Psyker H3115R

Dispatches from an imperial pyromancer

[one-more-lho-stick]

😶 So how was the Black Ship cruise?

“I was drugged so I wouldn’t scream or have a psychic meltdown. Imagine a toddler having really bad acid trip and you’ll only be wrong in ways that do not matter.”

[rp-meme-machine]

Send 😶 + a really uncomfortable question and my muse has to answer it

[one-more-lho-stick]

“Being misclassified as a space heater by the Deparmento Munitorum wasn’t so bad, really. I mean, not getting quarters assigned to me sucked, but my corpse starch and liquor ration got moved into the “fuel” requirement, so I mostly spent two months sitting in one place pretty drunk, as there’s no regulation for flogging a space heater for being drunk on duty. I did have to have a conversation with our regimental techpriest about where my Prometheum fuel port was, though.”

[one-more-lho-stick]

☠️ which of the 7 deadly sins my muse would be and why🚬 a bad habit of my muse🍰 a guilty pleasure of my muse🌀 an example of something stupid my muse has done🦂 an example of something cruel my muse has done

☠️- Hatred, but mostly due to self-loathing. Imperial sanctioning is basically the exact inverse of self-acceptance therapy.

Bad habit- Because of the above, she assumes other people hate her also and she drinks to cope. She’s usually right, of course- perils of being a Psyker- but the drinking isn’t good for her liver.

Guilty pleasure- She likes to scare the grunts by making smoke pour out her eyes. They think she’s about to explode, every time- which would be bad for her health, except that her borderline heat immunity extends to lasgun fire.

Something stupid- She once covered herself in promethium and set fire to it on a bet. Turns out, her heat immunity does NOT extend to smoke inhalation, and she caught a flogging for wasting promethium.

Something cruel- she has burned so many people to death.

[one-more-lho-stick]

👎 something my muse is very bad at

“I can’t cook for shit. I burn everything, every time. I have burned soup.”

[fresh-hot-rp-memes]

Faults Muse Meme

Send a symbol for...

👎 something my muse is very bad at

☠️ which of the 7 deadly sins my muse would be and why

🚬 a bad habit of my muse

🍰 a guilty pleasure of my muse

🌀 an example of something stupid my muse has done

🦂 an example of something cruel my muse has done

[one-more-lho-stick]

“Yeah, that’s right, I’m still around.”

“Where was I? Funny story, I got reclassified as a space heater due to a Departmento Munitorum mix-up. Took a few months to get the paperwork sorted and in the meantime I wasn’t allowed to place calls, because apparently space heaters aren’t supposed to do that.”

[catachan-jungle-fighter]

The Mad Wolves Drinks

Wolves Spit: Highly Flammable alcohol, no one really wants to figure out how the Wolves make it because it is used by said regiment as both a alcoholic substance and a accelerant for certain weapons. Only allowed to the Mad Wolves and Astartes due to the toxicity of the brew. Does have a Astartes variant nicknamed 'Fenrir's Folly'.

Pup's Favorite: A supply of highly nutritious milk freshly harvested from several 'requisitioned animals', it is commonly given to the children of the Wolves and those who can't handle any of the harder items.

Voidshield Surprise: A batch of alcohol that is rumored to have been brewed using a active Void shield generator, it is extremely rare to the point that each Council member of the Mad Wolves only has a single bottle.

Blood of the Angels: A shot glass of Astartes blood (don't ask how or why the Wolves have any, they will stab you to death) is dropped into Wolves spit, which if not drunk within the next five seconds will cause a small explosion.

John's Bootshine: A joking brew that 'has a hint of leather' to it, the Wolves made it in John's honor.

The Council's Brew: a incredibly bitter but powerful Recaff brew commonly drunk by the Council members of the Wolves, it has spread throughout the ranks and is the only brew they will drink now, considering all other Recaff to be 'watered down'.

And many more unique combinations and drinks made from items only known to the Wolves...

[thelostflyboy]

Ah, yes, guard style coffee. So thick that you need a spoon to eat it.

[catachan-jungle-fighter]

The rumor for it is that they use beans grown in Catachan Devil shit... which on Catachan means it was someone or something a few days ago.

[thelostflyboy]

How wonderfully appropriate for the theme of it all. Dead coffee, and not in the way you think.

[catachan-jungle-fighter]

At least at the end of the day there is plenty of Recaff to go around that can make a Mad Wolf run for two days before needing another cup.

[thelostflyboy]

You should start selling that stuff, I know people who would- I would say murder, but there's so many people who would kill for a ham and cheese sandwich the statement loses all meaning.

[catachan-jungle-fighter]

Disclaimer: Mad Wolves have augmented organs that deal with toxins and other things easier, other people will have trouble with the stuff they drink and eat on the regular.

[thelostflyboy]

I think you underestimate the disregard people have for their bodies and the sanity of co's.

Also, would you be interested in getting your hands on another voidshield generator? I have a list of captains that are inept enough that they wont miss theirs.

[catachan-jungle-fighter]

Pirates tend to disappear when the Wolves arrive in a system... probably dosen't mean anything, definitely dosen't have any connections to the Wolves Fleet...

And the Brew is kept in the Wolves due to the fact it is incredibly bitter, and even when sweetened or has anything else added to it... well it is still bitter but has a unique taste.

[one-more-lho-stick]

“God I hate Guard coffee. I’m gonna go toss back another 12 cups.”

[ask-the-ursa-mother]

REPOST AND BOLD WHAT YOUR MUSE CAN DO. ( italics for what they could do, but have never attempted to. )

swim   /   scubadive   /   read and write   /   do calligraphy   /   ride a bike   /   ride a unicycle   /   ride a motorcycle   /   drive   /   draw   /   sing   /   play an instrument   /   maintain a rhythm   /   converse in a language   /   converse in more than two languages   /   converse in more than four languages   /   do basic maths   /   do algebra   /   understand structural formulas   /   read a floorplan   /   assemble ikea   /   build a working piece of furniture   /   build a house   /   sew a button   /   customise clothes   /   make clothes   /   bind a book   /   use a vacuum   /   clean windows without leaving streaks   /   boil water   /   make pasta   /   remove the pit of an avocado   /   cut bell peppers   /   cook   /   bake   /   basic first aid   /   cpr   /   close a bullet wound   /   fire a gun   /   load a gun   /   shuffle a deck of cards   /   shuffle a deck of cards one-handed   /   play or read tarot   /   use matches   /   use a lighter   /   make a fire without either   /   code   /   start a computer   /   hack   /   steal a car without keys   /   pick a lock   /   kick down a door   /   throw a punch   /   put an opponent smaller than them into a chokehold   /   put an opponent larger than them into a chokehold   /   intentionally break a bone   /   make a cast   /   chop down a tree   /   put up a tent   /   make a knot   /   create a shelter without tools or brought materials   /   make a cocktail   /   cut a line of cocaine   /   change a diaper   /   recite a nursery rhyme from memory   /   recite an important religious code from memory   /   recite the table of elements from memory   /   recite all pokemon in the pokemon song from memory   /   recite a 10-digit code 24 hours later after only reading it once   /   tell a person’s zodiac sign   /   tell a person’s age   /   play football   /   play basketball   /   play another ball sport   /   iceskate   /   use an audio recording device   /   use a camera   /   tattoo   /   do a piercing.

Tagged by: N/A Tagging: @randomnightlord @lord-kallig @ask-lord-commander-dante and whoever else wants to do it

[ask-lord-commander-dante]

swim   /   scubadive   /   read and write   /   do calligraphy   /   ride a bike   /   ride a unicycle   /   ride a motorcycle   /   drive   /   draw   /   sing  /   play an instrument   /   maintain a rhythm   /   converse in a language   /   converse in more than two languages  /   converse in more than four languages   /   do basic maths   /   do algebra   /   understand structural formulas   /   read a floorplan   /   assemble ikea   /   build a working piece of furniture   /   build a house   /   sew a button   /   customise clothes   /   make clothes   /   bind a book   /   use a vacuum   /   clean windows without leaving streaks   /   boil water   /   make pasta   /   remove the pit of an avocado   /   cut bell peppers   /   cook   /   bake   /   basic first aid   /   cpr   /   close a bullet wound   /   fire a gun   /   load a gun   /   shuffle a deck of cards   /   shuffle a deck of cards one-handed   /   play or read tarot   /   use matches   /   use a lighter   /   make a fire without either   /   code   /   start a computer  /   hack   /   steal a car without keys   /   pick a lock   /   kick down a door   /   throw a punch   /   put an opponent smaller than them into a chokehold   /   put an opponent larger than them into a chokehold   /   intentionally break a bone   /   make a cast   /   chop down a tree   /   put up a tent   /   make a knot   /   create a shelter without tools or brought materials   /   make a cocktail   /   cut a line of cocaine   /   change a diaper  /   recite a nursery rhyme from memory   /   recite an important religious code from memory   /   recite the table of elements from memory   /   recite all pokemon in the pokemon song from memory   /   recite a 10-digit code 24 hours later after only reading it once   /   tell a person’s zodiac sign   /   tell a person’s age   /   play football   /   play basketball   /   play another ball sport   /   iceskate   /   use an audio recording device   /   use a camera   /  tattoo   /   do a piercing.

[one-more-lho-stick]

swim   /   scubadive   /   read and write   /   do calligraphy   /   ride a bike   /  ride a unicycle   /   ride a motorcycle  /   drive   /   draw   /   sing /   play an instrument   /   maintain a rhythm   /   converse in a language   /   converse in more than two languages /   converse in more than four languages   /  do basic maths   /   do algebra   /   understand structural formulas   /   read a floorplan   /   assemble ikea   /   build a working piece of furniture   /   build a house   /   sew a button   /   customise clothes   /   make clothes   /   bind a book  /   use a vacuum   /   clean windows without leaving streaks   /   boil water   /  make pasta   /   remove the pit of an avocado   /   cut bell peppers   /   cook   /   bake   /   basic first aid   /   cpr   /   close a bullet wound   /   fire a gun   /   load a gun   /   shuffle a deck of cards   /   shuffle a deck of cards one-handed   /   play or read tarot   /   use matches   /   use a lighter   /   make a fire without either   /   code   /   start a computer /   hack   /   steal a car without keys  /   pick a lock   /   kick down a door   /   throw a punch   /   put an opponent smaller than them into a chokehold   /   put an opponent larger than them into a chokehold   /   intentionally break a bone   /   make a cast   /   chop down a tree   /   put up a tent   /   make a knot   /   create a shelter without tools or brought materials   /   make a cocktail   /   cut a line of cocaine   /   change a diaper /   recite a nursery rhyme from memory   /   recite an important religious code from memory   /   recite the table of elements from memory   /   recite all pokemon in the pokemon song from memory   /   recite a 10-digit code 24 hours later after only reading it once   /   tell a person’s zodiac sign   /   tell a person’s age   /   play football   /   play basketball   /   play another ball sport   /   iceskate  /   use an audio recording device   /   use a camera   / tattoo   /   do a piercing.

[one-more-lho-stick]

'Hey Veronica! Mess hall said theie pilot light is broken, they want you to light the stove again!' @cadian-remnant

“Have none of you heard of matches.” @cadian-remnant

[cadian-remnant]

‘Departmento said matches are coming with the next shipment.’ Veronika paused.

‘Five years ago probably.’

[one-more-lho-stick]

“….oh, that’s why people have been so eager to trade me lho-sticks. I thought that people just had finally taken a shine to me. Damn.”

[cadian-remnant]

‘For the most part probably… I mean, I’ve taken a shine to you. That’s why I volunteered to let you know about the kitchens… the others were going to draw straws.’

[one-more-lho-stick]

“...hmmpf. You want a light while I’m up?”

[one-more-lho-stick]

'Hey Veronica! Mess hall said theie pilot light is broken, they want you to light the stove again!' @cadian-remnant

“Have none of you heard of matches.” @cadian-remnant

[cadian-remnant]

‘Departmento said matches are coming with the next shipment.’ Veronika paused.

'Five years ago probably.’

[one-more-lho-stick]

“....oh, that’s why people have been so eager to trade me lho-sticks. I thought that people just had finally taken a shine to me. Damn.”

[one-more-lho-stick]

'Hey Veronica! Mess hall said theie pilot light is broken, they want you to light the stove again!' @cadian-remnant

“Have none of you heard of matches.” @cadian-remnant

[cadian-remnant]

😠

‘So, I know the regimental standard likes to claim our rations are second to none…’

'But they’re absolutely shit. One time I stole some rations from a secessionist camp we raided. It was better by far. Can we just, get better supplies so we can actually do our jobs please?’

'Oh, yes Commissarr, I’d love some more rations! They’re my favourite.’

[ask-a-tempestus-scion-deactivat]

“Ah yes rations… a classic problem that one, though sometimes the rations themselves can be described as 'air that you breathe’ type.”

[cadian-remnant]

'That’s still better than “processed dead people”. Also don’t you Scions get better rations than us grunts?’

[ask-a-tempestus-scion-deactivat]

“Depends on what you call better, ours usually looks like grey paste, pumped directly from our masks.”

[cadian-remnant]

'What’s it taste like?’

[ask-a-tempestus-scion-deactivat]

“Nothing, other than a smear of cold grit, which is the problem.”

[cadian-remnant]

'Damn. At least your grit is cold. They always serve ours hot enough to burn your tongue. And somehow the damn stuff takes over an hour to cool.’

[one-more-lho-stick]

“Huh. So THAT’S why the grunts take so long to eat. It’s really that hot? I thought they were just chatty.”

[cadian-remnant]

‘How did you not notice?’

'Someone from the Third Platoon tried to scoff it down on a dare and got second degree burns in his mouth!’

[one-more-lho-stick]

“I routinely swallow hot ashes, Nika, I’m literally immune to heat. The Scholastica Psykana called it ‘ personalized high grade unconscious psychic power use’, which translates to “Some pyromancer shit”

[cadian-remnant]

'That’s…’ Veronika paused. 'I have no idea how you do that.’

'Also, so what you’re saying is… you can run in front of a Hellhound and not even break a sweat?’

'That’s pretty badass.’

[one-more-lho-stick]

“I could, assuming that I wanted to burn my robes, hat, flak armor, staff, laspistol, lhosticks and so on to ash, leaving me naked and in hot water for destroying issued equipment.”

[cadian-remnant]

😠

'So, I know the regimental standard likes to claim our rations are second to none...'

'But they're absolutely shit. One time I stole some rations from a secessionist camp we raided. It was better by far. Can we just, get better supplies so we can actually do our jobs please?'

'Oh, yes Commissarr, I'd love some more rations! They're my favourite.'

[ask-a-tempestus-scion-deactivat]

"Ah yes rations... a classic problem that one, though sometimes the rations themselves can be described as 'air that you breathe' type."

[cadian-remnant]

'That's still better than "processed dead people". Also don't you Scions get better rations than us grunts?'

[ask-a-tempestus-scion-deactivat]

"Depends on what you call better, ours usually looks like grey paste, pumped directly from our masks."

[cadian-remnant]

'What's it taste like?'

[ask-a-tempestus-scion-deactivat]

"Nothing, other than a smear of cold grit, which is the problem."

[cadian-remnant]

'Damn. At least your grit is cold. They always serve ours hot enough to burn your tongue. And somehow the damn stuff takes over an hour to cool.'

[one-more-lho-stick]

“Huh. So THAT’S why the grunts take so long to eat. It’s really that hot? I thought they were just chatty.”

[cadian-remnant]

'How did you not notice?'

'Someone from the Third Platoon tried to scoff it down on a dare and got second degree burns in his mouth!'

[one-more-lho-stick]

“I routinely swallow hot ashes, Nika, I’m literally immune to heat. The Scholastica Psykana called it ‘ personalized high grade unconscious psychic power use’, which translates to “Some pyromancer shit”

[one-more-lho-stick]

[cadian-remnant]

😠

'So, I know the regimental standard likes to claim our rations are second to none...'

'But they're absolutely shit. One time I stole some rations from a secessionist camp we raided. It was better by far. Can we just, get better supplies so we can actually do our jobs please?'

'Oh, yes Commissarr, I'd love some more rations! They're my favourite.'

[ask-a-tempestus-scion-deactivat]

"Ah yes rations... a classic problem that one, though sometimes the rations themselves can be described as 'air that you breathe' type."

[cadian-remnant]

'That's still better than "processed dead people". Also don't you Scions get better rations than us grunts?'

[ask-a-tempestus-scion-deactivat]

"Depends on what you call better, ours usually looks like grey paste, pumped directly from our masks."

[cadian-remnant]

'What's it taste like?'

[ask-a-tempestus-scion-deactivat]

"Nothing, other than a smear of cold grit, which is the problem."

[cadian-remnant]

'Damn. At least your grit is cold. They always serve ours hot enough to burn your tongue. And somehow the damn stuff takes over an hour to cool.'

[one-more-lho-stick]

“Huh. So THAT’S why the grunts take so long to eat. It’s really that hot? I thought they were just chatty.”

[one-more-lho-stick]

😠

“Well, our last shipment of rope got uhhhhh redirected by the infinite wisdom of the Departmento Munitorum, so the Commisar has been using steel cable for floggings. Everyone’s been on best behavior but someone is gonna get spinal damage at this rate.”