Transgender in Church
I sit quietly, No one really knows me
I started off, the rambunctious kid
Always being told “Girls don’t behave that way”
I knew I was not a girl.
Scolded, threatened, sometimes hit, or worse
I fell silent,
A mistake
I know the G-d made me, I am his child, Precious, unique and loved,
But not here
I try to be a girl, then a woman
Fighting for women in the church to be who G-d created them to be
Yes they can preach, Yes they can serve
I feel fake, numb, an alien at woman’s functions
I quietly die sitting next to you pretending to be who I am not
I feel trapped in a shell, numb, trying not to feel it
I suffocate until I can bear it no more,
I fight with myself, a body under siege as I cut, bind or starve it
I need to live, I need to feel, I need to be what I was created to be
G-d has a plan for me, but I cannot see the big picture, no one can
I am not perfect, and never will be,
If I said something would you leave?
If I told you it was killing me would you still hate me?
I know we are asked to love, not hate, but with every mention from the media about people who suffer like I do, the hate banners come out. Fighting, shouting, quick to judge
Where are the fruits of the spirt? Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control
I am patient, I stay silent, I see the path a head of me and I am alone
Not really alone, I know G-d did not abandon me,
He knows me, the real me, and loves me, has plans for me,
I just need to hang in there,
But it has become too much, this weight on my chest needs to be lifted,
I bind it, ignore it, but it keeps coming back taunting me
If I told you I was sick, would you send cards?
I don’t tell you because I fear you would leave sooner
I walk alone down a path towards some relief knowing I will be judged by you for it
Nothing I found in the Bible says I have to keep my chest,
It is killing me slowly,
I feel better when it is bound, but that only last for so long,
A hug that reminds me, I am more than my biology, what people think I should be
I try not to fuss with it in church, people ask if I lost weight, staring awkwardly at where something should be
If I get surgery will you pray for me, will someone come to the hospital, will you visit me when I get home?
I remember cooking or baking or putting together little gifts to cheer others up when they were sick, or in the hospital,
But not for me, not for this
If I told you it was killing me, how many times it almost did, would you understand then? Would you stay?
I walk down a lonely road, hoping one day you will understand
Hoping that the last Sunday before surgery would not be my last,
That I would still have my family,
A place to go to know I am not really alone
#transgender #nonbinary








