This morning between 2:50am and 3:26am, I made the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make in all my 24 trips around the sun.
My sweet angel, Luna Soleil, 1 year and 9 months old, has had a growing tumor on her back for about two months. I didn’t have the money to take her to the vet, but she continued to surprise me every day by pulling through.
This morning at 2:01 am, she came out of her nest to greet me, but it ended up being my worst nightmare. My little girl, was covered in blood…and still, she continued to run around doing her hamster thing. I began to panic, crying, because I didn’t know what to do for her. I have $7 to my name so I knew the animal hospital was a long shot, but I called anyways. Unfortunately, the only place open this late, doesn’t care for “exotic” pets and they wouldn’t even give me advice. I woke Phil up and we got her out of her cage to try and clean her up and nurse her wounds. Sadly, it kept bleeding…we knew that she would not recover from it, especially at her age, she was about 96 in hamster years. I knew this was coming, but I didn’t think it would be so soon. I didn’t think it would happen this way…I kept thinking, “Maybe if I can stop the bleeding, she’ll be better tomorrow!”, but no matter how much I held the cotton round against her wound, she continued bleeding.
At 3am, I realized that my desperate attempt to save her was not. In fact, I may even be causing her more pain…She may not even live to see dawn….
At 3:15am, I kissed my baby girl and said goodbye. I gave Phil the go ahead to return to creator his beautiful creation…And I’m blessed to have had Phil there to help me because I damn sure was not capable of doing it myself.
You may think I’m crazy by saying this, but then I would ask you, “Do you not know love?” Love truly is more than just a four letter word. And if you’ve ever experienced it, you’ll know just how sacred it is. True love is a spiritual bond, once it is given, you can’t take it back. It’s devotion. It’s sacrificing. It’s a warm embrace. It’s medicine. It’s beauty. It’s home. I heard my baby girl’s cute squeak one last time as Phil released her spirit in the woods while I cried in the house as she took flight. I didn’t hear it in person! My love for her had us connected spiritually!
As a side note: No matter how big or small, wild or domestic, love and care for the fur babies, they are not toys or meant to stay locked up in a cage as an attraction. These animals didn’t choose us, we chose them. Rodent or not, my Luna deserved love and compassion. I’m just dying inside, I feel so helpless, like a bad fur mom for not being able to take her to the vet. But, I know my decision, no matter how painful, was the most loving and merciful one. Something I owed to her for the time and love she shared with me.
Luna was a true treasure, the sweetest, most lovable, cutest hamster ever! I saw more than just a $12 hamster, she was meant to be my child from the moment I laid eyes on her. Her name may sound simple to most, but I named my legendary friend after the sun and moon during my spiritual rebirth. She is the child of a goddess, four legged and all.
She came home with me in November of 2019. I was looking around the enclosures for my match, and there she was, on two paws, staring at me with her adorable little red eyes, as if she was trying to tell me we’re meant to be, and we definitely were!
I am grateful that creator gave me this blessing to share life with. She gave me the best medicines of all every time I saw and held her, love and joy. She will be greatly missed!
Thank you Luna for sharing your life with me, I love you so much and miss you like crazy! May you have all the seeds you want and the coolest playground in hamster heaven, my angel.
October 01, 2019 - July 16, 2021
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