oracle bone

we stayed at home to write, to consolidate our outstretched selves

[oraclebone]

now I know why they call them victory rolls 💦

[oraclebone]

perks of having a boat captain as a baby daddy 😏

[oraclebone]

abundantly clear that i must always be near the water

[oraclebone]

but I don't wanna go home

[oraclebone]

open panel discussion on circumpolar health 😍

[oraclebone]

pregnancy (4)

as much as i admit that at times i find the “are you sure you’re pregnant? you’re not showing at all!” flattering, there is a part of me that bites back every time. 

yesterday i was compared to a regular customer at the restaurant i work at (which is a healthy, fresh-food based restaurant specializing in vegetarian dishes). it’s a place where you feel good before and after your meal (i mean... unless you order the onion rings. no one can help you then). 

“she was a similar height to you, pretty in shape, and then got pregnant and just BALLOONED, she is barely recognizable now. at least you, you hide your bump well, you don’t look like you’ve gained any weight at all!” 

first that isn’t something i’m proud of. i’ve had difficulty gaining weight because i’ve had terrible nausea and vomiting beyond the first trimester. i’ve never been so excited or proud of myself for finishing an entire plate of lentil stew and chard salad without having to run to the bathroom before, and i get excited because i know that food is going to my sweet little ewok as much as it is my own body. that’s a truly beautiful thing, and it’s something i wasn’t able to give my little one until the past week or so. i lost a lot of weight in my first trimester, and despite the baby being healthy and normal, i felt a lot of guilt for that. so i’m very happy for the little bump that i do have - it’s a sign that this kid is growing and thriving despite my own shortcomings. 

second to judge that woman, or any woman, for “ballooning” while pregnant seems very cruel to me. this time is such a magical, beautiful experience that is already clouded by societal expectations to stay in shape before, during, and immediately after baby. i struggle with my own growing skin and inability to slip into old skinny jeans. and why? surely that vanity is not as important as growing a healthy human being inside of you. 

i just wish that i, and the other beautiful mothers-to-be out there, could be treated with respect during a period of difficulty and beauty. that the weight we gained or didn’t gain wasn’t whispered about behind us, we could just be free to be pregnant and glow. but perhaps i just shouldn’t take these comments to heart. 

[oraclebone]

land of the midnight sun (at Yellowknife NWT)

[oraclebone]

not really summer until you're swimming in the Kawarthas 💙

[oraclebone]

brunch shift feelz

[dreamberks-deactivated20160209]

[ahsjdkflgl]

ANOTHER WONDERFUL GIVEAWAY FOR SOME TRULY WONDERFUL PEOPLE!

I’ve had some really great fortune in my life lately, so I wanted to share some of the things that make me happy with you all!

One winner will receive:

Any three (3) Lush bathbombs of their choosing.

All three (3) Urban Decay NAKED eyeshadow palettes.

One (1) Urban Decay Eyeshadow Primer Potion.

One (1) Urban Decay Perversion mascara.

One (1) Anastasia powder contouring set.

Any two (2) pairs of socks from the Sock Drawer (www.sockdrawer.com); limit $20 (not pictured).

One (1) Forever 21 giftcard in the amount of $50.

One (1) copy of Harper Lee’s Go Set a Watchman.

(All products will be in new, never-before-used condition.)

How to win:

You don’t have to be following me to win, but a brief peek at my blog would be appreciated!

Each reblog counts as one entry; likes do not count as an entry.

Please limit reblogs to under ten a day.

Giveaway blogs cannot win.

Giveaway will close on August 20, 2015. Thank you all, and good luck!

[whatshouldwecallgradschool]

WHEN THERE ARE COOKIES AT LAB MEETING

credit: 89helena_maria

[oraclebone]

there is nothing more pleasing to witness than the bending of teenage hierarchies in our new lives; to see the meek and the frivolous intertwining into new tapestries, the bold writers and quiet partiers, the austere punks and prudent musicians -- anything, anyone, unafraid to reach out. my hometown has become much warmer than i once thought.

[oraclebone]

pregnancy (3)

a travel-friend i love deeply but rarely see sat down with me for brunch yesterday. she wasn’t initially aware of my pregnancy, and it was so refreshing, being my old self for a moment. being someone who could talk and ask about travel and life without intermittent questions about my body or my baby. i am afraid these moments will become less and less frequent.

[whatshouldwecallgradschool]

SITTING DOWN TO ANOTHER DAY OF THESIS REVISIONS

credit: Louisa

[oraclebone]

like honey and trombones

[oraclebone]

pregnancy (2)

the other day my coworker and i were discussing her new birth control method (IUD), and since she seemed eager to talk, i asked her questions... “so, what made you decide to switch to an IUD?” 

“well, hearing your story, about getting pregnant when not planning to, and at such a young age, it really hit me. i’m not ready to have a kid, and i don’t want to be like you.”

i’m not sure she realized how much force her answer knocked my stomach with. i contemplated walking away, but i forced my limbs to remain in place. i’m  very aware of the potential social taboos that having a child at 23 has. especially when one, outwardly, appears to be working at a restaurant on minimum wage for the most of her summer. i’m aware that it looks dicey. i’m aware that i’m not going to be able to provide my child with a four-storey house. but i am not okay with being some pregnant warning label for twenty-somethings, i am not okay with people thinking i didn’t want my child, and i am not okay with people using my body and my choices in a way that twists my reality into something more seedy.  i am not ungrounded. i am not an anomaly. when my child is born, i will be 24. i will be in the midst of getting my doctorate in a field that is filled with opportunity and creative potential. i am happily with my partner of over two years. i am passionate about my life, my directions, and the friends i’ve surrounded myself with. i have never stopped writing poetry, because my heart will always be rooted with it. i have so much joy and warmth in my life, and this sweet, innocent little thing will only make it all the more filled.  i was scared for the first few weeks, because i didn’t know what to expect. but things begin to unfold and sort themselves, as if enchanted by a magician. some people have leapt to support and exclaim how proud they will be to be aunts and uncles. some people, like my coworker, have chosen to expose their own fears and doubts in their reactions, and i refuse to be brought down by them. 

so i said -  “you know, i’ve never been more happy in my life. this is the first time i haven’t felt afraid in a very long time.” 

sure, we didn’t plan this, but i think that pretending our lives aren’t ready or that we’re too young to do this is complete and utter bullshit.