raise hell

captain of manhattan svu single mother to 1 1x1 penned by brooke opposite of amanda rollins penned by scarlet amanda & olivia friendship

[elliot-olivia]

LAW & ORDER: SVU — 1.03: Or Just Look Like One

[bensonstablers]

Law & Order: SVU | 1x01: Payback

[oliviabensonhq]

rollinsxmanda​:

oliviabensonhq​:

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Amanda never wanted anybody to know about her and Nick especially Olivia because she knew that the other woman wouldn’t approve. It wasn’t the best idea for relationships within the office but being around the others all the time made it kind of hard not to get close. She learned the hard way back in Atlanta when everybody thought that she had slept her way to the top. It was what happened when a lot of woman advanced; they had to have used their looks to get there but there was one thing that Amanda did well and that was work extremely hard to get what she had. When she got pregnant with Jessie, she told everybody that she wasn’t Nicks because in the back of her head she knew that they knew anyway but she wanted it to be clear even though they all knew it was a lie. Especially when her daughter was born and there was no doubt that she had Nicks features but Amanda kept her story the same even though she wanted to let someone know what her truth was.

“A paperwork kind of day? Just the kind of day that I need,”she said with a small laugh. She was glad for an easy day even if that meant that she would having a hard conversation with Olivia right now where she knew where it was headed. She looked rough and she knew that talking about what happened might be in her best interest but she also felt vulnerable and she didn’t do good with vulnerable. “I don’t know what we were,” she started but then shook her head. “God I didn’t think we would ever have this conversation especially about Nick. It all started out as sleeping together and that was the extent of it but then feelings got involved and they got messy and it was just a lot.” She didn’t even really know how to explain what they’re were because they were complicated and messy and beautiful and every day she missed it. There was lot a day that she didn’t think about the other detective and she would never openly admit that to anybody and when he left for California the first time, she was sure that everybody knew her feelings because she had been out and down for awhile but she quickly found her way out of it when she found out about her pregnancy and had a part of him with her at all times. She shook her head at the mention of her not telling Nick about Jessie and Billie because she thought that she was the one to tell him but now she wondered who it was. “I thought you told him. I couldn’t tell him about them even though we had talked a few times over the years. I mean it could have been Fin,” she laughed. “Who am I kidding it was probably Fin that told him.” She pressed her lips together as she ran her hands over her face and took a few moments to collect herself before as she chewed on her bottom lip. “Yeah he came over after you two had it out and then he saw Jessie and that’s when things kind of went to hell,” she said as she looked up at the brunette. “I was so in love with him. Still so in love with him but things were never easy for us. I mean it was in the beginning but then it got too heavy and things just kind of ended. He begged me to go with him to California but I couldn’t so I told him he needed to go.” She took a sip of her coffee before she let her eyes close. “And then I found out about Jessie and I couldn’t tell Nick about her so I didn’t.” The sigh left her lips as she glanced down at her lap. “And yes before you ask, I lied to you before she is Nicks and he found out when he came over and then it just got messy. Jessie was not having any of him so that’s fun and now I don’t know where we stand so I haven’t stopped really crying since.”

Olivia knew all to well what it would be like if she fell in love with someone she worked with. Of course she knew. Elliot. Sure there was Brian and she did love Brian, Brian at a time was her everything and someone she saw having a future with. Though deep down, it was Elliot. It was always going to be him. She's loved him from the day that she met him and it killed her in many ways that he wasn't hers to love. Olivia knew all too well the lengths it took to keep her feelings secret. To keep those feelings for her former partner pushed down. It's not that Olivia would've disapproved of Nick and Amanda's relationship. She had her assumptions about her two detectives but Olivia didn't actually know. The brunette also didn't judge the two. She knew all to well about work place relationships. It had been a rough and what felt like long couple of months with back to back cases. It was nice to take a day and just relax for a moment even if it relaxing meant catching up on paper work. Being the Captain Liv had a lot to do. Olivia had know Amanda long enough now to know that the blonde was hurting and right now, she was. Liv could tell. She could see it in her eyes and in her features. Amanda was strong, one of the strongest people Liv knew but right now she wasn't and it showed. Taking a deep breath, she looked out the window for a moment and watched the rain fall that was making her sleepy. Listening to Amanda talk, Liv swallowed hard and then nodded her head "Well I mean, you two didn't hide the flirting very well. Same thing whenever you two had tension. Like the day he punched his hand on the locker and told me not to worry about it. I saw your face and I assumed." She said honestly, now furrowing her eyebrows towards Amanda. Liv knew some things. She didn't know all but she knew some thanks to Munch and Fin. Amanda had admitted openly that she never wanted kids, and it was a complete shock when the blonde told Liv that she was pregnant on those steps of the courthouse. She could remember it clear as day, demanding and reassuring everyone that the baby wasn't Nick's. Though the moment Jessie was born, the moment that sweet little girl was born the older woman knew that Jessie was his. When Nick moved to California, Liv kept a close eye on the blonde and so did Carisi. 

It was clear that Amanda missed him even if she never opened up to the older woman. "I'm positive it was either Fin or Munch. Though Munch really isn't that kind of person. He's good at keeping secrets, trust me." Liv said honestly and then took a sip of her coffee. She pushed her hair out of her face and then laughed a little "It had to be Fin." Listening to Amanda talk, the brunette sighed and pushed her hair out of her face again and shook her head "Heavy as in you pushing him into the coffee table?" Olivia said while raising her eyebrows at the blonde. She knew a couple of occasions that happened between her two detectives all thanks to Munch. "He begged you to go? I didn't know that." Liv said quietly, and then looked up at the blonde "Amanda, you didn't lie. I knew the moment I saw Jesise she was Nicks. No one has eyes like him. She's all you but she has some of his features and his eyes. She’s perfect. She’s this perfect little thing that you and im created." Olivia said honestly and then continued to listen to Amanda speak "Of course Jessie isn't having any of it. Jessie is extremly protective. She's protective over you and over Billie. If there's anything I can do, maybe take Jessie and Billie for a couple of days and let Lucy watch them while you two figure things out?" Olivia questioned and then shook her head "How bad is it?" Olivia asked the other woman, sighing. 

[oliviabensonhq]

rollinsxmanda​:

oliviabensonhq​:

-

Since Nick came back to work on a case, it felt like her life had turned upside down and thrown around. He had figured out that Jessie was his and well that didn’t exactly go according to plan; though to be fair, there was never really a plan of telling him after keeping it in for so long. There were so many thoughts and emotions going through her head that she couldn’t really comprehend just how she was feeling. All she knew was that Jessie was overprotective and officially thought that Nick always made her cry and she had to tell her that she wasn’t crying because of Nick but because of things that happened. Although trying to explain that to a six year old wasn’t the easiest thing to do in the world. Since Nick had left to go back to California, she had been crying and barely got any sleep - not that she got a normal amount but her thoughts kept her up until daylight and then it was too late to go to sleep.

On the way to work and dropping Jessie off at school and Billie off with the babysitter, she stopped and got a cup of coffee before heading into work. Her feet dragged and she felt tired all over but she had a smile on her face when she saw Fin and Liv once she was inside the other woman’s office. “Thanks,” she laughed, sipping on her own cup of coffee. “What didn’t keep me up last night,” she said with a shrug as she crossed one leg over the other. Amanda knew that Liv was aware of her and Nick and their past but she didn’t really know the full extent of everything. “Yeah, I heard. I bet Zara and Gabe are going to be glad to have him back home,” she mentioned with a shrug of her shoulders as she let out a sigh and fell back against the seat . “It was so weird seeing Nick after all of these years. I mean I knew you two kept in touch a lot more than him and I did but it kind of felt like old time.” Her lips pressed together before she looked up at Olivia. “Jessie met him and to say that she was a very sassy child was an understatement,” she said with a laugh. “I need a vacation, seriously but enough about me can we talk about you now?”

Even though Nick was Olivia's partner back then, she had come to known him as protective of the people he loved. She wasn't sure what Nick and Amanda's relationship was, but the older women always caught them flirting with one another and it made her laugh sometimes because they reminded her of her relationship with Elliot. Or whatever that relationship was. Which is a whole other story and something that Olivia hates talking and thinking about. Its a touchy subject for the brunette. Seeing Nick and Amanda together was a shock. Then when Amanda told her that she was pregnant with Jessie, it was even a bigger shock considering the blonde always mentioned that she didn't want kids. There was a moment when Olivia instantly thought it was Nick's, but Amanda kept telling not only her but everyone that it wasn't his. The moment Jessie was born though, the eyes weren't Amanda's. They looked like Nick's and the brunette never said anything. She kept her mouth shut. 

 Of course Olivia kept her mouth shut. It wasn't her business. If Nick was the father of Jessie then it was Amanda's business and not everyone else's. Though the blonde was adamant about Nick not being the father. However when Nick showed up, the two looked awful cozy again and the older women couldn't help but wonder what had happened. She always wanted to know why they ended things or whatever it was that hey were doing. It couldn't of been because he was moving to California. That was too cliché. There had to be something else. Olivia cared about her Detectives. They were her family. If Liv had to finally get the answers she wanted out of the blonde then so be it. Once Amanda sat in the chair across from Olivia's desk, she smiled softly back at the blonde. "I mean it in the best way possible." Lying a little bit, she sighed when she heard Amanda talk. She could see it in her face that something was wrong . That something was bothering her. "You got anything you want to share? It's a paper work kind of day so we have some time." Olivia said honestly and then listened to Amanda continue to speak "Zara and Gabe are not my concern right now. My concern is you." Taking a deep breath, Olivia took a sip of her coffee and moved some files on her desk "What even were you two? When you told me you were pregnant with Jessie you demanded that she wasn't Nicks. So I know it was something sexual but I don't know.. was it something more?" She questioned the blonde and then laughed a little "She is sassy. She has your personality. She makes me laugh whenever I see her.  Look, Amanda I hate to be an asshole right now, but..." Stopping herself for a moment, the brunette looked at the blonde "Not really. There's nothing for me to talk about. What I want to know is.. did Nick know about Jessie? I never mentioned anything to him that you had kids. I always assumed you or Fin had told him." She sighed and then continued with “He called me last night before boarding his plane, saying that she looks just like you. I was confused at first but then realized he was talking about Jessie. “ Taking a deep breath, Olivia looked at Amanda again “You were in love with him... weren’t you?” 

[oliviabensonhq]

Olivia had known that something was up with Amanda. Though she wasn't sure what. Maybe it was the fact that Nick came back and Liv somewhat knew of their relationship or whatever it was the two Detectives were to one another. She thought it had something to do with that, but the two ended on good terms she thought. At least that's what Nick told her when she would play catch up with him. However when Amanda came into the Squad room the following morning after Nick left, Amanda looked exhausted. More exhausted than she normally does and that's when Liv knew that something was up. Liv hasn't been sleeping either these days but the brunette needed to check in on her fellow colleague. 

 Getting herself some coffee, she brought it back to her office and called Amanda in. Smiling softly at the blonde, Olivia smirked "You look like hell. What kept you up last night?" She questioned the other women and then shook her head "The surprise from Nick was nice. He looks good. Happy and healthy." Olivia said, trying to get information out of her. Normally the Captain wouldn't but right now she needed some answers. Taking a sip of her morning coffee, Olivia looked at Amanda. Her eyes were bloodshot. Olivia sighed then and opened her mouth to speak "You look like you've been crying and you look like you haven't slept. What's going on..." She pushed her hair out of her face and sighed "Nick said he got on his flight home okay."