love, or the lack thereof

because it can’t be all sorrow, can it?

[onepmagain]

october 25th, 2022. im feeling extremely strange. it’s as if i’m burning with all the feelings in the world, but at the same time i feel nothing but static and an all-consuming void. i want everything. i want nothing. i want you closer. i want you as far away as possible. i care too much. i don’t care at all. i wanna live my life. i don’t think there’s anything worth living for.

[onepmagain]

august 21st, 2022. tired of feeling like a living ghost. tired of life and i being separated by a thin, translucent veil. tired of asking myself if i’m indeed real or if i’m gods pain grieving. can you see me? can anyone see me?

[onepmagain]

have you ever noticed how people often talk about romantic heartbreaks and how devastating they are, but they rarely speak about the excruciating pain of losing a friend? losing a friend is losing a part of yourself, of your soul, a percentage of your capacity to love. losing a friend is to never be whole again, because that piece of you they took with them when they left will forever be theirs to keep. it’s remembering them randomly at 3AM and feeling a suffocating pang in your chest. it’s having so much of them in you that you feel like they’ve grew inside of you like ivy and now you’re not sure how to be yourself without them around. losing a friend is the worst kind of heartbreak there is and do you know why? because it’s that kind of pain that nothing could ever ease nor all the time in the world could ever mend. you can forget it sometimes but that feeling of grief in the back of your throat will never go away. ever. and that’s why people don’t usually talk about it. it’s too painful.