After many springs by Langston Hughes

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After many springs by Langston Hughes
Joy Sullivan, from “Culpable”, Instructions for Traveling West
When Dostoevsky said, "Pain changes you, but it teaches. That is its mercy." but Kafka said, "Pain changes nothing. It just repeats itself until you forget who you were before it started."
We know that there is no help for us but from one another, that no hand will save us if we do not reach out our hand. And the hand that you reach out is empty, as mine is. You have nothing. You possess nothing. You own nothing. You are free. All you have is what you are, and what you give.
Ursula K. Le Guin, The Dispossessed
Hurricane
by Mary Oliver
It didn't behave like anything you had ever imagined. The wind tore at the trees, the rain fell for days slant and hard. The back of the hand to everything. I watched the trees bow and their leaves fall and crawl back into the earth. As though, that was that. This was one hurricane I lived through, the other one was of a different sort, and lasted longer. Then I felt my own leaves giving up and falling. The back of the hand to everything. But listen now to what happened to the actual trees; toward the end of that summer they pushed new leaves from their stubbed limbs. It was the wrong season, yes, but they couldn't stop. They looked like telephone poles and didn't care. And after the leaves came blossoms. For some things there are no wrong seasons. Which is what I dream of for me.
Pádraig Ó Tuama, "There Is Time for Time", Kitchen Hymns
— natalie wee, never been kissed (via letsbelonelytogetherr)
Allerseelen (All Soul’s Day) by Wilhelm Schulz in Simplicissimus #31 (1926)
If you’re ever having a breakdown, just remember the wise words of the lord himself
“Girl, aging girl, is haunted by own nothingness & devours views from windows (stories, movies, overheard talk & sights in the street, pictures in newspapers, etc.) with continuous feeling she is ‘just about’, miraculously, to come into her own – her own life.”
— Sylvia Plath, from The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath
“Yes: I am a dreamer. For a dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world.”
— Oscar Wilde, “The Critic as Artist”
2025.03.04,
couldn't study, even i wanted to. can't seem to stay still, and it exhausts me to this degree. currently thinking of making better of my insomniac treats and switch back to a being night owl (kinda). and hopefully, tomorrow will be better.
Wander's Archive Project
This is the beginning of my latest passion project: archiving witchcraft resources! I've spent quite a bit of time searching up different witchcraft publications of the past and present and have found above and beyond what I was expecting. Culminated here in an easily organized format are several of those publications, with many more on the way. This project will be continually updated as I find more to share. I cannot even begin to describe how wonderful this find is, and I hope you all enjoy holding a piece of history in your hands, almost as much as I enjoyed being able to share this with all of you.
~Wander
Hey, so if any of yall were wondering what I was keeping under wraps, here is my [redacted project], finally up and ready to share. Please enjoy.
bell hooks mentioned going through a time in her life where she was severely depressed and suicidal and how the only way she got through it was through changing her environment: She surrounded her home with buddhas of all colors, Audre Lorde’s A Litany for Survival facing her as she wakes up, and filling the space she saw everyday with reinforcing objects and meaningful books. She asks herself each day, “What are you going to do today to resist domination?” I also really liked it when she said that in order to move from pain to power, it is crucial to engage in “an active rewriting of our lives.”
I have come to think of the suicidal impulse as the brain waving a flag to say three things:
something needs to change here
this is urgent
I don’t know how to do it
death is the ultimate metaphor for drastic change. it’s a general specific. whatever your problems are, it is very likely that dead people don’t have to deal with them. a real solution to your problems may demand a very narrow range of action that’s likely to be out of reach at this moment, but death is sold on every street corner, so it feels like a more realistic fantasy than happiness.
you don’t really want to die per se but it’s also not completely random chemicals swamping your brain for no reason. you want the pain to stop, you want to be somewhere else, you want to be someone else. it’s urgent. you don’t know how to do it. the end is not the end but a means that feels within your reach right now.
this is the wisdom of bell hooks: daily rituals of meaning and resistance and solidarity are part of slowly building a future where you can make the change you really need. and only alive people can do that. every step you take towards change and power is another step away from death.
“You think it will never happen to you, that it cannot happen to you, that you are the only person in the world to whom none of these things will ever happen, and then, one by one, they all begin to happen to you, in the same way they happen to everyone else.”
— Paul Auster, Winter Journal
If you accidentally hurt someone or cross their boundaries and they make you aware of this, literally all you have to do is apologize and stop. You don't have to beat yourself up internally for months. You don't have to hate yourself for fucking up. You don't have to feel like a horrible person. No one benefits from any of that - and at worst, such an extreme reaction will make the person in question less likely to speak up around you in the future, cause even if your negative reaction is directed at yourself and not at them, it's still unpleasant for everyone involved.
kind of weird how parts of your soul are left in various locations without any warning… like yes i’m always at the top of that hill, sitting at the bus stop, in the cool light of the Japanese restaurant, standing at the pier etc etc