You had agreed to help Jean with studying for his end of the semester exams at the beginning of the school year, and he intended to make use of that promise. As if he had forgotten about the little incident in class, he rushed to you at the last minute, begging for help.
Your shared dorm room was at capacity after Sasha had invited Connie to your study session, but none of you seemed to mind. It was a breath of fresh air to be in each other’s company, just the four of you. Even if studying was the only objective.
Connie and Sasha were going about their own business while you walked Jean through the questions that would certainly be on the exams. There was still unease within you, something Jean could clear up for you, but you were too preoccupied with the task at hand to worry too much about that. And if Connie and Sasha remembered your little confession, neither of them seemed eager to talk about it. So you were content with being content, for the moment.
An hour passed and Sasha groaned about being hungry so she took Connie and they left to bring back some food for the four of you to share, so you were left alone with Jean.
A reckless wind caught you and you stopped explaining a concept to Jean.
“Something on your mind?” He paused. “Something that you can talk about?”
It was hard to tell if he was being sincere or if he was making a petty callback to the other day's conversation. Suddenly, after a moment of clarity, you realized just how big of a deal you made out of simple curiosity. Asking Jean about it would just make you seem crazy. That was the last thing you wanted, especially with Jean.
But you felt that by keeping this from him, it would only weaken the bond you’d spent your lives forming. So you took a breath and confessed what had been on your mind.
“That party that I went to, after the football game, I saw some things that I got curious about.”
You explained the unreadable expression on Reiner’s face outside the house, and later the way he stormed out of the bathroom leaving that girl behind, furious. Then you mentioned the social media post you found and how it made you question what you knew about both Jean and Reiner.
“I’m curious about Reiner, I know next to nothing about him, and you know how much I love knowing things about people. Then I found that post and I’m wondering what you haven’t told me.”
Jean said nothing during your explanation and was quiet still after you’d finished. You felt a wave of anxiety rush through your body, embarrassed at even having the thoughts that you did. Some things are better left unsaid and you kicked yourself for not thinking that Jean might have kept something from you for a reason.
“What’s it to you?”
“Don’t you trust me, Jean?” That was it, you couldn’t beat around the bush any longer. You said your piece and you stood your ground.
“It’s not about trust, it’s that I don’t want to think about that asshole.”
But why, Jean?
You couldn’t get another word in because the door burst open and the smell of hot food filled the room. While Jean couldn’t hide his scowl, he put his materials aside and got to work on the food set before him.
Connie and Sasha must have felt the tension in the room because they gave you sympathetic glances before digging into their own food.
You weren’t hungry anymore and you felt that the longer you stayed in the room the likelihood of shedding tears grew greater. Why did I have to go and fuck things up like this?
So you left the room in a hurry, saying you needed fresh air for just a minute. The air was crisp in the late fall and you had forgotten your jacket, but you didn’t let that get to you as you circled the dorm buildings.
While you thought that you made a big deal out of something stupid, you realized something. If it was indeed just stupid, then Jean would have given you a straight answer. He was being evasive and he had something to hide.
You tried to get it off your mind, to think about anything else, but you kept winding up back to it. In the moment, you wished you never went to that party. Your experiences showed that nothing good ever came of them.
You weren’t looking where you were going when you rounded the corner and nearly ran into somebody. In a hurried step back, you looked up and saw Reiner standing there with a surprised look on his face.
“Oh, I’m sorry!” You must have looked scared because Reiner quickly accepted your apology and said your name under his breath. You didn’t think he knew your name.
“I just, uh, needed some air.” Reiner’s hand fisted in his coat pocket. “You know?”
“I do.” Your hands took hold on your upper arms, comforting yourself from both the cold and the encounter.
“But without a coat?” He smirked at you and your knees nearly buckled.
“I- I didn’t think to grab one.”
The awkward and stilted conversation with the man of your curiosity wasn’t what you needed at that moment. But still, you couldn’t take your eyes off him and you wanted to stay for as long as you could, even if he made you incredibly nervous.
“Let me take you back inside. Whatever you’re escaping can’t be worth freezing out here.”
You nodded, following Reiner around the corner of the dorm building and into the lobby where you stood with your hands in your pockets.
“I should get back, I’ve got people waiting.”
“Jean?”
“Also Connie and Sasha.” Now was your chance. “Why ask?”
“Just curious, that’s all.” He, like Jean, was evasive. Their comparisons kept coming up. They used to be friends, it’s no wonder.
Still with no answers, only more questions, you returned to your room where your friends awaited your return, some more than others.
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