TEXT: ELSIE
Julia: HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY SWEET SPACE BABY I love you, but you know that. Whatever you wanna do today, let's do it okay? 😘

oozey mess
YOU ARE THE REASON
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@omfjulia-blog
TEXT: ELSIE
Julia: HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY SWEET SPACE BABY I love you, but you know that. Whatever you wanna do today, let's do it okay? 😘
TEXT: LEVI
Julia: HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! I hope you have a kickass day and don't get yourself into too much trouble ;) But if you need someone to bail you out you know who to call!! 😘
.omfjulia:
Attending an event where people were auctioned off for dates was the last thing Julia wanted to be doing, especially when she could easily just be at home eating pizza in her underwear instead, but Elsie had insisted and she just couldn’t tell the girl no. There had at least been a promise that there would be a buffet, though it was a mediocre one at best it tided her over while they found seats and watched people filter onto the stage, waiting to be bid on. People were getting more and more charitable with their offers though she knew that probably had more to do with the odd number of attractive individuals that walked up the steps one after the other, and she figured that they might actually shape up to being really good dates with the amount of money that was being thrown out.
Elsie had handed her a paddle with a smile and Julia humoured her even though she knew damn well she wasn’t going to bid on anyone, but it worked nicely as a fan to disperse some of the hot air in the room due to there being so many people crammed together. She had been busy picking at the chipped red polish on her nails when another name was called, and she looked up to see a burly, bearded fellow step onto the stage looking as uncomfortable as she imagined people did in those ‘high school speech in only my underwear’ nightmares that people always talked about, and she chuckled to herself. Poor bastard.
Paddles started to fly up into the air though people out bid each other quickly, and she tried to focus on the numbers being called despite a very itchy sensation that had spread across her arm, getting increasingly more irritating by the second. Eventually it started to burn and she couldn’t help but throw her arm up to try to relieve it, which unfortunately was the one holding the paddle, and she heard a small laugh behind her and turned to see none other than Levi. There was no time to tell her off however, as the auctioneer was soon pulling her out of her seat and congratulating her on her purchase of a date with Mr. Beard.
She’d debated even going at all up until the actual day, when she decided that she at least would get a meal out of it, and when she learned that the guy was Levi’s older brother Joe, she thought perhaps they could get revenge on her for her clever prank at the auction, too. They’d agreed to meet outside Messina and there he was waiting for her, his eyebrows raised as she strode over to him, her heels clacking on the pavement. “Alright, Joseph. Where are we headed?” she said, putting her hands on her hips and looking at him expectantly.
Over the years, Joe had realised that his life was documented by the varying levels of ‘pissed off’ he was towards his sister. As soon as Levi had been born, crawling into his life all red hair and freckles and wailing that turned into childish whines and complaints, he rarely remembered a time when his little sister hadn’t annoyed him. Of course, underneath all the claims that he had never wanted a younger sibling in the first place, it was pretty obvious that he’d flip his shit if anything happened to her. Their father’s parenting skills were limited and his paternal instinct was rarely anything but absent at the best of times, which meant he was the one who’d dragged Levi up from infancy. Both he and his sister knew he hadn’t done the greatest job, but after everything that had happened with Louis recently, Joe and Levi had dropped the charade where they pretended to both hate each other.
That still didn’t mean he didn’t want to kill her at that exact moment.
He’s spoken to Julia Clark a grand total of one time. Yet now he was going on a date with her after his sister’s scheming. He’d been subject to Levi’s pranks ever since the kid could walk but he supposed he’d underestimated her. Levi was skilled with whoopee cushions, booby traps and acquiring masses of fake bugs to hide under someone’s pillow. He hadn’t realised that she was also conniving and manipulative enough to orchestrate a grand scheme like this.
“Have fun!” the bane of his existence called after him as he made his way out of the apartment. He glanced over his shoulder, brushing his hair out of his eyes and raised his middle finger towards her. Her returning cackle grated on his nerves and he scowled.
“I find one fucking scratch on my X-Files DVD’s and you’re dead, shithead,” he warned her, receiving a wiggle of her fingers in a farewell gesture, as a reply.
Sighing to himself, he stepped out in to the hall and closed the door behind him before jogging down the stairs. It was good manners to wait for the woman first which was why Levi insisted that he be early. Date protocol was a foreign notion to Joe however, who didn’t do the whole dinner and a movie thing often. Bars and hook-ups were familiar territory for him, and the one time he had forayed into the dating game had been a short-lived idea that left him determined to never try that again. Thoughts of Hayley still getting on with her life back in New Mexico made his heart clench painfully in his chest, and he pushed thoughts of the tiny woman away. His brain seemed to be filled with sealed pockets full of bad thoughts as of recently. The majority of them revolved around Gerard Denver and what Joe would like to do with the man if he ever got his hands on him. He knew he should be catching a flight to Lowell, Massachusetts in order to allow his fists to have a friendly word with the smug bastard’s face, instead of going on stupid auction dates. Levi hadn’t left room for an argument though.
Hearing the door swing open behind him, he turned on the spot. Julia was striding towards him and, Joe had to admit, she wasn’t looking half-bad. Had he been in a better and more accommodating mood, he may have taken great care to study the way her dress clung to her shapely figure, or the way her make-up complimented the blue of her eyes.
“I was thinking we could go to the restaurant they organised for us,” Joe smirked, fishing into his pocket so he could pull out two (crumpled) coupons that had been given to him after Julia ‘won’ him at the auction.
He was about to suggest that they make tracks when movement at the corner of his eyes caught his attention. He glanced upwards, just in time to see a curtain fall into place at his apartment’s window, shutting of the orange glow that had cast shadows on the pavement only seconds before. Letting out a groan, he rolled his eyes and turned back to Julia.
“Fuckin’ Levi,” he muttered as an explanation. Eyeing the woman, he couldn’t help but let his curiosity get the better of him. “You really didn’t know she was going to make you bid for me?”
He patted at his chest, just over his heart. “Because I wouldn’t blame you if you wanted to use that as an excuse to ask me out. Let me guess, our five minute conversation before left you head over heels, right?”
Julia had liked Levi from the moment she’d nearly flattened her with her pastry cart, a little redheaded thing with a string of questions always flowing out of her mouth, which the older woman had no problem with since she could talk about a mile a minute herself. She clearly had a devious side though, given the goddamn laughing fit she’d had after Julia had involuntarily thrown up her paddle while trying to figure out what the fuck had gotten into the sleeve of her shirt. That must have been Levi’s doing too, sneaky little demon that she was. At least she had style.
The minute she walked through the door she could tell that this was going to be an interesting night, what with the way he was just standing there and only bothering to give her a lazy once-over before he was averting his attention elsewhere. Julia had no problem admitting that she liked to flirt, and that the phrase ‘if you’ve got it, flaunt it’ was a daily practice of her wardrobe outside of work. She liked it when she turned heads as she walked by and sometimes had guys at her feet like puppies pining away for her phone number, and it vaguely irritated her that he seemed unimpressed. He wasn’t bad to look at himself, that was obvious, though he clearly didn’t think he’d needed to dress up for the occasion given his clothing. Whatever, at least he had a beard.
She crossed her arms and watched him expectantly, her eyebrows raised as he fished around in his pocket to produce the two coupons for the date. “Creative.” she said, narrowing her eyes a little and following his line of vision up to the apartment that she assumed was his. “She’s a little shit.” she said bluntly, nodding towards the window. “I like her. Maybe a little less after that damn auction, but it’ll pass.” she said, shrugging and reaching forward to take the coupons out of his hand and smooth them out herself.
Once he started on a tangent about how she now had an excuse to ask him out she laughed loudly, giving him an amused look. “The conversation where you said you used candy to bribe a small child into leaving you alone? Yeah, you’ve got me fucking hooked.” she said sarcastically and throwing her hand across her forehead in a dramatic fashion. “And besides, why would I ask you out if we’re already going on a date? Might wanna think that one through a little more.”
The restaurant was within walking distance of Messina which meant they wouldn’t have to scramble for a taxi, and she gestured towards the doors of the lobby. “Lead the way, funny man. Keep an eye out, I may swoon on you if you’re not careful.”
Attending an event where people were auctioned off for dates was the last thing Julia wanted to be doing, especially when she could easily just be at home eating pizza in her underwear instead, but Elsie had insisted and she just couldn’t tell the girl no. There had at least been a promise that there would be a buffet, though it was a mediocre one at best it tided her over while they found seats and watched people filter onto the stage, waiting to be bid on. People were getting more and more charitable with their offers though she knew that probably had more to do with the odd number of attractive individuals that walked up the steps one after the other, and she figured that they might actually shape up to being really good dates with the amount of money that was being thrown out.
Elsie had handed her a paddle with a smile and Julia humoured her even though she knew damn well she wasn’t going to bid on anyone, but it worked nicely as a fan to disperse some of the hot air in the room due to there being so many people crammed together. She had been busy picking at the chipped red polish on her nails when another name was called, and she looked up to see a burly, bearded fellow step onto the stage looking as uncomfortable as she imagined people did in those ‘high school speech in only my underwear’ nightmares that people always talked about, and she chuckled to herself. Poor bastard.
Paddles started to fly up into the air though people out bid each other quickly, and she tried to focus on the numbers being called despite a very itchy sensation that had spread across her arm, getting increasingly more irritating by the second. Eventually it started to burn and she couldn’t help but throw her arm up to try to relieve it, which unfortunately was the one holding the paddle, and she heard a small laugh behind her and turned to see none other than Levi. There was no time to tell her off however, as the auctioneer was soon pulling her out of her seat and congratulating her on her purchase of a date with Mr. Beard.
She’d debated even going at all up until the actual day, when she decided that she at least would get a meal out of it, and when she learned that the guy was Levi’s older brother Joe, she thought perhaps they could get revenge on her for her clever prank at the auction, too. They’d agreed to meet outside Messina and there he was waiting for her, his eyebrows raised as she strode over to him, her heels clacking on the pavement. “Alright, Joseph. Where are we headed?” she said, putting her hands on her hips and looking at him expectantly.
How has Julia’s restaurant not been shut down yet? She’s all over the place, certainly not fit to manage a nice place like that.
(via overheardwellington)
I’m not the manager you dumb fuck, I’m the head chef. Maybe try to think of an insult that’s less shitty next time.
TEXT: LOUIS
Louis: sorry. didn't mean to be blunt, was i blunt? i was definitely aiming for sassy. i'm definitely stupid shit, but don't we get along better for it?
Louis: i win ;)
Julia: Lil bit, but I have no room to talk. No, and NO. Honestly why do you people argue with me, do I need to play you 'Mother Knows Best' on blast too?
Julia: HA you wish
Julia: Seriously, get some sleep or I'll kick you
TEXT: JULIA
Louis: I didn't lose him. I'm not gonna lose him. I think I'm the farthest thing from a 'good kid', J. I'm not good.
Louis: Fuckin' terrible idea. You actually hit Wardo's bedroom window. And yeah. I'm real transparent.
Julia: I know that, I'm just saying I know the feeling— nevermind. This isn't about me. Don't sass me young man, I don't throw out compliments unless I damn well mean them. Just because you do stupid shit doesn't mean you /are/ stupid shit, okay?
Julia: …touche. Only a little.
TEXT: LOUIS
Louis: That's what I'm thinkin'.
Louis: I don't sleep so good anymore. And yeah, I figured it was either you or Ivy. Thought Ivy was too smart to egg the apartment Wardo /also/ lived in. As for Wardo, I do care. I care a lot, actually.
Julia: Well— just, I get it, Lou. It's not easy losing someone, but you know he's alright now. He's in the best place he can be. You need to take care of yourself too, even if I kinda wanna throw more eggs at you sometimes you're a good kid.
Julia: Hey, the fuck? It's a brilliant idea thanks very much. I know you do, I know.
TEXT: JULIA
Louis: Promise. I lied to CJ 'cause, well, self-explanatory. But you know. I'm not gonna bullshit you.
Louis: Shit. Sorry. I read that backwards, I'm real tired. Yeah, everyone loves Wardo. I've had Laur and the guys from the team askin' when it's alright to drop by. Amy made a card. And yeah, then there's us. Didn't think you had to be intuitive though, thought Wardo told you all that shit. Then again, if he told you the half of it we probably wouldn't be on such good terms, huh, J?
Julia: Well, she's a baby. Best not to freak her out so much.
Julia: Get some sleep, Lou. Not a request. And I know, he told me. You really wondered who egged your house? C'mon, I know you're not stupid. I have access to a large quantity of eggs and my aim is on point. Doesn't change that you care about him and that he cares about you
TEXT: LOUIS
Louis: You always make me laugh, Jules. He seems alright. Like, his face is real fucked up but he seems happy. Keeps makin' jokes. That's just him though. And yeah, that was Ives. I'm the mistress.
Louis: What makes you say that?
Julia: You promise you're not sugar coating it? I don't shoot shit, you know that. Well, fuck. I'll just come back and say I'm his mother because really I am alright
Julia: Because it's true? He's got so many friends. All those cute little football kids and the cheerleaders. And Ivy. And me, I'd kill a man for that boy. And you. Don't say it— I know you've had shit going on but I know these things. I'm very intuitive.
TEXT: LOUIS
Louis: Hey, Jules. I'm just... I don't know. Your shitty humor is not only fuckin' needed but welcomed. Thanks. I just feel completely, I dunno. I'm too tired to think of something to say that embodies how bad this whole situation feels.
Julia: Oh thank god okay good. If it made you smile then good :) Is he doing okay? I have no idea what's going on and I came down to the hospital but they wouldn't let me in because of some bullshit 'only family' rule and apparently someone already said they're his wife so that's like out the window
Julia: Sweetie :( It'll be okay, he's got a lot of people on his side that love him.
TEXT: LOUIS
Julia: Hey Lou, I just heard what's happened. If you need anything at all you know who to call
Julia: Fuck okay that's like not the right thing to say right now
Julia: I love you okay?
.omfjulia :
The girl luckily had quick reaction time and had jumped out of the way, and Julia was barely able to stop the cart before it rolled right into the middle of the road. That would have been it for her, at that point she’d just have laid down on the sidewalk and waited for death to come to her. For once the mix up hadn’t been her fault, but she still had to clean up the mess, and she had half a mind to walk right back to the shipment building and tell them all to do one. Later she’d realize how utterly dramatic she was being but right now the entire world was just out to get her, and she wasn’t happy about it.
The girl reacted by loudly stating that she should have watched out, and while Julia was hoping she’d have waved it off and told her it was alright, she would have reacted the exact same way in her position, if not worse. Julia was always one to appreciate some spunk, especially since the girl looked quite young, maybe high school age? And besides, gingers had to stick together.
“I know, I know! You are little, this damn cart would have crushed you.” she said with a horrified expression, failing to realize that she was a few inches taller than her at best. “Honestly, you can totally like, kick it a little bit if you want. As payback.” she said seriously, watching her cautiously as she wasn’t sure how she’d handle a yelling match or crying at this particular moment. But her expression softened, and perhaps she realized that it had been a genuine accident, and she gave her a small smile.
“Oh, well. Just a shit ton of pastries and packaging.” she said, shrugging and scowling towards the mountain of boxes. “Someone was suppose to have them delivered.” she said bitterly, narrowing her eyes. “Aren’t…isn’t it like, school time?” she asked bluntly, though not unkindly. “Unless you’re not in high school in which case pretend I didn’t say that. Is that a stupid question? I don’t even know what time it is.”
When the older woman acknowledged that the cart would have flattered Levi like a freckled pancake if she had gotten in its way, the girl simply let out a giggle. She was already preening under the concerned attention that was being thrust onto her, and made sure that later on she’d retell the story to Joe, as an anecdote over dinner, so he’d realise that she did have people out there that gave a shit about her wellbeing. Joe would have told her to calm down and stop being so dramatic, but the woman actually looked a little scared for her and not like she couldn’t be bothered with a Levi-sized temper tantrum because she was busy attempting to fend off a hangover.
“Huh?” she asked, wrinkling her nose in confusion upon being granted permission to kick the cart that had very nearly killed her – or at the least severely injured her. “I’m not like, a vandal.”
In truth, she was dubious that she had been given the option so freely. It made her wonder if the woman had an ulterior motive that went past concern. If their roles were reversed, then a scheming Levi would have told the woman to go right ahead and kick the damn trolley, but only because the impact would make a springloaded clown burst out the top of it. It made her even more curious to know what was inside the contraption.
“Pastries?” she echoed, unsure if she was disappointed or not. Her hunger won over the apparent lack of creativity.
“Can I have one?” she asked hopefully, bending down and attempting to peer inside the crate, as if to suss out how big the alleged snacks were. If she pretended to have whiplash from the near-accident, maybe the woman would let her have two.
Straightening up and tucking strands of red hair behind her ears, she pulled out her solitary earphone and wrapped the wires around her hand, pocketing them and wondering if Cart Woman was perhaps a little loopy.
“Lady, it’s Saturday,” she informed her, the ‘duh’ tone in her voice completely unmistakable. “Are you like, okay? You seem frazzled as shit.”
The girl gave her an odd look when she suggested she kick the cart and pointedly said no, but Julia just shrugged. She wanted to kick it herself for giving her so much goddamn trouble, and kick the assholes who’d left her with it alone and six blocks away from the restaurant. “I mean hey, I wouldn’t give a shit if you were one. That’s not my business.” she said, ignoring the fact that overlooking vandalism was probably a crime too, though if they were gonna go after her instead of handle all the actual bullshit going on they probably had some soul-searching to do.
Julia contemplated pushing the cart into the middle of the street and leaving it there while the other redhead inspected the contents as if she was a TSA agent watching an x-ray machine at the airport. “What? Oh, yeah. Just pastries.” she said bitterly, glaring at the boxes hatefully. Weeks of searching for a potential new bakery to partner with had been solidified by this incident, and she had half a mind to run back and tell them to all go fuck themselves if they didn’t need another shipment from them in a few days. She’d have to just grin and bear it until then. Or grin and let a container of crickets loose in their kitchen, she hadn’t decided yet.
Obviously she shouldn’t be handing out the merchandise but she couldn’t bring herself to give a fuck at that moment, and she fished out what looked to be a danish and handed it over, thinking for a minute before pulling out a handful more and depositing them into the girl’s arms. Maybe she could claim they were short on the delivery and that could be her last revenge. “Just don’t eat them all in one sitting, okay? Trust me.” she said, nodding painfully in remembrance of her horrible mistake of eating a whole case one night and regretting her entire life’s existence not two hours later.
“Oh, fuck. Is it?” she said, letting out a groan and leaning her head against the cart in a defeated manner. “God dammit. No, I’m not. Frazzled pretty much sums it up.” she said miserably, hoping the universe wouldn’t decide to be even more cruel and make it rain or something stupid like that. “Don’t grow up, okay? Don’t do it. It’s a horrible, horrible trap.”
TEXT: HAZEL
Hazel: CHICAGO IS AMAZING!!! Minus the murder!! Except it wouldn't exist without the murder... BUT ANYWAY!!!
Hazel: MY CUTE BUTT HAS BEEN WORKING AND SINGING AND MISSING /YOUR/ CUTE BUTT. :) Have you been watching my videos? We should SO collab! We could do a cooking tutorial video!!! Wouldn't that just be super?!!
Julia: the murder is the best part???? badass ladies offing the douchebags that fucked them over, what's not to like
Julia: I HAVE I SUBSCRIBED!!!!! got my notifs on just for you :) I'd love to collab as long as your audience isn't offended by me saying fuck every other word and probably being drunk
TEXT: HAZEL
Hazel: MY DEAREST, JULIAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! 🎶
Hazel: Do you like musicals??? That was me quoting Hamilton!! But with your name!!! Because you're my dearest, Julia!!!!!
Hazel: I just wanted to text you to say that I love you, and I miss you. And I have a whole batch of cupcakes for you!! :D :D
Julia: U BET I DO CHICAGO IS MY SHIT
Julia: I LOVE U AND MISS U TOO where has ur cute ass been lately
.omfjulia :
Oh, New Mexico. As in aliens and shit? I guess that sort of makes sense, especially if you also have to worry about school teachers cooking meth.
You need to worry more about the meth heads and stab happy neighbours than the aliens.
So they’re friendly aliens? That’s good to know. ‘Stab happy neighbours’ sounds really specific. Please tell me you’ve never actually been stabbed?
.omfjulia :
What’s that got to do with anything?
You learn to be specific when you’re from New Mexico. Have you never seen Breaking Bad?
Oh, New Mexico. As in aliens and shit? I guess that sort of makes sense, especially if you also have to worry about school teachers cooking meth.