Things You Should NEVER Say to Someone Recovering From Maladaptive Daydreaming
#1: Any variation of “Be positive!”, “think good thoughts” or “look on the bright side!”
I know people who say this mean well, but the thing is, if the person you were talking to knew how to do that, don’t you think they would?
Instead: remind them of good times they’ve had. Ask them to do something fun. Tell them a joke. Instead of telling them to feel good, help them to actually get there.
#2: “But everyone daydreams!”
If you think that anything about MaDD is normal or positive behaviour, then you haven’t been listening to what the person has been telling you.
Instead: ask them how MaDD affects their life. LISTEN and BELIEVE them. Realise that not everyone has the same experiences as you. Research how maladaptive disorders can wreak havoc on a person’s life.
#3: “Well, why don’t you just stop?”
HOOO BOY this one gets under my skin. MaDD is an addiction. Sufferers can’t “just stop” without a great deal of struggle and commitment.
Instead: ask them why they feel they can’t stop. Encourage them to see MaDD as an addiction and help them to find treatment to recover. Have compassion for their struggle, and know that their battle is much harder than you can see from the outside.
#4: “Wow, that sounds so fun! I wish I had your creativity!”
Do you? Do you really? Do you wish you spent eight hours a day shut in your room, ignoring the people you love, neglecting all your responsibilities, jumping around and pretending? Do you wish for that? Do you?
Instead: don’t try to make MaDD into a positive thing. Just don’t. Don’t make the person feel guilty or ashamed, but don’t pretend that MaDD is actually great. It’s a disordered, maladaptive behavior, not a cute quirk. Listen to the person’s struggles and see the pain they’re in. Treating MaDD like a fun little right-brain-thing is incredibly insulting to those of us who fight this beast every day. Just, please, don’t.
#5: “MaDD isn’t even a real disease.”
At this stage, yes, this is technically true. MaDD on its own is not considered a diagnosable mental illness. It’s criminally under-researched and off the radar of most professionals. This is not a reason to help MaDD sufferers less - it’s a reason to help them more. So many people with MaDD feel like they have nowhere to turn to for support because no one will take them seriously or know how to help them.
Instead: acknowledge that MaDD is not an official mental health condition, but also acknowledge that it is a painful and destructive disordered behaviour that needs to be recovered from. Resist the urge to only validate “real” “illnesses” as worthy of help. Understand that MaDD is often, if not always, a symptom of an underlying condition that DOES have official treatment channels, and then look into those channels. Any person struggling needs help. You don’t have to understand MaDD to be there for the person you love - you just have to listen to them.
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