dust, and wonder-

why am i still starving? open your eyes

a banquet is laid out, drink rushing water

crawl not back to your pile, leave it to die

let Him live in you, a temple to His light,

let the truth of the Word rinse scales from your eyes

the skies roar azure with his love and victory

so fear no more, the world so loved is put right

[olivia-45cal]

🎀 parasite 🎀

My skin, paper thin, my bones snow cold.

And I haunt this body, no face to show,

how hard my frantic heart punches the walls

of my chest, where agony takes hold.

Solid as the earth beneath my feet-

I felt your presence fill chest's cavity.

to live beneath blanketing skin, soft pall,

bathe me in womb warm blood, please.

How much it demanded of my body

To crawl past atoms, gasp each breath in,

I felt more human under your human gaze

And that's where need crept in and grinned.

To be a parasite, so meagre that,

one couldn't even find my face and laugh.

But neither can I, and how lost I feel,

I'm real, but fleeting, frantic thunderclap.

Maybe I should creep and crawl,

blossom out of your alabaster skin.

The air is frigid outside of you, and all

the wind feels heavy, the strange sounds ring.

But as the air presses heavy around

my little wriggly body, smothered by sounds-

I feel my form, face up to the raw world

Puny as I am, I find myself separate, crowned

by sunshine, cascading warmth on my brow

My skin is petal thin, ivory and new

I clothe it in benevolence, begin to view

the world as a queer unfolding treasure,

and as I perceive it, it lives in me too.

My body writhes on the ground, the sound

of footfalls like thunder by my head, now

the earth that felt hard feels stable

This body is slight, but mine, I'm proud.

[olivia-45cal]

21st Century Joy :)

the straight road home will diverge and new possibilities will emerge as a new cluster of concrete appears i am a fragment, a face in a window and the horizon stretches to inifity

the dreams of humanity catch in the telephone lines, wires match choir of frequencies, reverberate the hum through deep sea cable ties together continental plates

a warm pool of human babble immerse ourselves, consciousness, rabble of bright microplastic fishes blossoming in the rabble of our aquarium brain music and lights shattering mental train

consciousness shattered and poured intertwined over earth peaks and shores my eyes blink with millions inifity delivered under fingers all of history and everything more

tiny metal brains sizzle along microchips we command tiny storms in machines sleucing and rinsing plates, and quick fired atoms blaze our meals worlds trapped in incandescent screens

what a gift it is to be born in the 21st century

[olivia-45cal]

nostalgia

home is where the heart is but the hearth is bone cold i ate ashes for dinner mashing between bronze teeth

bathe my pale face in the bright tv static, crispy photos from the attic would make a good meal

pressing my cheeks hard against the glass, the warmth of receding past kisses my weary eye sockets and in these dead memories i'll sleep

[olivia-45cal]

there was music playing and we heard a big fish gently disturbing the black water. one of the last warm evenings.

[olivia-45cal]

berlin is ok :) i have some questions for whoever left a handful of almonds and a candle next to the river. was that some kind of ritual?

[olivia-45cal]

frühling

cornflower sky, an eyeful of light cascading down around my feet where the earth cradles my soul from the bowl of the fertile dirt blossoms peer up, cheerful, to meet

my eyes, quenched by colour, an earful of birdsong, welcome home, for so long i clutched my shell amongst the dust bones picked bare by the famished wind,

now trees cradle me as i unfurl, shy pink sanguine, under a sky washed clear with tears the willow reaches roots out, waking creaks it looks like spring is finally here

[olivia-45cal]

l o n d o n

circulation, london's heart beats under concrete here, now, pumping a surge of cars, human swarms pulsing against veins, decay, array of faces meet the churn of neon and possibilies, and beneath tar roads bruise under frantic stampede, and more every year, looking for their cut of the meat humanity tangles along her hair, interwoven thousands of tongues throb languages unknown secrets and words drift up into the trees, nobodies each square eye of light a stranger's home

london sighs along the draining grey thames pours out her fatigue towards cold north sea two thousand years, millions of tears, labour sweat welled up in her river, basin of memory- a distant time, serenity, rushing grass plain humanity bloomed along her banks breastfed the soil with hope and pain scorched dead, rising again each chance a mother, veteran land, london

[olivia-45cal]

watching you sleep

moth wings, flutter shut over

sleepy eyes, gold wings beneath-

where images swirl in the deep,

soft locks, hair smells of sleep,

each breath a promise to keep:

to life, as you climb moonbeams,

into the sky, clouds weaving fleece,

into the sky, where promises keep

[olivia-45cal]

tundra

Steel faced, snow laced, packed in tight

Silence rings within the ice, by night,

chill stars reflect eyes, void and blue-

where the arctic grazes the skin of space,

tundra, crown of earth, sits free of you

Earth's marbled crusts groan, from below

Sun bound, complaining of the tilting,

acquiescent, fervent lurch towards you,

as solar flames lick black mouth of space,

as green ribbons sizzle through gloom

Aurora, deep winter sky, splintered into life,

across the black, painting heat on my ice-

even whales carry word of its splendour,

singing from frigid, secret depths of sea,

as colour flashes over my empty tundra

Inevitable rays, the sun's trying gaze

reaches the ice, a frightening gold

Unscathed ice glares back, you persist,

breathe warmth on my melting frost,

now wet, alive, soil drinks in bliss

My sun, each day, I spin back to your glow you burned in the abyss, but spring is here:

my tundra is alive, arctic poppies bloom, love woven into soft moss, dancing grass- I hope its vibrant colour warms you too

When both of our warmth relinquishes To eternal sleep, to the dead vacuum To the infinite black, a celestial tomb Even there, I will love you too

[olivia-45cal]

40%

Sometimes, my face unfurls

from what it's supposed to be.

And I shed my big girl clothes

And slither back into me

Sometimes I realise it's been...

one year. Flowers open their skirts

to the sun's gaze, crumple again

Pulled to death by steel wind.

Julia, I uncork and remember-

my bones sink into liquid fire

Warm again, I drink in the memory,

your face, breaths, stir embers

Alone with your ghost, I sip,

float into your reverie, see:

how your hands flutter, urgent,

bright eyed ferret, pillow lips

Sometimes, I put you back home

in my closet, where lie limp:

our dead, moth eaten uniforms

And I feel you burn my lips

before I shut you away

[olivia-45cal]

we shared this moment...she likes lana del rey...she just gets it

[olivia-45cal]

South-Pole Aitken

churn and burn and gleam,

holy light, I turn and see

heavy sun, casting an eye,

to craters, gulping starlight,

into the pockets of dark-

recesses of starving abyss,

where my tired bones sit

[olivia-45cal]

11:11

Can you measure it?

Trap it in words, shake in its oscillations

Will you treasure it?

forget its presence, trawl through oblivion,

Maybe in breaths, blinks, heartbeats, orgasms,

Maybe in spinning stars, flushing leaves, ebbing life

We could learn to read the time

Drumroll, the foetus' triumphant heartbeat

Did you start here? In warm celestial dark?

Are you here? Or are you many,

throbbing unconscious knowledge, spark

The molten glow, our shared dream,

Grnapdarent's blood, warm red current

Beating the harbour of my tissue

Stir up our disposition, swirling through,

Behind my eyes, watching my turn,

Maybe I'll be nothing, but not us

I lived with them all, coiled up tight,

Behind the veil, as they breathed,

and sweat, and stepped into the light,

watched from a dream, a glance,

into a fish smoked family room,

We, everywhere,

A flock of dove wing heartbeats,

Watching the stars unfurl, exhale,

Temporarily chained to our feet,

And eternal sleep would be so sweet,

But for now I breathe, and the chorus repeats

[olivia-45cal]

helia

colossal creatures are buried,

empires turn to dust,

the promising words

dissipate in the abyss

between us

on this spinning rock, our hearts held still,

nebulous brown eyes, shining light onto my starless sky,

time and stardust unfurled itself to this place

where

our bodies are one, my hand in your hair,

our starfire blinding, scorching the air

sun goddess, the hot rhythm of your breath,

ignites me to life, your hot fire consuming,

burn me so bright, set my thoughts to flight,

i search for you in your sighs, the moon in

your eyes

you,

pretty poltergeist, haunt me with your kiss,

each thunder clap heart beat will promise promise promise

that

when relentless winds of time send my flame into the ether

when bright stars die out, our souls come untethered,

still i will love you, today, tomorrow, forever

[olivia-45cal]

porcelain

I brush dead hair around the broken china

that holds my soul, the mold

is crawling out, and it's fine

jagged in a pattern unknown to me,

the cracks shiver a twisted line, why

do i watch it?

cold glass eyes in the mirror,

fabricate your human, an idea, see it

smile herself into wholeness

heave the vessel along under

the stinging glare of lights, wonder

why am i not alive

wearing down that shiny china

unbending porcelain under fingers

that want and bend and crack a line

tell me i'm alive

[olivia-45cal]

Nobody

Press [esc]

Maybe you can shut the tab,

And it won't be all around you;

The sharp and gnashing humanity,

Of a hollow school, hollow home,

Of that concrete, cannibal city

And in that reverie,

Reprieve, from the snapping jaws of

Reality.

Back in that reverie,

The beckoning horizon,

Can I see it?

Maybe, just like in the movies,

I can shove my past into a suitcase;

Press it between cotton and linen and-

Now, I'm sliding away, Destiny pulling me,

Along the tracks, between the hills, there:

Vast blue destiny, tumbling incandescence

And lingering on the sea air,

On acrid tobacco clouds,

You will find me, somebody

A nameless face, allowed

the freedom of being a nobody