Running in Circles, Searching for What?
Readers often describe feeling trapped in a loop: searching, chasing, doing more to get somewhere. Hoping for progress, proof, or an improvement that justifies all the effort. But here’s the real question:
Has it brought you anywhere?
Take a moment. How long have you been seeking? Months? Years? Have you "found" anything, or is it just more seeking, more questions, more frustration? You run in circles, chasing shadows, hoping the next practice, insight, or realization will be "it."
It’s not wrong to feel this way, but consider this: the very act of searching implies you think there’s something missing—something you lack that needs to be attained. But what if the assumption itself is flawed? What if the one seeking is the very illusion you’re trying to unpack?
Let’s step back and look at the nature of a "dream".
When "you" seem to "dream" at night, no matter what the "dream" looks like—whether it’s exciting, terrifying, or mundane—"who/what" is always "present"? Who is there in every "dream"? And how do you even know it’s a "dream"? You can feel sensations arising, hear the sounds, and even "think" within the "dream". Sounds familiar, no?
Now look deeper: where is the dream coming from? What gives it its apparent existence? When the dream ends, where does it go? And in those moments of so-called deep sleep, when you say, "I didn’t dream at all," how do you know that gap was even there? What remains?
In every dream, there’s an undeniable Knowing—a "presence" that holds it all, isn't there? The dream is fleeting, but the Knowing of it isn’t. It’s there whether the dream is "vivid", "faint", or "absent" altogether. And that same knowing is "present" now, reading these words, isn't it?
You don't have to use any thoughts to notice.
So.. what are you really searching for? The next “aha” moment? A tangible shift? Something to confirm, “Yes, now I’ve got it”? But who would "get it"?
All there is, is this—this effortless "awareness" in which everything arises and disappears.
All seeking starts to dissolve when you see that what you’re looking for isn’t "out there." It’s the same presence that’s already aware of the seeking, the frustration, and the loop itself. Just like in a dream, you’re chasing answers without realizing you’re the space in which the entire dream unfolds.
Here’s the thing: I can tell you this over and over again, and I can write endless words about it, but at the end of the day, you have to see it. Nothing I say or anyone else says will make it clearer to you than seeing it directly.
Think of it like this: imagine I tell you about the taste of a "Tsampa" (tibetan foodstuff). Let me try to describe it—Tsampa has a simple, earthy taste—kind of nutty and a little smoky because it’s made from roasted barley. It’s pretty dry on its own, but when you mix it with butter tea (bo cha) or milk (or water), it turns into a creamy porrdige that’s super satisfying.
Do you now know how it tastes based off of this short description? No matter how much anyone tries to describe it, you wouldn’t really know what it’s like until you actually try it yourself. You might feel like you “get it,” but until you actually taste Tsampa (-Porridge) for yourself, it’s all just words. The actual direct experience is yours to have, and words will never compare to it.
It’s the same here. Look at the loop you feel stuck in. Look at the dreamlike nature of every experience. Look at what’s behind the looking itself. And notice: the seeking, the searching, and even the apparent struggle—what is all of it arising in?
The dream at night is your perfect clue. Who’s been there in every dream, in every scene, in every story in and out of it? Who’s the constant presence beneath it all? If you truly see that, will there be any questions left?
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