Proud Parents of Gay Hockey Boys

a blog for all things gay fictional hockey boys  / run by griffin and cait

[omgcheckplease]

“All right, I’m just gonna start reading it out loud.” “I’m not helping you.” “’However, it’s interesting—’” “—Dex, you can’t start an essay with however. What? Contractions? Why?”

[ariesisms]

shitty was the resident short king until bitty showed up i just know it

[ariesisms]

they actually continue to tease him even after bitty joins the team. bitty will join in sometimes and that gets shitty real riled up. one time shitty was in a mood and was like "bits is literally 5'6" and bitty was like "what the hell shitty im sensitive about that" and ransom and holster started shoving him yelling "dude hes SENSITIVE about that" "hes fucking sensitive dude"

[notallthosewhowander]

jack fully knows he’s into dudes but still insists on calling whatever he feels for shitty a ‘man crush’

[omgdexnursey]

the fact that nobody knows shitty’s first name is so funny bc it implies that either the team just doesn’t pay attention to any time it’s been said OR the coaches & announcers at their games call him shitty

[loveliesttime]

tater Knows that shitty is the #1 best friend in jack's heart. when jack isn't talking about bitty he's talking about shitty. but that doesn't mean he won't play along with the rivalry shitty is convinced they have just to fuck with him.

tater bringing up a totally fake story/fact about jack that he just made up on the spot and watching shitty look confused. "oh? you didn't know? haha well it's ok zimboni and i are best friends he just tells me these things :)"

tater, fully aware that jack is gonna ask shitty to be his best man soon, going up to shitty and being like "hmmm wonder who zimboni is picking as best man, huh? better practice speech already"

tater, immediately after learning jack and bitty are adopting, asking shitty "what are godfather responsibilities??? need to prepare" "....brah stop i know you're fucking with me again" "what do you mean?" "...OK WHERES JACK I NEED TO TALK HIM TO NOW"

[omgcheckplease]

has Jack picked his best man yet?

lardo: "aaaahhhhh" good argument. you can tell he's a lawyer. tater: zimboni choose now! we are men. tell us. jack: listen i got engaged 5 hours ago shitty: ASKDFJ WE MET 5 YEARS AGO!!!!!

[lilacborrower]

JACK COULD ONLY MAKE FRIENDS WITH TATER BECAUSE OF THE PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT SHITTY HELPED HIM THROUGH I SAID WHAT I FUCKING SAID

[omgcheckplease]

Shits, you ever manage to grow your flow back brah?

[parseisflat]

what are the coaches’ first names wrong answers only

[parseisflat]

personally i’m a fan of malewife hall and girlboss murray but the reviews are in

[loveliesttime]

listen SMH would be super supportive of bitty’s YouTube career because they’re so proud that he gets to do what he loves and what he’s good at for a living and inspire others but they WILL call him an influencer to annoy him and chirp him about it every chance they get 

whenever bitty complains about something being expensive they just go ‘wow bits it’s not a big deal just use code BITTY for 15% off’

they post stories of bitty and jack’s wedding with captions like ‘this influencer event is actually pretty fun. not sure what they’re tryna promote but i dig it’

bitty sends them videos of himself greeting them from wherever he’s travelling in the group chat and they just reply with ‘who requested a cameo shoutout from him you know we cant afford this′

[ivecarvedawoodenheart]

The true Jack-Holster dynamic is playful friendly meanness with a dash of true hatred that comes out when they play boardgames

[bluegrasshole]

dex comes barging in with a goose

[bluegrasshole]

the goose has a broken wing and can’t fly south for the winter so dex builds it a shed with an infrared heater and a kiddie pool pond and names it stephanie (the goose not the pond)

[bluegrasshole]

bitty: dex, jack and i are dating dex: CAN’T TALK HAVE A GOOSE bitty: dex plz dex: WE’RE GONNA HAVE EGGS FOR DAYS BITTY. EGGS. FOR. DAYS.

[bluegrasshole]

chowder: dex. where did you get a goose dex: WHO WANTS QUICHE nursey: it’s pronounced quickie*

[bluegrasshole]

au where i am the author of check please and there are 300% more gooses

[jlyarts]

OK I HAD TO DRAW THIS

[omgcpausandstuff]

Alicia Zimmermann made a celebrity dance workout video in the 90s and Bob memorized all of the moves so that he can antagonize her by doing them at parties.

She gets back at him with a flawless impression of him and an encyclopedic memory of every terrible commercial he was in.

“Tell me if you know this one! It might be tricky because I’ve got all my teeth...”

Meanwhile, Bob is gyrating in the background and teenage Jack is trying to astral project into a universe where his parents are embarrassing in more normal ways.

(Shoutout to thehibiscusthief for bringing up excercise videos on the discord and inspiring this)

[hashtagdex]

Check, Please! Subtext: Gay Dex

 1) Year 2 Comic 4: Hazeapalooza

Dex comments on Jack’s ass. Why are you noticing it, William?

The blog post for that update states Dex as fairly drunk. No Filter Drunk Dex!

2) Blog post for Year 4 Comic 3: Presser

gay bartender stance.

3) Year 4 Comic 7: Haze by Hazewest

What heterosexual explanation could there possibly be?

Keep reading

[dykeseinfeld]

panel i’m yelling about today

[lardosducks]

interviewer: so, jack, what was your first big purchase after you joined the falconers? a car? vacation? 

jack, thinking about how the day after his contract was finalized he accepted a $700 venmo request from shitty with the comment “fee for making me watch a documentary on the franco-prussian war”: i got a new watch

[omgcheckplease]

Father and son! 🏒