[whendidmythoughtsgocrazy]

If hurting me does not hurt you, you don’t love me. You’re using me.

k.b // by jerry flowers jr

[thoughtkick]

“People think being alone makes you lonely, but I don’t think that’s true. Being surrounded by the wrong people is the loneliest thing in the world.”

— Unknown

[perfectquote]

“If you care about someone, you’d be honest with them about everything no matter what it is.”

— Unknown

[onmymindz]

It was a cold Wednesday, I cried in my mother arms over a guy who didn’t deserve my love in the first place. I asked her what was wrong with me, I asked her what I did to deserve this pain.

she looks at me and spoke as if she was talking to her younger self, “hurt people, hurt people” she told me, the crack in her voice told me that she had been through this pain before.

I hated her response it didn’t make sense for me, just because someone hurt him didn’t mean he had to hurt me too, what a monster I thought he was, but every brick he throw at me helped make up the walls I put before myself.

I think I became “hurt people” along the way. I didn’t know I was doing it, it was never intentional. My heart grew chains around it and I threw away the key. I never meant to bury my wounds in other people, I never meant to scar their hearts and leave them bleeding.

It was like a game of tag to me, every time someone got too close, I’d just run away. I never let anyone in even the ones who were good to me. I guess my mother was right hurt people really do hurt people, maybe I am no better than the monster I claimed him to be in the first place.

[onmymindz]

had to block your number but the urge to text you wouldn't go away but if you ask me how I feel I would lie, "We were never that serious anyway" While reading old text messages, while contemplating what went wrong had to block your number because I liked you all along. I am not very good at letting go, I still remember your birthday and your favourite birthday cake.

I almost learned how to make it, considered how your family could have it too, even though they probably never knew about me.

I told people how great you are, I really should’ve told them the truth.

Now you are just something else that me and my therapist talk about.

I've always been so afraid of speaking but about you I easily vocalised only the prettiest words I could say.

Now I am sitting on a sidewalk contemplating a call to make, today is your birthday. I accidentally bought your favourite cake.

I had to block your number because my heart still couldn't accept your absence.

But if I was a car ride karaoke, you always vour radio on mute.

[onmymindz]

I wonder how long my head and my heart will be at war. It's been 3 years and they still take the battlefield.

My head doesn't play by the rules and my heart has been holding up a white flag trying to surrender for years now, but my head refuses to let it.

Every time I feel a spark with someone or start excited about someone new, my head shut it down and beginning to grieve the loss of my heart. I mean it's still there but it doesn't work the same as it used to be.

It's like my brain has been hardwired to cut off emotion anytime my heart begins to beat for someone else. This war is the one that's unspoken of because nobody wins. It will always be me against myself.

I just want the ability to feel again, I want that butterfly feeling with someone. I want to feel love, I want to love and be loved so hard it echoes the wind, but I think as long as my brain stops my heart from feeling and continues to win the war against it, I am not sure l'll ever feel it ever again.