Friday March 18th, 2016: I tried to kill myself. I almost succeeded I only needed maybe another hour or two. Anyway my mom found me not breathing in my room and from there I was rushed to the hospital in an ambulance, I’ve never been in one before. So, I woke up Saturday evening in the hospital with a breathing tube stuck down my throat and a list of regrets. I don’t remember much. That Wednesday I got arrested for the first time on a DUI charge. I completely wrecked my car and I felt like my life was falling apart right in front of me. That degree in my closet meant nothing and the new job I had lined up didn’t seem important to me anymore. I just wanted to die. I never really failed much in life before that. So I took a bunch of pills don’t even remember what, but I didn’t care. I was a fucked up mentally ill drunk who had no purpose in life. I was forced to go into a psych ward for four days. I kept battling with the idea that I was crazier than I thought. They drugged me up and talked down on me like I was a child. I looked at the other people as less than me at first. I thought I was better than all of them. But I learned close to the time of my discharge that the thing that united us was mental illness, but the thing that divided us was opportunity. Some have better opportunities to get help than others. I already had doctors I could go to to help me with my issues, but most of the people in the psych ward didn’t. A lot of us turned to alcohol and drugs to make ourselves feel a little normal, normal being happy. I don’t know I’m still in recovery from this shit. I don’t really have an uplifting quote to say now, maybe later.
