The Cookies of Darkness are so Funny to Me
Like, they really just have a weird dynamic where they all hate each other except maybe some of them don’t sometimes and nobody hates the baby. Here’s the list of characters
Pomegranate Cookie: Literally gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss. The worst person you’ve ever met who has also formed a very unhealthy and toxic attachment so you kinda feel bad about that, but then she actively pokes at your trauma and literally sends you into flashbacks. She also is like a priestess who has a mirror that shows you all sorts of bullshit, but IDK if the shit in the mirror is actually true or is just what Pomegranate Cookie wants to see. Either way, troubling.
Poison Mushroom Cookie: The baby who is too cute to for this world but also causes a lot of problems, mostly on accident. They’re kinda being led astray but everyone seems pretty nice to them and don’t really have anything else going on. They want you to try their shrooms and if you say that you like shroomies they’ll probably hug you. You’ll get really fucked up on them, though, so be aware that the hug will cost you. They’re also presumably oblivious to most of the inter-group drama, which is most likely intentional on the part of everyone else.
Red Velvet Cookie: The leader’s son who just kinda…showed up way too late into the narrative but it’s ok because he’s cool. Dogs are the way to his heart and he’s also got like a cake-arm and it’s pretty awesome. He’s got something else going on with a priestess who has a crossbow and their narrative ended without really concluding so there’s gonna be more shit going on with them probably. IDK, he’s a general and is not there most of the time so he’s kinda out of the loop.
Licorice Cookie: A gremlin who is supposed to be a mostly comedic enemy but the game accidentally made him super meta so now it’s the reverse of that ‘character as a boss vs when you get them’ meme. He’s got an inferiority complex but likes to act like he’s super powerful when in reality nobody really takes him seriously. He dropped out of school and is kinda the older brother/babysitter to the baby. Is probably gonna be redeemed by the end of the game’s story because they’ve set him up for that pretty well. Also…he might have a thing for this one princess cake-hound?? IDK it’s comedically hinted at once and then never brought up again.
Dark Choco Cookie: The almost comedically edgy character who I thought was gonna be underwhelming and funny, but then they actually gave him so much trauma that I kinda get why he says shit like ‘everything is futile…’ and ‘Darkness…approaches…’ unironically. He was a prince and then he found a cursed sword and maybe killed his dad, then joined the darkness because he hates himself and now he’s just suffering all the time. He’s an anime character, he’s almost funny to think about sometimes. Almost 100% gonna get a redemption arc unless they decide to fully commit to his ‘oh no the sword is cursed and is gonna overpower me and kill everyone oh no’ thing. He also kinda feels like my first OC sometimes, so that might be part of why I’m fond of him. Also, the wiki says he probably has PTSD and I agree, given…everything going on with him.
And they just…exist in canon as this weird team that lives together and does evil shit because they want to take over the world with their leader, Dark Enchantress Cookie, even though none of them actually know what the fuck is going on besides sometimes Red Velvet and Pomegranate. I want them all to get redemption arcs and to see more bullshit that they do together.
Like…what do they do when they’re not being evil on purpose?? Do they play Scrabble? Do they go to the cookie nightclub?? What do they have in common outside of ‘evil’?? Like, how to they pay for their evil lair? Do they have part-time jobs for when they aren’t being evil? Does Licorice Cookie tutor Poison Mushroom on magic shit and Poison Mushroom just uses it to grow shroomies faster? Do Red Velvet and Dark Choco ever just be edgy and brood together, only to be interrupted by the dogs running up and licking them?? Who let Pomegranate babysit Poison Mushroom, she’s gonna corrupt them and teach them swears. WHY DID RED VELVET ONLY POP IN AFTER LIKE 9 FUCKING CHAPTERS AND GO ‘Hey I’m here now, ok I gotta go have a subplot with a church girl bye’ CAN HE COME BACK IS HE JUST BANISHED? What is gonna happen when they get to the Dark Cacao kingdom??!! WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING TO HAPPEN WHEN THEY GET TO THE DARK CACAO KINGDOM OH NO
TLDR; The Cookie of Darkness are just so funny as a concept to me and I always want more content of them. I can’t wait to see some of them get redeemed and to personally kick Pomegranate Cookie into space.
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