I use any/all pronouns!
I'm a minor in high school, and identify as an ace lesbian.
I'm a POC, and I live in the United States (even if I don't exactly feel super patriotic rn, lol)
@omg_paperwork on Ao3
@ae_paperwork on tiktok
In... way too many fandoms. Whoops.
Reverse: 1999, IDOLYPRIDE/aipura, ALTER EGO, and Alien Stage are my major fandoms!
Game fandoms: Reverse: 1999, Genshin Impact, TWST, PJSK, Class of '09, OMORI, Sun & Moon, probably a ton more
Anime fandoms: literally every Yu-Gi-Oh, PokéAni, Stars Align, Precure Anime, Ranma 1/2, The Orbital Children
Other fandoms: DuckTales, PKNA, DownDetector, Anthropomorphic Social Media/Anthropomorphic Websites, Murdle (would it go here or in games?)
If mayumiko WERE to happen and GSNK was a different vibe of manga GOD would I relish in the angst and pining. Mayu starts opening up to Mikorin more as himself and through this process Mikorin realizes he has feelings FOR Mayu, eventually Mayu confesses that he’s been talking to this girl online and shows Mikorin his chats with her, Mikorin realizes their identities- BUT THIS IS A BAD THING. Mayu is infatuated with the very curated version of Mikorin- he will be filled with immense guilt for deceiving Mayu (Mayu has been doing the same thing but I think Mikorin would feel more guilty) and also jealousy of himself. Following the og silliness I think Mikorin response would be to start cyber bullying Mayu or acting like a creep or some shit as his girl persona to make himself look better compared to his girl self.
The manga would probably skip all this angst tho. Mayu and mikorin would tell eachother that they’re talking to girls and describe them to eachother. Mikorin would be like “wow this girl sounds awesome you should set us up on a double date!” (Of course he would want to go on a date with himself) Or vice versa. This digs the other into a hole. What happens is Mayu cross dresses, ATTEMPTS to adopt the personality of Mikorins girl persona (but this is still Mayu so he would do it in way less words, there ye still being clearly Mayu), and shows up ona. Double date with Mikorin. It is so obviously Mayu but Mikorin gets so nervous around girls that he never makes real eye contact with Mayu . Mikorin has a great time, and Nozaki is using this all for manga material and is somehow incentivizing Mayu. This goes on until Mikorin can work up the courage to express his feelings for his girl and really look into her eyes-at which point he realizes it’s Mayu in a bad Temu wig.
aint it crazy how many people realize they're queer when they have the language to express how they feel and a support system to encourage self exploration????
right at the beginning when she's like how do I help my son feel loved and accepted I'm here shouting
"QUEEN YOU ALREADY DID THAT BY TAKING HIS SIDE AND LEAVING THAT NO GOOD HUSBAND FOR HAVING THE AUDACITY TO KICK YOUR BABY OUT!"
And Good for her! this is the only response to a man who kicks out a child.
Raito Kitakata Ward Mayor Novel - Season 1.5: THE SUPREME THING - Track 2: Hollow Sound
CW: Raito's suicidal tendencies take him to an active war zone
In the end, the relationship with my last lover ended after six months.
I was confused when my lover cried as we broke up, but I was also relieved.
The reason for our break-up was something along the lines of, “I feel anxious when I’m with you.”
You were kind to me, and you granted all my wishes. You’re not at fault, but I don’t actually feel loved at all. It scares me.
…I was shocked when I heard that.
It was true, after all. I had never really loved that person.
…Was it because my preferences lay elsewhere?
I thought my feelings would also change if the person I was dating was different, so from that point on, I tried dating all sorts of people who confessed to me, regardless of their gender, age, or occupation.
Business partners I met in the investing community.
Daughters of high society.
Classmates from my university seminars.
People I met at extracurricular clubs.
Even people considerably older than me.
However, no matter what, I could never check off the final item on my list.
One day, the person I was dating at that time had called out to me. We’d been together for 3 months at that point.
While trembling, that person told me… “I went to a hotel with someone else…”
I immediately understood the meaning of those words.
And even though I understood, what came to my mind was…
… I suppose this investment was a mistake.
Seeing me get neither angry nor sad, my lover teared up, and then said, “You really aren’t jealous at all.”
After that, I was asked to break up.
I was more shocked by the fact that the problem was that I wasn’t jealous, not that my lover went to a hotel with someone else.
… I see. So normally, this would be where I get jealous.
The lover who had been sobbing in front of me suddenly seemed like a stranger.
All the things I should have known, such as that person’s smile, likes and dislikes, faded from my mind with a snap.
It was as though I didn’t care about any of it anymore.
I was relieved that person had lost interest in me and asked to break up.
I’d started to find the overly emotional attitude that person seemed to be testing me with to be annoying.
At the same time, I realized that I couldn’t trick myself any longer.
I had dated many people for short periods of time.
I’d felt affection and friendship towards them all. I wanted them to be happy.
But that was the end of it.
… I hadn’t felt anything romantic towards them. I don’t think I even wanted to.…
All my lovers’ advances only made me feel uncomfortable.
Romance… was not fun.
That was when it dawned on me that I would die without ever knowing the supreme thing known as love.
I nodded at the delivery person asking for specifications.
The grand piano I had impulsively bought a few days before was delivered to one of the rooms in my unnecessarily spacious single-person apartment.
The room had been soundproofed just yesterday, so I opened the piano’s lid and placed my fingers on the keys.
Just then, a phone call from my mother came through.
“You’ll be coming home for New Year’s, right?”
I wanted to say that I would, but I couldn’t get the words out.
When I imagined my parents’ faces, I felt a sharp pain in my stomach.
…I’m sorry. Father, Mother.
I… As the heir to the Kitakata family… I am a defective product.
I bit back the urge to say that, and instead said, “I don’t think I will be able to; business is keeping me busy.”
Afterward, I answered all of my mother’s concerns about my health and daily life with a smile, but in all honesty, I wanted to hang up as soon as I could.
Once the call was over, I turned my phone off and sat at the piano.
… I didn’t know why I’d bought a piano myself.
It just happened to catch my eye…
Anything would do, so long as it was something I could lose myself in on my own.
I randomly pressed a key with my index finger, and then suddenly remembered there was a correct way to place your fingers when playing the piano.
Looking far back into my memories, I remembered a young child teaching me that.
… Was that before I had received my “death prophecy”?
Most of my memories from before that prophecy were vague.
I put a musical score geared towards beginners on display and began by playing with one hand.
My playing was clumsy, but as I listened to the sound of the piano, I started feeling as though the emptiness within me was healing.
…How exactly should I live my life going forward?
How could I overcome the despair of not being able to obtain the supreme thing?
You just haven’t found the right person yet.
You’ll surely find love someday.
If I were to ask anyone for advice, those would be the words they’d say to me.
I’d thought so myself, and that was why I had tried dating so many people.
However, no matter how hard I tried to pretend, the feelings of romantic love never grew in my heart. The longer my relationships went on, the more I felt burdened by my lovers’ affections. Eventually, the guilt of not being able to meet their expectations ate me alive and brought me nothing but discomfort.
Discomfort…
That is to say, a very strong feeling of discomfort.
A feeling of discomfort that made me think I wasn’t even myself.
My instincts were screaming at me:
Love is impossible for me.
… That was why, for a while, I didn’t want to see anyone.
“Normal” people can effortlessly do things I could never do.
Seeing that made me go crazy with envy.
Their lack of understanding filled me with rage.
During my long university break, I spent all my time playing the piano.
I gradually improved and could play more and more songs.
While absorbed in it, I remembered the laughter of someone I’d played a duet with during my childhood.
That memory offered me a small amount of comfort.
… Though I could not remember who that person was.
Once the day was over and I closed the piano’s lid, the memories were closed off and vanished as well.
I had let the sounds and sheet music sweep me up like a raging torrent, but when the break had ended and I returned to the university, I slowly resumed all my interpersonal relations.
Not looking to be in a romantic relationship anymore, I turned down anyone who confessed their feelings to me.
I simply passed my days uneventfully, and when I returned home, I played the piano to relax.
On one of those days, I received a call from one of the young ladies I had dated.
I’d kept friendly relations with many of the people I had dated, and so I went to the hotel I was called to without thinking twice.
It had been some time since I’d last seen her. She was much more distant than when we were dating, but I was actually grateful for that.
“I would like to enter a contractual marriage with you.”
However, the words I heard shocked me considerably.
Instead of letting it show on my face, I asked, “Could I ask why?”
“Don’t worry. I don’t feel anything towards you anymore. To be fully honest with you, my parents are trying to use me as a tool for political marriage.”
That’s a story I often heard from people born in distinguished families.
The only reason I haven’t was because our parents didn’t want to treat their children as nothing more than tools.
“You don’t like the person you will be marrying?”
“That’s exactly it. So I tried to think of anyone who would be willing to marry me, even without love on the table, and who my parents would also approve of. …And I realized you’d be the perfect fit.”
Because I’m the heir to the Kitakata family, am currently attending a top university, and also have money… Or so she says.
For a second, I found myself admiring what a convenient deal this would be.
I was being offered a relationship, and the person offering would be okay even if I never developed romantic feelings for them.
On top of that, if we were to have a child, I would fulfill my duty as the heir of my family, and my parents would rejoice. Nayuki would also feel at ease.
I’m in.
That’s what I wanted to say.
Given that she was in dire straits, as her ex, I wanted to do what I could to help her.
However, what came to mind instead was the picture of my parents in our home’s living room, exchanging their love without the need for words.
… I grew up watching that love between them.
Being praised by someone, being held by my parents, getting excellent report cards, having an appearance admired by others, being picked as the anchor for the relay.
What reassured me through this and more, was the fact that my parents “loved each other”…
“… I’m sorry.”
The words left my mouth before I could stop them.
I wanted to get married and have children.
Even if I died young, having grandkids would bring solace to my parents.
… But I didn’t have the courage to bring children to this world without loving my partner.
Those children might end up unhappy if that were the case.
I could not possibly endure that fear.
She must have anticipated my rejection, because she didn’t press the issue much after.
“Could you introduce me to someone else, then?”
Is what she asked instead.
After promising to introduce her to several men from distinguished families who had connections in high society, I returned to my apartment.
I headed straight for the piano and stood before it without even taking my coat off.
I’d forgotten to close the lid last night, and the black and white keys were waiting for me with a faint glow.
The moment my finger landed on one of the keys…
I realized that a deep emptiness had formed within me once again.
… If I had agreed to her proposal, I could have become the person my parents wanted me to be… even if it was merely for appearances’ sake.
I felt foolish for letting that chance slip by me.
On the other hand, the reality that I had no other choice but to do so hurt me inexplicably.
I closed the lid. Then muttered.
“I will… get rid of the piano.”
After cancelling my apartment’s lease and throwing away my furniture and piano, I made good use of the time between my university lectures by visiting conflict zones overseas and impoverished areas with high crime rates.
I travelled with a volunteer group an acquaintance started, and met with local activists on my own.
Nayuki was always in a rage, calling me over and over and yelling things such as, “Come back already, you idiot.”
But I liked the danger.
I spent my days focused solely on living.
Pain, death, killing intent. Anger, fear, malice.
For reasons unknown to me, the places surrounded by destruction and all those things gave me peace.
The day before, I’d stood blankly in a place where missiles were raining down and most of the buildings had collapsed, simply listening to the sirens.
Another missile would be fired soon.
The people in the underground shelter were holding their breaths and curling into balls.
Even in a place such as this, when I gazed over all the collapsed buildings, the sky was breathtakingly blue and beautiful.
Suddenly, a thought came to me:
Once I get home…
… I will hand the family inheritance over to Nayuki.
