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@onlythelightremains-archive
((whispers in case it wasn't obvious by the url change, this blog is now an archive
this was a sideblog for another blog I made into an archive, so it was a pain in the butt logging in and sidebloggin'
if you like, you can follow me at my exact same old url. same blog, same playlist, same headcanons and drabbles; hell I even queued up the same music and art i posted to this one
basically I'm super super done with sideblogs loooool
cheers <3))
Ventus Nomura, age 21 by Lea Kane
I think after Halloween…I’ll be leaving the Islands. It’s time I finished my training anyway. Officially dropping out of high school…and there’s not much other point in staying home any longer.
Don’t guess it much matters, huh.
Would probably be better if I wasn’t here. …good thing I’ve got a big backpack.
...Sora...?
...You're sure about that, huh...?
Do you need help with anything? I mean...you can stay with Van and I if you need to get away; you know that, right? We have the extra bed and everything...
Three months since it happened.
Three months since Sora took his last breath. Since his body disappeared into motes of Light and Shadow. Three months minus a week since Sora reappeared, alive, and whole again...mostly. He was still weak; it had taken three whole months for him to regain mobility.
But he was alive, and cancer-free.
It was a miracle. Nothing short of one. Sora had explained it to them--but Ven still didn't understand. Tempered? Forged? How does one forge a person, even if that 'one' is a god?
Everything had happened for a purpose, Sora had said. Sora's purpose--his reason for living.
It put stones into Ven's gut. He couldn't forget. He couldn't let go. What he'd told Demyx that day, the two of them sitting in the backyard...how badly Ven had just wanted to give up. How badly he wished he could dissolve into motes, too.
How he'd wished for it almost constantly since the day he got his Heart back. Since that day five years ago, when he'd woken from his long sleep.
Eleven years wasn't such a long time in the grand scheme of things, and the worlds hadn't changed that much, really--not of their own accord, anyway. The Darkness had taken some worlds, changed others, and put others to sleep, but his home? The Land of Departure was wholly changed, and not by the Darkness. But it was irreversible, as far as they knew...and even if it was still there, what was home? Without Master Eraqus? Without Terra? With Aqua being so different, so frightening...? What was the point of longing for something that would never again be?
The shock of that was something Ven had never really taken the time to deal with, and it had taken Sora's death to make him realize that. The moment after he woke up, his existence had found a new focus: fix. Fix others. Fix Vanitas. The boy who wouldn't be alive if it wasn't for Ven; the boy who wouldn't have suffered if it wasn't for Ven. The boy who Ven killed.
Five years later, Van was okay. Ven had poured everything into that effort, all of himself--and thanks to him and Sora, thanks to Xion and Ikki and Riku and even Roxas, Van was okay. He was a person of his own, with a Heart of his own, who lived and loved on his own. And even though losing Sora had nearly destroyed Vanitas, he'd bounced back after Sora came back. He was alive. He was fine.
Ven was not.
That piece of himself that he'd lost when he'd felt his connection with Sora fade...it hadn't come back yet, somehow. Or was that it? Ven didn't really know; all he knew was that he felt tired, all the time. Van made him drop two classes out of his six, and he didn't fight him as much as he would have a semester ago. He didn't fight him over changing two of his classes to online ones, either. It was a struggle for Ven to get out of bed just for those two classes, or for his training sessions with Master Yen Sid three times a week.
He didn't want to think about it. He tried not to think about it--to just function. To shake himself awake long enough to do his homework, because he couldn't afford to fail, not with Mom putting so much funds and effort into getting him an education. He did what he needed to do, and these days...that was it.
He wanted to see Sora. Wanted to. And he knew that Demyx had discretion, that he wouldn't tell. But he was still terrified that somehow, Sora would find out. Find out that Ven had confessed to Demyx that he didn't want to live. Because Sora always knew. They'd been connected since before Sora was born; Sora always knew what was in Ven's Heart.
Ven tried with every fiber of his being not to think about it, but he did. Constantly. He thought about how he'd succeeded in his efforts to help Van be a person, and now that that was done, he had no idea what else to do with his emotions, with his personal direction. He thought about how little a degree meant to him, how it only meant something to other people, which was why he continued to pursue it. He thought about how Aqua had lost touch with him and with reality; how the Master was going to tear him limb from limb when he finally came back; how Terra's Heart was in pieces and he'd probably never see him alive again. He thought about how scared he was of Sora worrying about him. He thought about how scared he was of everything, all the time.
Too scared to do anything about it. About any of it.
He'd waved off Master Yen Sid's attempts to get him to talk. He'd kept to himself in their apartment in Twilight Town, keeping in touch with Mom and everyone through brief phone calls. He'd even batted away his other half's attempts to get through to him, by either false smiles or stonewalling.
Lea would know what to do. So would Demyx. But both of them were so blunt, so perceptive...he knew that whatever they had to say, they would be right. And whatever they had to say, he wouldn't want to hear it for that exact reason.
He didn't know what he wanted to do, where he should go, what he should strive for. All he wanted was to hide from everybody, everybody, that anything was wrong--that everything was wrong.
Ven felt himself withering from the inside out, and didn't care.
Drink With Me
Demyx turned, gently guiding Ienzo inside the house, trusting that Lea would follow, which she did. “Alright then, we’ll get it set up. Go sit down, Ienzo…I’ll go and bring a couple of pillows down for those who want to sit in the floor. I’ll get Riku while I’m at it.” He hugged the boy, reaching up to smooth his hair briefly, then let him go, shooing him in the direction of the occupied couch and vacant armchairs. He hurried back toward Sora’s room.
It was Lea’s turn again. She looked worriedly at Ven and Van as she moved to the TV tray, setting the potted jasmine down on it and brushing her hands off against her thighs. “I’ll…go get drinks,” she said quietly, tilting her head in the direction of the kitchen. She’d worry over the boys in a few minutes. First she was going to raid Mama Grace’s fridge; she’d buy back what they drank later, like always. She was pretty sure there was a bit of alcohol here somewhere, and she knew there was tea and coffee aplenty. She’d work on that. “I’ll be right back.
Ventus heard them speaking at the door, but he didn't respond. In Demyx's absence, and despite the despair that had stolen the strength from his limbs, he'd managed to pull the sleeping Vanitas's head into his lap.
At first, he kept looking down at his brother, at his face. Peaceful in slumber--as peaceful as he'd ever seen it. It didn't seem right. It wasn't right, for the sleep that held Vanitas in its grasp was not natural. And that was Ventus's fault.
Ven knew that when Vanitas woke, his pain would begin all over again...
After a while, he stopped looking down at Van's face. He just sat in vacant silence, one hand supporting Van's head, the other stroking steadily, slowly, through his other half's unruly hair.
Dull blue eyes looked up at Demyx, Ienzo and Lea as they entered, lingering languidly on each in turn. His gaze shifted to the potted jasmine plant...odd. Why had they...? Oh, that's right; he remembered Ienzo saying something about that, just before he left, just before Sora's body...
The last few hours had become a blur. Everything had become a blur.
Everything except the echo of Demyx's words...which was why Ven's gaze didn't linger long on the water mage. The secret that Demyx had shared with him...Ven couldn't abide the shame. Everything he'd said to Demyx, and then learning that about him...
He had no idea what he was supposed to do.
He'd sat in Demyx's arms in silence in the backyard, having no response, his will to die cowed by the water mage. All he could do was what Demyx had told him to do: grieve.
Ventus didn't really know how to, if he were to be honest with himself. He should have grieved for Master Eraqus. He should have grieved for ending his own life, for ending Vanitas's. He should have grieved the loss of his home. He should have grieved for Aqua, for her losses and pain. He should have grieved for Terra, but for the life of him, could not even accept that Terra might never return the way he was.
He never had. He'd never let himself break down before, had simply kept everything inside, kept a smile on his face for the sake of those around him. He'd never realized what it did to him, staying inside. Staying quiet.
He didn't know how to grieve, but right then, he didn't know how to do anything else. Maybe the sight of him, so pale and drawn and tear-streaked and sickly-looking, would scare Lea, would scare his mom, would scare Roxas and Xion and Riku and Kairi, but...he had nothing for them. No answers, and nothing to give.
There were no answers in that house that night. After Ienzo and Lea departed, after Demyx carried Van and then Ven away, Riku stayed where he'd been at the end, standing in the corner, staring down at the pillows where Sora's body had been, his mind awhirl. Scenario after scenario played behind his aquamarine eyes as he tried desperately to puzzle through what could have caused this...but even his sharp mind had nothing. He could see it on the faces of Roxas and Xion, too, and even on Grace's face, so stricken by the loss of her son--her first, and youngest.
Kairi didn't know what to make of it, either. But she was less focused on trying to figure out why...and more focused on trying to cope. Silent tears streaked down her face, their continuous stream making permanent tracks on her cheeks.
Riku saw Demyx at the door, and knew it was time for him to leave the silent room. Those who remained needed to remain, he knew.
Kairi saw Riku's eyes meet Demyx's, and understood. Riku was needed elsewhere. She moved out from behind the bed to let him pass, and once he did, she resumed her place on the edge of the bed, sitting in the same spot she had been at the moment of Sora's passing. Even though her sister was with her, even though Grace, Xion and Roxas were with her, she felt alone with her thoughts, with her grief. She didn't try to hide it, didn't try to deny it or shove it away. She knew it needed to play out, and she let it, sitting very still in silence.
Riku did not let his play out--he knew he couldn't, not yet. He slipped out the bedroom door and closed it behind him, then looked to Demyx. His keen ears caught the clink of bottles coming from the kitchen--someone was rummaging--and a murmur of voices from the living room. He didn't speak, just turned his calm, questioning gaze to Demyx, asking silently for an update.
Nothing Left to Say
Demyx listened to the quiet, broken only by the soft sound of Ven’s voice, and felt his Heart clench. His jaw moved in sync, tightening until he could feel his teeth squeak. “Oh…Ven. Yes, he’s gone from here.” It hurt to say that, making Dem have to pause for a moment so he could keep his voice under control. “…but something about it is…strange. I don’t know why. But I know you sense things as well as I do, if not moreso. Sora wouldn’t have said that, if something wasn’t up. This whole thing reeks of something…something that we don’t understand, and it sure as hell isn’t death. …are you…”
He stopped, Ventus’ words drawing his gaze down to look at the pale boy in his arms. For a moment, all Dem did was look, the calm in his eyes never changing. Don’t tell Sora.
He didn’t have the capacity to get angry at Ven for being hopeless. He really, really didn’t. “…don’t tell Sora?” Dem’s voice didn’t break, to give him credit. But the tightness in his tone was evident. “I think he already knows, considering.”
"But why, Ven? Why? Was the trade-off for gaining a family losing yourself? Losing the ability to see that there is everything out there for you to try, to be, or do, whatever the hell you want with complete freedom? What made you give up, Vennie, and start listening to your head instead of your Heart like an idiot, instead of being the brilliant young man with infinite paths to explore that you are?”
At first, Demyx's words were met with the same mental barriers as the man's earlier reasoning had been: Sora was dead, and trying to think, trying to hope, otherwise, was simply too painful.
But as Ven leaned against Demyx and listened, his vacant expression twinged as a dim, thoughtful light came to his eyes.
Why would Sora say that? See you soon? Unless he expected the rest of them to die soon too...and if not soon, then maybe that was simply the perception of those who'd shaken off the boundaries of time, in which an eternity could very well be 'soon.' But something told Ven that it was unlikely for Sora to have transcended to that state before the moment of his death--no matter how oddly clear his voice had been in that last moment.
His thoughts came crashing to a halt as Demyx spoke those words. "Don't tell Sora?" It sounded like an accusation to Ven's ears. He winced, his Heart sick with grief and a sudden flash of anger--where that was directed at, he didn't know--and tried to run again. He turned his face further into Demyx's chest, moving feebly to try to hide his expression.
"Yes." The answer was given without hesitation, albeit in a tear-choked murmur. "That was the trade-off." That was no new realization.
"What made me give up...?" Ventus's chest hitched, another spark of anger finding its way to him from somewhere deep, deep within, somewhere buried under the despair that still held a grain of pride, and could still generate indignation.
Oh...wait. Demyx wasn't there. He wouldn't know. He wouldn't understand.
"...I'm nothing, Demyx." His tone hovered somewhere between pragmatism and pleading; he really did not want to have to explain this. He'd kept silent over the years with ease; no one needed to know these things. "I don't have a past, and a future...?" He almost laughed. "The things I've been working towards...m'just keeping busy." Keeping busy was the only way to keep from thinking too much. And to keep his family from worrying.
"...I existed to help the others. Give rise to Vanitas. Fix Sora's Heart. Give Roxas a face. Be a big brother to Sora and help fix Vanitas."
"But Vanitas is fixed, now. Every time he falls, he gets up and is stronger for it. He'll survive Sora. He'll survive me."
"I'm the opposite. Sora's gone, Vani doesn't need me, and Roxas deserves this face more than..." He pulled in a deep, rattling breath. "More than someone who's just...extra."
Ven's words, growing more and more feeble with every syllable, finally broke down. Tears leaked freely from his eyes; he cried with the exhaustion of one who's been crying constantly and finally comes to the point where he has no more strength to give. It became an effort to draw breath through lungs spasming in grief, and the quiet choking noises were the only sound he made for a long moment.
"I...can't," he gasped. "I can't...do this anymore."
Nothing Left to Say
Demyx gathered Vanitas’ limp, sleeping form to his chest, and stared down at Ventus for a moment, worry rising in his ocean-eyes. He had no free hands to gather the other boy at the moment, though. He couldn’t.
With an apologetic look around the room, Dem got to his feet and hurried out. Van was heavy, but Demyx had been swimming against strong currents for most of his life. He had the strength needed to carry Van. So he did, straight to the couch, where he laid the spelled young man down gently and covered him with one of the blankets always thrown back there. He hated to leave, but Van was sleeping, and from the scent of the magic that wafted off of him, would be doing so for a while.
Ven, on the other hand…
With a soft, heartbroken sigh, Demyx hurried back to Sora’s room. He knelt beside Ven, sliding his hands under the bony Light mage. This was not something for Sora’s room, not something for the rest of the grieving family to see. Quickly, but with movements far more gentle than Dem’s appearance warranted, he gathered Ven to his chest this time, standing and walking out of the room. Instead of moving to the living room and the couch, however, he went to the back door, fumbling it open with one hand, and into the little back yard he went, carrying Ven with him.
"Ventus. I know you can hear me. You don’t have to look at me, but you listen." His voice was gentle, calm, reassuring. Holding nothing of his own pain, his own heartbreak over the baby of their odd, eclectic family being suddenly ripped from their midst. "…running away isn’t the answer. And it’s what you and Van both are doing, in your own way, but I can’t talk to him right now. You, I can.”
He wasn’t walking. Demyx had moved to the middle of the yard and sat down with Ven in his lap, staring out toward the back fence while the sage grass beneath him and Ven loosed its faint scent where Demyx had crushed it. “I won’t ask you to be strong for the family. I can’t, and it’s not fair to you to ask that…but Vennie, giving up like this….so quick, it’s not right, it’s not your Heart, and you know it. I don’t know where your defeat came from, but hell, I’m a water mage and I can tell it’s not what your Heart is beating out. When did you Keybladers start listening only to your head?”
Demyx took a deep breath, letting it out through his nose in a pained, soft sigh. No matter how much he wanted to, he couldn’t grieve here. Not now. “…Sora said he’d see us soon. His body disappeared, and I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty sure that Light and Dark that took him didn’t come from him. Last I checked, that whole….whole thing back there isn’t how people die. …not even Nobodies die like that. And they sure as hell don’t tell anyone they’re gonna see ‘em soon, even if they’re delirious, which Sora wasn’t back there.”
He finally looked down at Ven, his eyes steely despite the immeasurable love shining out of them. “…but you’re acting like you’re gonna give up before you even try to figure out what just happened. Why, Vennie? Why are you so damned ready to fade away like nothing matters any more, for yourself or anyone else?”
He was happy to slump against Demyx. The man's embrace was a comfortable one; he was strong and solid, and Ven needed that. He felt so very weak, weaker than he'd ever been...the strength was stolen from his limbs, from his very cells. He was all too happy to let his head loll against Demyx's chest. He was glad the man was there--that Lea and Dem were always there for them.
He could feel Demyx's voice rumbling through his chest, rumbling into Ven as he spoke. He could smell the sage...he could feel the wind. His eyes slid a little further shut.
He could stay here, really.
It took a few long, silent moments for Ven to process what Demyx had said. His pale brow furrowed, just slightly, in thought. Thinking was an effort. Speaking, even more so.
"I don't know...what...Sora meant." It seemed as merely uttering his name was pain; when he pulled in his next breath, it rattled unsteadily in his chest. "But he's gone." The finality of his tone was without conviction, but with utter certainty.
Slowly, languidly, Ventus dragged his hand up to his chest, gesturing at his solar plexus with one thumb. "From here. He's gone." He couldn't feel Sora in his Heart anymore. That had never happened. Never.
He wasn't coming back--not after that.
When did Ven start listening to his head...? The Light mage managed a small, empty smile. What an odd thing to say.
He'd already known that he would find this fate. He'd known for a long time. He'd done well to hide it--from everyone, especially the people who mattered. Because they would never accept it. They'd never accept what Ven knew, what he realized when he was sixteen.
"...I'm...happy I didn't die, when Vani broke away."
Ven rolled his face a little bit into Demyx, burying one of his eyes as he let out a long, profound sigh. The tones of his voice rolled away into nothingness, leaving his croaking words flat and empty.
"I'm happy I didn't die when we merged..." Even though I was ready to. "I got to help Sora, and I got to help Vani." His presence in Sora's Heart kept Sora alive--and his presence in Vanitas's life, after they returned to corporeal bodies, gave Van's life purpose. He'd given Vanitas love, forgiveness and acceptance when he'd sorely needed them. He'd helped heal the hurts in his other half, and he was grateful he'd gotten the opportunity.
"But..." How could he say this. There really was only one way, wasn't there?
"Gave up...? I did that a long time ago."
Ventus closed his eyes. Finally, emotion made its way back onto his face. Guilt, and pain.
"...don't tell Roxas. Don't tell Vani either." Xion probably already knew, at least on some level; even if she hadn't cognitively worked it out, her intuition had probably whispered it to her before. "And don't tell So..."
"...oh."
Nothing Left to Say
Demyx had been able to do nothing but stare in utter shock as Sora’s body lifted and vanished. Ienzo and Lea had just left, and all he could think of was thank all things holy that the two of them had missed it.
Then Vanitas’ screams broke through the water mage’s shock. Before he thought, Demyx was reaching, lurching to try to grab Van, even as Ven reached for him, as familiar magic spun through the nether and into Van’s body, putting him out like a light.
Dem’s ears were ringing as he watched the two boys collapse, but an instant later, he was kneeling, silent, mist-eyed apology in his eyes as he slowly pulled Vanitas away from Ven, letting the boy get up. “Here,” he said, soft baritone gentle and calm, like the rippling water he was so in-tune with. “Let me take him, Ven. I’m sorry, I should have acted faster.”
He let his voice raise slightly, still calm, still gentle, just loud enough for the others in the room to hear. “…it’s alright.”
It wasn’t. He knew it wasn’t, but he had to say it regardless. There had to be some echo of calm bouncing around this room, if for no other purpose than to prevent hysteria from tainting the traces of a young life that still permeated every corner.
Sora’s body had vanished into thin air. Sora had said something about seeing them soon in the instant before his death. There had to be a reason for all of it, but keeping the fragile calm came first. Demyx couldn’t explain it, but something about breaking it in here, where Sora’s life was so highly evident, seemed inherently wrong. “Let me take Van to the couch. …it’s…alright.”
When Ventus looked up at Demyx through tear-rimmed eyes, it was completely without blame. Demyx didn't need to apologize; this wasn't his fault.
This was Ven's fault. For knocking out his brother like he was some kind of crazed animal.
The boys eyes were wide, frightened and stricken. His jaw hung slack, his breathing quiet and uneven, scared. Faint, almost-inaudible whimpers escaped from him with every breath.
He was tired. He'd been tired for five years, almost too tired to go on. His reasons for getting up in the morning had been reduced so that he could count them on one hand--and one of the foremost of those had just vanished into nothingness.
Another of those reasons seemed broken--beyond Ven's help.
What was he good for, then?
The whimpering stopped suddenly as Ven's gaze drifted away. His arms fell limp as Demyx pulled Vanitas from them; the spindly appendages fell to his sides, hands sliding off of Vanitas and alighting like dying butterflies onto the floor before him. His shoulders, his jaw, his whole face, his whole body, went slack. Ven's gaze drifted away because doors had closed in his eyes.
He was awake, but for all intents and purposes, he looked dead asleep, eyes holding nothing at all.
Demyx could take Van to the couch. There was no problem there. His brother needed to rest, to sleep, to recover--as Ven knew he would. Vanitas was strong. He'd always been the stronger of the two of them. He broke, and badly, but no matter how many times he'd shattered, he'd always bounce back again--and stronger than he was before. That was Vanitas. Indestructible because of how he healed.
Every time that Ven broke, he stayed a little more broken.
And right now, he wasn't finding a single reason to get up off of the floor.
Yellowcard | Paper Walls Paper Walls (2007)
[Send to: Light | Sender: Van Nomura] Oi Light wake up [/sent]
[Send to: Light | Sender: Van Nomura] i know it’s late but we got a visitor comin [/sent]
[Send to: Light | Sender: Van Nomura] slumber party up in the hizzouse [/sent]
[Send to: Darkness | Sender: Ventus ] Vanitas, I wasn't even asleep. What's this all about? Who's coming? Why are they "a visitor" instead of a name...? [/sent]
[Send to: Darkness | Sender: Ventus] ...Van, what's this about. [/sent]
[Send to: Sunshine | Sender: Olette] Daily reminder that you need to eat and rest. And that I love you.
Ventus blinked as, from the corner of his desk, his phone vibrated. Everyone knew he was studying for this whole week; besides, it was still only about 8 in the morning. Who did he know who’d even be awake at this hour?
The blond picked up the phone, cerulean eyes blinking owlishly at the screen…and a bright pink tinge bloomed on his cheeks. He took the phone in both hands—cradling it almost lovingly—and his thumbs stumbled through his reply.
[Send to: Oli | Sender: Ventus] Thank you. I love you too, Oli.[/Sent]
He didn’t want to tell her that he hadn’t actually slept yet. That he’d been working straight through the night. And that he hadn’t eaten since yesterday’s lunch. But now that he’d changed postures, his stomach took the opportunity to let out a loud, angry growl.
Ven grumbled and pushed himself out of his chair, ambling zombie-like into the kitchen to rummage. You win this round, Oli.
In Case of Trouble - Bastion
Infected Mushroom - Shakawkaw
can’t believe i had to cut out 10 frames just bc of the size limit ughhgh
9 Alignments
Move the ‘X’ to the box that most applies to your character.
[ x ] Lawful Good
Acts with compassion and a sense of duty. The type to uphold a sworn oath and will protect innocents at most costs.
[ ] Neutral good
Acts with in a positive manner, although will not value tradition or rules to act as such.
[ ] Chaotic Good
Acts with a rebellious, free-spirited nature but still quite positively. They do the right thing, but are often disorganized and/or not aligned with the rest of society.
[ ] Lawful Neutral
Acts with a strong belief in concepts like honor, rules, and code. Typically places a strong faith in order- they obey or give orders.
[ ] True Neutral
They don’t align strongly with good or evil, nor do they with chaotic or lawful. They usually are undecided between the 4 sections or just gravitate right in the middle.
[ ] Chaotic Neutral
Acts with strong individualist nature and they have a very ‘screw the rules!’ attitude. The individual will follow their heart and promote freedom, but theirs comes first.
[ ] Lawful Evil
Acts with honor, but don’t care in the slightest for the freedoms and rights of others. Very concerned with self-benefit at times, and will twist rules and codes to favor them.
[ ] Neutral Evil
Acts extremely selfishly with no problems concerning betraying others at a moment’s notice. They typically make allies just to further themselves.
[ ] Chaotic Evil
Acts with no respect for anything except their own desires and selfish goals. They place high value on freedom for the self, but do not care for others’ freedoms. Often associated with chaos and destruction.
Yellow Light - Of Monsters and Men
