If you only keep the cutest mice,
I chided myself,
They will all be the cutest at some point
And we have reached this point.
I sit on a low stool,
Peering into a plastic tub full of adorable mice
Choosing which will live
And which will not.
I take them one by one out of view of the others
I try to make it quick and quiet
When they are still, I lovingly tuck their feet
Under their body and curl their tail around them
I line them side by side on a tray
The most orderly naptime
And into the cold they go
Resurrected in the coming weeks as meals for
Reptiles
Equally loved
Equally treasured
Yet given different purpose
I mull it over as I gently dispatch them
Is this wrong? But no
Everyone has to eat
And this is a softer, quieter,
Easier end than they would have in the jaws of a snake
I can find peace here
I can be grateful
It is over and I pick up the tub to put it away
And the fluffy bedding shifts slightly
Betraying a hider
She has burrowed down to hide
From the seeking hands
The killing hands
The hands which now scoop her up
And we regard each other calmly
Nice try, I say out loud, you almost had me
Her eyes are tiny black beads
Her fur is soft against my fingers
I'm sorry, I tell her, but it's time to go,
She sits back on her haunches and licks her paws
Scrubs her face and ears with an air of nonchalance
Calling my bluff fearlessly
I take her back to the room where she was born
I return her to her family
You're lucky you're cute, I tell her
But they are all
Cute