Flannel mouths and smooth talkers
One of the many perks that come with working in an old men’s dive bar, is the incredible amount of unsolicited advice you are given on life.
They are particularly fond of ‘helping you to understand’ relationships, children, politics and religion.
One of my favourite wise old men comes in the form of a rather portly, yet agile, 72 year old Scottish man. Who not only has most of his own teeth, but also has a knowledge of computer circuitry to rival that of Bill Gates.
Now. Sandy comes with the best of intentions. He politely introduces himself to anyone new that comes into the pub, ensures he doesn’t impose himself upon anyone, and for the most part stays pretty quiet as he finds it hard to have conversations whilst background music is playing on account of his hearing aids. But, every so often Sandy has an extra pint than usual and his life story comes pouring out in a thick scotch drawl.
Tales of his time spent working in every imaginable profession, an in-depth explanation of every car he’s ever owned, his three ex-wives and the heart ache they left in their wake and the never ending love he has for his son and step grandchildren. As the next pint goes down his speech will go veering off into tales of his glory days. When he was the best Jiver in his village, how he was the only one of his friends that owned a car - A burnt orange Capri that could outdrive a Lotus, so I’m told – Jet-ski expeditions in the Bahama’s with model companions, and girls throwing themselves at him for a chance to sit on the bonnet of his Capri (He often cuts that story short and apologises for ‘being vulgar’)
He makes sure to tell me that he’s no longer under any illusions. He realises that these women were only interested in him for his money and the lifestyle they could take from him. By his own admission he’s ‘no looker’.
Now at 72, 3 failed marriages have seen his 9 businesses liquidated and divided among the exes. After working 80 hours a week his entire life, he is broke living in a 1 bedroom flat above a newsagents, surviving on a heavily sanctioned state pension.
When I ask him if he could go back in time and tell himself not to marry the three women, without hesitation he tells me he ‘wouldnae do it’.
‘Make sure you stay fussy, look out for the flannel mouths and smooth talkers, but make sure you stay open to love. Because that’s what it’s all about in the end’
‘….and don’t be silly enough to let an old drunk man tell you what to do with your life!’