powered by zero sleep and an insane amount of coffee.
SUNDAY MOURNING | JOEL MILLER
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Seeing the AD in the Sunday paper changed your whole life. Maybe you could even change Joel Miller's, too.
SILVER SEAMS | DIN DJARIN
ao3 | series masterlist | taglist
As a seamstress on Naboo, the rare occasion you get a strange customer isn't unheard of. But the second the beskar-bound warrior, Din Djarin, sets foot in your shop, you can't help but struggle with your comfort... and your heart.
powered by zero sleep and an insane amount of coffee.
SUNDAY MOURNING | JOEL MILLER
ao3 | series masterlist | taglist
Seeing the AD in the Sunday paper changed your whole life. Maybe you could even change Joel Miller's, too.
SILVER SEAMS | DIN DJARIN
ao3 | series masterlist | taglist
As a seamstress on Naboo, the rare occasion you get a strange customer isn't unheard of. But the second the beskar-bound warrior, Din Djarin, sets foot in your shop, you can't help but struggle with your comfort... and your heart.
WARNING: Talk of death, death of characters, and religious trauma.
a/n: i'm absolutely jealous of people who can write more than 4k for a chapter haha! for some reason, it's like i have a personal cap on how much i can write for one. also, i'm still working on setting up my taglist, so apologies if anyone has been wanting to be tagged!
"The voice of thy brother's blood crieth unto me from the ground."
Genesis 4:10
The evening settled over Miller Ranch with the kind of comfort that only seemed possible out in the country. The house was quiet and still after Janet left.ย
ย Tommy had made his own departure shortly after her, two plates of wrapped-up chicken spaghetti and peach cobbler in tow. The storm had finally started sometime after his departure.ย
Soft drops tapped against the windows while thunder rumbled far off in the distance. The smell of dinner still lingered in the kitchen, mixing with the old wood and the earthiness of the storm drifting in from the open screen door.ย
The silence during dinner had been unbearable. Two strangers sharing a meal, the forks scraping against ceramic, silent chewing. The vibes around both of you are stifling and awkward.
You stood at the sink now, sleeves rolled up, scrubbing one of Janetโs casserole dishes. Joel had washed and dried both Penny and Pickle for the night about an hour ago, and both had decided to lie by your feet.ย ย
โYou donโt have to clean up, you know,โ Joel said from behind you as he carried in the last of the plates and silverware and sitting them beside the sink with a soft clink. Penny huffed from beneath you. โI can handle all that stuff.โ
โIsnโt this a part of the job, Mr. Miller?โ You looked over at him.ย
He was leaning with his back against the counter and staring down sleepily at the two balls of fur.ย
โJoel.โ
You smiled at him then, his eyes meeting yours with a slight, amused glint in them. His hair was tousled, the exhaustion heavy on his face still.ย
โWell, Joel,โ you said softly, putting his mamaโs cleaned casserole dish on the drying mat next to the sink. A window with soft blue curtains sat in front of the sink, and you could see the last bits of storm rolling through the night, the glow of the porch light making the water droplets shimmer. โHow โbout you go lie down for the night, and I'll finish up here.โย
He huffed and crossed his arms over his chest in defiance.ย
โWho made you boss of this house, maโam?โ His voice filled with mock-authority as he teased you. A small smirk flicked across his face as he wrestled with keeping the stone-cold demeanor he was trying to portray.ย
You snorted at him, wiping your hands on the washcloth that was lying next to the sink. โI think I'm gonna like working for you, Joel Miller.โ
โI wouldnโt say that just yet,โ he chuckled softly, the playfulness still evident in his tone. โYou should wait until the gremlin comes back from my Mamaโs.โ
A full-blown laugh escaped from you, the quietness of the dinner fully forgotten as the two of you seemed to flow into comfortable conversation. Penny and Pickle both jumped from underneath you, wagging their tails at the sound of your voice carrying out through the kitchen.ย
โTommy had me convinced you didn't joke at all,โ you admitted with a smile.
He shook his head lightly.
โTommy exaggerates.โ
โI'm beginning to figure that out.โ
โGood,โ he replied with a small smirk. โSave yourself some trouble.โ
You wiped down the counter while he dried off the now-clean dishes, setting aside his mamaโs belongings to return to her when she came back with Ellie. It was obvious he'd done this routine countless times before.
โThank you,โ you said after a moment. โFor the room and everything.โ
He paused briefly before starting to put away the dishes with soft clanks and creaking cabinet doors opening and closing.
โAin't necessary,โ he answered simply. โYou're here to help with Ellie, and we got all this space anyway.โ
You nodded.
โI know. I'm still grateful.โ
For a second, he didn't say anything. His eyes drifted toward the rain-darkened windows before he gave a small shrug.ย
โMama would've had my hide if I treated ya like some maid.โ
The image of Janet fussing over her sons made you smile. You could see the woman was full of fire. The way she had carried herself and how she had taken charge, not with harshness and hate, but with a nurturing spirit that inclined anyone to do what she said.ย
โShe seems like a wonderful woman.โ
โShe is,โ Joel agreed quietly. โLikes takin' care of people.โ
โOh, I noticed.โ
Another rumble of thunder shook the old house. You glanced toward the front windows and watched rainwater stream off the porch roof in steady sheets.
โStorm's really coming down now,โ you observed, leaning over the sink to look deeper out the window.
Joel followed your gaze.
โPower goes out every now and then during storms like this. If it does, flashlights are in the drawer beside the refrigerator.โ
You nodded, mentally filing the information away.
โGood to know.โ
He rubbed the back of his neck and stepped away from the counter.
โWell,โ he said after a brief pause, โyou've had a long day. Should probably get some rest.โ
โProbably,โ you agreed. An awkward silence settled between you again.ย
Not uncomfortable, just unfamiliar. Two people, still learning where they stood with one another and how this was going to play out from here.
โGoodnight, Joel.โ
He gave a small nod.
โNight, ma'am.โ His southern drawl low and grumbly with sleepiness.ย
You smiled despite yourself.
โThought we agreed on first names.โ
A faint trace of amusement crossed his face. โHabit.โ
And with that, he disappeared toward the living room and up the stairs, Penny and Pickle picking themselves up to follow him, and leaving you standing in the warm kitchen all alone.
โฆ โโโโโ โง โโโโโ โฆ
In the three weeks you had been there, Ellie had taken to you quicker than anybody had thought she would. And not just her, but all the Millers had in their own little ways.ย
Tommy showed you how to feed the animals. Taking you and Ellie out to the barn with some feed and treats every once in a while when the sun wasnโt beating down, and everything was starting to still.ย
Joel made sure you were well taken care of. He had developed a habit now of making sure all of your needs were met without even knowing you had any needs that even needed to be met at all.ย
The porch? A new fan had been set up where you sat with Ellie and his mama every morning as he and his brother worked out in the pasture with the cattle.
You making a comment about wanting a small snack? The pantry had been stocked the next day with anything and everything you could have wanted.
And Janet, the most doting of them all,ย would come over every morning to drink coffee and take over your household chores for most of the day when she could. She coddled and endlessly fussed over you nonstop.ย
Taking care of Ellie during the day had been the easiest part, but when night struck and the house was ready for sleep, the true struggle began.ย
You had now learned why Joel had looked so exhausted the first time you met.ย
Ellie kicked and screamed at you now for the fourth time that night, her face almost purple with how loud she was screaming. The tears had rolled down her temples as you rocked her in your arms in the middle of her pretty-princess-pink room.ย
You had tried every lullaby you knew.ย
โRock-a-bye, Babyโ? You just actually ended her entire bloodline in the first verse.
โTwinkle Twinkle Little Starโ? Might as well have burnt her entire toy collection in front of her.ย
โHush, Little Babyโ? Who even are you, lady?ย
Nothing has seemed to help; the screams echoing throughout the house and your own exhaustion making her whole body ache and your head pound painfully.ย
It didnโt help that Joel would wait by the door every couple of minutes, pacing back and forth between his room and Ellieโs.
You knew he wanted to help and had watched you throughout the days following with worried eyes. Had even caught you drifting off one afternoon at dinner, a half-eaten bowl of spaghetti sitting in front of you, waiting to paint your face with tomato sauce.
But you knew how important his sleep was, and how much you had told him, โI've got this, Joel,โ and โI'll let you know when I need you.โย
Tonight, though, you needed him.
โJoel?โ You croaked out, Ellie still screaming and wriggling in your arms. You swayed side to side on instinct now, the same movements youโd been doing for hours.
The door creaked open softly, and Joel stuck his head in the opening.
ย You looked a mess, hair sticking up every which way, and your shirt bunched up in the fists of the distraught toddler.
โSheโs whoopinโ your ass, ainโt she?โ He half-heartedly teased. His own appearance was disheveled almost as much as yours was.ย
His farmer's tan peaked out from his white, cotton shirt as he creaked open Ellieโs bedroom door, her cries winding down a little at Joelโs voice before cranking back up.ย
You smiled at him tiredly. โI would say so.โย
Joel let out a quiet huff through his nose, a noise somewhere between amusement and sympathy. He stepped farther into the room, one hand rubbing at his jaw as he watched Ellie attempt to claw and wrangle her way out of your arms.ย
โBeen at it long?โ he asked. You could tell he was pretending like he hadnโt been pacing back and forth between his room and the hallway.
You glanced toward the clock on the dresser and nearly groaned.
โTwo hours.โ
His eyebrows lifted.
โJesus.โ
โDonโt sound too impressed.โ
โI ainโt impressed,โ he answered dryly. โIโm concerned.โ
Despite yourself, you laughed weakly. Ellie immediately shrieked louder, her tiny fists tightening in the front of your shirt. Joel winced.
โAlright, alright, baby girl,โ he murmured toward his daughter, coming closer to where he could hover over both you and the tiny toddler. โYou lettinโ the whole county know youโre upset?โ
The toddler stretched toward him immediately.
You blinked.
โTraitor,โ you whispered dramatically.
Joelโs mouth twitched. โShe knows quality service when she sees it.โ
Carefully, he reached out and took Ellie from your arms. The moment she settled against his chest, her cries softened into hiccupping sobs. Joel adjusted her against his shoulder automatically, his large hand rubbing slow circles across her back.
You stared.
โAre you serious?โ
His brow furrowed.
โWhat?โ
โAfter all this time I tried puttinโ her to sleep, and she went down just like that?โ
โShe ainโt asleep yet.โ
โShe practically wrote me a letter of resignation.โ
Joelโs lips twitched again.
โSheโs just havinโ a hard time.โ He smoothed down her hair with one of his hands, the roughness of labor evident on his tanned skin.ย
โSo am I.โ
โCan tell.โ
You narrowed your eyes at him as he let out an airy laugh. โIs my suffering funny to you, Joel Miller?โ
โNo, maโam.โ
The answer came so quickly that you almost missed the amusement hidden underneath it. โNo?โ
โNo.โ He bounced Ellie gently. a small, mischievous smirk. โWell, a lilโ bit.โ
You shook your head in disbelief and dropped heavily into the rocking chair beside the crib. Every muscle in your body ached, and you couldnโt seem to remember the last time youโd been, or felt, this tired.
Joel looked down at Ellie, whose cries had dwindled into sleepy whimpers.
โWas hard for her after her parents passed,โ Joel quietly confessed, looking down at the bundled little girl. Her cries had dwindled down to hiccups and whimpers.ย
The look on your face must have said more than you could have even tried to attempt at that moment.
โIโm her godfather,โ he said, and patted her back gently. You could see the sadness in his face as he looked down at her as she laid in his arms. โFreak car accidentโฆ My best friends.โ
You gasped softly and moved your hand over your heart.ย
โThe state called me the next day, asked me if I could take her.โ He shook his head to himself. โLord knew I couldnโt take care of her by myself though.โ
He looked at you then, the expressiveness in his eyes stilling you beneath his gaze. You felt tears welting into your own.ย
โThatโs so sad, Joel.โ Your voice came out with barely the volume of a whisper. You squinted your eyes hard, fighting back the wetness in them.ย
You could only think of Ellie and how guilty you felt getting frustrated with her cries. How hard it must have been for her to adjust to this new life without the only people she knew to rely on.ย
Ellie snuggled against Joel, her breath now calm and steady as deep sleep took control of her.ย
โHuh, thatโs the quickest sheโs fallen asleep with me.โ Joel shook his head ever so slightly and moved to put her into her crib. He slipped her out of his arms quickly, patting her back in the process to help soothe her transition.ย
You both snuck out of the room. You had been careful to get out of the chair without a creak and even more careful not to let the door click loudly behind the two of you as it shut.
โThank you,โ you whispered, leaning on your own bedroom door now as Joel towered over you. You could smell the strong laundry detergent on his clothes, the clean scent lingering in the air around you.ย
Joel looked almost confused by your gratitude.
โFor what?โ he asked quietly.
โFor rescuing me from your daughter.โ
A tired smile appeared on his face.
โShe ainโt usually that hard to put down.โ
โLiar.โ You teased and a small smile flickered on his face. He chuckled softly under his breath.
โAlright, maybe she is.โ
You smiled, but it quickly faded as your thoughts drifted back to what he had told you in Ellieโs room.
โIโm sorry about your friends,โ you said gently. โI canโt imagineโฆโ
Joel lowered his eyes for a moment.
โNeither could I.โ
His voice was quiet, carrying none of the humor from earlier.
โThey were good people. Better people than me, probably.โ He rubbed the back of his neck and shrugged like he regretted saying even that much. โDidnโt exactly expect to be raisinโ somebody elseโs kid.โ
โBut you did it anyway.โ
He looked back at you.
โWhat was I supposed to do?โ he asked simply. โShe needed somebody.โ
The answer came so naturally, as though there had never been another option. As though loving Ellie had been the easiest decision heโd ever made.
โYou make it sound simple,โ you said softly, looking up at him.
โIt ainโt.โ
His answer was immediate.
โI was grievinโ. I had no idea what I was gonna do. Hell, some days I still donโt.โ
He let out a quiet breath.
โBut sheโs family, blood or not.โ
The words settled warmly in your chest.
Family.
You had watched the Millers care for one another from the moment you arrived. Janet showing up with enough food to feed an army. Tommy dropped everything whenever Joel needed help. The way Ellie reached for her uncle and grandmother with complete trust. And now this.
A man who had rearranged his entire life for a little girl who wasnโt his by blood. Your eyes burned again.ย
โSheโs lucky to have you,โ you whispered.
Joelโs expression softened in a way you hadnโt seen before.
โNo,โ he said quietly. โThink I got the better end of that deal.โ
For a moment, neither of you spoke. The hallway lamp cast a warm glow across the old wood floors, and somewhere downstairs you could hear the grandfather clock ticking away the late hour.ย
Joel glanced toward your door. โYou should get some sleep.โ
You laughed weakly.
โI plan on sleeping until next Thursday.โ
โGood luck with that.โ
โNot encouraging, Joel.โ
โJust honest.โ
You smiled.
โGoodnight.โ
โโNight.โ
He started toward his room before stopping after only a few steps. Without turning around, he spoke quietly. โAndโฆ thank you.โ
You blinked.
โFor what?โ
โFor takinโ care of me and my babygirl.โ
The words were simple. But something about the way he said them made your heart ache.
Before you could answer, he disappeared into his bedroom and softly shut the door behind him. You stood there alone in the hallway for another moment, listening to the peaceful silence that had finally settled over the house.
You opened your own bedroom door, and it creaked open as everything in this house did. Your bed was pushed into the corner, the linen clean and perfectly pressed on the mattress. Your cleaning habits were pristine, ingrained in you since you were little.ย
โCleanliness is holiness,โ your daddy would say, the words slurring off his lips at suppertime. Your mama would nod along to his words, her mind elsewhere as he ingrained his biblical โtruthsโ into you.ย
Really, you knew now, he just liked having his mess picked up behind him and his clothes folded up perfectly by you and your mama.
You shook your head at your own thoughts, wiping away your mama and daddyโs presence in the space. The action sent a shiver through your body.ย
You laid in your bed, the mattress conforming to your stiff body. The stress of standing for so long to lay down Ellie for the night was making its presence very known.ย
You looked over at the baby camera Joel had set up on your nightstand the night you moved in. Ellie was flipped on her stomach now, her arms and legs splayed out comfortably. You could barely see the rise and fall of her breathing.
A yawn followed by a soft shimmy into the covers lulled you to sleep.
ย February 14, 2010
The cold had settled deep into Joel's bones by noon.
Not the kind that came with snow, East Texas rarely bothered with that, but the wet, miserable kind that crept beneath layers and stayed there.ย
The February sky hung low and gray above the ranch, threatening rain that hadn't quite decided whether it wanted to fall yet.
Joel yanked his gloves off with his teeth and wiped his nose on the sleeve of his flannel before reaching for another section of fencing.
"One day," Tommy announced dramatically from twenty feet away, "I'm gonna be rich enough to pay somebody else to do this."
Joel snorted.
"With what money?"
"The money I'm gonna make when my charm finally starts payin' off."
"Brother, if charm paid bills, you'd still be broke."
Tommy grinned beneath the brim of his ballcap.
The ranch had been keeping both of them busy lately. Winter always meant repairs. Fence posts, busted pipes, equipment maintenance. There was always something demanding attention. The air smelled like damp earth and cattle.
A pair of calves bawled somewhere in the distance while the dogs raced each other through the mud near the barn. It wasn't glamorous work, but it was theirs.
Joel had just driven another staple into the fence when his phone vibrated in his jacket pocket.
He frowned. Most folks knew not to bother him during the workday unless it mattered.
He pulled the phone free. An unfamiliar number flashed across the screen.
"You gonna answer that?" Tommy asked, stretching a length of wire between two posts. Joel shrugged and pressed the flip phone to his ear, the plastic warm from being stuffed in the front pocket of his jeans.ย
"Miller Ranch, Joel speakinโ."
There was a brief pause. Then a woman's voice answered, her voice an annoyingly shrill frequency that already gave him the worst headache imaginable.ย
"Hello, can you hear me, Mr. Joel?"
"Yes, maโam." He said gruffly, rubbing the bridge of his nose with his thumb and pointer finger.
"My name is Diane Walker. I'm with Texas Child Protective Services." She said curtly. Joel could hear the sound of background chatter and the small grumbling of someoneโs baby in the background.ย
Joel straightened slowly. Across the fence line, Tommy glanced over.
The woman's voice softened.
"Mr. Miller, first, I want to say how sorry I am to contact you this way."
Something cold settled in Joel's stomach.
"Contact me about what?"
Another pause.
"You were listed as an emergency contact for aโฆ Ellie Williams? Daughter of Bill and Frank?"
The hammer slipped from Joel's hand and landed in the mud.
Tommy stood upright immediately.
Joel barely noticed.
Because all he could hear was the woman on the other end saying words that suddenly didn't make any sense.
"There was an accident this morning..."
โฆ โโโโโ โง โโโโโ โฆ
Ellie sniffled in Joelโs arms as he dropped the bags by the front door. One night in the hospital with her had absolutely beaten the energy out of him.ย
It was a miracle, really.ย
Ellie unscathed.ย
The vehicle had been completely totaled. Bill and Frank had passed on impact, a blessing in disguise.ย
And Ellie?
Completely fine. No scratches. No bruises. No whiplash.ย
Nothing.
But Joel knew.ย
Knew that just because her body wasnโt damaged, her mind sure as hell was. She had been screaming when he first saw her. Her small body was hooked up to every machine they could have possibly had in that room.
He couldnโt stomach it, not afterโฆ
No.
Next thing he knew, there were stacks and stacks of paperwork in his hands, and the voice of the CPS worker, Diane Walker, screeching in his ear like nails on a chalkboard.ย
He couldnโt focus at all.
The words coming out of Diane Walkerโs mouth blurred together until they stopped sounding like English entirely.
Adoption.
Emergency placement.
Next of kin.
Temporary custody.
Joel had simply stared at the papers in his hands, every line swimming together beneath the fluorescent lights of the hospital waiting room. He had signed where they told him to sign. Initialed where they pointed. He didnโt remember reading any of it.
Because every time he closed his eyes, he saw Ellie.
Not the tiny, giggling girl who used to throw crackers at Bill from her highchair while Frank pretended to scold her.
Not the baby who reached for Joel every Sunday afternoon when heโd come over to help Bill smoke brisket and pretend to talk conspiracy theories.
No.
He saw her in that hospital bed.
Terrified.
Screaming.
Crying so hard she couldnโt catch her breath.
Her little fists clenched around the stuffed rabbit the paramedics had somehow managed to salvage from the wreckage.
And all Joel could think about was another hospital room.
Another little girl.
Another day, heโd spent begging God not to take someone from him.
He couldnโt do that again.
He wouldnโt.
By the time heโd finally managed to get Ellie into the truck that next morning, exhaustion had settled so heavily over him that he felt numb.
ย The little girl had cried herself to sleep somewhere outside of Houston, and she hadnโt stirred once during the drive home.ย
Now, standing in the entryway of the house with a sleeping toddler tucked against his chest, Joel realized something that made panic creep up his spine.
He didnโt have diapers.
Or a crib.
Hell, he didnโt even have a room ready for her.
Ellie squirmed against him with a whimper, burying her face into his neck. Instinctively, Joel adjusted his hold and rubbed his hand over her back.
โItโs alright, babygirl,โ he murmured, his voice rough from lack of sleep. โI got ya.โ
The words left his mouth before he even thought about them.
ย Because that was the problem.
He already loved her.
He loved Bill.
He loved Frank.
And somewhere between backyard barbecues, birthdays, and watching them become parents, Ellie had become one of his own without him ever realizing it.
His younger brother stood frozen in the doorway, grocery bags hanging from both hands. Behind him stood Janet Miller, clutching two packs of diapers to her chest.
All three of them looked at one another.
Then Tommyโs eyes dropped to the sleeping child in Joelโs arms. And without a single question, Janet set the diapers down and crossed the room.
โOh, sweetheart,โ she whispered, tears immediately filling her eyes.
Joel felt his throat tighten.
And for the first time since receiving that phone call yesterday morning-
WARNING: Domestic violence, Domestic Abuse, Hitting, Punching, Blood, Degradation (not the kind we like,) Cheating, Religious Themes/ Trauma, Victim-Blaming. (Let me know if I missed anything.)
ย "And they devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers."
Acts 2:42
November 3, 1987
You had been five-years-old the first time your daddy hit your mama.ย
You remember the way her head had slumped at the impact, like her brain couldnโt catch up to her body. How she would check for you in the middle of the punches, to make sure you were far, far away from your daddyโs fist. Far enough to not see the way her blood splattered on the white, flaking kitchen cabinets.ย
You wanted to run to her for a second, stand in between your mama and daddy, and hope that it would break whatever spell that demon had on him.ย
Mama had told you about demons last year, how Daddy was a good man with an evil, ugly demon inside of him. She had warned you that sin would rip out of him sometimes and to always be careful around Daddy when you felt a demonic presence.
You didnโt understand what any of that meant at all.ย
Until tonight.ย
Mama had gotten back from the churchโs ladies' revival smelling like pine and sweat. The ends of her dress were caked in mud, like she had been dragging it across the soil.ย
It made you wonder if she and her ladies had been dancing outside that night, but you crossed out the thought when you remembered that it was drizzling out the window and that surely Mamaโs lady friends wouldnโt want to get sick in the rain.ย
Mama and Daddy said that dancing was a sin.ย
Maybe that was what Daddy was fixing.
You moved to your knees quickly, clasping your hands together like your mama had taught you when you wanted to ask God for something.ย
โDear God, please donโt let my mama give me the sins,โ you prayed, peeking out with one eye to watch them tousle in the kitchen. You watched as blood poured out of her nose, the impact making it lie crooked on her face. Her eyes looked swollen, and you silently hoped that all that blood would wash away Mama's sins like that story about Jesus in Daddyโs big book. You quickly shut them back, resuming your prayer.ย
โPlease let my daddyโs demon go back inside his body when heโs done fixinโ my mama, amen.โ
The shuffling seemed to die down then, and you could hear your dad dying, huffing and panting like he was exhausted.ย
He was sitting on top of your mama, her body in between his knees, still and silent underneath him. Her breaths came out ragged and low, the only sound it seemed she could make.ย
โIsla, baby,โ your daddy croaked, cradling your mamaโs face in his hands. His knuckles were scraped and swollen, blood beading out from the broken skin. โWhy do ya keep on seeinโ that man?โ
Tears fell down his cheeks and dropped on to your mama beneath him. You could see the pain in his face from here as he cried over her, anguish seeping into the hard lines of his face.
โI didnโt marry no Jezebel, did I?โ he started again, the anger in his voice rising again. He moved to stand above her and looked down on her with a mix of disgust and regret.
She moved by his feet, trying to lift her head but only letting out a pained groan at the attempt.ย
โGod wouldnโt be so cruel taโ give me a whore for a wife, right?โย
What did whore and Jezebel mean? You thought, trying to remember the big words you were learning in first grade.ย
Your teacher said you had something called โa learning disability,โ and that it would take you a little longer than the other kids to catch on to big words.ย
Maybe thatโs why you didnโt know what those words meant.ย
Daddy said you were only allowed to read in school and to never bring anything with words home. Something about โthe lizard-hippies in the government shouldnโt be brainwashing our womenโ and โwhy would they need to read if all they were good for was cleaninโ, cookinโ, and breedin'?!โย
You didnโt know what that word meant either, or what lizard-hippies were.ย
You were definitely going to ask your mama about lizard-hippies when you turned six.ย
โPlease, Joseph,โ your mama whimpered, turning over and pulling her knees into her chest. You noticed mud on the back of her bare calves and the back of her blue dress. You could imagine her lounging on the wet ground, feet crossed at her ankles with no care in the world. โIโm sorry, please, I love you.โ
She begged him over and over, her voice pathetic and scratchy.
Please.
I love you.
I didnโt mean it.
I only want you.
She begged until her words turned into sobs. Like she was scared of him
Absolutely frightened, really.ย
โWhy are you scared of Daddy, Mama?โ You wanted to ask her, knowing that if you did, she would come to her senses and be thankful for Daddyโs help.ย
Because your Daddy was a โGodly man,โ you had been told. And you knew that too. Especially after watching him read the big book to the church ladies and their husbands every Sunday.ย
โDaddyโs washinโ away your sins like Jesus did because he loves you, Mama.โ
Your daddy turned from her then, pulling a red and white box out from his front shirt pocket.ย
You had dug into his drawer one morning while he was gone, your mama still sleeping in the bed. She had a habit of bringing you onto your daddyโs side in the mornings when he was away. And every morning- without fail- you would slink out of the bed and have your own little adventure.ย
You liked the smell of the white sticks inside, the musky and sweetness of them tickling your nose when you would sniff them. It made your head fuzzy and woozy with how strong it was, and you even had one stashed in the back of your closet so you could smell it wherever and whenever you wanted.
His heavy footsteps trailed to the back door, swinging it open with a loud, haunting creak before it slammed shut behind him, the metal of the screen door reverberating loudly throughout the kitchen.ย
Mama still laid there, though, her sobs quieter now.ย
You crawled over to her slowly, your fingers dirtying from the small pieces of dirt and blood droplets on the kitchen linoleum. It felt cool and hard on your knees compared to the scratchy, mildew-scented carpet in the living room your daddy liked so much.ย
The closer you got to her, the more you could see the violent way her body shook. Like she was freezing, even though the November nights were still warm in Southwest Louisiana.
โMama?โ You whispered, poking her shoulder softly. You really, really hoped you wouldnโt catch that ugly sin by doing it.ย
Still shaking, she turned on her back slowly and caressed your cheek with her soft hand. She tucked a thick strand of your hair behind your ear and softly smiled at you, the split in her lip opening more as she did.ย
You laid your head on her chest and listened to her racing heart as it tried to claw out of her chest.ย
Tha-thump, tha-thump, tha-thump.ย
Present day
April 22, 2010
The bus drove slowly through the town, bouncing up and down over potholes and broken roads. The soft country music crackling over the speakers could barely cover the sound of the old engine groaning with each push the driver gave it. Gravel popped beneath the tires as the road beneath you narrowed, civilization disappearing and being replaced with long stretches of the deep woods you now saw.ย
Your head bumped softly on the window, your temple pressed to the glass, and your breath left condensation on the window.ย
Morning fog covered the ground. The sky was grey and dreary, the signs of rain pressing over the deep woods.ย
Your fingers curled around the rolled-up newspaper in your hands, the paper already worn from how many times you had read the ad:
-
-
Father seeking a responsible woman to provide childcare for one-year-old daughter. Room, board, and weekly allowance included. Homekeeping and caretaking experience preferred. One-year commitment requirement.
Private residence and ranch outside Mill Creek, Texas. Transportation can be arranged.ย
There wasnโt much to go off of at all. No photograph, no details, and certainly a place where no one would think to look for you.
A small suitcase sat between your legs, your long skirt draping over it as you sat. You had stuffed a couple of outfits, sparse hygiene products, and a couple of photos of your childhood in it. Everything else was left behind.ย
You had told yourself it was easier that way.ย
Nothing to weigh you down.
Nothing to hold you back.ย
You reached absentmindedly to the chain around your neck before stopping yourself, the skin there bare and empty. Swallowing softly, you looked back through the window.ย
โVisiting family, sugar?โ An elderly woman's voice beside you asked, her words drowning in her sickly, sweet southern drawl.ย
You had forgotten she was even there.ย
She had been silent the entire ride, a crossword in one hand and a pencil scratching along in the other. Everything about her reminded you of the women you had grown up around. Like the church ladies who always brought casseroles after funerals and knew everybody's business before Sunday service ended.ย
You could smell her powder. โWhite lilies, maybe?โ
โNo, maโam,โ you said, smiling at her softly. She looked at you like she was reminiscing, maybe even seeing her younger self sitting there instead of you. โStartinโ a new job.โย
โWell, ainโt that excitinโ,โ she said, the grimace on her face suggesting otherwise. The same look those ladies would give you when you had talked about how you wanted to be an astronaut, or a doctor, or the President of the United States. The fear had run in you when you knew that theyโd talk to your daddy and tell him about your โsinful dreams.โ
She smiled at you as they did. Tight-lipped, sympathetic, maybe even embarrassed for you. Like they knew something you didnโt, and they wanted to keep it a secret for as long as they could.ย
You learned quickly after that. Stay quiet, dream smaller, and above all else: donโt make too much trouble for you and mama.ย
The elderly lady beside you clicked her tongue and shook her head, her tight curls barely moving at all.ย
โDonโt mind me now, sugar.โ Her eyes were wistful now, the gears moving in her mind. โThere werenโt many jobs way back when, believe it or not.โย
You knew what she meant, the silent words heavy beneath you two. You had seen it yourself. Even in the other mamas at church, and later in the girls who dropped out of school to take care of their own babies and husbands. The duty of family, keeping house, and raising children.ย
You remembered your phone call with the man who placed the ad, Tommy Miller.ย
His voice was energetic, deep southern, just like this womanโs. He was eager, and probably relieved, to take you on. It sounded as if he had been hoping someone- anyone- would call him at any time for the position.ย
"Just us Millers," Tommy had explained. "My mama lives down the road, my brother Joel's at the house with Ellie, and we've got a few cows and chickens that'll probably think they own the place."
He'd chuckled behind the phone.ย
"Ain't much excitement out here, but it's peaceful." And then, after a brief pause. "Lord knows that little girl deserves somebody around who ain't exhausted all the time."
A baby girl.ย
Her name- Ellie.ย
Ten acres of private, family-owned land tucked away in East Texas.ย
No one besides the Millers and a handful of livestock to keep you company.
โOne year. You could survive one year,โ you had told yourself, the cord of your landline twirled on your finger, your suitcase sitting half-empty on the dining room table. โEnough time to pocket your hard-earned money and establish yourself somewhere.โย
The bus hit another pothole, pulling you back to the present. Beside you, the elderly woman filled in the squares of her crossword with shaky hands. Your conversation is now long forgotten.ย
Outside, the trees grew denser, and somewhere beyond them, a man named Joel Miller and his little girl were waiting for an absolute stranger to walk into their lives.
โฆ โโโโโ โง โโโโโ โฆ
The pickup truck was old, a late-90s model. Tommy Miller leaned on the driverโs side, bronze-skinned with a slight sunburn on his cheeks and nose. His white shirt was damp from the light sprinkle of rain.ย
A warning of a much larger storm on the horizon.ย
His hair was long. The length was barely long enough to tuck behind his ears and not worry about it falling in his face. His moustache was thick, a wide grin forming under it as he watched you get closer.ย
โThereโs the prodigal nanny,โ he joked, his arms folded in front of him. A small smile formed on your face, your face feeling dewy from the humid air.
He pushed himself off the truck, taking your suitcase from you and putting it in the bed softly. The next second he jogged around the old beauty, opened the passenger side, and helped you in with all the care of a southern gentleman.
The inside of the cab was empty, a beaded cross necklace was tied around the rear-view mirror and faux,beige leather filled the inside. The floor was caked in dried dirt, the years of labor evident on the carpet beneath your feet and the cushioned seats were frayed and torn in spots with yellow memory foam peeking out from underneath the fabric.ย ย
โNow thereโs somethinโ I should tell you before we get there,โ Tommy stated, lighting the ignition in the truck and shifting the stick to start driving. The gravel popped beneath the tires as you moved forward. โMy brother Joel, heโs-โ
He rubbed the bridge of his nose, his other hand still holding the steering wheel lazily.
โHeโs a lilโ reserved.โ
You felt like he was omitting something, maybe not to scare you off or maybe to save his brother's image before you could even meet the man.ย
Tommy seemed kind enough. Easy-going. The kind of person who would strike up a conversation out of thin air and somehow walk away knowing their entire life story. And seeing as how they both had been raised by the same people, you couldnโt imagine Joe Miller being all too different from his younger brother.ย
โAnd by โreservedโ you mean what exactly?โ You asked, looking at him with a small smirk and a single, lifted brow.ย
โAn absolute pleasure to be around, of course,โ he laughed. โIf ya like talkinโ to brick walls, youโre going to love him.โย
You snorted, the sound almost foreign to you.ย
โAw, he ainโt mean.โ Tommy was quick to defend him. โJust quiet. Always has been, even beforeโฆโ He trailed off.
โBefore what?โ You wanted to ask, the mystery now consuming your brain like being left out on a huge, life-altering secret.ย
He didnโt finish the sentence. Instead, he cleared his throat and squeezed the steering wheel.ย
โJoelโs a good man,โ he said firmly. โGots manners. Works harder than anybody I know. Loves that baby more than he loves himself.โ
The sincerity in his voice had caught your attention.
โThat makes me feel better, at least,โ you sighed, a little bit of your anxiety washing away. You had to admit, the idea of being employed by absolute assholes was probably at the top of your list of concerns.ย
โAw, donโt look so worried. Joelโs a good man. Stubborn as a mule, grumpy before coffee, and heโll probably pretend he doesnโt need help even while heโs drowninโ, but heโs good.โ
You smiled.
โAnd this little girl? Ellie?โ
โSweetest thing youโve ever seen,โ Tommy responded, his whole body softening immediately. You could tell she was loved, especially if her uncle was reacting like this. You could imagine everyone carrying around the toddler like a princess, tiara and all. โA big personality on that babygirl. Eyes like a doe that can convince anybody to do anything she wants.โย
He chuckled to himself softly, his eyes focused on the dirt and gravel trail ahead of you. The woods opened, long posts and rail fences separating the two of you from the foggy pasture. Two English shepherds popped through the openings of the fence, trotting beside the puck up enthusiastically.ย
โThatโs Penny and Pickle.โ
โPickle?โ You laughed, looking at him in disbelief. Both dogs looked similar, their hair clipped shorter for the upcoming summer, and the whole bottom half of their bodies wet and muddy. Pickle was bigger and leaner than Penny, but he followed behind her like she was leading the way.ย
He only nodded at you, his smile turning a little sad. You wouldnโt ask about it, though, maybe not for a while. More and more of the land came into view, dairy cows and goats laid out in the pasture, the morning fog now almost fully gone from the ground.ย
โMiller Ranch.โ
The house sat on a gentle rise, siding weathered with years of wear, tear, and the usual hurricanes that came with this area. The front porch looked out to the animals, two rocking chairs sat on the left corner, and swayed as the wind blew.
A man stepped out onto the porch carrying a little girl on his hip.ย
Even from this distance, you could tell she couldn't have been more than one year old. She wore a pink Easter-themed set of pajamas, the pants tucked into yellow rainboots, and she kicked lazily against the man's thigh while she clutched a stuffed rabbit by one ear. Dark curls escaped from the little sprout-like pigtails gathered on top of her head.
The moment she spotted the truck, her whole face lit up, and her hand opened and closed excitedly like she was trying to wave hello at him.
The truck screeched to a stop, and Tommy immediately grinned, quickly hopped out, grabbed your suitcase, and bounced around the pickup truck to open the door for you.ย
โWell, there they are,โ he greeted enthusiastically, setting your belongings down by your employerโs feet and snatching up the little girl into his arms. She squealed with delight as he spun her around.ย
Joel Millerโs gaze shifted to you, making you pause in your step. Broad shoulders. Faded flannel rolled to his elbows. Dark hair, slightly curly hair grown out. A face worn by the sun and hard work, the dark circles around his eyes making them seem sunken in. โMy God,โ you thought to yourself.
He was obviously exhausted, but, honestly,ย who wouldnโt be with an energetic toddler and an entire ranch to take care of?ย
He raked his fingers through his hair, some strands in the back sticking up as he did so, and looked at Tommy.
ย โCould use a good trim,โ you thought, remembering the summer your friend had let you stay a week at her house and give her a half-decent haircut in the bathtub.
โTommy,โ Joel greeted back with a half-asleep nod. He watched Ellie play with Tommyโs mustache, her forefinger and thumb pinching at the hairs. โMaโamโ
He nodded quickly at you, this time not looking at you at all. He eyed your suitcase before, ultimately, picking it up and starting to walk inside.
Tommy yanked his head in Joelโs direction, urging you to follow him.ย
โDonโt mind him,โ he whispered conspiratorially as you walked past him, balancing Ellie on his hip while she happily tugged at her uncle's face. โBrother wakes up grumpy and somehow stays that way till bedtime.โ
You bit back a smile and followed after Joel.
Joel held the screen door open with his shoulder, waiting just long enough for you to step through before disappearing up the stairs and farther into the house with your suitcase.
A basket of unfolded laundry sat on the couch. Childrenโs books were stacked haphazardly on the coffee table beside a half-finished cup of coffee gone cold. Toys littered the floor across the house, not a single space in sight that hadnโt been overrun by Ellie.
Tommy set Ellie down, and she immediately toddled after one of the dogs that had wandered in behind you.ย
Mud smeared behind Pickle Miller as he stalked inside, a smile on his face as he trotted. Almost as if he thought he was being sneaky and about to get his way into the house.
โPickle!โ Tommy called. โOut.โ
Pickle froze guiltily before slowly retreating back onto the porch and flopping on top of Penny, who was lying just by the bottom of the porch stairs. She groaned underneath him and huffed before closing her eyes again.
Joelโs footsteps made the stairs creak with his descent. Once he reached the bottom, he leaned against the railing and rubbed his tired face.ย
โI put your things in the guest room upstairs on the left,โ he said, his southern drawl strong and thick. โOur bathroomโs the second door on the right. Our mamaโs taking Ellie tonight so you can settle in and make acquaintances with this old house.โย
Our bathroom. Great.
You forced a polite smile.
โThank you,โ you said. โAnd for the room, too. I really appreciate it.โ
Joel dropped his hand from his face and gave a small nod, like gratitude made him vaguely uncomfortable.
โIt ainโt like you arenโt going to be helpinโ us โround here anyways.โ
Before you could answer, a car door slammed outside. Ellie's head snapped toward the front windows immediately.
โNa-Nee!โ she squealed excitedly, abandoning Pickle's muddy paw prints to waddle toward the door, her rain boots squeaking on the hardwood floor.
Joel's expression softened as he watched his daughter wait for his mother.
โThere's Mama.โ
The front door swung open before anyone could reach it.
A woman in her late fifties bustled inside carrying two casserole dishes balanced expertly in her hands. Silver threaded through her dark hair, which was pinned loosely at the back of her neck, and laugh lines framed kind brown eyes that immediately found Ellie. You couldnโt help but realize how much both her sons resembled her.ย
โWell, there's my sugar bean!โ Ellie squealed with delight at the mention of her name, the woman pushing the dishes into her youngest sonโs hands.ย
โHi, Mama,โ Joel said, pushing off the railing to relieve Tommy of one of the dishes and giving his mother a soft kiss on the cheek. She smiled warmly at both her boys and stroked their cheeks lovingly. Ellie tugged impatiently at her jean skirt.
โYou made chicken spaghetti and peach cobbler?โ Tommy asked enthusiastically, pulling up the tinfoil of the casserole dish in his hands. It smelled absolutely divine. Even from where you were standing.
โโCourse I did. You think I'd just run off with the baby without taking care of the rest of ya?โ Her eyebrows raised like they had insinuated that she would dare do such a thing.ย
She finally scooped Ellie into her arms, kissing both cheeks until the little girl giggled and buried her face in her grandmother's shoulder.ย
Only then did she seem to realize the stranger standing off to the side.
Her eyes landed on you.
โMama, this is-โ Joel started, all four Millers looking at you now. She pushed past him to examine you closely, Joel saying your name softly afterwardsย
โOh hush, Joel, I can introduce myself.โ She smiled at you, waving him off. โI'm Janet. Janet Miller. These hardheaded boys belong to me. And you must be our new addition to the family, right?โ You couldn't help but laugh.
โIt's nice to meet you, Mrs. Miller.โ
It felt nice to be regarded with such kindness. She made you feel welcomed almost immediately, exactly like Tommy had done the second you stepped off that bus.ย
โNonsense. Janet.โ She waved away the formality immediately. โAnyone kind enough to help us out shouldnโt be calling me Mrs. Anything.โ She nuzzled Ellieโs head with her nose affectionately, the toddler still resting her head on her grandmotherโs shoulder.ย
โReady for a sleepover with Nannie?โ
Ellie clapped enthusiastically, and Joel released a quiet breath. For the first time since you'd arrived, his entire body seemed to relax.
And watching the way his mother held Ellie so naturally, the way they talked to each other with such ease, and the way both boys helped their mother without even having to be asked. The gentle way in which they cared for each other.
inspired by southern gothic/light horror. no outbreak au, rancher!joel x fem!reader. no use of y/n.
CAUTION: READ AT YOUR OWN RISK! includes heavy themes of religious trauma, domestic abuse, domestic violence, dark themes, physical and verbal abuse, sexual content, and many more (warnings will be included in each chapter.) DNI: minors, persons with trauma related to these topics that find them triggering [ofc, your own decision!]
Seeing the AD in the Sunday paper changed your whole life. Maybe you could even change Joel Miller's, too.
Table of Contents
Chapter One: Sunday Newspaper
Chapter Two: Time for Sleep
remember: updates may be slow. every fan fiction writer has a life, and even though we absolutely love writing for you guys, sometimes timely updates won't happen. plus, i only get to write when my child's asleep.
p.s: i'm slowly starting to figure out all this html stuff hooray!!!! taglist, urls, and chapter one will be up soon, just wanted to get this out there first!
ao3 | series masterlist | masterlist | taglist
warnings: talk of family struggles, separation from children, sadness, innocent touching, talk of hardships.
word count: 3k
your client returns, interrupting your morning tea, and ultimately staying longer than you would have expected.
"He gave you how much?!" Elea gasped, her face full of shock.
The morning light poured into the windows, warming your skin beneath the golden rays. You had sat in the same seat the Mandalorian had sat in yesterday, with Elea perched closely in the armchair beside you. You sipped your tea, the porcelain cup silky against your lips.ย
"Five-hundred credits."ย
Choking on her own tea, she put the cup down with a clank as it met the saucer. "Isn't that, like, a lot for just a cape?"
It surely had covered the cost of the mending yesterday, and not only had he paid a hefty amount, but he also paid what it would have cost to make two new capes entirely.ย
"He gave me more than it cost, for sure," you said, setting your own cup down. You smoothed the skirt of your ensemble, a light-blue day dress you had sewn a couple of weeks ago. Your usual creams and beiges had started to make you feel dull and lifeless. You had also forgotten that the things you wore were sales pitches in themselves. Good business, good money. "Which is why I'm returning the rest to him. I'm only keeping what he actually owed."
Elea groaned. "Your moral compass has always been too good." Even though your Twi'Lek companion had more than enough to live a couple of centuries comfortably, her humbleness was still a big personality trait of hers. Another reason you felt close to her.ย
She wasn't a greedy bitch.ย
"This is naughty, really." She laid her head back on the chair and looked at you from the side. "It's Benduday- the one day you're off in the entire week, mind you- and you're wearing blue." She eyed you up and down, a smirk forming on her perfectly pink face. "You look hot."ย
You scoffed at her, a heat creeping into your cheeks. She made it sound so purposeful. The way you had combed through your hair this morning, remembering how you had heard him breathe in when he saw you yesterday, and left it down. Or how you remembered the way his helmet followed a woman wearing blue as he looked out the window in the late afternoon.ย
And how you reached for almost the exact shade you were wearing now.ย
"Oh, I kid," She grinned, her energy radiant with amusement. She always loved to tease you, it seemed.
There hadn't been a single day in your relationship with her where she ever suspected interest in any man or woman from you, and now knowing that you possibly are interested...ย
Well, it makes things a lot more fun for her.ย
"Isn't he supposed to be here by now?" She almost seemed impatient, and honestly you would be lying if you said you didn't feel the same.ย
Sleeping that night had been impossible. Every time you closed your eyes you saw him. You recalled the way you could smell pine and teakwood in his cape. Makers, why did he do this to you? A man you don't even know!ย
Yet, somehow, without even trying, he had found a way to occupy every crevice in your brain. His voice, modulated and low. The way he moved, stoic and sure of himself.
"Maybe he decided he didn't want the cape anymore," Elea mused, reaching for one of the biscuits you had set out this morning on a silver tray. "Or, maybe, he didn't like you all too much."
"He's not going to leave it."
โYou sure?"
"Elea-"
The hinges of the shop door creaked, the 'closed' sign clanking against the glass.ย
Morning light gleamed off the back of his armor, casting his broad frame in gold. The rays danced across the beskar, sending tiny star-like sparkles across the shop. "Oh, look at that, Elea teased under her breath. "Speak of the devil."ย
He faltered in his step, still partially in the doorway as he observed the two of you. How snooty the both of you must have looked. Tea steeping in porcelain cups. Fresh biscuits arranged neatly on a silver tray. Two women sitting in armchairs gossiping away on a fine, warm Benduday morning.ย
"I'd like my cape," he said curtly and then let out an airy cough. "Ma'am."
He seemed almost awkward standing there, like he had no idea what he was supposed to do, or say. So out of place in a dainty shop filled with lace, linen, and silks.ย
Biting the inside of your cheek as you stood, you felt like you had been dreading giving it to him this entire morning. Knowing that if you handed it to him, that would be it, and he would be gone.ย
You had moved the cape onto a dress form last night, hoping that it would help the fabric drape nicer today. And sure enough, it was perfect. The absolute day and night between the before and after was astonishing and you felt a sense of pride in your work. When you returned, he had moved farther inside, though only just. As though some invisible line prevented him from venturing too deep into your little shop.
You held the garment out to him.
"The tears have been reinforced from the inside," you explained. "You shouldn't have any trouble with it unraveling again. I also cleaned the wool. I hope you don't mind." His gloved hands accepted the cape with surprising care, his thumb grazing over yours ever-so-slightly. The simple act sent your body into flames instantaneously.ย
Kriff.
His fingers studied the fabric, like he was admiring the work in front of him, and in one swift moment he was pulling it around him and fastening it.ย
With a satisfied hum, you smiled at him. You noticed the way his shoulders melted down as he wore the cape, like pure comfort had washed over him. "Thank you." His modulated voice rang, the way he said it almost felt intimate.ย
"You're welcome."
For a brief moment neither of you moved. Your eyes met the visor of his helmet, and it felt- no, you knew- that he was looking right at you. It felt ridiculous, and maybe it was. That after all these years of being alone, no romance, no intimacy, that you could be feeling something for a man you've never even seen. You felt like you were exactly where you needed to b-
"Oh, dear, I almost forgot," Elea jumped out of her chair with a gasp. "Varlo said he'd pick me up soon. I can't leave him waiting." She gathered her clutch quickly, abandoning her tea and biscuit, and moved to the door with such a quickness you'd never seen in her.ย
And as she turned to close the door, she winked, and blew you a kiss. Oh, that plotting witch.
The Mandalorian shifted on his feet then, a stiffness in him you barely noticed dissipating with your friend's departure. He stepped closer ever so slightly, before grabbing a layer of cloth by your shoulder. It contrasted against his leather gloves as he rubbed the cloth between his fingers.ย
"I like this color," the modulator crinkled out, his gloved finger brushing against your skin, sending a shiver through your entire body. You knew he could see the goosebumps forming right this second.ย
Then, as though suddenly remembering himself, he let go. Heat rushed into your cheeks and before your thoughts could run away from you completely, you hurried toward the counter.
"Actually," you started, opening the drawer beneath it, "there's something I've been meaning to return to you." You retrieved the small pouch of credits you'd set aside the night before and held it out.
"The repair only cost two hundred credits. You paid five hundred."ย
He chuckled then, but made no move to grab the pouch from you.ย
"You earned it."
"No, I didn't."
"You fixed it."
"I just repaired it."
"You cleaned it."
You blinked.
"That was complimentary."
"And you finished it a day early."
Despite yourself, you smiled and shook your head softly. "I can't accept this from you."
You dropped the pouch on the counter in front of him then made your way back to your armchair. The cushions embraced your figure as you sat and you smoothed your skirt over your lap. He grabbed the pouch, and to your surprise, sat in the same spot Elea had moments earlier.ย
'You're telling me you don't accept tips?" He questioned you playfully and you could see the way his helmet tilted to the side. Like he was amused. You propped your head up on your hands, leaning into the arm of your chair.ย
"And what if I don't, sir?"
He went silent for a beat. "I'd tell you that I'd have to get my money's worth then."ย
He leaned forward, almost mirroring you. You swallowed hard, your mouth suddenly feeling dry. His suggestive tone throws your imagination into hyperdrive.ย
After what felt like hours, he had spoken of his son. His foundling, he had called him. You couldn't quite imagine what a round green baby with long pointy ears looked like, but the idea made you want to giggle to yourself every time your mind tried to.ย
You could tell that he loved him, the way his voice picked up when talking about him. You knew he didn't tell you their whole story, but neither were you expecting this stranger to open up to you after knowing each other for barely a day.ย
"No, no, but he is still mine." He looked at the window absentmindedly, his left hand picking at the arm of the chair. "This is the way."ย
You look out the window too. The streets in the market were busy and you suddenly remember how it felt to first open your shop.ย
Finding indoor spaces wasn't easy, especially with the market right in front of you. Your parents had worked too hard and tirelessly for you to be working outside, especially with such valuable and delicate materials.ย
The pride you had felt when you walked your mother, a woman with the fire of a thousand furnaces, through your newly purchased shop. She was getting slow with age, the years of labor weighing on her body and soul.ย
Her hands had cradled your face, and she planted the softest of kisses on your forehead. "You are my life," she had said, tears welling in her eyes. "And I wouldn't trade anything, not after knowing all that I sacrificed helped you towards your dream, my heart."ย
"I'm seeing him soon," He spoke quietly before turning his head to you. You could faintly see yourself in the reflection of his visor. You looked youthful, the blue making your complexion bright and lovely. "Which is why I was wondering if I could use your services again."ย
You tapped your finger against your, now cold, teacup. You had completely forgotten about it in your hands, as you listened to your armored client talk about his strange, green baby. "What were you thinking?"
The Mandalorian sat back slightly in his chair.ย
"His master says that he is outgrowing his robes," he explained. There was a faint softness in his voice, the way he spoke making your head absolutely fuzzy. "Would it be possible for you to make new ones?"ย
"Well," you said, reaching for your measuring book, "if his master says he's outgrowing his robes, then I should have plenty of room to work with. Do you know his measurements?"
The Mandalorian was silent for a moment.
"No."
"His height?"
Another pause.
"No."
You blinked at him, your mouth forming into a faint line. "His sleeve length, at least?"
He sat in front of you silently for a moment. "No."
You laughed, scribbling random measurements for the baby. Settling between the sizes of a ten-to-twelve-month-old. You jotted down colors and fiber contents- creams, linens, greens, cottons, browns, and anything else you could possibly imagine.ย
"So you're asking a seamstress to make something with no measurements at all?" You teased and watched as he shifted almost uncomfortably in his chair. His fingers fumbled with the armrest again, as if the movement soothed him.ย
"I can get them for you," He said, clearing his throat. You couldn't help but laugh again.
"Yes, I think that would help," You breathed, and for a moment, neither of you spoke. The late afternoon light spilled across the workshop, turning the beskar of his armor gold. Then, quietly, he added, "He likes soft fabrics."
The words were spoken so simply, with such care and intimacy, you couldn't imagine the feelings he may have been going through. The separation of a father and child, even if it was for their own good.ย
"Then, I'll make sure they're the softest robes in the galaxy," you promised, placing two of your fingers on his knee comfortingly. He stiffened and looked down at your hand.ย
You yanked your hand back quickly, the embarrassment feeling like fire. You weren't even thinking, and now he must think you're some creep trying to jump his bones.ย
"Kriff," you muttered under your breath, mortification flooding your face. "I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking." The Mandalorian remained perfectly still for a moment, his visor fixed on you. Stars above, you had touched him. A Mandalorian. Your customer. A man who you had talked to twice in your life.ย
"I only meant-" you started, then stopped, wishing the floor would simply open beneath your chair. "I'm sorry." The silence stretched just long enough to make your stomach twist.
Then, quietly, he spoke.
"You don't have to apologize." You looked up in surprise. His gaze had returned to the sunlight filtering through your workshop window
"Here on Naboo, we touch people we care about," you explained softly. "Friends. Family. Sometimes strangers who need comfort. It's almost second nature to me."
His helmet turned toward you again. "So, you were born here then?" You nodded.
"A small village outside Theed. My Ma and Pa tended a small vineyard, and my Pa worked on speeders on the side." A wistful smile crossed your face. "I remember running through the rows of grapes and berries as a young girl, and sometimes my Ma and Pa would stop and play with me until the sun was ready to go down."
"And you became a seamstress." It was less of a question, and more of a statement. His helmet cocked to the side, as if he was examining you suddenly. A blush fell on your cheeks, the sudden pressure of being on the spot.ย
"My grandmother had taught me." You laughed softly. "She claimed sewing was the most respectable profession because everyone needed clothes, even kings and queens."
A low rumble sounded from behind the helmet as he hummed in agreement.
"And was she right?"
"Oh, absolutely." You lifted your chin proudly. "I've clothed merchants, farmers, and even some handmaidens."ย
"And now a Mandalorian." He said softly, leaning a little closer. You could smell nature on him and you assumed that he had been walking through the woods at some point before coming to collect his cloak.
"And now a Mandalorian," you agreed with a smile, tucking a loose strand of hair behind your ear. The corner of his cape shifted as he settled deeper into the chair. Neither of you spoke. There was no need to.
Your fingers absentmindedly traced the rim of your teacup while his visor moved to the window, watching the evening light fade over the street. The quiet between you no longer felt awkward. Somehow, in this moment, it was almost as if you could sit in this silence for the rest of your life.
You found yourself studying him again. The broad shoulders. The worn gloves. The scratches in his armor that told stories you doubted he would ever share. And without thinking, you reached over to the arm of his chair.
"Th-There's just a thread," you explained quickly. Waiting for his permission, your fingers resting right below a hanging thread on the hem of his flight suit. He paused before nodding slowly at you.ย
Using two fingers, you plucked a loose strand from the edge of his undersleeve. Such a tiny thing. Yet your hand hovered for a second longer than necessary before you pulled away. The visor dipped slightly, following the movement.
You swallowed. "There," you said softly. "Much better." His visor stared at you, making you feel like the eyes behind it were staring a hole into you.ย
Then a sharp chirp echoed from somewhere beneath his cape and he immediately straightened. His hand moved to retrieve the blinking puck attached to his belt. You watched the way his posture changed at once- soft familiarity giving way to alert readiness.
"I have to go."
Disappointment flickered through you before you could stop it.
"Of course," you murmured softly, putting on a small smile. You stood as well, smoothing your skirt unnecessarily. "May I?" You gestured to the cape he had put back on a couple hours ago.ย
He paused. Then he gave a single nod.
Carefully, you adjusted the heavy fabric and reinforced it into place, your fingers smoothing the fabric over his shoulder slowly, and for a brief moment, you stood impossibly close.ย
Close enough to smell notes of the pine and teakwood that now radiated through your lungs. Close enough to hear the faint hum of his modulator.
Neither of you moved. Or maybe neither of you wanted to move. But then he quietly cleared his throat, and you stepped back. His gloved hand rose to adjust the clasp at his neck before dropping again.
"I'll be back when I can," he said. He pulled his hand up as if to touch your face hesitantly, his forefinger twitching. Before he could even make contact, his hand fell, and he walked out the shop door, the hinges creaking as he left.ย
translations:
benduday: the fifth day in naboo's five day week.
the best fanfiction you've ever read was written by a woman in her 40s before she made dinner for her kids. it was written by a teenager after school when they should've been studying for a history test. and a barista came up with the idea while they cleaned the espresso machine and busser fact-checked it on their break and the post-doc edited between writing grant proposals and the nurse apologized for typos in the notes after a long shift and behind every drabble and one-shot and multi-chapter fic there is a person with a wonderful and interesting and chaotic life and it is such a privilege that we get to be a part of it because they decided to do this thing we all share, for fun.
