Yesterday during the mass, the priest asked us one important question: “Why are you here? Is it just for customary reasons, or is there something else?” For a moment, it caught me dumbfounded. I religiously attend mass but never had the chance to do some introspection why. And this question, I guess, applies not only in the church but to most aspects of our everyday life.
A month ago, I made the big leap to take a pause from my job and get a master’s degree in another country through a scholarship. I had a comfortable professional life - meaningful and collaborative environment, yet there is that push to go beyond and explore more. For so many months, I have been content in convincing myself that this is an opportunity that I cannot pass. But why? There has to be a deeper desire, a longing perhaps for something. This, I really am unsure.
Listening to the homily made me recall back to the time when I applied for my scholarship. Two months before the official start of the semester, I received the news that my program was getting cancelled because of only few enrollees. My heart sunk and I felt devastated. I did not know how to tell my family who was very excited about my study, and my company whom I have already filed an educational leave. I could have quitted. However, I pushed for the application and asked the scholarships team for other options. They told me I can still push with my study, provided that I get accepted in other universities. So I tried applying and only got accepted after I made appeals. By the time I got accepted, another news came - that they will defer my scholarship for another full year. I just felt that everything is worthless at this point.
And so I waited. Meantime, I diverted all my energy and focus into my corporate work. Along the way I have learned so much, especially on leadership and project management. In fact, I got a two-step promotion for being a program manager. I may not have gained the technical aspects that I could have aspired for that year, but I received better.
And now, the year has come for my master’s degree. As I approach this year, I feel more prepared. I feel that everything fell into the right timing. I could not have asked for a better opportunity, especially with the university I enrolled in and the cohort I belong to. I feel more content in leaving the workplace knowing that I have gained more experience and made an impact along the way.
At this moment, I still can’t comprehend the big leap that I have taken. But one thing I am assured of is this, God’s love is certain. In every step of the way, through frustrating and challenging times, God has always been with me. And in this journey, God has made His promise in Jeremiah 29:11 more pronounced, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
Often, we overthink why things are happening. Why am I here? What is my purpose? Why isn’t this happening the way I wanted it to be?
I learned that sometimes it is okay not to understand everything. It is okay when things are not yet clear. It is okay when plans don’t go as expected. As long as you have faith and the effort to put it into practice, God will reveal His best plan for you at the right time. So keep striding, push on, and let God lead the way. As for me I will keep pushing on this big leap, knowing that God is before me.
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