There's something wrong with you that's not wrong with other people. You're a hunter, and a damn good one, but you might be a monster.
There might be something in you that needs to be put down. Something broken that can't be fixed.
It's why you've had one rule your whole life. The only thing your father has ever made clear is that, no matter what, you need to stay away from John Winchester. He can't even know you exist, or he'll kill you and never blink.
And when your paths cross a hunt, you should've run, but you didn't. You couldn't. Because you looked at Dean Winchester, and something changed inside of you. Something called you to him, and you can't figure out what it was, but you know it's strong. And you know that, whatever Dean's doing to you, you don't really care to fight it. Things are broken in you, just as much is broken in him, and you fit perfectly together in a way you'll never be able to describe.
But it's more complicated than that, though. The world pulls you and Dean apart again and again.
Mini-Series - Willing to Break â€ïžâđ„đđđ€
With the Mark of Cain getting out of hand, you and Sam convince Dean to try something different. A spell that won't fix the Mark, but will change it. Make Dean crave good things, things he likes, instead of death and blood.
It doesn't exactly go according to plan.
Mini-Series - Death On A Holiday â€ïžâđ„đđđ€
This day has happened before. So did the one before it. And the one after it. You're sure of it.
Small things change, but it's always the same, and it always resets the same way, and you can't find a way out.
It's perfect torture, and you don't think there's a way out.
Mini-Series - Don't Change The Channel â€ïžâđ„đđđ€
You and Dean are trapped in a world of TV and movies, with one simple demand from every show to get you out. It's pretty obvious. Let's see if either of you figure it out.
Series - Bad Performances And Bending Light â€ïžâđ„đđ€
The first time you see him, you fall for him. Easy and quickly. But Dean quickly becomes your best friend, and you're not willing to risk that. Is he?
My Personal Quest To Give Dean A Happy Family
âŠEvery Day That You Wantđđđ - You have big news for Dean. News you have to tell him, wether he likes it or not. You really hope he likes it, though.
âŠStill You Want Me - Request!đđđ Dean's fought the worst evil in the world, but only one thing has really managed to scare him. His pregnant wife.
âŠIn Sweetness - Request!đđđ Preparation for hunts and battles where the fate of the world hinges on his shoulders are easy. Preparation for a baby might be the most complex thing Dean's ever done.
âŠSomething To Believe Inđđđ - You and Dean become parents.
âŠKeep Me Warm (And Touched)đđâ€ïžâđ„đ - Your body has changed. Dean still loves it all the same.
âŠThere's Peace Afterđđâ€ïžâđ„đ - A life without pain suits Dean. Comfort, and happiness, without any shadows in the closet and only imagined monsters under the bed. And he spends that comfort taking care of you, in more ways than one.
âŠCome Easyđđđ - five times Dean thought the peace would be forever, and one time he was sure.
One-Shots
âŠTo Need Somebodyđ€đđ - After a hunt goes poorly, Dean retreats down a well-tread path of self-loathing
âŠI Could Have Youâ€ïžâ€ïžâđ„đ€ - Dean is hit with a lust spell, and it doesn't seem to only be effecting him. No one's really sure why, and Dean refuses to give in to the curse, so you'll just ride this out.
âŠFalling Into Meâ€ïžâ€ïžâđ„đđ€ - You're a virgin, and it's really not a big deal. Everyone was a virgin once. You're just a virgin longer. Maybe forever, because nobody really seems to be willing to solve that problem for you. You've never told Sam and Dean, and you don't have any intention to. Ever. But when a hunt goes wrong, Dean finds out. And he might have been keeping something from you as well.
âŠHold You Tight In My Mindâ€ïžâ€ïžâđ„đđ€ - You and Dean have an agreement. Best friends who have sex, no strings attached. But when a case goes south, you learn a few things about Dean, specifically his thoughts on the arrangement.
âŠJust Giving Inđâ€ïžâđ„đđ€ - You're under a very annoying truth curse. The kind of truth curse that will kill you if one very specific, Dean-related truth isn't told. But apparently no one's allowed to just die in peace anymore.
âŠI'll Crawl Homeđđđâ€ïžâđ„đ€ - You don't know who these men are, but they seem to know you. Your body seems to like the Handsome one a lot. But the more you manage to remember, the more lost you feel.
âŠWhat You Dođâ€ïžâđ„đđ€ - This isn't a sex curse. It feel like a sex curse, and looks like a sex curse, but it's not. It has a similar cure to a sex curse, but it's not. And Dean can't fix this. But the asshole is still going to try.
âŠNo More - Request!đđđđ€ Some scars don't really fade. They just fester and rot, remaining unattended in your body because you can't really remember how to heal them. And Dean can't fix this for you. But he can give you somewhere safe to fix yourself.
âŠWhere Do You End Pt. 1 - Pt. 2 - Pt.3 - Request!đâ€ïžâđ„đđ€ You and Dean have found yourself in a body swap situation, and your bodies keep trying to do what they always do.
âŠI Can Be A Virtueđâ€ïžâđ„đđ€ - You're so careful about keeping your emotions in check with Dean. You make rules, and keep score, and hold yourself together. But something always has to give.
âŠOnly I Can See - Request!đđâ€ïžâđ„đ€ Dean knows you. He knows you better than anyone, better than you know you, better than he knows himself. He'd lay down his life for you in a heartbeat, and knows you'd do the same, even if it's not in the same way. But something's⊠different.
âŠThe Heat Grows - Request!đđđâ€ïžâđ„ It's unfair that Dean can look this good just sitting in traffic. That he can be doing nothing at all and you'll crave him more than oxygen. It's amazing that you can prove that to him, though.
âŠThe Flood Brings Clearer Days - Request!đâ€ïžâđ„đđ€ You're not cursed. You don't feel anything wrong. If anything, you feel better, because there's a weight lifted off your tongue that lets you say whatever you want. And most of what you want is Dean.
âŠThere Comes A Breaking Point - Request!đâ€ïžâđ„đđ€ Sam drinks a truth potion, and you and Dean have to deal with the consequences, and very painful and beautiful revelations.
âŠI Never Want It To Be Enough - Request!đđđâ€ïžâđ„ You and Dean have a date night, and it ends exactly how you wanted it to.
âŠHow Do You Know - Request!đđđ There are different levels of Dean being drunk, and you've seen all of them. Or at least, you thought you'd seen all of them.
âŠIf You Need To Hear It - Request!đđđ€â€ïžâđ„ After a tense case, Dean decides to remind you of what you mean to him on the roof of the Impala.
âŠAlong the Line - Request!đâ€ïžâđ„đđ€ Friends with benefits doesn't work. You fall out of line and fall in love, trapped in Dean with no hope of escaping. But he might never want you to leave.
âŠBeen Keeping It Down - Request!đâ€ïžâđ„đđ€ After Dean gets hit with a curse, he starts avoiding you. Sam won't tell you what's wrong, and you love him almost as much as you miss him. Almost as much as he might love you.
âŠAnd In Health Pt. 1 - Pt. 2 - Request!đđđ Making Dean rest when he's sick is a Herculean task. You are more than up for the challenge.
âŠHold Me (More Like That) - Sorta Request!đđđâ€ïžâđ„ Dean takes a second to pick up on what you want, but doesn't disappoint once he starts to play your game.
âŠOnly Us - Request!đđđâ€ïžâđ„ After Dean gets back from a long hunt, the only thing he wants to do is see you.
âŠIt's Between The Wordsđâ€ïžâđ„đđ€ - One sided love hurts. Burns. Eats you alive. But it might not be one sided. It might just be hard for Dean to say he loves you back.
âŠThe Best Part - Request!đâ€ïžâđ„đđ€ Dean's been avoiding you since he stopped being a demon, and it's not for the reason you think.
âŠAll The Time - Request!â€ïžâ€ïžâđ„đđ€ Dean gets sent to the Endverse, and is forced to reckon with his feelings for you.
âŠDon't Let This Pass - Request!đâ€ïžâđ„đđ€ Dean is your best friend, and nothing more, no matter how much you want that to be different. But he's trying to tell you something. And when you get trapped together for a week, he finally gets the chance.
âŠCan This Feeling Haunt You Too?â€ïžâ€ïžâđ„đđ€ - When you and Dean are hit with a love spell that doesn't work, you have to confront some feelings.
⊠A Little Push - Request!đâ€ïžâđ„đđ€ Friends with benefits means no claim. Dean can do what he wants, and so can you. But you don't. And when you start to, it makes Dean have a realization.
⊠you have to know (you gotta fight for it) đâ€ïžâđ„đđ€ - After you and Dean have a massive fight, you try to give him space. But it might be a lot more space than he needs. More space than either of you want. Everything might be better if there was never any space at all.
⊠Here Comes The Light đâ€ïžâđ„ - Lately Dean's been removed, whenever you're in public. You finally build the confidence to ask him why.Â
⊠Bad Performances And Bending Light â€ïžâđ„đđ€ - It's a hard life to lead, when you're in love with your roommate and bestfriend and you know you're never going to be able to have him. But when Dean asks you to be his fake-girlfriend for his brother's wedding, you start to see things you'd never seen before.
⊠Open The Doorđđđ€ - Dean is known for never forming attachments. Never doing more than a night, never leading on, just loving and leaving. It's better like that. Safer. But for you, he can't stop himself from coming back every time.
âŠHeated đđâ€ïžâđ„đ€ - Dean's refusing any help to get over his sex curse, no matter how many women you find for him. If only he'd just tell you why.
âŠTruth Or Dare - Request!đđâ€ïžâđ„ a late night game with Dean turns into something more.
âŠProve Itđđâ€ïžâđ„đ€- Dean says he can't be with you. That he's too much of a risk, too old, too tired, too whatever. But then he doesn't stop acting like he wants you. Itâs probably because he does.
âŠsweetenerđđâ€ïžâđ„đ€ - everything was fine between you and dean until you moved into the bunker. everything is tolerable until you get hurt on a hunt. dean loses his mind. and when you try to apologize, dean tells you exactly why.Â
âŠgreen lightđđâ€ïžâđ„đ€ - dean kisses you while he's drunk, and then the world keeps spinning. all you want to do is figure out if he remembers, if he meant it, and if he feels what you do in return. but he's not making it easy, until he does.
âŠdon't fall - request!đâ€ïžâđ„đ€ dean is strictly off limits, for so, so many reasons. It's a shame neither of you seem to care.
âŠtake what you want - đđâ€ïžâđ„đ€ you and dean hate each other. there isn't a moment you aren't fighting, just like there isn't a moment you don't wish he'd love you back, and there isn't a single second he doesn't want you more than you can imagine.
Minis (Drabbles and Headcanons)
âŠWhen Dean Works on The Impalađđâ€ïžâđ„
âŠWhen He Gets Possessive đđ€â€ïžâđ„
âŠIn The Mirror - Request!đđđ€â€ïžâđ„
âŠTouch Starved - Request! (ft. Sam, separate headcanon) đđ€â€ïžâđ„
âŠOverload - Request!đđđ€â€ïžâđ„
âŠAfter Darkđđâ€ïžâđ„
âŠMakeup - Request!đâ€ïžâđ„
âŠsexting deanâ€ïžâđ„
âŠdean's obesessionâ€ïžâđ„
âŠin publicâ€ïžâđ„
âŠslow morningsđâ€ïžâđ„
âŠriding dean's absđâ€ïžâđ„
âŠsave a cowgirlâ€ïžâđ„
âŠcome aroundđâ€ïžâđ„
âŠdummy â€ïžâđ„
âŠtrue loveđâ€ïžâđ„
âŠit's torture, babyâ€ïžâđ„
Rating/Warnings: 18+ for canon-typical violence, swearing, mental health issues, and sexual content.
Tags: Dean Winchester/Female Reader, best friends to lovers, canon divergence, pining, fluff, angst, smut
Mini-Series Summary
With the Mark of Cain getting out of hand, you and Sam convince Dean to try something different. A spell that won't fix the Mark, but will change it. Make Dean crave good things, things he likes, instead of death and blood.
It doesn't exactly go according to plan.
Author's Note
This is meant to a true, genuine, average length mini-series, so it won't be as long and detailed as my other works, but that's by design. It's a personal challenge, and also just something nice and fun. I hope you enjoy!
Chapter List
Chapter 1 - I Saw You In The Water
Chapter 2 - Sick and Full of Pride
Chapter 3 - The Same Way I Think Of You
Chapter 4 - Hands Drawn Out
Chapter 5 - It's Not Enough
Chapter 6 - Everything I Do
You are not a saint. You are not a hero. Youâre barely even a living person, because living people have lives that extended beyond work and their apartment. But youâre not quite nobody, either. Youâre too much, and not enough, and just in the shadows with a prayer to be saved that isn't genuine and secrets that mean nothing.
They shouldâve meant nothing.
Yet here you are. In more danger than usual, being threatened by Hydra without knowing why, and being assigned a security detail you donât want by Captain America.
Bucky Barnes is good at his job. Youâre not going to die.
But you might end up strangling him before Hydra gets to either of you.
In the early 1930s, your path crosses with a young, bright eyed boy who doesn't seem to know the pain of the world. You ask him to wait. He does with a smile. Through time and war, you love him with the burn of all your heart. Across oceans and between worlds, he loves you so much he swears he could never forget.
One-Shots
âŠIt's Been Calling Me â€ïžâđ„đđđ𧥠- You've had these⊠dreams. Strange, realistic, detailed dreams of the same man, almost your whole life. But they're just dreams. You've been so sure, for so long, that they're just dreams. So sure, until you're not.
âŠLook Behind You đđđ§Ąâ€ïžâđ„ - You've made a mistake. You've been reckless and fallen in love with Bucky. There's only one way to deal with this. Make a list.
âŠA Long, Long Time đđđ§Ąâ€ïžâđ„ - The truth doesn't hurt. It's not freeing, either. It just sits in your chest, until it's pried out, and you're looking it the eyes with nowhere to run, and Bucky knows you love him. But he's not running either.
âŠAlong the Line đđ§Ąâ€ïžâđ„ - After you get hit with a chemical on a mission, Bucky has to take care of you. But he won't do the one thing that will fix it, no matter how much you want him to. And he wants it too. Maybe more. And, at some point, something has to break.
âŠIn Uniform - Request! â€ïžâđ„đđ - Bucky brings you a surprise, and fulfills a fantasy.
âŠFeelin' Good â€ïžâđ„đđ - It's been a long, rough day, and it's easy to sink a little lower into worse feelings. Luckily, Bucky is always there to pick you back up.
âŠThese Nights đđâ€ïžâđ„ - Bucky gets home late, and you take care of each other.
âŠI Must Have Missed it in the Rain đđ§Ąâ€ïžâđ„đ - You're, somehow, the best person for this undercover mission. The one where you have to pretend to be Bucky's girlfriend. You don't know why he agreed to it when he can't stand you. But you love him. So you'll get through it, if only to play pretend for one night.
âŠLay Me Down đđ§Ąâ€ïžâđ„đ - All you wanted in a roommate was someone not insane, who didn't shift anything in your life who didn't drive you out of your mind. You didn't get either of those things. You got Bucky Barnes
âŠI've Been Waiting (And So Have You) - Request đ§Ąâ€ïžâđ„đ - You've been in love with Bucky Barnes since you first saw him. You've waited for him, even when you knew it was pointless. Then, when you finally decide to move on, you ask him for help. But he doesn't seem to be putting his all into helping you find a relationship. And you can't seem to give yours to getting over him, at all.
âŠDon't Stop Haunting Meâ€ïžâđ„đđ - You and Bucky have a (sort of) quiet arrangement. He takes care of you, and you return the favor. And you've gotten pretty good at pretending you don't want more, but after the Halloween party, it's suddenly a lot harder to pretend. Good thing Bucky is feeling the exact same way.
âŠHow to Let Go - Request đ§Ąâ€ïžâđ„đ - After you meet Bucky at a gallery, he slowly, but certainly becomes a part of your life. An important one. One that could mean something. And you don't know how to do that. How to just be loved. But Bucky doesn't just walk away. And together, you learn.
âŠCan You Feel It (through you) đđâ€ïžâđ„ - After you meet Bucky at a gallery, he slowly, but certainly becomes a part of your life. An important one. One that could mean something. And you don't know how to do that. How to just be loved. But Bucky doesn't just walk away. And together, you learn.
âŠCold Eyes, Warm Hands đđđ§Ąâ€ïžâđ„ - You know Bucky hates you. He's not secret about it. He hates you so much, he can't seem to stand you even getting along with an agent on a mission, and can't help but rush to your side when you need him. That's what hate is, right?
âŠHis Favorite Gift đâ€ïžâđ„ - On Christmas, the only thing Bucky needs is you.
âŠTipping Pointđ§Ąâ€ïžâđ„đ - You agree to friends with benefits, knowing Bucky already has your heart. Knowing that he's so blissfully unaware of it, that there's never any hope to be anything more. Which makes it strange, how possessive he's getting after you're flirted with at a party.
âŠThe Strawberries - request!đđ - Bucky keeps you secret from his team, but your effect on his life might not be something he can hide.Â
âŠIf You Care đđ§Ąđâ€ïžâđ„ - Affection and relationships are the ruin of many a good woman. You're very careful, not to fall into that trap. Unfortunatly, Bucky might be the only one who can make you... stumble a bit.
âŠOur Ruins đđâ€ïžâđ„ - you and bucky have an arragment, and Bucky breaks an unspoken rule.
âŠGoddamn, Manchild đđ§Ąâ€ïžâđ„ - you and Bucky have been at odds since you first met. he can't stand you. you pretend you can't stand him. and if Bucky ever knew how you really felt, you think you might die. not when there's no chance he'd ever feel the same way. right?
âŠchoose me đđ§Ąâ€ïžâđ„ - bucky isn't your boss, but he's still off limits. and even if he wasn't, there's no way he'd ever go for someone like you. weird that he matched with you on a dating app then, isn't it?
âŠneeded me đđ§Ąâ€ïžâđ„ - you can't stand bucky barnes. despite all your attempts to get rid of him, he's always somewhere in your orbit. you say you hate it. hate him. but you're also a very good liar.
âŠRead on A03!âŠ
âŠMain Masterlist - Bucky MasterlistâŠ
Rating/Warnings: 18+ for canon-typical violence, swearing, mental health issues, and sexual content.
Tags: Bucky Barnes/Female Reader, avenger!Reader, soulmates, canon divergence, slow burn, smut, angst, fluff, eventual happy ending.
Mini-Series Summary
Soulmates are the rarest thing in the world. To even know a pair is almost unheard of, let alone to meet your own. Some people hold out hope. You know better. Or you thought you did. Until you met Bucky, and realized the odds you never wanted were leaning in your favor.
âŠAuthor's Note: This is an alternate timeline Avenger's AU! Starts some time after Age of Ultron, but Hulk never went off world. Enjoy!âŠ
âŠChapter ListâŠ
Chapter 1 - Static
Chapter 2 - Looking
Chapter 3 - Headfirst
Chapter 4 - It's Getting Clear
Chapter 5 - Nosedive
Chapter 6 - The Lonely
Chapter 7 - Take My Heart
Chapter 8 - Ignite
Chapter 9 - I Could Fly
Your relationship with Bradley is new. Really new. Like, 'haven't let him smell your morning breath yet' new. But when he gets a call telling him that his mom is dying, you find yourself driving him to San Diego in the middle of the night, preparing to meet his entire extended family during the worst period of their lives. Nick and Carole live AU.
Warnings: discussions of cancer, parental death, it's very sad but also quite sweet
This fic is for the @elixirfromthestars cinema challenge! I've taken inspiration mainly from About Time (2013) - but also Elizabethtown (2005). I think they both have such beautiful depictions of grief and love persevering, so I've tried to channel that a little! Songs that offered some inspiration: Hold My Hand by Lady Gaga, Orpheus by Sara Bareilles, Rainbow by Kacey Musgraves + đ for realising they're in love!
Come by the fire // Lay down your head // My love I see you're growing tired // So set the bad day by the bed // And rest a while
You consider yourself an expert on looks. First looks, last looks, and all the ones in between. They made up a relationship. Stolen glances full of longing when the other isnât looking, anger burning during a fight when you donât recognise the person across from you.
Whoever said the eyes were a window into the soul had it right.
First looks were easy. Almost all of them were entirely inconsequential, not meant to be remembered. The very act of remembering the first moment you lock eyes with someone was special. A sign, that for better or worse, they were going to become an important part of your life.
Your first look with Bradley had been outside a church, when your friend Hannah had married Bob Floyd. You'd been fixing your heel, having twisted the strap as you got out of the car, and looked up to find his eyes locked on you. His lips had been parted ever so slightly, shoulders broad as he stands in a perfectly tailored suit. You'd known Bob was in the Navy - you just hadn't realised his friends would look like that.
Polite smiles and introductions are exchanged before you find yourself walking down the aisle, arm laced through his.
He was a retired pilot, you learned at the party afterwards. He'd retired and moved to Los Angeles with the intention of settling down and having kids, before his girlfriend had left him for her boss. He was an instructor now, teaching the next generation to fly.
âGod, I'm so sorry, you definitely don't want to be hearing about this right now-â
âNo, no don't worry, it's totally okay - my last boyfriend left me for his highschool sweetheart. So I guess neither of us are really good at this.â
You don't know why you're telling him that. It was something you were normally embarrassed about, instead opting to just shrug and go âit wasn't meant to beâ. But something about Bradley made you think he'd understand.
"He's an idiot," Bradley replies.
"Maybe I'm a complete and utter nightmare. Maybe it was totally deserved."
"I find that hard to believe." He's leaning in, and the scent of his cologne fills your atmosphere.
You smile, resting your chin on the palm of your hand. "You don't even know me."
"I'm hoping that's going to change."
You'd danced and laughed, trading stories and swapping anecdotes as the night went on, totally oblivious to the knowing looks passed between Hannah and Bob. It was no mistake that the two of you had been paired up to walk together. Everything was working out exactly as they expected it to.
The night had ended out on the patio, his jacket draped over your shoulders and his lips on yours.
Most of the sex you'd had in your life wasn't as personal as that single kiss.
Last looks were trickier. Harder to predict and pin down. There were last looks you were grateful to get - ex-friends and boyfriends whoâd long overstayed their welcome in your life. Others were more painful, and left you longing for a âwhat-ifâ that was never meant to be. Some, much like firsts, went by totally unnoticed, with neither of you realising that this was the end.
It was a strange understanding, the knowledge shared between two people that they would never see the other again.
You hoped your last look with Bradley wouldn't come for decades.
Itâs midnight when he gets the call. Youâre curled into him, arm draped over his stomach, his nose nestled in your hair. Only in his late thirties has Bradley been able to admit that often he much prefers quiet nights in with wine and a book to bustling bars and crowds.
You're more than happy to oblige, finding yourself spending more nights than not in his arms. It felt right, and natural, even though you'd only been together for a few months. A couple of your friends were less convinced.
âYouâre moving too fast-â
âYouâll be sick of him before the yearâs out-â
But things were good. You didn't believe in following a set schedule just because other people thought they knew how your relationship should work. You were happy, and you assumed Bradley felt the same. Heâd never given any indication otherwise, even being the one to initiate a lot of the evolution of the relationship.
Youâre in that sweet spot of being near enough sleep to be totally and utterly relaxed, while also still being able to enjoy the feeling of Bradley pressed up against you.
The staying over had been a new development, within the last week, when heâd make the excellent point that if you stayed over instead of driving home, youâd be doing your part to save the planet. You'd lower your carbon emissions, his place was closer to your work, and he'd already cleared out some closet space for you. The logic was unflappable.
âMav? Whatâs wrong?â His voice is raspy, and he sits up, duvet pooling at his waist. âNo, you didnât wake me, itâs okay.â
The voice on the other end of the line speaks for a couple of seconds, and Bradleyâs shoulders tense. Itâs bad news. The kind that often precedes last looks. Your heart sinks slightly.
âHow is she now?â Bradley replies, glancing over at you.
âYeah, I can come. No, it's okay, I'll come now - should be there in a couple of hours.â A second. âI will. See you soon.â
âWhat's wrong?â You sit up, hand resting on his forearm.
âMy mom. The cancer's spread. She was in the hospital today, just got home. Dad didn't want to worry me⊠but Mav thinks I should go home. Be there. He thinks it'll be a few weeks now. If we're lucky.â His voice wavers ever so slightly, but does not break.
âOh Bradley,â You whisper. âI'm so sorry.â You'd known his mom had cancer, but you hadn't realised how severe it was. How little time she had.
âI-I need to go to San Diego,â He says, getting to his feet unsteadily. His hands are shaking, and heâs three shades paler than usual. âIâll leave a key for you. Stay as long as you want.â
âBaby, itâs a three hour drive. You canât do that in this state,â You murmur softly, moving to your knees as you watch him start to throw clothes into a duffel bag. âLet me take you.â
âI canât ask you to do that-â He begins, but you cut him off.
âYou arenât. Iâm offering. Just focus on packing, I'll grab some food and get the car ready.â
You can tell he wants to protest, tell you to go back to bed, but the worry wins out, and he just nods. Wordlessly, you get dressed, and head out to the car. When Bradley emerges ten minutes later, his eyes are red-rimmed and puffy. You donât know what to say, donât know if thereâs anything to say, so you just reach out, hand cupping his cheek gently. He lets out a shaky breath, eyes closing as he leans into your touch.
Heâd known this would come eventually. He just hadnât thought it would be so sudden. At her last check-up the doctors had said she was doing as well as could be expected. They thought she might have a couple of years left, if she continued on like the way she was going.
A couple of years was good. Bradley could make that work. Maybe settle down, give her a grandchild, and show her that he was happy. That it was okay for her to go. That heâd be alright without her.
He couldnât do any of that in a few weeks.
The drive is made in near silence. Bradley stares out the window, wringing his hands together nervously as he occasionally offers commentary on the places you pass. The roads are desolate, and youâre turning onto Bradleyâs parentâs road just before three.
You hadnât thought this far ahead. Pulling up to your boyfriendâs childhood home in the middle of the night to see his dying mom wasnât exactly how you imagined the first meeting going. The last thing they need right now is to meet a new girlfriend, a total stranger. Bradley potentially hasnât even told them about you yet.
âI-I should probably get going-â
âYouâre not staying?â His head snaps to yours, deep brown eyes furrowed as he frowns. âIt's 3am, you can't drive back on no sleep.â
âI donât want to impose,â You reply, twisting a ring round your finger. The last thing you want to do is make this about you. âOr add any stress, or anything. Your parents probably only want family around.â
âHoney, if my mom knew I let you drive me all the way here, and then let you turn around and head straight back in the middle of the night, sheâd murder me before I even got my coat off.â Despite your nerves, despite everything, you let out a small laugh. âIâd really like you to stay. Please.â
âYouâre sure?â
âIâm sure.â Whateverâs waiting for him inside, heâd rather face it with you.
âI didn't bring anything.â
âWe can make do. Iâll buy whatever you need. Are you okay for work?â
You wave him off. âI have time off I can use. Don't worry.â
He nods, and grabs his bag from the back as you get out. He laces his fingers through yours, and takes a look up at the house that had been his home for eighteen years. Thereâs a light on downstairs, someoneâs still awake.
Squeezing your hand, he begins the walk up the path, knocking lightly. It takes a second before it swings open, before revealing who you assume is Bradleyâs dad.
They look so alike itâs almost uncanny. The man standing before you is like looking at Bradley in twenty-five years. Hair slightly thinner, a few more wrinkles, they could almost be brothers.
âBradley,â Nick murmurs, pulling him in for a tight hug. âYou shouldâve waited until the morning.â
âWanted to be with you guys,â Bradley mumbles, before pulling back slightly. âHow is she?â
âAlright, all things considered. Itâs spread to her lymph nodes. Thereâs nothing more they can do, therapy-wise. Sheâs sleeping now. You can go up in the morning.â He finally registers your presence behind Bradley, and straightens up. âYou must be the girlfriend.â His eyes are soft, and he reaches out to pull you in for your own hug.
You tell him your name, as Bradley ushers you both inside, shutting the door behind you. âIâm so sorry about your wife, Mr Bradshaw.â
âPlease, call me Nick,â He insists. He leads you both inside to the living room, where another man sits.
âMav,â Bradley greets, as he stands. He introduces you to his godfather, and the two of you take a seat.
âHow was the drive?â Maverick asks you.
âIt was fine - roads were quiet.â You fight off a yawn, turning your head to look out the window.
âYouâre tired,â Bradley says, voice quiet. âWe can go to bed.â
You shake your head. âIâm okay,â You insist. Seeing the unconvinced expression on his face, you smile. âPromise.â
Bradley returns to his conversation with Nick and Maverick, and you try your best to stay awake, offering comments occasionally. You learn that Maverick and his wife live next door, and that Caroleâs family all live nearby. Bradley has two cousins, Grace and John, who he grew up with. Grace has a toddler named Sophia, while John is getting married next year. Soon, you find your head leaning against Bradleyâs shoulder, and he just feels so warm, and your eyes are so heavy-
âYour girlâs exhausted, Bradley,â Nick says softly. âGet some sleep.â
âIâm fine,â You mumble, but you know youâre not fooling anyone. Itâs almost four now. You considered two a late night.
âIt might be a little tight, but you can stay in your old room,â Nick says, and Bradley nods as he guides you to your feet. Maverick says his goodbyes, before heading next door.
âYouâll wake me when sheâs up?â
Nick nods. âYeah, of course. Now, go before she passes out.â You send him a tired smile, and follow Bradley down the hall.
Bradleyâs childhood bedroom is exactly what you wouldâve expected from him. Covered head to toe in plane posters, with sporting trophies lining every surface.
Football, baseball, basketball, track, he was apparently good at everything.
âMy god, you were a try-hard,â You murmur, gesturing at the pile of medals hanging from the back of the door.
âI liked to win,â He shrugs, dropping his bag by the wardrobe. âYou want a shirt to sleep in?â
You nod, and he tosses you an old Top Gun one. He pulls on a pair of sweatpants, and you both crawl into bed.
He insists the bedâs a double, but with the way youâre lying chest to chest just to stay on, youâre not convinced. It doesnât really matter. You could be sleeping on the worldâs largest bed, and would still find a way to be as close to Bradley as possible.
Don't stop // Trying to find me here amidst the chaos // Though I know it's blinding // There's a way out // Say out loud // We will not give up on love now
The next morning you meet Maverick's wife Penny, and his stepdaughter Amelia. Bradley and Nick are up in the master bedroom catching up - it had been a while since Bradley had been home.
Theyâre up for about an hour, while you get to know the Mitchells, before Bradley appears in the living room. âShe wants to meet you.â
âAre you- are you sure?â
âVery sure. She wouldnât take no for an answer.â As if he can sense the nerves, he holds out a hand for you to take. He knows this must be weird for you. Going from meeting no one to his entire family in the span of twenty-four hours. But heâs glad youâre here. He has a feeling heâs going to be with you for a long time, and if now is the only time that he gets to be with you and his mom, heâll take what he can get.
If you hadnât known Carole Bradshaw was sick, youâre not sure you wouldâve guessed. Yes, she looks tired, and yes, the bags under her eyes are probably bigger than usual, but her smile is wide and her eyes bright.
âYouâre even prettier than he said you were.â
Youâre positive this isnât true. Youâre wearing the jeans you had on yesterday, with one of Bradleyâs shirts, and you mustâve gotten a maximum of five hours sleep last night. Pretty is not the word youâd use. Heat rises to your cheeks, as Bradley guides you to the chair beside her bed.
âItâs really lovely to meet you, Mrs Bradshaw-â
âCarole! Call me Carole, please.â
âCarole,â You repeat. Youâre desperate for her to like you. The idea that you could be with Bradley for the rest of your life, and the only impression his mother has of you is when youâre running on little sleep with greasy hair is not appealing. âI really like your son.â
She laughs. âI really like him too. And he likes you. Wouldnât shut up about you the last time he called.â
You glance at Bradley, whoâs begun to look very embarrassed. âThatâs an exaggeration-â
âIt is not! Heâs very enamoured with you, sweetheart.â
âIâm glad to hear it.â
âSo, what do you do? He got so carried away on the phone, he didnât tell me the basics. Just how pretty you were, and how he can't believe you'd go out with him-â
"Okay, mom, that's enough," Bradley interjects, as Carole grins.
"Just letting the girl know what she's in for!"
âI work in publishing.â
âYouâre a reader?â
âAs much as I can.â
âYouâll need to give me some recommendations then. Iâve been getting more reading done recently than the rest of my life combined.â
âI think I can do that.â
***
That afternoon, the extended family come round. You take it all in your stride, diligently answering questions and re-filling drinks. Sophia, his cousinâs daughter, takes a particular liking to you, opting to sit on your knee while the grownups chat.
âWhat do you think?â Bradley asks Nick, eyes trained on you as you crouch down to chat to little Sophia, smiling widely as she shows off her teddy bear.
âI like her more than you already,â Nick quips, throwing him a grin. Seeing Bradleyâs obvious relief, he claps a hand on his sonâs shoulder. âSheâs great. Really. Way out of your league.â
Bradley snorts. âBelieve me, I know.â
âYour mom likes her too. Spent more time talking about her to Mary this afternoon than anything else.â
âYeah?â
Nick drops his voice to a near-whisper. âI know the circumstances arenât ideal, but you bringing her here has really made your mother so happy. All sheâs ever wanted was for you to find someone - and she wonât get to meet her grandkids, but I think meeting their mother will let her go with a bit of clarity.â
Bradley almost chokes on his drink. Sure, these might have been three of the best months of his life. But it was still far too early to even consider marriage and kids. The last thing he wanted to do was scare you off. Not when things had been going so well. âItâs only been three months-â
âSo? Who cares if you met her yesterday, or ten years ago? She wouldn't have driven you a hundred and fifty miles in the middle of the night if she wasn't committed to this thing. Your mother and I were engaged by six months, married by eight.â
He looks back at you. In such a short space of time, you'd become his whole life. On the occasions you had to sleep at your own place, due to early meetings or that time you were dog-sitting, he felt your absence like a gaping hole in his chest. You were the last thing he thought about every night, and his first thought in the morning. âI really like her,â He admits finally.
Nick Bradshaw just smiles. âWe can tell.â
Don't you turn like Orpheus // Just stay here // Hold me in the dark and when the day appears // We'll say // We did not give up on love today
You manage a couple of hours of downtime before trying to make yourself useful again. You werenât the worldâs best cook - you certainly werenât better than Bradley, but you could make a mean lasagna. And you figure the last thing the Bradshaws needed to be thinking about right now was food. So, you enlist Penny, and send Maverick out to get the extra ingredients you need.
âWe can just order in, itâs no big deal,â Bradley insists, watching as you and Penny bustle about the kitchen.
âThatâll cost an absolute fortune. Weâve got it covered, right Penny?â
Penny nods, and ushers Bradley towards the door. âWeâll be done in an hour. Set the table for us, will you?â
Spirits are cheerful, despite the overhang of dread. Cousins are playing, Bradleyâs serving drinks, Carole and Penny are gossiping, and youâve found yourself beside Nick. Heâs easy to talk to, and is like Bradley in so many ways itâs almost scary. Heâs already broken into the baby pictures, showing you various embarrassing Bradley phases over the years.
His cowboy phase at three. His emo phase at eleven. His surfer dude phase at sixteen.
âLater on, I may tell you about Bradley's many failings as a man and as a table tennis player. But, firstly I'd like to say the one big thing - that I've only loved three men in my life. My dad was a frosty prick so that only leaves dear Maverick, Elvis Presley- obviously - and that man there.â
Across the room, Bradleyâs giving Sophia a piggy-back, while simultaneously juggling four empty glasses that need cleaned up.
âHeâs a good guy,â You agree, eyes soft as you watch him. âIâm really lucky.â
âIâm glad you two found each other. He struggles to let people in sometimes.â
Youâd never experienced that with Bradley. From the very first meeting, it felt like you both just understood each other, in a way youâd never felt before. You told him things at Bobâs wedding that it would take you months to work up to with other people. Upon seeing your confusion, Nick laughs softly.
âGood to see he isnât like that with you.â
Eventually, Carole begins to get tired, and everyone starts to filter out, leaving just Nick, Bradley, and you. You try to start cleaning up, but Nick and Bradley manage to distract you with a game of Monopoly at Caroleâs bedside. She dominates, getting hotels on Park Lane and Mayfair that bankrup the rest of you, before you and Bradley give her some peace to get some sleep.
When Bradley emerges from his shower, you arenât in his room. Frowning, he combs the upstairs. Nothing. Then he hears humming from the kitchen. Inside, youâre tackling the mountain of plates from lunch earlier, having barely made a dent.
âHoney, you donât have to do that,â Bradley says, and you jump at the disturbance.
âYou scared me,â You breathe, before turning back to the dishes. âAnd itâs fine - I just want to help.â
âI can do it in the morning,â He insists, moving behind you to rest his chin on your shoulder and wrap his arms around your waist. âYou already made dinner. Itâs too much.â
âYou shouldnât have to worry about dishes, or washing, or cooking right now. Let me take care of you.â
âAt least let me help.â
You think for a second, before conceding. âFine. You can dry.â
It takes another hour, but the by the end, youâre giggling like children as you flick suds of soap at him, before trying to duck out of his arms as he tickles you mercilessly.
Upstairs, Carole and Nick smile to themselves when they hear the âBradley donât!â mere seconds before another fit of laughter erupts.
"He's going to be okay," Carole murmurs, resting her head on her husband's shoulder, eyes misty.
By the time youâre ready to go to bed, Bradleyâs in need of another shower, hair sticking to his forehead as his shorts drip water onto the floor.
***
âIâll be back tonight,â You promise, leaning up to kiss his cheek. âBut I really need my laptop to work from home.â
Bradley understood. He did. You were already doing far too much, arranging your work so that you could stay in San Diego with him for the time being. And yet, the idea of you being gone for even a day created a pit at the very bottom of his stomach. âDrive safe, okay? And call me when you get home. And then call me again before you leave.â
âI will.â In normal circumstances youâd laugh at his over-protectiveness, but you know heâs just worried. Itâs been a hard two weeks.
Carole has had a string of bad days - bad days that are slowly beginning to outnumber the good. It wonât be too long now. Carole knows this, you know it, Nick knows it. Youâre not sure Bradleyâs come to terms with it yet.
Youâre sitting with her that night, while the guys make dinner. Youâd been covering it, but Carole had insisted they stop letting you do all the work around the house. So youâre cross-legged on a chair beside her bed, looking at some more pictures from Bradleyâs childhood.
âYou know, heâs never brought a girl home before,â Carole tells you, as soon as the door clicks shut behind Bradley. Heâd popped up with drinks. âNot even Taylor. They were together four years, and we met her once at a wedding.â
âItâs just because I drove him here,â You reason, but Carole shakes her head.
âItâs different with you.â She goes to speak again, before breaking off in a coughing fit. You grab the glass on her bedside, passing it over. âThanks, sweetheart. And thank you for being here.â
âItâs no problem, really. Iâd do anything for him.â
âI know. And Iâm glad itâs you. I was so worried about leaving him. Heâs always been sensitive. I think youâll make it a little easier on him.â
You don't know what to say, voice catching in your throat. Instead, you reach out and take her hand.
***
âPlease Nick, I'm not dead yet. Penny can come. Itâll be fine.â Carole rolls her eyes, and you know Nick isn't winning this one.
It was the latest argument. Nick and Carole had decided to renew their vows at the Hard Deck, just for closest friends and family. The guys had their suits, but you, Carole and Penny didn't have a dress. Carole wanted to go shopping, Nick thought it was a bad idea. The final compromise was going to one shop, and making Carole stay off her feet as much as possible.
You knew despite Carole's insistence that she was happy with whatever, that you didnât want to make her walk far. So you set up shop in a local store, Carole and Penny each picking their own dress first.
You try a couple on, eventually landing on a pale yellow maxi dress, patterned with flowers. Just as youâre about to get changed back into your clothes, Carole appears in the dressing room.
âIf this is weird and inappropriate, please tell me,â Carole insists, as she steps towards you with a dress bag. âBut uh- I never got to have a daughter. Nick and I, we tried for a while to give Bradley a sibling, but it never worked out.â She clears her throat, voice thick as she continues. âAnd I always hoped that Iâd be able to go dress-shopping with whoever Bradley chose to marry. I know that the two of you havenât been together long, but-butâŠâ
She trails off, and you nod, eyes shining. âI would really love to have you as a mother-in-law,â You whisper.
You step out of the dressing room, breath bated as you look in the mirror. The dress is gorgeous, hugging your curves in all the right places, the cut making you look taller than you are. Youâve never worn a wedding dress before. You're not sure if it's bad luck to wear one without being engaged, but this feels right. It's a moment you'll never get to share with Carole, even if you do marry Bradley one day.
Sheâs wiping her eyes before she even sees you. âOh honey, you look stunning,â She breathes. "You'll make a beautiful bride someday."
The tears are streaming freely now, and you hug her tightly. "I wish I'd met him earlier."
"Me too," She whispers. "But it's okay. When it happens, it'll be wonderful. Because you both love each other, and that's all that matters."
I'll show you good // Restore your faith // I'll try and somehow make a meaning of the poison in this place // Convince you love, don't breathe it in // You were written in the stars that we are swimming in
The ceremony's beautiful. If you and Bradley can have half the relationship his parents share, you'll be doing a whole lot better than most people.
Maverick officiates, and Bradley is designated ring-bearer, despite his protests.
"Why can't Amelia do it? Or Sophia? The literal child?"
"It's funnier making you do it-"
âTime for pictures!â Penny announces, grabbing her camera from the counter. âBradshaw family up first!â
You smile as Bradley fakes a dramatic sigh, pressing a kiss to your hairline as he passes. Nick and Bradley stand on either side of Carole, arms wrapped round her waist as they lean in. You zone out slightly, snapping back to reality when you hear Carole calling your name. âWait! Thatâs not everyone!â
If you werenât already close to tears, this'll do it. âOh, no-â You begin, but sheâs already cutting you off.
âYouâll be family soon enough, sweetheart,â She calls, gesturing forwards. You glance at Bradley, nod wanting to overstep, and get to your feet when he nods. You know the rule for partners - unless itâs serious, they donât get in the family photos.
Bradley reaches out, looping his arm round you to pull you in tightly.
Penny takes pictures of every possible configuration of people. You and Bradley, Nick and Maverick, Carole and Sophia, before getting one of the bartenders to get a group shot.
Nick captures one single photo the whole night. You and Carole in the corner of one of the booths, eyes crinkled as you laugh together. He saves it for later. Figures it could make a good wedding present down the line.
***
âListen, if what my mom said was too much, I totally get that,â Bradley murmurs into your ear as you sway gently in time to Bruce Springsteenâs Iâm On Fire wafting from the jukebox. âShe gets ahead of herself at the best of times, nevermind⊠nevermind now.â
Carole Bradshaw will never get to meet her grandchildren. If you and Bradley get married, she wonât be at the wedding. If, god forbid, you arenât it for him, sheâll never know his wife. She wonât get to see him turn forty, or celebrate her fortieth wedding anniversary. Itâs an awful finality that he canât allow himself to think about too much.
âIt wasnât too much,â You reply, voice soft. âI love your family.â
âI love you.â
It slips out before he can even register what he's saying. Truthfully, he's known he loved you since you dropped everything to be with him here. But thinking and saying are very different things.
Your reply is instantaneous. âI love you too.â You don't need to think about it. Because you do. You love Bradley Bradshaw in a big and scary way.
You love how he spends his Saturdays giving free lessons to people who can't afford it, simply because he thinks everyone should have a chance to learn.
You love that when the anniversary of your grandma's death had come round last month, he'd turned up on your doorstep with flowers and chocolates before his shift, even though his work was at the opposite end of the city from your house.
You love the fact that he talks in his sleep - mostly about aircrafts and flying, a language you don't understand at all. Mumbling about F-18s and Mach numbers as his arms tighten around you.
You love that underneath the tough exterior, heâs the softest man you've ever met. That even though the idea terrifies him, you know he'll be a wonderful father one day.
You love him. You think that maybe you've loved him since the moment you saw him.
âYou don't have to say it just because my mom's dying.â
âI'm not. I'd say it even if your dad was hideous and your mom hated me, and they were all massive Republicans. I love you.â
***
âThey look like you guys,â Maverick muses, as you and Bradley move round the dance floor, totally engrossed in each other.
âI hope you mean that as a compliment,â Nick replies, raising an eyebrow as he takes his wife's hand.
âOf course it's a compliment,â Maverick scoffs. âYou guys found your person younger than most, and still managed to make it work. Took me fifty years to get my act together.â
âBradleyâs nearly forty, he wasnât far behind you,â Nick snorts, and Carole swats at him.
âThat wasnât his fault! He was ready to settle down, and Taylor pulled the rug out from under him.â
âIt worked out for the best. He looks happier now than he ever did with Taylor.â
"You both better get absolutely hammered at their wedding for me."
"I think we can handle that," Maverick assures her, grinning. "The boys can do Great Balls of Fire in your honour."
"She'll be heading straight for a divorce if you do that," Carole laughs.
That was the last good day. It was like she'd said her goodbyes, made her peace with leaving. She knew that everyone would be okay, eventually. She's admitted to the hospital on Monday with chest pain, and dies on Thursday.
She goes holding Bradley's hand, while Nick sits on her other side. For all intents and purposes, it is a peaceful death.
It has no name // No guarantee // It's just the promise of a day // I know that some may never see // But that's enough // If the bottom drops out // I hope my love was someone else's solid ground
Nick Bradshaw stands alone at the entrance to the church, greeting every single guest by name. Even when they get well into the hundreds, he treats their grief with a delicacy you'd never expect from a new widower.
You donât think youâd be able to harness that amount of grace if you were in his position. You stand with Bradley, hand clutched tightly in his. His eyes are fixed firmly on the coffin, only pulling them away to acknowledge the mourners who approach him.
It feels like the entire city of San Diego has come out to mourn Carole Bradshaw. The church is filled to the brim, with people spilling onto the street outside. Youâre not sure youâve ever seen such an outpouring of love for one person.
You manage to hold it together until the opening chords of Tom Pettyâs I Wonât Back Down ring out. Bradleyâs arm snakes round your waist, and a choked sob escapes as he buries his face in your hair.
âI know, baby, Iâm sorry,â You cry, pulling him in tighter.
Nick knew his wife better than anybody in the world - she wouldn't have wanted everyone to be miserable. She wanted her funeral to be a celebration of life, not death.
So his eulogy is full of their best moments - from embarrassing to heartfelt. When she went into labour with Bradley while Nick was in the air, and Maverick had to be sent to get him down. Nick arrived at the hospital as Bradley was crowning. It had taken him a while to make it up to her for that one.
When she almost got them all arrested in Italy by driving on the wrong side of the road.
Their first wedding - when she'd been an hour late to her own reception because she overslept.
Her love for really awful karaoke. Her love for her family, friends, husband, son.
Carole Bradshaw lived a good life. And that was nothing to be sad about.
âHow are you handling this so well?â Bradley asks his dad, as the three of you walk towards the car to head to the reception.
âI'm not - not really. Iâm fucking furious, and so uninterested in a life without your mother. But I also know she'd punch me for even thinking that.â
For the first time in a long time, Bradley laughs. âSheâd tell you to grow up and get on with it.â
âAnd so thatâs what Iâm going to do. Iâm gonna mope for a couple of weeks, and then Iâm getting a dog. And Iâm gonna call it Goose.â
âYouâre naming the dog after yourself?â
âHey, your mother was the brains of the relationship, not me.â
***
âCan we- can we go for a drive?â Bradley asks the next day, and you nod.
âOf course.â
The drive doesnât take long. A couple of miles up the coast, before heâs pulling into a lookout spot. Itâs incredible, the view over the ocean. âMy mom used to bring me here, to watch my dad fly,â Bradley murmurs, as he leads you over to the railing. He gestures out towards the island in the distance. âHe was based there for a while. So was I, when I served.â
There arenât any planes out today, but the sky is the bluest blue youâve ever seen, not a cloud in sight. Bradley has to think that somehow, his mom is here, watching over you both.
âI think I've been asleep most of my life,â He admits.
âMe too.â
âI don't want that anymore. Being scared, of not taking any risks. I don't want to have any regrets."
"We've got time," You murmur. "We're still in our thirties. Basically teenagers. Your twenties are just a practice run, anyway. I've heard that being in your forties is where it's at."
"Yeah," He replies softly. "We've got time."
His mom's ring nearly burns a hole in his pocket.
âNot for today, not for tomorrow, but soon, okay?â She'd whispered, slipping it into his hand, smiling softly as her breathing grew laboured.
âYeah, mom. Soon.â
a/n - thank you so much for reading!! I really love this one-shot, and I've never written Carole and Nick before. Thank you to Mel for hosting the challenge, I had a lot of fun taking inspiration from the movies!
âYo, Mickey give me the schedule, I want to see whoâs playing on the main stage.â Reuben called out to his friend.
âI donât have it, dude, you do.â
âNo I gave it to you after lunch, remember ?â
Mickey pulled out the inside of his pocket to prove his point, âI have nothing.â
Letting out an exasperated sigh, Reuben turned to the rest of the guys who seemed deeply uninterested and not at all concerned.
âAnyone has it ?â
Jake who was showing something on his phone to Javy didnât even look up, âdo we have what ?â
Reuben pinched the bridge of his nose in irritation, God were these guys incompetent when they werenât flying at supersonic speed in a war machine.
âWhat are you sulking for, Payback ?â Natasha asked.
As soon as Bradley heard her voice, he looked up from his phone, on which he was pretending to be busy. Sure enough, you were right next to Natasha, back from your little trip to the bathroom.
Bradley had willed himself to not look too excited when Natasha had asked if you, her best friend, could accompany the squad on their outing to the music festival that had settled on the edge of town for a weekend. They all knew you pretty well by now, Natasha had already dragged you along to multiple hangouts with them. But it had only taken a few minutes after your first meeting for Bradleyâs heart to do somersaults in his chest at the mere mention of your name. Still, he had yet to make a move. Why ? He didnât really know. Each time he worked himself up to ask you out, or not even that, simply ask for your number, he would backtrack.
Bradley didnât consider himself to be a shy guy, hell no. But there was something about you that made him a bit tongue tied whenever you were too close to him, and he would lie if he said that it didnât embarrassed him a bit, at his age to still feel a schoolboy blush creeping up his cheeks when you sent a smile his way.
âDo you want me to hold your bag ?â Bradley asked, cringing a bit at how earnest he sounded.
You shook your head with a warm smile, âIâm okay, but thank you for proposing, thatâs really nice.â
You affectionately squeezed his shoulder and Bradleyâs breath hitched almost imperceptibly. The sole, brief contact of your hand on his covered shoulder was enough to send butterflies flying in his stomach with the force of ten Super Hornets.
âYo Rooster, did you get sunburnt on your cheeks ?â Jake questioned with a smug grin, finger pointing to his own cheeks to accentuate his point, âyouâre super red.â
Bradley only glared at him, and before he could retort anything, Natasha hit Jake on the back of the head.
âLeave him alone, Bagman.â She warned while Jake looked at her, deeply offended and rubbing the back of his head like the overly dramatic man he was, ânow come on troops, letâs go to the main stage. In the toilet, Y/N and I heard people talking about a huge band thatâs gonna play there.â
Everyone agreed and quickly started walking towards the main stage. Bradley was walking beside you, instinctively matching your pace to stay close to you. The squad was already quite far ahead when Bradley noticed that you had â purposely ? â slowed down a bit, leaving the two of you separated from the group. And being, if only a little, isolated with you like that made him equally as nervous as it made him giddy.
âJakeâs right you know, your cheeks are kinda red, you should put on some sunscreen.â You said softly, eyes fixed on the crimson hue painting his face.
Hearing the words âJake is rightâ coming from your pretty lips perhaps shouldnât have left such a big sour taste in his mouth. Bradley tried to swallow the feeling off and focused on trying to not blush any harder under your soft and worried gaze.
He cleared his throat, âyeah, I probably should.â
âI have some in my bag,â you said helpfully, looking in your tote bag for the orange tub.
Your concern and desire to help him felt like a soothing balm on his bruised ego and he couldnât contain the small, sheepish smile that pulled at his lips.
âThank you, Y/N.â
But when he made a move to grab the sunscreen tube you seemed to be holding out for him, you immediately retracted your hand out of his reach.
âLet me ?â You asked, a glint in your eyes that made his heart skip a beat.
Bradley let out a small, surprised, but nonetheless absolutely delighted laugh. He stopped in his tracks, slightly lowering himself so itâd be easier for you to reach his face, which had definitely darkened in shade by now.
âGo ahead.â He said, voice dripping with fondness.
The word âsweetheartâ almost slipped away from him but he managed to reined it in at the last second. You giggled softly and squirted a small amount of sunscreen on both of his cheeks.
âLetâs not forget the forehead and chin as wellâŠâ you mumbled under your breath, which made Bradley smile even more.
Very gently and carefully, maybe more than anyone had ever been with him, you began to rub the cream onto his cheeks, making sure that it was fully covering and protecting his face. The feeling of your delicate fingers almost affectionately rubbing his face was sending his heart into a frenzy, accompanied by a warmth that spread in his entire body. It felt so good and for a moment Bradley was conflicted between closing his eyes to enjoy the experience to its full extent, or stay like this, his gentle brown eyes gazing down at you with surely nothing short of adoration as you focused entirely on getting every little nook of his face.
When you finished, you cupped his face with infinite tenderness.
âThere, youâre all good to go now.â
And as quick as you had put them on him, your hands were gone. And the intensity of the longing Bradley felt for your touch probably should have been concerning.
âThankââ his voice came out strangely hoarse and he was quick to clear his throat, âthank you, Y/N.â
You offered him a sweet smile, your hand coming up to squeeze his shoulder⊠for the second time in under ten minutes he noted.
âWell, looks like we lost them,â you said, when you turned your head to look at where the squad was suppose to be, just a bit ahead of you. In their place was now a whirlwind of people passing through, and none of them looked like cocky and overconfident naval aviators.
âItâs okay, we know where theyâre going.â He said, voice dropping into a sweet and low register, the way it usually did around you.
Instinctively, and before he could do anything to rein it in, his hand reached out to yours, ready to protectively guide you into the swarming sea of people. And as soon as his hand made contact with yours, it finally registered in his mind. His hand retracted as if heâd been electrocuted by your touch.
âSorry !â He said quickly, âI just thoughtâ I mean I didnât want you to get lost in the crowd, you know ?â
God, he was embarrassing himself.
Fearing to see repulsion on your features, his gaze fixated on the worn out and yellowing grass under his feet. A few seconds passed and the lack of any reaction coming from you made his heart sink at the bottom of his stomach. He had fucked it up, fucked it up before he could even make his interest clear, and after all perhaps it was for the best, at least he was fixed now, a girl like you couldnât possibly be interested in a guy like him anywayâ
Bradleyâs whirlwind of self deprecating thoughts stopped dead in its tracks, rendered silent by your arms wrapping around his. His eyes snapped back up to meet yours.
âThere, that way itâs more secure,â you explained, the warm smile never leaving your lips, âyou wonât lose me.â
It was like time had froze for an instant, Bradley looked down at your bright smile that was meant for him, only for him at that moment and he physically felt his heart stutter. The feeling of your body pressed against his arm was almost too much for him, and the outline of your breasts against his arm downright felt like a test from God.
While willing his racing heart to calm down and his cheeks to not overheat, Bradley guided you in the crowd, making sure that nobody was jostling you too much. And his eyes immediately darted to you when he felt one of your hands slip away from his bicep. Just as quickly, he averted his gaze when he saw your hand going to the low neckline of your top, seemingly readjusting it, Bradley just prayed that you hadnât follow his line of sight.
He was gonna move on, but when you repeated the movement three times just under the span of five minutes, Bradley felt like he could perhaps address the matter.
âIs everything alright ?â
âYeah, itâs justââ you did it again, hand coming up to slightly move your top, âthis top is gorgeous but itâs itchy as hell.â
You were right. The top was gorgeous, more precisely it was gorgeous on you. All day, Bradley had willed himself to keep his eyes away from the pretty dip of the top which was showing off the swell of your breasts, the top made them sit so prettily, in a manner that had his mind spinning if he thought about it too long. But now that you mentioned it, the fabric indeed did not look very comfortable.
âI think itâs slowly starting to give my boobs a rash.â
Oh.
The mere mention of your chest had his cheeks flaming up again. Damn it, just when he had managed to get his blush under control.
Hearing you complain suddenly, and very strangely he had to admit, gave birth to an urge to fix your problem, provide a solution. And his brain was quick to find it.
âI can give you my shirt, if you want.â Bradley supplied before he had anymore time to think about it, and what was there to think about really ? Heâd give you all his clothes in an instant if youâd asked.
You eyed his open Hawaiian shirt, âare you sure ?â
âYeah, donât worry. I still have my tank top.â
You seemed to think about it for a second but made your mind pretty quickly.
âWell if itâs really not a bother then yeah, Iâll take it. Thank you, Bradley, thatâs really nice of you.â
And then your hand came up to squeeze his bicep and Bradley wasnât sure how much longer heâd be able to handle all your casual touches, which were very much not casual to him.
âAlright, letâs go to the toilets so you can change, yeah ?â
Turning back around and thus abandoning all the progress you had made in the crowd, you made your way towards the toilet.
âOh god.â Was the only thing you were able to say as Bradley and you gazed at the endless waiting lines in front of each of the five portable toilets installed by the festival crew. âThere literally were only five people ten minutes ago. Iâm not waiting half an hour just to change clothes.â
Bradleyâs mind was racing, trying to find another solution for you to change with the privacy you deserved. There was no way he would let you change outside here for everyone to seeâ
âIâll just change outside.â
His head whipped towards you so fast he almost gave himself whiplash.
âOutside ?!â He repeated, deeply offended and distressed you would even suggest something like that.
But his alarmed tone didnât faze you, a small smile pulled at your lips, a mix of mischief and warmth that was doing dangerous things to him, âyeah, weâll find a quiet corner, plus, youâll shield me, right ?â
Like his life depended on it.
Thus, similar as a man on a mission, Bradley looked for a quiet place in the midst of the festivalâs craziness. Anywhere near the toilets was out of questions, as well as any of the stages. Too much people.
Finally, Bradley managed to get you to a more tranquil space, just near some hotdog food truck, he found it bizarre to see a food stand without anyone agglutinating in front of it, but one look at the hotdogs quickly supplied him with all the answers. The trailer was empty, so he ushered you behind it, in the corner. He hastily took off his shirt, opened it wide open to cover you so nobody could even think of taking a glimpse.
âAlright, try to make it quick.â Bradley turned his head to give you privacy and also to look out for any creeps.
He heard you chuckle, along with the sound of moving fabric. âWho knew you could be so assertive ?â You teased.
But Bradley cringed at the tone he had dared to use with you, âsorry I didnâtââ
âNo, itâs fine.â The smile in your voice was evident, âI like it.â
Gazing out in the empty part of the festival field, he tried not to say anything stupid now and ruin all the progress heâd made. He felt his shirt slip from his fingers as you delicately took it from him, promptly, he turned around, his back facing you and continued to stretch out his arms to shield you.
After a few seconds he heard you put something in your bag and then your fingers went to gently tap his shoulders.
Terrified of misinterpreting your cue, he asked, âcan I turn around ?â
âYes you can,â you agreed in an endeared laugh.
Nothing could have prepared him for the sight blessing his eyes. Standing with a sheepish smile, you were showing off your new outfit to him. Outfit composed mainly of his Hawaiian shirt, falling onto your smaller frame perfectly. The few top buttons were opened, allowing the fabric to reveal just the beginning of the valley between your breasts before draping delicately over them.
Bradley felt like his brain short circuited. You looked nothing short of ethereal in his clothing. And the thought that right now, something of his was touching your arms, your stomach, your breasts⊠you, was entirely too much.
âWell ? How do I look ?â You prompted, facing his silence.
Bradley cleared his throat, âyouâ you look good. Great actually, it suits you better than me,â he tried to joke lightly, except it was nowhere near a joke, it was the pure, blatant truth and the casual laugh he had opted for sounded awfully hoarse.
Your smile widened and only then did Bradley catch the way your eyes seemed to be raking appreciatively over his now uncovered shoulders and arms. He preened on the inside and subconsciously puffed up his chest a little, desperately trying to appeal to you in anyway.
âShould we go find the others ?â
âYeah.â Instinctively, you went back to his side, your arms snaking around his.
While trying to make your way back to the main stage, you passed by a relatively small one surrounded by quite a lot of people, quite the contrast compared to the size of the stage. Lively music was booming from the speakers, and the crowd was happily moving along to the beat. Bradleyâs fast pace was suddenly cut short when you gently held him back, tugging lightly on his arm.
âIs everything okay ?â
âLetâs dance, Bradley.â
His heart skipped a beat.
âDâ dance ? What about the others ? Donât you want to get back to them ?â
âNot yet. Right now, I want to dance with you.â
Akin to an angel who came down on earth to bless him with your smile and presence, you gently pulled him towards the middle of the makeshift dance floor, giving him time to backtrack if he wanted to, but there wasnât any world out there in which Bradley could ever pull away from you. The music suddenly changed. The rhythmic tunes subdued by the gentle sway of a slow dance.
âOhh, look at that, perfect timing.â You smiled up at him.
Bradley was usually a good dancer, a pretty smooth one if he said so himself, comfortable in his body and the way it moved. But right now all his muscles were stiff, rendered useless and rigid under your expectant gaze.
âDonât look so nervous,â you chuckled, taking his hands and placing them on your waist.
âIâm not.â He lied, not very convincingly.
Bradley prayed to God that you couldnât feel the way his hands were slowly becoming clammier as they hesitantly rested on you. Your arms went around his neck, getting a bit closer to him. You swayed naturally to the slow beat of the song, taking him with you, and soon, guided by your elegant steps and soft words of encouragement, Bradley relaxed. Your fingers were lightly playing with the hair on his nape, and the occasional small drag of your nails there was rendering him putty in your hands, a tiny, delighted shiver going down his spine everytime. And for a moment, it seemed as if the crowd had disappeared, leaving you and Bradley alone, he was bathing in your attention and nothing had ever felt this good.
Your eyes were all too warm as they gazed up at him, just the tiniest bit squinted from the smile that never seemed to leave your lips whenever you were in his presence. And Bradleyâs heart did somersaults in his chests when he caught your gaze flicking, almost imperceptibly, to his lips.
âI didnât know you were such a good dancer,â Bradley whispered in an attempt to not break the moment, voice a bit husky from the closeness he shared with you.
You let out a small, endeared laugh. It was a stupid compliment, you both knew it. It wasnât dancing, if anything it was more gently swaying and stepping to the side every once in a while, but heâd take any chance to compliment you.
âThereâs a lot you donât know about me.â
And by God did he want to know everything.
And just as he was about to finally voice this consuming desire, the music faded out, immediately replaced by loud drums, shattering the moment in the same time as the courage he had been mustering up all evening.
âDonât look so gloom.â You almost cooed.
Shit, his face must have shown how annoyed he was at himself. Why couldnât he just make a move ? The answer came too quick. What if you rejected him ? Bradley didnât mind getting turned down, sure it was a little humbling at times, but it wasnât that deep. But coming from you ? That was an entirely different story. One he wouldnât be able to cope with if it ended badly.
Your voice got him out of his sulking turmoil.
âBradley ?â
His eyes immediately snapped towards you.
âYes ?â Voice going a bit high pitched at the end.
A chuckle passed your lips and Bradley got hit with a bone chilling realization, had you just been laughing all day at his inability to act like a normal person around you ? Did you think he was weird ? After all, you never really had the opportunity to truly see what he was like, since he was so guarded and uptight around you. Perhaps you thought he was the awkward, weird one of the squad. Oh god, what if you were just being nice to him out of pity ?
âCould you drive me home, please ? Iâm a bit tired.â
That was it. You were tired of him, done, didnât even want to go back to the squad.
âAre you sure ? Didnât you want to stay for dinner at the Hard Deck after ?â He tried to reason, having a difficulty swallowing the lump in his throat. âThe squad is gonna wonder where we are.â
âYeah Iâm sure, Iâd like to go home, if thatâs okay with you.â
âOf course, no problem.â
Heâd be damned if he didnât at least make sure you got home safe after making you endure his presence all day.
âAnd donât worry your pretty head about the squad, theyâll manage just fine without us.â You squeezed his shoulder for the nth time tonight, and when it had felt thrilling just a few minutes earlier, it just felt painful now.
âAlright.â Bradley hoped his smile came across as kind and did not convey any of the dread he was feeling up forming a pit in his stomach.
The drive to your house felt awfully charged to Bradley, and not in the way he usually liked. The soft hum from the radio was the only thing filling in the silence in the car. The sun was well set into its descending phase now, subduing a red and pink glow for the dark of the night. Bradley was unusually quiet, in the hopes of getting you the peace and quiet he thought you were looking for, after spending the last part of the evening babysitting him.
âBradley ?â
God did he love hearing his name coming out of your mouth, and he prayed that after the awkward teenage boy act he had pulled tonight, that he would be given the chance to hear it again.
His eyes flicked over to you, seeing your hands playing with the buttons of his shirt on your chest.
âYeah ?â
âYou really are an oblivious guy, arenât you ?â
Frowning, Bradley fully turned his head to get a look at you. His eyes widened when he saw you undoing every single button of the Hawaiian shirt, the fabric draping gracefully over your breasts, revealing the valley in between them. He quickly turned his gaze back to the road, his pulse roaring in his ears⊠and traveling quickly somewhere down south.
âIâ um, Iâm not sure, what isââ his eyes flicked to you again, shirt open, your head was lolled to the side, looking at him with something he realized he might have misinterpreted from the start, his gaze returned on the road, taking the turn that led to your house, âwhat are you saying ?â
You let out a giggle as Bradley parked in front of your place, your bottom lip was caught between your teeth as your gaze traveled to his mouth, a smile stretching yours. Wordlessly, you got out of the car. Confused, and ridiculously turned on, he got out as well, rounding the car and watching you walk to your door while he just stood there, unsure of what else to do. Did you want him to walk you to your door ? Did you want him to just leave you the fuck alone� He was so confused.
And so he just watched as you unlocked your door and walked in⊠without ever closing it. You turned around in your entrance hall, eyes boring into his despite the meters separating you.
âIf you didnât catch the hint,â you said, and Bradley watched wide eyed as you let the shirt slip off your shoulders and fall gracefully to the ground, baring yourself to him, âthat was an invitation for you to get in.â
Author's note : I like to imagine Bradley as either this very observant and aware guy, or totally oblivious, there is no middle ground. Also Iâm still having a bit of trouble writing Bradley and characterizing him so if you think I wrote him out of character too much, please do tell !!
Alsoooo there are 300 of you guys following me, thatâs insane !! Thank you so much, Iâm really honored. I have some very excited things coming up and I canât wait to share them with you all !! Thanks againđđ
â Description: JoaquĂn has always overestimated his abilities, but no one ever expects him to actually fail. So when he goes down over the Indian Ocean while helping Sam near Celestial Island, youâre tasked with taking care of him as his roommate. You two are friends at most, so why is it so hard for you to see him like this?
â Tags/warnings: roommates/friends to lovers, hurt comfort, lots of angst (especially from reader), mentions of death, injuries, hospitals, mortality, and grief. Happy ending <3 (I think thatâs it!)
â Word Count: 5.8k+
â Note: I wrote this after rewatching CA:BNW and I just love JoaquĂn and wanted something angsty. Idk why the roommate au seemed to fit, but I love reading JoaquĂn roommate fics so I figured Iâd try. Not proofread really, but I hope you enjoy! Recommended song below!
JoaquĂn Torres has always believed that everything in his life would always work out.Â
It was how heâd roped you into rooming with him after impulsively moving into a two bedroom apartment in the heart of D.C., not taking into account that his salary wouldnât be enough to cover monthly rent and groceries on his own. Heâd flashed that charming smile youâd come to know so well and convinced you that rooming with him would be better than your all-too small studio because you âneeded to be closer to work so you could spend less time commuting and more time living,â not because of his own financial miscalculations.
It was how heâd pushed his way into becoming the new Falcon, trailing behind Sam Wilson and continuing to bluff his way through how great he was at flying and fighting until Sam finally had enough and let him have the suit (but not before taking a few hits from Isaiah Bradley and himself first.)
It was how he would win every game even though he didnât know how to play, and how heâd confidently come second place in a hot barbecue wing eating contest before promptly throwing up once you two returned home.
He thought he was invincible, capable of doing anything and everything he set his mind to. He believed he could be something like an old legendary hero. You and Sam liked to joke that he was more like Icarus, climbing higher and higher to impossible targets he always set for himself that he somehow managed to hit without being burned.
You never thought heâd actually fall.Â
Youâd gotten the call late at night, having just freshly showered and changed into one of JoaquĂnâs old sweatshirts, itâs soft sleeves surrounding you in warmth and the familiar lingering scent of his body wash and cologne. A box of takeout from JoaquĂnâs favorite Thai place down the street was waiting for you on the table, and the reality dating show that you two were far too invested in every week was queued up on the flat screen in your living room. JoaquĂn had told you not to watch the new episode without him, but after nearly two weeks of him gone on a mission with Sam with little to no contact and worry eating at you every second, you needed something familiar to ease your nerves and soften the gnawing feeling that something was wrong.
The comfort of the well-loved gray couch behind you was just starting to seep into your bones when your phone buzzed beside you.Â
The contact name blared up at you.
Sam Wilson âïžđșđž call incomingâŠ
Something chilled in you, wondering why Sam was calling you with an update instead of JoaquĂn.Â
Be calm, itâs probably nothing.
You slid your finger over the screen to accept, muttering a small, tentative, âHey Sam,â as you held the phone up to your ear.
Samâs voice crackled on the other end, shaky and stark.
âJoaquĂn went down.â
A simple sentence. Three words. But it was all it took for everything around you to come crumbling down.
The world around you suddenly went hazy. The table in front of you became nothing more than a blur of colors and shapes. Your heart thudded like a drum against your rib cage, threatening to break through as Sam continued.
âHe was shot down over the Indian Ocean. Heâs in surgery right now⊠His⊠his heart stopped. He was dead for two minutes, but they got him back.â Sam took a shaky breath. âHeâs stable but critical. Iâm sending a car to come pick youâŠâ
You couldnât register anything else Sam was saying. It was like the room had become a vacuum to suck the air out of your lungs as Samâs words sucker punched you in the gut. Those words were playing over and over again in your head like some vicious loop.
Heart stopped.
Stable but critical.
Dead for two minutes.
Dead.
Everything was suddenly too bright, too cold, too loud. Your hands lay beside you in a tingling numbness and jaw slack with disbelief. Dread was weighing you down and clogging your ears. You could faintly make out Samâs voice still coming through the phone speaker, but it was as if you were underwater, sinking slowly deeper and deeper as millions of thoughts raced through your mind.
This wasnât happening. It couldnât be happening. JoaquĂn did a lot of stupid things, made a lot of over confident decisions, but the one thing he never ever did was fall. It wasnât like him. In fact, it was impossible.Â
But this time. This time he really had become Icarus.
The steady beeping of the heart monitor was the only thing tethering you to reality.Â
Youâd stayed by JoaquĂnâs bedside all night, even after the doctors told you it would likely be days before he gained consciousness and it would be better for you to go home and rest. One look at your empty, bloodshot eyes and red tearstained cheeks and they didnât question you. Just gave you sympathetic smiles and told you where the bathrooms and vending machines were. They even let you stay in the room past visiting hours, since you were the closest thing to next of kin Joqauin had in D.C.Â
The notes on his chart were engraved in you like a carving on stone. Broken left arm. Multiple lacerations across his body. Bruised ribs. Third degree burns across his right neck and torso.
Every breath you took seemed harder than the last. Keeping your tears at bay was an entirely other beast in and of itself.
Seeing him like this - too-pale and fragile, hooked up to breathing tubes and IVs and monitors, the shallow breath rising up in his chest too faintly and his heart beating too quietlyâŠ
It took everything in you to keep the bile in your stomach down.
Sure, heâd gotten injured before. It was rare for him to come home from a mission without a new scar to show off. It was never more than a few cuts and bruises, maybe a strained muscle here or sprained ankle there. None of it was ever enough for you to think about the real dangers of his job.
But now? Now you could see it all over him. Every near death experience, ever punch heâd taken or explosive heâd gotten away from just in time. Each knife heâd gotten slashed with and every rogue operative heâd taken down. All the stories you were sure he was overexaggerating were suddenly all too real for you. And it was finally dawning on you that every day he walked out the door, every week he got a new briefing, every time he pressed a quick, friendly kiss to your head before heading out on a new mission - the ones that meant so much more to you than he knew even though youâd never tell him - was a possibility of him never coming back.Â
A possibility of never going on late night supermarket runs because someone forgot to buy more eggs when he ate the last one for breakfast.Â
A possibility of him never again dragging you out to karaoke bars on a Friday night, to watch him train with Sam on your day off, or teaching you a new self defense move because he worried about you walking home alone.Â
A possibility of never throwing another pillow at him as he woke you up at 5 am on a Saturday to go work out with him because youâll thank me in ten years when you can still go up a flight of stairs without losing your breath.
A possibility of never seeing him wearing your pink polka dot apron while he cooked for you after a long day.Â
A possibility of never seeing his smile when you laughed at something stupid he did, or never hearing him hum his favorite song in the shower.Â
A possibility of never getting to tell him that-
No. You shook the thoughts from your head. Heâs here. Heâs alive. Heâll wake up soon. Heâll come back from this. JoaquĂn always comes back.
It shouldâve comforted you, eased the sharp shards of pain poking their way at your heart. But that word rang through your mind once again.
Dead.
âHey, kid.â
The voice behind you startled you back into reality, and you noticed a wetness on your face that hadnât been there before. Sam stood a few feet away from you, strong but cautious. His gaze was sympathetic on your face before drifting down. Your eyes followed his to where you were gripping JoaquĂnâs good hand, knuckles so white you could tell that if he were awake he wouldâve complained you were hurting him. Like youâd been caught in some criminal act, you quickly retracted your hands and swiped at your face with the sleeves of JoaquĂnâs sweatshirt, the fabric still tucked around you like his arms giving you warmth and security.Â
Sam eased himself slowly into the chair next to you, letting silence fill the room for a few moments. You closed your eyes and focused on the rhythmic sounds of JoaquĂnâs breathing, the high pitched beep of the monitor. You toyed with the cuffs of his sweatshirt, tucking your chin down and inhaling deeply, trying to get a scent of him that wasnât masked by sterile antiseptics and plastic hospital bags.Â
Sam cleared his throat, putting a gentle hand on your shoulder. You looked up at him, at his equally bloodshot eyes and exhausted face. Heâd been awake every second since JoaquĂn had been admitted, only leaving the room once you arrived to give you some space.Â
He was serious and stoic, but you could see the pain and guilt behind his eyes. His voice was low and sincere when he spoke.Â
âIâm sorry. I shouldâve⊠I shouldâve been able to get him beforeâŠâ
âSam-â you began, placing a hand over his. âThis isnât your fault, you know that right?â
Sam shook his head in protest, but you continued. âYouâve always done everything in your power to protect everyone you fight with. Iâve seen it.â There was a crack in your voice as your eyes drifted back over to JoaquĂn. âQuino - JoaquĂn. He knew what he was signing up for. And you and I both know heâs the one who always bites off more than he can chew.âÂ
Sam smiled and huffed out a half-hearted chuckle.Â
âYeah,â he said. âAnd somehow the dumbass always makes it out in one piece.â Samâs jaw set firmly. He ran a hand over his face.Â
âHey,â you whispered gently. âHeâs still intact. A little rougher around the edges, sure. But heâs here. Heâs alive.â
It was more so you trying to convince yourself of this than Captain America, you knew that much. All he did was nod, allowing the room to fall back into the hum of machines and air conditioning.Â
A beat passed before he spoke up again. âAlmost forgot,â he reached into his pocket and pulled out a lanyard with a shiny badge on it. âI managed to snag one of these for you. But I had to tell the front desk that you were his girlfriend on top of his emergency contact.â
Sam handed you the visitorâs badge, smirking at the crimson blush spreading up your neck and cheeks.
âThank - uh⊠thank you,â you stuttered out, not really knowing how to respond. Sam nudged your shoulder gently.
âYou know, youâre gonna have to tell him eventually.â
His knowing smile was easing the tension of the room but upping the embarrassment on you. Shaking your head, you pocketed the lanyard into the pocket of your sweatpants. Eyes trained on Joaquinâs battered face, you let out a breath.
It took four days for JoaquĂn to finally wake up.Â
Sam called you while you were at work, planning to come down and stay with him through the night like you had been since he was admitted. Without any hesitation, you called out and rushed over to the hospital, practically threatening your Uber driver to make it there in break neck speed or you would break his neck.Â
You didnât even need to flash your badge to the nurse on duty. Sheâd seen you plenty of times before, even commented on what a doting girlfriend you are for visiting him every day. Youâd kept quiet for the sake of visiting rights - or at least that was what you told yourself every night you sat by JoaquĂnâs side.Â
Deep down, you didnât mind the lie.Â
You werenât sure when, but somewhere between the entrance to the hospital and the elevator door to the ICU youâd started running. The few nurses and caretakers on duty stepped out of your way without question as you jogged down the hallway and rounded the corner to JoaquĂnâs room.Â
A deep, gentle laugh stopped you dead in your tracks. Through the glass you could make out Samâs sneakers on the floor and dozens of flower bouquets and gifts from the new Falconâs fans littered around the room, obstructing your view of the bed that contained the one person that mattered in all of this.
Another laugh bubble up and out of the room. And then the sound of a voice that had become all too familiar in your life followed.Â
JoaquĂnâs voice. Calling your name.Â
Hesitantly, you stepped into the room, heels clicking on the polished vinyl flooring that was so clean you could practically see yourself staring back at you. After a moment, you looked up. All of the air seemed to rush out of you.
There, sitting upright with a big dumb smile bright as the Sun plastered on his face, was JoaquĂn Torres. Bruised and battered, but alive - and awake.
âHey, Sunshine,â he said cheerfully, the nickname he had given you as a joke due to your grumpy disposition in the mornings gliding off his tongue like a sweet siren song to your ears. Hearing his voice again, lively and as JoaquĂn as ever, was enough to make you drop to your knees and thank whatever higher power had brought him back to you.
Instead, you came up with the incredibly original answer of, âYouâre awake.â The words came out breathlessly, and you hoped JoaquĂn didnât noticed the disheveled nature of your hair and clothing as a result of your Steve Rogers-esque sprint to see him.
âThat I am,â JoaquĂn answered with a chuckle.
Sam eyed the two of you, sighing and standing up out of his chair and heading to the door.
âIâm gonna go for a walk, give you two some time to⊠catch up,â he said. âWant anything from the vending machine?â
You shook your head, stomach too queasy with unease to eat anything right now. JoaquĂn called after Sam to grab him a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos on the way back.Â
Settling into the chair Sam had just left, you looked around, gazing at the floor, the window, the chart on the wall. Anything but JoaquĂnâs cut up face. Every time you closed your eyes and tried to picture him, all you could see was his near lifeless form, his face drained of color and replaced with wounds that painted his skin.
The hospital room suddenly felt much smaller with the Avenger gone and no one else there to buffer you two.Â
Your eyes settled at your hands laying intertwined in your lap. You twiddled your thumbs, an anxious habit youâd had since childhood that only came out in your most stressful moments. Finally, you gathered the courage to speak.Â
âHow are you feeling?â
JoaquĂn shrugged. âPainâs pretty bad, but they just put some more meds in my IV so it should subside. Foodâs not the best, but it sure beats whatever the hell we tried making for the Superbowl last year.âÂ
You smiled fondly at the memory of you two somehow managing to burn spinach dip in the kitchen as Sam, Bucky, and a few of your mutual friends watched the game in the living room. The two of you had tried to cover it up and serve it anyways, biting back laughter when everyone lied straight through their teeth about how good it was, even though they looked like they were about to vomit.Â
âThe nurses are nice,â he continued, fingers lightly toying with one of the ties of his hospital gown. âTina, she reminds me of my mom. Apparently sheâs coming out to see me tomorrow, so I wonât be so lonely when you and Sam are gone. Though, I gotta say, waking up to this-â he gestured vaguely to everything around him, the teddy bears and flowers and cards and crayon drawings of him in his suit. â- this isnât so bad. I mean, look at that!â
He pointed to a drawing of him in his Falcon gear, clearly done by some elementary schooler at recess with a love for green art supplies. His wings were outstretched like he was in flight, his little sketched fist pointing up towards the yellow sun drawn in the corner of the page. A pang shot through your chest.Â
He looked just like Icarus.
âYou gotta admit, that is awesome,â he said, laughing a little before he was cut off abruptly by a wince. His dark brows contorted in pain and his monitor spiked, the beats getting slightly more rapid as they followed his heart. You jumped up from your chair and rushed to his side.
âWhat is it? Whatâs wrong?â you stuttered out frantically. âAre you hurt? I can - I can go call a nurse if you-â
There was a light pressure on your wrist as your eyes flitted around JoaquĂnâs body, eyeing the tubes and bandages wrapped around him. Your gaze moved up to meet his, brown eyes looking at you intently with a fondness you liked to think was reserved for you and you only.
âIâm fine,â he said calmly. âJust laughed too hard for my ribs to handle right now. Thatâs all.â A heavy pause settled between the two of you, like JoaquĂn could tell that something was weighing on your mind, but didnât want to push it. Youâd come to him in your own time.
âSam told me youâve been here every day, watching over me,â he began. You swallowed thickly and nodded, hoping he wouldnât find it weird that you had stayed here more than his mentor or next of kin. His hand drifted down from your wrist to hold yours, giving it a little squeeze when his fingers wrapped around your palm.Â
âThank you,â he whispered. Finally, you met his eyes, taking in his form now that he was awake. The color had returned to his cheeks, the minor cuts on his face already healing and the bruise that was once raw and purple against his cheek was blooming into a brownish yellow. His eyes were bright as ever, holding that inexplicable fiery determination you admired so fiercely about him.
He was here, he was alive. That was all that mattered to you right now.Â
You squeezed his hand in return, not realizing that your thumb was gently grazing his knuckles as you took him in.
Another three weeks and JoaquĂn had finally been cleared for discharge, sent home with a packet of instructions, medications, and placed under your care.
You were suddenly glad you had a bunch of vacation days saved up from the year - a result of you working over time to keep your mind occupied while your roommate was away on his various missions and the fact that you didnât really have much of a life anyway. Sam had even gotten a letter from the hospital requesting you take a paid leave of absence for a few weeks to care for a future Avenger.Â
The past two weeks had been much of the same: doctorâs visits, routine check-ins from Sam, dressing and redressing Joaquinâs wounds. Youâd gotten so used to the smell of peroxide and burn ointment that you were starting to forget what your apartment had smelled like before all of this.Â
JoaquĂn was getting better. Heâd been demoted from a sling to a simple cast around his forearm, the doctors saying that he was healing surprisingly quickly, likely a result of his age and health. Heâd given you a pointed look that said See, this is why you need to exercise with me.Â
Days passed by with you driving JoaquĂn to physical therapy appointments or relaxing on the couch to finally catch up on your show together. He slept a lot as a result of his body recovering, and every time you would keep your eyes trained on his chest, watching the rise and fall of it like a bird watching waves on a nearby sand dune. You knew they were constant, steady, real. But something inside you feared that if your eyes left for even a second you would hear a flatline.
Then there were the nightmares. The ones JoaquĂn swore he wasnât having. But you could tell by the way he would jolt awake from a mid day recovery nap, forehead beaded with sweat as he frantically felt around for something solid to remind him that he wasnât falling anymore. Or at night when you could hear him stutter awake from across the hall, your door kept ajar in case he needed anything. His heavy breathing and muttered curses didnât fall on deaf ears, seeing as you too were awake half the night worrying about him.Â
Youâd been having night terrors as well. Ones that came in the form of shaking hands and a sweat-slicked back sticking to your sheets as dread pushed you into your mattress. Countless nights, each one the same thing. Your brain contorting Samâs initial call a few weeks ago into one that told you JoaquĂn really was gone, headlines blaring news of the Falconâs unexpected and tragic death projected on the back of your eyelids as you slept. JoaquĂnâs face pale and lifeless as those two minutes stretched into hours and days. Until he was actually gone. Until his heart stopped.Â
Saturday mornings were almost back to normal for you two now. Six weeks since his accident and JoaquĂn was nearly back to his regular self. He was moving well, his smaller injuries had all healed and were beginning to fade. His cast had gotten smaller, more of a brace than anything else now. But the lacerations and burns on his torso were taking longer than you wouldâve liked.Â
Dead.
It rang out like a gunshot in your head, echoing over and over and over again.Â
You thought it wouldâve gone away by now, now that JoaquĂn was awake and active and slowly but surely getting back to himself. But every time you saw his wounds, still healing or already turned into scabs or scars, it hit you all over again like a freight train without brakes.
The light of the tiny guest bathroom was horrible when you needed to see what you were doing. JoaquĂnâs bandages needed to be replaced, and even though he said he was perfectly fine to do it himself, you insisted - no, demanded that he let you continue to take care of him.
Your hands worked quickly as you gingerly redressed the burns on JoaquĂnâs torso, desperately trying to ignore the fact that he was very much shirtless and far too close for comfort right now. Your hands gently glided over the twisted, gnarled tissue and you felt your face start to betray you. A slight quiver of your lip, the barely-there pinprick tears starting at the back of your eyes. You couldnât let him see you like this, see you so affected and heartbroken over something that didnât even happen to you. You had to stay strong for him, not let him know just how much you cared about him. How much you lo-
Pressing the medical tape over the last piece of gauze just above his rib cage, you threw the thoughts out of your mind. Discarding of the scraps, you hurriedly packed away the first aid kit as JoaquĂn carefully put his shirt back on.Â
âThanks,â he said with a tiny grateful smile from behind you. âDonât know what Iâd do without my favorite nurse.â
It shouldnât have bothered you, none of this should have. You knew about his job, knew the risks associated with it. You werenât even his family, so why were you still so broken up about this? Swallowing the pit in your throat, you gave a half-hearted nod in response.Â
JoaquĂnâs brows knit together. âHey,â he murmured, as you turned around and left the bathroom wordlessly. He called after you as you made your way down the hall and into the living room.Â
The medical kit was still in your hands, digging into your fingers from the force of your grip. You kept your head down, teeth digging into your lower lip to keep the flood of emotions from spilling over. The two of you were just roommates, friends at most. You shouldnât have still been this devastated over him getting hurt. Not unless there was something else, something you swore youâd keep to yourself until it went away.Â
That word kept replaying over and over and over: dead dead dead dead dead. He was right there, wasnât he? Why couldnât you just move on?Â
JoaquĂn trailed behind you like an overgrown puppy, desperately trying to get your attention. He said your name, once. Twice. A third time, but you couldnât answer. Hot, wet tears were already making their way down your face as he took the medical kit and laid it on the couch. He was face to face with you now, hands - one normal, one covered and still healing - on the sides of your arms as he desperately tried to search your face.
âDid I do something? Did I say something wrong?â
You couldnât answer, the knot in your throat building its way up to a cry you didnât want to escape. Every muscle in your body was shaking now from the effort of concealing everything.Â
A gentle pressure lifted your chin, JoaquĂnâs hand guiding your face until your eyes met his worried gaze. Your glossy eyes and blotchy face immediately deepened his concern. JoaquĂnâs voice was low and strong.
âSunshine, whatâs wrong?â
And then you broke.Â
Ugly, window shattering sobs wracked your body as weeks worth of tears and bottled up emotions flooded past your eyes. Your shoulders trembled violently like you were being shaken by an earthquake, and JoaquĂn instinctively cupped one hand on the back of your head while the other pulled you into his chest. Your hands gripped his shirt for dear life, as if heâd fly away and be lost forever if you let go. He pressed a few soft kisses to your head, the kind heâd do to all his friends except this time - this time it was more tender, more intimate. You could faintly make out him whispering sweet nothings to you.
And then in amongst all your grief and overwhelming sadness, you felt something hot bubble up in your chest. You pulled away and looked him in the eyes, his dark irises full of concern and searching your face.
âWhatâs wrong?â he whispered.Â
Your mouth quivered again, this time contorting into something stuck between a frown and a scowl. Your fist weakly pushed at him in frustration.
âWhatâs wrong? Whatâs wrong? You were gone, JoaquĂn. Do you understand that? You were⊠you wereâŠâ
You didnât want to say it out loud, that word that had been haunting you for well over a month now. But you had to face it.
âYou were dead.âÂ
It came out as a weak whisper, stark against the rising tone your voice had adopted mere seconds ago. That one, four letter word that you never wanted to hear again was now hanging in the air between you like an arrow frozen in mid flight, ready and waiting to strike one of you and take you down.Â
JoaquĂnâs eyes widened in realization of what had been tormenting you these past few weeks.
He shook his head, âBut Iâm here, see? Iâm okay, weâre okay. Iâm right here.â
More tears spilled down your face like a waterfall. âYou donât get it, JoaquĂn. Your heart stopped. Your heart stopped for two minutes.â That empty despair was clawing at your stomach again. âFor two minutes you were gone! Completely gone. Forever. You couldâve⊠I couldâveâŠâÂ
You pawed at your splotchy cheeks, trying to rid yourself of those godforsaken tears. âGod, I couldâve lost you.â
JoaquĂnâs eyes softened, his hand rubbing slow circles on your waist. Through the fabric of your shirt you could feel the rough edge of his brace, a wall between you and the touch that normally comforted you so much.Â
Millions of scenarios were running through your head. The haunting image of you dressed in all black standing next to JoaquĂnâs sobbing mother and a hard-faced Sam as a casket with an American flag draped over it was lowered into the ground. Another picture of you waking up in the morning to go and check on him in his room, only to see his skin dull and gray as he lay there limp, chest still and breath gone. Your heart felt like it was shattering over and over again with grief you were feeling over something that never even happened.
âYou didnât lose me, Sunshine,â he whispered gently, his voice cutting through the messy static of your mind. Slowly and softly he took your hands and guided them up to cup his face, pressing your fingers into the hollows of his cheeks and the strong line of his jaw. âIâm right here, okay? Iâm not going anywhere.â
Your eyes met his, darting between his irises and his face as your thumb rubbed against his cheek. Your lips trembled as more tears leaked from your eyes. JoaquĂn brushed them away with a gentle touch.Â
âI canât lose you,â you choked out. âI⊠I couldnât lose you. Not without⊠not without telling youâŠâ
âTelling me what, Sunshine?â JoaquĂn asked, his face laced with concern.Â
Itâs now or never. Tell him. Tell him before you lose him for good one day.
You let out a shaky breath and swallowed, eyes still locked on his. This time, you were unwavering.Â
âI couldnât lose you without telling you⊠I love you. More than just a roommate or a friend, IâŠâ you shook your head as you tried to regain your composure. âI love you, JoaquĂn.â
JoaquĂnâs eyes filled with confusion, then shock, then finallyâŠ
Relief.Â
He smiled that absolutely dazzling smile that you loved seeing. In a single motion, he wrapped his arms around you, pulling you in close to his chest again with your arms moving from cupping his face to wrapping around his neck. You could feel him pepper your head with quick kisses before he pulled back to look at you.
âThatâs amazing,â he said. âBecause I love you too.â
After you had calmed down - and after your grand and emotional declaration of undying love - you and JoaquĂn decided you two needed a night to yourselves. No calling doctors offices or answering Samâs calls or writing up statements to release to the press about when JoaquĂn would be back in action. Just you and him and nothing in between.
Empty takeout containers from the Thai place JoaquĂn loved sat on the table in front of you two as you relaxed on the couch, closer than you had ever sat together before. You curled into JoaquĂnâs side - the uninjured one of course - and he wrapped his arm tighter around you before pressing a kiss to your head.Â
The finale of the reality show you two loved was playing on the screen, but JoaquĂn was hardly paying attention anymore, just soaking in the feeling of you being with him, knowing that the feelings heâd tried to keep from you for so long were actually reciprocated.
As if you could feel his eyes on you, you looked up at him curiously.Â
âWhat?â you asked. âDo I have something on my face again?â
JoaquĂn chuckled and shook his head, âNo, no, itâs just⊠do you even know why I call you Sunshine?â
You gave him a blank stare and scoffed. âUh, yeah. Itâs because I get grumpy in the mornings, which - by the way - is your own fault because you know how much I hate being talked to when it's early.â
âActually, thatâs not the reason,â he countered. âLike⊠at all.â
You sat up suddenly to face him, completely disregarding the show to give him your full attention. How dare he let you believe a false reason for the nickname you had grown to love so much.
You gave him an expectant look.
âWell,â he took your hand in his. âYou know how you and Sam always call me Icarus? Like, me being overconfident and flying to close to the Sun and all that?â
You nodded, eyebrows scrunching together in confusion as to what he was getting at.Â
âWell, I figured if there was anything Iâd be willing to fall for while trying to reach, it would be⊠you. Youâre⊠youâre the reason I keep going. The reason I try to be better every day.â He gazed at your face like youâd hung the stars in the sky and made every single one of his favorite songs.Â
âYouâre my Sun.â
Your eyes softened as you looked at him, at the beautiful, heroic man sitting across from you. The once broken and terrified heart that had lived in your chest the past few weeks swelled.Â
âYouâre so cheesy,â you said, biting back the grin that was forming on your face. JoaquĂn caught it, smiling back at you.Â
âYou love it,â he whispered as he leaned in, taking your chin between his fingers and tilting your face up to his. Your lips met, fitting like puzzle pieces and melting together like a warm embrace. It was soft, just a momentary kiss, but it held more emotion and meaning than any long winded makeout session ever could have.
As you two pulled apart and you snuggled back in next to him, JoaquĂn turned back to the television, eyes popping out of his head as he exclaimed, âHold on, did Taylor just say no at the altar?!â
A laugh escaped from your mouth as you settled in, breathing in the scent of JoaquĂnâs shirt and listening to the strong beat of his heart in his chest.Â
You had JoaquĂn back, he wasnât going anywhere.Â
If you were the Sun he was trying so desperately to get close to, you would let him in without hesitation, with open arms and loving heart.
And if he faltered?
You would always be there to catch him if he fell.
this is an extensive list (in order of fic length) honestly doing this mostly for myself lol cause i reread these so often, thank you to all the authors for your fics <3
especially my fave joaquin fic authors: @love-chx @sortagaysortahigh @geminiwritten @cursedheartsclub @of-apollo please read their fics beyond the ones listed below!! <3
p.s. please let me know if you would like me to remove your work from the list <3
personal favourites - đ
friday night dinner by @love-chx // roommate!series // fluff // jealous!joaquin đ
your roommate ambushes you in your own home with congressman bucky and captain america sam. chaos ensues as joaquin convinces you to let them stay for dinner.
tell me i'm your national anthem by @love-chx // roommate!series // fluff đ
fourth of july party
stakeout by @sunsburns // fluff // bestfriends-to-lovers, slight jealous!joaquin đ
only you, only you by @of-apollo // fluff // pbjj!au, mutual pining đ You and Joaquin have spent a long time dancing around your feelings for each other. It doesnât help that he might just be the most oblivious man alive. Luckily, your friends are relentless in their efforts to get you together.
swimming pools by @mindfulsweetheart // fluff // pbjj!au đ
joaquĂn takes care of you after a night out with friends leads you right to his doorstep.
gazes by @joaquinwhorres // fluff, suggestive // mutual pining đ
It's become increasingly apparent to Sam and Bucky that you and Joaquin cannot take your eyes off each other. Unfortunately for them, you two have decided to be Professionals and that means keeping your eyes, hands, and lips to yourselves. No matter how difficult it is.
only exes in the building by @snoopysupe // fluff, angst // exes-to-lovers, mutual pining đ
you only had two months left on your lease with your ex
Nobody Gets Me by @sortagaysortahigh // angst, hurt/no comfort, no happy ending // exes, jealous!joaquin đ
Getting married young had its risks, unfortunately for you and Joaquin, that marriage didn't work out, it's been years since you've been in contact, so why do your hearts still ache?
trick or treating by @magicalqueennightmare // fluff // established relationship
You and Joaquin take Sarah's boys trick or treating for her
A Hard Day by @emeraldserenade // fluff // roommate!au, friends-to-lovers
You had a hard day and JoaquĂn's there for you
Meeting the Roommates by @everydaydreamer // fluff // pbjj!au, slight jealous!joaquin, established relationship
Joaquin, your boyfriend, brings you over and introduces you to his roommates.
clueless by @munsonify // fluff // friends-to-lovers
you and joaquin are practically dating, and the only people who donât seem to realize that is you two.
Miss Possessive by @petertingle-yipyip // fluff // jealous!reader
So what if you were a little possessive? No one got hurt.
The 5 Times JoaquĂn's Outfits Left You Speechless (and the one time you returned the favour) by @mrs-elsie-barnes // fluff, slight angst // coworkers JoaquĂn absolutely loves showing off in front of you, but he doesn't have to try hard to leave your mouth dry and your brain void of words. You're fairly sure he's just teasing, until his accident forces your feelings to the fore.
figure me out by @utopeian // fluff, angst, hurt/comfort // friends-to-lovers, jealous!reader
Being jealous and avoidant was no fun, but it was definitely one way to get with the guy you've been pining over for years.
Bed Chem by @sunshine-lux // fluff, extremely suggestive
the four times you made Joaquin speechless and the one time he got you back!
plus one by @fireinmoonshot // fluff, suggestive // established relationship
You help JoaquĂn get ready for a gala that he and Sam are attending â though because of the 'no plus ones' rule, JoaquĂn would rather stay with you instead... and he intends to convince you to let him.
means i care by @flowersforbucky // fluff, slight angst // friends-to-lovers, pining, enhanced!reader
"You were dead, JoaquĂn. Your heart wasn't beating when I pulled you from that water." He grins, taking your hand in his. He brings it to his lips and presses a soft kiss to your knuckles. âWell, itâs beating now. Because of you. But whatâs new? My heart always beats for you.â
hover by @peterparkive // fluff, slightly suggestive // jealous!joaquin, established relationship
you just want to enjoy one good night out with your friends, your boyfriend, and some dangerously good cocktailsâbut some guys never learned to take a hint. luckily for you, joaquinâs never been shy when it comes to reminding everyone that youâre completely and utterly spoken for
oh, so pathetic! by @of-apollo // fluff // college!au, situationship!au, jealous!joaquin
Both you and Joaquin think that youâre more than happy with whatever you have being undefined. And then, Joaquin is the first to crumble (quite pathetically) and confess everything when he sees you flirting with someone else at a party.
Project Aphrodite by @happypopcornprincess // fluff, slight angst // holiday!au
When the Avengers get tired of watching you and Joaquin dance around your feelings for each other, they take matters into their own hands.
"I Don't Know If I Wanna Be You or Him." by @dameronspector // fluff
You finally get a chance to meet your idol. Your boyfriend is a massive fan as well. The two of you have a blast and receive an offer that you wouldn't dream of passing on. Joaquin experiences a confusing mix of emotions and you, Sam and Joaquin get the celebrity treatment.
everything, everywhere by @myladybelle // fluff, angst, suggestive // bestfriends-to-lovers, mutual pining
being long-distance best friends with joaquĂn isnât easy now that youâre on different teams. the more you talk, tease, and lean on each other, the clearer it becomes that friendship might not be enough for you anymore.
forget it by @sunsburns // angst with happy ending // exes-to-lovers reuniting with ex!joaquĂn after his near death experience, but youâre the nurse assigned to his care after he gets out of surgery. you broke up a couple years ago because of your very demanding careers, and you donât see him until you realize they put YOU on babysitting duty to nurse him back to health, yikes!
Sunshine by @sortagaysortahigh // fluff, suggestive // enemies-to-lovers, grumpy x sunshine, college!au, pining
Joaquin Torres had a reputation to upkeep, one that wasn't entirely accurate, but it was easier to fake the front. Or at least it was, until he realized he was falling for you, but you wanted nothing to do with that version of him OR Joaquin Torres pins after you, showing you who he really is, and you finally let him in.
smut warning below! 18+ mdni!
fall apart by @moonlight-pro // smut // established relationship đ
distractions were best kept under wraps. even as joaquin blindly allowed you to toy with him at the worst possible moment. OR giving joaquin nasty head during his phone call with sam.ïżŒ
concentrate by @joequiinn // smut // established relationship đ You're stuck on an important business call, and Joaquin is making it incredibly difficult to stay focused...
roommate's helping hand by @jordiemeow // smut // roommate!au đ after his injury in cabnw, heâs super horny but it hurts his arm to jerk off :( so ofc reader notices how moody he is from being so pent up and he begs them to help him when confronted
Taste by @sortagaysortahigh // smut, fluff, slight angst // exes-to-lovers đ
Desk duty at the Avengers compound was simple work, but throw in your obnoxious ex-boyfriend Joaquin, and a plant from a different planet, and you have a whole other problem on your hands.
you've got mail by @love-chx // roommate!series // smut, fluff, angst // jealous!reader đ
when joaquin gets a letter from an old friend from bootcamp, some unsuspecting feelings start to arise in youâfeelings that you didnât think you had for your dear roommate. you try to brush it off, to return to some semblance of normalcy in your shared home. but when joaquin sends you pictures from his catch up with his dear old friend, something hot and possessive stirs inside of you. and this time, you canât ignore it.
Already Best Friends by @cursedheartsclub // smut, fluff // friends-to-lovers, roommate!au. jealous!joaquin, pining đ
almost wasn't by @cursedheartsclub // smut, fluff, slight angst // friends-to-lovers, mutual pining đ
You and Joaquin have been best friends since the Air Forceâshoulders pressed side by side through deployments, shitty rations, late-night confessions, and every almost that never became something more. Youâve seen him fall in and out of love. Heâs seen you pretend you donât need more than friendship. You date other people. You go on double dates. But every time, you end up right back next to each otherâtoo close, too familiar, too full of everything you wonât say. Until one night, everything breaks open. And it turns out, the only thing worse than wanting him all this time⊠is realizing heâs always wanted you too.
safehouse by @geminiwritten // smut, fluff // slight jealous!joaquin đ
you're an ex-assassin trained by hawkeye and black widow, and your old friend sam needs your help on a mission alongside his new protege... but things don't go exactly to plan and you end up indefinitely stuck in a safehouse with joaquĂn.
no promise of tomorrow by @love-chx // smut, angst // situationship!au đ
you and joaquin work together and have sex--two entirely separate parts of your lives. but when you suddenly as for more one day, joaquin falters. a week long mission where another man captures your attention makes joaquin regret the words he doesn't say. but does it really change anything?
all maps lead to you by @love-chx // sequel to no promise of tomorrow // smut, fluff, angst // situationship!au đ
though the post-haze of your last mission with joaquin has yet to settle and the storm between the two of you has barely started to form, youâre thrown into another battle front at the behest of bucky. thankfully, this time, you have a shield who goes by the name of bob. butâŠyou might be the only one whoâs grateful for his presence. between bobâs soft demeanor and joaquinâs tough exterior, you worry you might not make it through this mission.Â
friends don't by @geminiwritten // smut, fluff // roommate!au, fwb, jealous!joaquin đ
it was only ever supposed to be casual. convenient. roommates with benefitsâtwo rules: no kissing, no falling in love. but when joaquĂn returns from a week-long mission and his mother comes to stay, tensions rise, jealousy snaps, boundaries blur, and breaking those rules becomes inevitable.
kinktober day 23 by @cursedheartsclub // smut, fluff // friends-to-lovers, coworkers đ
praise kink
roommates to lovers by @cursedheartsclub // smut, fluff // roommate!au, blurb
World Saving Deserves A Reward by @sunflowerlando // smut
JoaquĂn is back from another mission, and you want to thank him for always being out there trying to save the world.
Friends Don't Hook Up by @emeraldserenade // smut, fluff // bestfriends-to-lovers
A night changes everything after you and JoaquĂn finally give into the sexual tension.
Hot, Bothered and Tactical by @fireside-fanfics // smut, fluff // established relationship
Thrist Trap by @hauntedhowlett-writes // smut // friends-to-lovers
joaquin accidentally sends you a shirtless selfie
real love purified by @utopeian // smut, fluff
Joaquin's obsessed with the fact that you were soulmates in your past lives, even more so that there's evidence of it: your moles.
A Little Distraction by @blank-potato // smut // coworkers
It's been a while since you've gotten laid, and it's starting to affect your concentration. It especially doesn't help when the person you're training is Joaquin Torres.
never late is better by @luvemmdubb // smut, fluff, slight angst // established relationship
JoaquĂn is late for your anniversary dinner.
lending a helping hand by @love-chx // roommate!series // smut // fwb
a big clientâs request for a custom art piece has clouded your mind the past few weeks, leaving you stressed and tensed. it was a pain to be around, so joaquin had no choice but to confront you and support you. heâll help you get unblocked, he insists, no matter how creative it gets.
Me RehĂșso by @therogueflame // smut, angst, hurt/comfort // exes
It was just a drink. Just catching up. Just a little too late to call it nothing.
Redamancy by @phantomspiderr // smut, fluff, angst // fwb
The aftermath of sleeping with your best friend is never goodâfeelings grow where they weren't supposed to, and it drives a wedge in your relationship. Then things change...
Mi Amor, Mi Guerra by @cursedheartsclub // smut, angst, fluff // (one-sided) enemies-to-lovers, thunderbolts*
thunderbolts and sams avengers team are working together (sambucky no longer divorced) but y/n and Joaquin are both fighting to see who is better in Samâs eyes?
woman in the chair by @kikismultifics // smut, fluff // mutual pining, enhanced!reader
after a scare from Joaquin on a mission, and you're forced to patch him up (because he's too stubborn to get properly looked at), you realize that maybe your feelings for the new Falcon goes beyond just caring for him like a friend. When he realizes that you are in much need of a carefree night full of alcohol, you're forced to confront your feelingsâas well as his.
sin ti by @moonlight-prose // smut, fluff, angst // exes-to-lovers, pining
five years have passed. five years since he boarded a plane and left you behind to wait diligently for the man who would never return. when letters and patchy phone calls failed to keep the spark of your relationship alive, you find each other again. only this time as two entirely different people.
welcome home by @love-chx // smut, fluff, angst // exes-to-lovers
drifting from state to state looking for a place in the world after the death of tony, you find yourself back on new york ground when bucky starts the new avengers. coming back to cement your dadâs legacy, you promise yourself youâll be out of the city before anyone even knows youâre there. but circumstances lead you right to joaquin, and youâre forced to face your hurt ex-boyfriend, having no choice but to confront everything you left behind.
heavy by @love-chx // smut, fluff, angst
youâve worked with joaquin a lot over the years, from the military to his career as the falcon, as his physical therapist. as easy as joaquin was as a patient, it was hard. hard because he was such a shameless flirt, hard because he was so charmingâbut youâve always been friends and nothing more. after the events of the red hulk, joaquin finds himself having a harder time recovering than usual despite having you by his side. a slip of the tongue leads to a fight that leaves the both of you tense, but all is forgiven when you find yourselves in an attack and confessions come to a head.Â
Jealousy, Jealousy by @sortagaysortahigh // smut, fluff, angst // enemies-to-lovers, witch!reader
It was as if every single thing you did irritated Joaquin Torres, you didn't even have to say anything to him, your presence alone was enough to tick him off. Don't get him started on your relationship with Peter Parker either.
en español by @geminiwritten // smut, fluff // friends-to-lovers
after joaquĂn returns from a two-week-long mission things feel different, then he convinces you to go undercover with him where tensions riseâonly for him to leaving you wanting more... until he stops by your office for a very intimate spanish lesson
Slim Pickins by @sortagaysortahigh // smut, fluff
Every Friday for the past few months you've been going on shitty dates, and at this rate, you're convinced that you're either ending this life alone or settling for another douchebag. You can't find a genuinely good guy, it's not like there's one right in front of you or something!
Garden by @sortagaysortahigh // smut, angst
Y/n Y/l/n and Joaquin Torres had spent their entire childhood together, but growing up meant growing apart, and when travesty after travesty struck the world, their paths couldn't have been more polarized. But sometimes paths are meant to be crossed again, and there's always a chance for change.
Summary: Luke hates the new recruit. Or at least thatâs what everyone thinks. In reality? Luke is obsessed, and his restraint will only last so long on a case night where the team has to double up in rooms.
Pairing: Luke Alvez x Bau!reader
Warnings: Smut, MDNI!!!! Enemies to lovers, claiming, marking, breeding kink, p in v, gagging, oral (m receiving), slight forcing, dom!Luke, mentions of stalking, unprotected sex.
It was another one of those really tiring cases. You were a new recruit to the team, which they welcomed you in amazingly. Everybody but one. Luke Alvez.
You didnât understand why. You hadnât even said anything wrong to him, barely even spoke to him in the first place. And if you tried? You were met with some snarky response.
Now you were in Florida, the team choosing who to sleep with for the next few days. It was already assumed this case would take forever and be so tiring. You werenât even paying attention, your gaze focused on a small dog that kept barking.
âYouâre sleeping with me.â A rough voice pulled you out of your stare. You blinked and Luke already had your go bag in his hands. Odd. If anything maybe he was just way too tired to argue like he usually does.
âOkay..â You muttered, giving JJ a confused glance while all she did was shrug. You followed Luke after a second of silence.
You walked into the room after Luke, hearing him drop the go bags by the bed before he turned to you. Just after you took your shoes off you were pressed to the wall almost immediately. You gaze snapped up to see Luke.
âGoodness⊠Alvez what are you doing..?â You questioned. Bodies were flush against each other as his hands pulled you hips towards his. He was so hard. Your gaze flickered to his pants back to his face with shock.
âFuck princesa⊠I need you on your knees already. Do you feel me? Do you know how long iâve waited for this moment?â He hissed into your ear, starting with kisses to your jaw before forcefully giving your shoulders a push down till you dropped to your knees.
He let out a groan you didnât even know that type of sound was possible. His belt struggled to get off of him but he threw it off somewhere quickly after. He stepped out of his pants and kicked them off. Now all the stood in front of you was his hardness, the wet spot in his boxers noticeable due to his precum. And despite not exactly wanting your night to go like this, your mouth was watering.
âGo ahead, pull it down. Stare.â He murmured softly, hand tangling in your hair before you slowly but surely pulled down his boxers. His length almost hit you in the face, bouncing to lean against his stomach. He was huge.
He let out a groan when you wrapped your fingers around his base, opening your lips just enough to have your tongue the swirl his leaking tip. âMhm.. Fuck you feel so good already.â He whined. But you didnât even get a chance to take one last breath before his hand wrapped tighter in your hair and shoved your head down his length harshly. You gagged immediately but it only made it better for him.
He fucked your face as he pleased.
Each gag made him groan with the pleasure from the vibrations. You could tell he was close just by the way his hips started to move with your head bobbing, chasing that release. He pushed one last time, warm thick seed filled your throat quickly. And you swallowed it all with teary eyes.
You opened your mouth, empty. He pulled you up quickly and kissed you, tongue slipping in to taste himself on you. You moaned into it. He picked you up and placed you on the bed. He slowly undressed himself and then you, clothes discarded onto the floor like a mess. He kissed and sucked on your skin. Anywhere he could. Your chest, neck, jaw, stomach, thighs. But never where you needed him the most. He was claiming you as his.
He lined himself up with your sensitive folds. âYouâre so soaked for me baby. Wont even use lube, so perfect for me.. So prefect.â He whispered, hands running down your body as he slowly pushed in. He wanted to make you feel every single inch of him. And when he bottomed out you could already feel him rubbing against the sweet spot you didnât even know was there.
âYou donât know how many times iâve taken photos of you to jerk myself off during a case babyâŠI canât help myself. You always look so good. Sometimes I just have to follow you at the end of the day, imagining what would happen if I took you and made you mine.â Your eyes widened at the sudden confession. He stalked you?
âFuck Luke..â You muttered, feeling him pinch your nipple and rub it between his fingers. âI need you. In me.â You pleaded, whining out his name. He smiled against your skin.
You let out a moan that sounded straight out of a porn film when he started to move. Your eyes opened to look at him when he let his fingers move to draw tight circles onto your clit. Your moans got louder, mixed with his grunts and quiet praises. Gosh you felt so full.
âLuke.. Luke please..â You practically sobbed out for him. You werenât sure what you were sobbing for, all you know was that it felt amazing. He smiled, moving faster and faster.
âIâm gonna cum inside you princesa. Alright? Youâll be so full the only thing youâll remember is my name. You look so pretty baby. You know I was so obsessed with you I had to hate you so nobody would find my little secret out. But gosh, every night I canât help but fuck my fist to the thought of it being your tight little cunt.â
He continued his praises, thrusts getting faster as you finally came, him following quick after. His seed filled you quickly, moaning his name with a finish as he rides both you guys out on the orgasm. âSo perfect for me..â
He pulls out with a sigh, admiring his work as you lay there tired. He picked you up carefully and move you to the shower in the bathroom. He cleaned you up with such care, wrapping you in a fluffy robe and going to sleep with you in his arms.
hey lovely hope youâre doing well!! was wondering if we could get a clark hurt/comfort fic, maybe of him and reader having an argument and she accidentally flinches and clark being absolutely horrified and groveling on his knees to apologise. just some real soft and gentle clark cause we love soft and gentle men in this house đ€
sidenote: love your writing, always excited to read whatever you post xx
thank you for your request :â fem, 1.2k
ambiguous themes of past abuse
Itâs not about politics, or your interrelationship dynamics. Itâs not about chores, or work, or money. The argument started when Clark was in a bad mood and you a worse one, and nobody called time out, so youâre fighting and getting angry at each other for sounding cruel, and Clark justâ he laughs. He laughs at you. Youâre saying, âI donât understand why youâre making this into an argument when we both know youâre not prepared to listen to me,â and he laughs loudly and sharply. He is suddenly very tall.
His hand hits his belt buckle and the sound makes you flinch. Itâs not as full-bodied as it couldâve been, more a cringe into yourself with your head snapping sideways and downward. You donât keep your head down, you straighten up and clench your thighs, eyes squinted nervously at his hand, and his belt.Â
You do not believe Clark would ever take that belt off and hurt you with it. Clark wouldnât lay a finger on you. He couldnât. Itâs not how Clark Kent was built to function. Your heart skips, though, and he goes very still.Â
âIs that funny?â you ask.Â
âWhatâ of course not.â
His voice has lost all of its colour. Any anger or annoyance has gone pale, leaving him with a voice like a man in the sun, parched for water. He clears his throat, his eyebrows pinching down again into a shade of fury you really donât like.Â
He softens again.Â
Itâs not his fault, but youâre on edge. You cross your hands over your chest and fawn, because youâ you donât know, Clark wonât hit you and you know he wonât hit you but you donât want him to hit you, which comes first.Â
âCan we just forget about it?â you ask, eyes flitting again to his belt.Â
âJesus Christ, sweetheart,â he says, and he turns around and heads into the kitchen.Â
When he comes back less than ten seconds later, heâs not wearing his belt, and your eyes begin to feel hot at their stems.Â
His hands are at his sides, not raised but obviously empty. He crosses the room and stands in front of you, and he takes your face into his hand slowly. Youâre inclined to let him. You love him, dramatically but also intrinsically, and it means you trust him even when your brain sees a pattern it shouldnât have. You feel silly, and his gentle action lets your heart rest.Â
Clark really wouldnât hurt you.
âHey, Iâm sorry,â he says quietly.Â
âFor what?â You match his volume, and his weak tone.Â
âSorry beyond words.â
âItâs okay, Clark. You justâ I donât like to be laughed at, you know that.â
âIt was cruel, but itâs not why Iâm sorry now. Gosh, can you forgive me?â
You donât have time to think of the answer as his hand lowers, his thumb rubbing your cheek, and Clark takes a knee in front of you. Heâs so tall it doesnât actually make him small, but it puts him at eye level now, and his agony is plainly written. He looks so guilty. You arenât sure what to do in the face of his reaction. You squirm back in your seat but cover his hand on your face to keep, worried heâll pull away.Â
âYou canât laugh at me,â you say, your voice growing tight as though thereâs fingers pressing against your windpipe, âyou know I canât stand it, you made me feel stupid.â
He squeezes his eyes closed. âIâm sorry.â
âWe need to be able to talk about things without it turning into such a mean argument, Clark. Iâm sorry, too, for not stopping it.â
âHoney, youâre right, but youâ you know you just looked at me like you thought I was gonna hurt you, right?âÂ
You fall silent.Â
Clarkâs eyes are squinted in pity, or softness, or a place between those two things. âI didnât mean to scare you, and I wasnât trying to emphasise anything to you, not my belt, and not my stance, none of it. I never, ever meant to scare you, and Iâm so sorry. I never want you to feel scared like that when youâre with me.â
âClarkâŠâ
âWhat, honey?â he asks, still so quietly.Â
It always feels like this, feeling cornered, explaining why. If you accept his apology you admit that heâs right, that he scared you, that your brain found a pathway and followed it to failure.Â
You will not cry. You bite your cheek so hard you taste blood, because this will not become a thing. âClark, it wasnât like that.â
âBaby, I saw you. I could see how much I worried you.â
âNo,â you say, your jaw tough like youâve been chewing on cud all day, âI just wasnât expecting the noise.â
He is quiet for long enough to make you nauseous.Â
His hand slips down your cheek, retreating in a half-curled fist on your thigh. Any other moment, youâd expect him to sound incensed, he gets so passionate, but right now his voice doesnât go above a murmur. âIâm sorry I got mad at you, and Iâm sorry you were mad at me.â
You wish he were sitting on the sofa. Let you fold into his lap, cry against his thighs. This is now how youâd like to be positioned, yet Clark seems insistent he stay there just below you, patient and quiet if squirmy, wanting to say more and worried heâll overwhelm you.Â
You know your Clark.Â
âDo you think youâd hit me?â you ask softly.
âNever.â
âYou swear?â you ask, like it does anything at all to be promised.Â
Still, Clark rubs each of your thighs nicely with the flat breadth of his palms. âI swear. I shouldnât have let myself get agitated, and I was careless. I know you need a soft touchâ please, just listen.â You close your mouth. âYou need a softer touch sometimes, it is not a shameful thing to need. I didnât say it to embarrass you.âÂ
âWell, what if you did hit me, Clark? Itâs not like I could stop you.â
It feels mean after youâve said it, like the insinuation that heâs going to do just that, hurt you because he can and you canât stop it, but Clark doesnât take it that way, he just lets his hands travel up your legs. Heâs sunken further into the carpet, reduced and reduced until heâs practically got his forehead on your knees.Â
âI wonât let anybody put their hands on you, least of all me,â he says quietly, his eyes just a little wet.
You say sorry the only way you canâyou press your face to the top of his head and breathe in the smell of his hair. âI know you wouldnât,â you say.Â
âI wonât laugh at you again.â
âLaugh at me, Clark, what does it matter? What a stupid argument.â
Clark is sorrier than he needs to be, maybe. While he did make you flinch, it wasnât that your nervous system held any evidence against him, it was pure fight or flight at a bad time. You ask if he can sit on the couch, if you can curl into his lap, and Clark doesnât make you feel bad for needing to be touched nicely while your heart flips up and down.Â
He doesnât wear a belt for days, until you tell him itâs alright.Â
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