Orane H. @orane-hall-official - Tumblr Blog

I'm just going to ramble here because I have no structure.

Let me just first day I know it's been a few years since I've posted. Hopefully future posts will be better than this one but only time will tell.

Happy New Year 2023.

I now have a daughter and she's lovely. She's going to turn one on January 21 and I'm excited for her turning a toddler but I am generally sad that things are not so great for me personally. Every day I have a fight with my wife and even though I try hard to make her happy, she's never pleased with what I do. She doesn't share the same interests in me and even went as far as saying she doesn't want to do anything with me at all. A lot of times I wonder what I did to deserve this. I know that maybe I'm not the most understanding person in the world but I thought that she would see the good I've been doing and the effort I've been putting in and love me for who I am. She wants me to be very perfect. Have the perfect body, don't snore, help out 100% of the time, do everything around the house without her asking, don't sneeze or clear my nose, do all the heavy lifting, all while I go to work and do extra hours just to make ends meet and log off or leave the office tired. I honestly don't think she loves me anymore and it's scary to think about.

There's so much running through my head right now. Maybe I should just end it and let her go back to her family with our child. They'll take care of her. Plus the life insurance would be able to help. I don't know how much longer I can live with her treating me this way.

#blogger

Six months down, my love. A lifetime to go! I love you, my sweetie-sweetie!!! 😍😘🥰❤️ https://www.instagram.com/p/CAPV38-AoySOgCulZ6gmS1CurftiKA54l6suCQ0/?igshid=12jf83nnw99sr

#pickx

Uncle D’s birthday celebration with my love #Reid’s #Halls #FamilyAffair (at Day-O Plantation Restaurant and Bar) https://www.instagram.com/p/B2IvLqrgn420NSF1JHho89TY6l4X8Q3d1l33dc0/?igshid=80ap67xbgsfz

#reid #halls #familyaffair #pickx

My girl is talented!!!!! 😍😍😍 To God be the glory. Successful baby shower decor! (at Montego Bay, Jamaica) https://www.instagram.com/p/B06anTgApY0LSGq4sWqStxZTmlT5nFheksuEx40/?igshid=qsh27pdnhys3

Congratulations on this your special day, honey. I’m happy I am able to share in the celebrations! Love you! 😘😘😘😘 (at The Knutsford Court Hotel) https://www.instagram.com/p/BqVqXk7A3pdtsmD8C5uDpE2QgJCTOTM5B1qngw0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1j2e4wfg5zab6

#pickx

Thanksgiving

Looking back at the things that have happened in the year, we all have to give thanks for what has happened in our lives. Think about the thing that could have seen you lose a leg, an arm, a family member or your life. There are a lot of people who are still willing to overlook all of these (and possibly more) and look at how much they do not have it and how much they do not see where things are going right for them. This year, I was blessed with going to visit my sick uncle who has been struggling for years with his kidneys and liver. To be honest, he has been struggling with everything for the past decade and these are recent additions to the list. I received terrible news where he said that he may not have much time left and I tried to talk to him so that he can at least do the surgeries and get better. He may be a bit more dependent on the medication but at least he would still be alive.

This is where God shows up in our lives when we trust Him. We oftentimes look at the fact that it is rough and there may be no way to get out but just when you are at your lowest, God lifts you up to heights you’ve never been at. I spent the time encouraging him that he needs to hold on to faith and believe that he will be healed. He needs to be there for his family and his family needs him. I pray that he hears my reasoning and do what he needs to do.

Life is something that is precious and he has it. We all do until we can’t write anymore. That’s what I am thankful for. Every day I am thankful that God has given me the opportunity to see another day and to live. In return, all I have to do is to worship Him. That’s all that he asks and all we should yearn for.

What are you thankful for today?

#blogger

Reboot

A relaxing session is coming soon. I deserve it. I have been integral for my company for the time that I’ve been employed for and I appreciate the fact that they see all the effort that I am putting out and granted me some time off to recharge the batteries.

Funnily, the company is having their own reboot session but I won’t be able to take part in all of it. Last year was great but I was on a different work schedule so I didn’t see all my friends from work. This year I am on the same schedule, however, they will enjoy it without me. Sad.

In this recharge, I will use it to write more. It has been a hectic few months and it has caused me to somewhat realign my focus. Now that everything is almost complete, I will be back on track to doing what I do best-- write on things that I have questions about.

See you all soon. Very soon!

#blogger

Birthday Weekend

October 20, and October 21, 2017, were important dates for us as we celebrated getting one year older (ha). We had so much fun at dinner looking back at how amazing God has been to us for bringing us together. The night was so great that when it came to my day on the 21st, it just transcended another level.

I enjoy moments like these where we spend time together. Looking forward to more birthdays and holidays.

#pickx

Handsome young fellow

There seems to be some form of confusion at work regarding who I am and what I am about. There are people who have misconceptions about me which end up making them look bad when they find out who I really am. There are even occasions where they try to study my moves. Now, I’m not one to brag and I never will. I just find it weird that they have all these things to think/say about me that no one cared to ask. They would rather sit and assume.

Not this person, however.

One evening at work a nice young lady stopped me while I was roaming the halls, looking at everyone on the side of the building that I sit. In a bid to know more about me, she asked questions normal people would be too scared to ask. Because her face was familiar and we’ve had calibration sessions together, I spoke to her casually. During this time, I’ve seen her around and we only exchange pleasantries. When in session and around her, I only talk to her about work-related topics so when she started asking me about my future plans, I was startled but at least it was original. She then proceeded to ask me about my life and if I wanted to settle down now. I responded “yes,” as I am definitely looking for something long-term with a woman. I then hasten to add that I believe some women aren’t ready to give up the plush life just yet. She then wondered why some women were like that to which I responded, “to be fair, I do not think it’s bound to a specific gender.” She then said that the reason she asked me was that she is interested in me. Now normally, I would just laugh it off as I take it for granted when women profess their feelings for me “in that manner.” In this instance, however, she was not kidding and I had to put things straight. I immediately explained to her in the most explicit manner that I was in a serious and committed relationship and It would not work. She then asked if she (insert my lady’s name here) was jealous in the sense where they could share me. That was where the conversation ended as I do not stand for that. There are other men at my company that she can catfish. Not me. Not today.

Jesus, keep me near the cross.

#blogger

Over/Under

About 7 years ago, I had things that were bothering me. I was almost a year in from relocating so I was still getting acclimated to certain things. There were times when I thought that I wouldn’t make it, but I did. Looking t myself now, everything is behind me.

Almost everything.

One of the things that I had to grow into was being mature. Considering where I live now, I had to learn the hard way Because of how I was, people found me hard to deal with. As a result, no one took me seriously. To be fair, I wasn’t serious at all. Kinda poor if you would ask me. Now that I have changed, to see someone go through the same thing that I was doing is a bit scary.Little did I know that I was not fancied because of my idiosyncrasies.

And this is something that is going on every day.

At work, I deal with people from all walks of life. Everything that you can think of, every culture, beliefs, orientation, etc., you name it. What I did not expect that I would have to deal with are immature adults. On my team, we have a group of girls who are particularly chatty and they don’t get a lot of work done. I don’t really appreciate the fact that they are noisy at times so, in our team meeting, I used the spare time in the meeting after I finished conducting it to let them know that they need to be a little more productive and less chatty. I presented the plea to them in the most respectable manner and it has been rebuffed in the most distasteful fashion (redundant to add but yeah).

But this is what I am saying: If we are teammates and we are all working toward achieving a goal, why is it that you are going to continue with the annoying chatter and then not respect another member’s wishes? Isn’t that a bit childish? These are people who are supposedly adults are acting as if they are 5. No one talks to me and the number of times they’ve killed me with their eyes, it’s a miracle that I haven’t been stabbed in the parking lot yet (no joke).

I’ve been through this immaturity phase myself and people were patient with me. I’ve guided people and helped them to realise that they need to step up and stop being morons. I can’t help these people if they think that they are self-righteous (think they are). Until they can come off that horse and stop being asses then I really cannot help. I will continue to reach out but if they do not accept then that’s fine. I will leave them alone.

#blogger

Return

The title gives it away.

After being away for the better part of 6 months (excluding September’s pity party post for Ms. Fancy), I’ve been really quiet. It seems like forever, though.

To be honest, I haven’t been led to write anymore. It’s not that I do not go through crap or have an opinion on things that are going on. It is just that I did not feel like sharing my opinion or opening up through this medium anymore. Earlier in 2016 (like, at the beginning), I went through some really depressing stuff and for the most part I was hurt. I didn’t really have anyone to talk to and I had to suffer in silence. I wanted to talk to someone. To open up to someone-- anyone. Sadly that did not happen. In July I just lost it and decided to take a break from doing things that I would normally do.

When I was alone in my period of darkness, He stepped in with His Light and brought me out of it. Every night I have been whispering “everything will be OK” and “You’ll make it by God’s grace,” and I did.

Now that everything is peachy again, I will be writing more and I will be putting myself out there. 2016 has had its ups and definitely its downs, but I am glad I’m alive to see another year... DONALD TRUMP... REALLY AMERICA??? It’s almost as if these people haven’t learnt from the Bush Administration. KILLING A GORILLA??? Sigh.

This year will be better... I can feel it

#blogger

Sad

I hate seeing sad people. It hurts my heart knowing that people (especially my friends) are sad for varying reasons. There is this one girl that I "fancy." She is going through a rough time and while I'm not physically capable of being there for her, hearing her story really made me weep on the inside. It then made me think about all the other people who need help that I can or could have helped. Of course, there are people out there who are con-artists and scammers but I am still saddened by them. Only an idiot would do that for kicks. Seeing hoe "Ms. Fancy" is sad, it has made me realise that I need to do more for them. I need to be more involved in my friends' lives. I need to be more considerate to their needs. Maybe one day if I am in need they'll help me out too.

#blogger

There is some truth

There are a lot of people in my life who are not good on giving advices. There are a lot of people who pass some ridiculous comments and make some very questionable statements that I have to be wondering if they are mentally stable. Despite all the mumbo-jumbo, there is some truth to what they say at times which forces me to listen to them even more and pick out the actual punch line in their sometimes crazy remarks.

I have a coworker who focuses her time on talking about stories that I find rather hard to believe. I will give her a scenario and she finds a story that happened to her “a long time ago” when she was “naive.” At one point I thought that she was doing it to top my stories but when I look back at what she said, there is a message in it. Monday we had a conversation and I told her about this girl that I blew it with BIG TIME (no details here). I told her that I really wanted her and that she wanted me. Typical. Yes. I told her also that I had the chance to be with her but “something” (no details here) happened that caused us to be on the outs now. She hardly speaks to me if she does at all. She listened and then she started telling me about her ex-husband. Of course it was another story but what she told me was earth-shattering. The message behind it (even though again it was rather extreme) was that she would never go back to her husband no matter how many times he apologised. Regardless of how chummy they may become it stops there. No more romance. She made me realised that what I did to this girl was wrong (which I knew) but then also she told me that no normal woman would ever come back to me if I did what I did to them and “apologised.” They won’t. In all of the story that was what I got and my jaw dropped. So I took her advice. I know it’s not going to go any further than where it is so I can call it off and stop pursuing because I know that this is how it ends for me. I didn’t want to believe it (in fact I felt it before but I was always shrugging it off in a bid to try harder the next time). I have to now.

Please listen to everyone. No matter how ridiculous it is. Maybe this can help you as my coworker helped me.

#blogger

THE GREAT DIVIDE

*Part 3 (Part 3 of 3) “The separation” Before you read this, I just want to let you the reader know that the girl that I am making reference to is fully capable of defending herself as I have opened the comments section. She reads my blog whenever she wants to so she can tell her side of the story. Fair. So during our relationship as we looked at in the first two parts, everything was great. But as with any good story, it has to come to a climax and then eventual closure. We had a great time but after she left to go back home things started to happen. I don’t know if it was fully my fault but some of the things, I was to be blamed for it. Of course I was a miserable person, of course I was occasionally inconsiderate, of course I wanted her to submit to me but what happened wasn’t as a result of me being over zealous about any of the aforementioned. It was because she was also those things but refuse to admit to herself that she is just like me (if not worse). On top of that she was extremely selfish and only saw her way as the “only way” to do things. There are many examples I could give to prove my point but I will list one: I remember we were to go to the movies when she was here as a part of a “date day” I had planned when she got here. She deliberately came late, moved slowly and complained in the late evening that she was tired (to force me from going though with the activities). When I quizzed her a few on the after, she admitted that she did it because she wanted to be done and she didn’t want to go. When I was making the plans why didn’t she say no I want to cancel it cause of (inset reason here)? It was important to me but obviously wasn’t held in the same esteem in her mind. So I went away on vacation and we were having fights every single day also. It was relentless. We fought over everything and we fought over nothing. I could sense a drift as she started messaging me less and less. She stopped calling me, stop making jokes, stopped having devotions with me and she was just flat-out bitter. I didn’t know what to do. I payed alone and I said to God that if this is to be then please show me how to get through this. Little did I know that I was the I one who had to end it all. Our bickering continued until the new year and I had enough. We sat down and I spoke to her and asked he what she wanted. She wanted to be happy but she didn’t want to admit that her selfishness was one of the reasons we were having issues. She wanted to load all the blame on me because according to her, she was perfect. So I told her that we should split. I felt it in me that it was the right way to go (and I knew it was because I am happier now). Anyway, we spoke and she explained how she was feeling about the situation. She didn’t want to prolong the conversation any longer and I heard the pain in her voice. She was not receptive and I couldn’t stand to hurt her anymore and I didn’t want her to be stressed and I don’t want her to hate her more than how she hated me for “ruffling her feathers” (joking). So I ended it. She understandably didn’t message me or call me for weeks so I gave her space. She returned and she said that “we could be friends” but when she came back she also said that she’s glad that she closed the chapter of us. I did actually. Not her. She had to have the last say didn’t she? Anyway, when I was going to talk to her at the time she said that she didn’t want to communicate with me and she doesn’t want to be friends with me. I understand but she was very childish when she was insulting and abusing me and it was very distasteful. She suggested friendship but didn’t want it? Wow. So we no longer speak and to be honest I’m happy that we’re done. It was too unbearable in the latter stages. Looking back at all of this there are certain things I’d do differently. Firstly I wouldn’t date he if I knew that she was like that. If I did then I’d have to ensure that we nipped it in the bud so that we don’t have any painful drama. This story wasn’t written to you to take my side. Just for you to know that I was here in this situation and I’m free now.

#blogger

Whose hands?

This just encouraged me. A tennis racket is useless in my hands. A tennis racket in Serena Williams hands is worth Millions. It all depends in whose hand it is. A rod in my hands will keep an angry dog away. A rod in Moses' hands parted the mighty Red Sea. It all depends in whose hand it is. A sling shot in my hand is a toy, a slingshot in David's hand was a mighty weapon. It all depends in whose hand it is. Two fish and 5 loaves of bread in my hand is just enough for breakfast in my house. Two fish and 5 loaves of bread in Jesus' hands fed thousands. It all depends in whose hand it is. Nails in my hands might just cause a temporary injury. Nails in Jesus Christ's hands produced salvation for the entire world. It all depends in whose hand it is. As you see now, it all depends on whose hand it is in, so put your concerns, worries, fears, hopes, dreams, families and your relationships in God's hands because It all depends on whose hand it is in. This message is now in your hands.... What will you do with it? It all depends in whose hand it is. God bless you.

#blogger

THE GREAT DIVIDE

*Part 2

(Part 2 of 3)

“While dating and the problems”

***NOTE: Not all of the problems will be placed in this part but will be added in the third instalment.

Before you read this, I just want to let you the reader know that the girl that I am making reference to is fully capable of defending herself as I have opened the comments section. She reads my blog whenever she wants to so she can tell her side of the story. Fair.

So everything as mentioned in part 1 last week started off very well. We decided to go ahead in the relationship as we “loved” each other. There was a point where she was my rock and she had my back. I was always in support of whatever she did and we were a team. I helped her with studying for her nurses exam, I helped her organise files, I helped her edit a few songs, even on her computer. Anything that I could do from my end I did. While talking to her, we made plans for seeing each other and we did everything in our collective power to see each other. We used FaceTime to communicate literally every night. We stayed up for hours chatting and laughing and sharing stories and personal information with each other because we were comfortable. We had the same beliefs and we had goals that we were working on achieving as a team– together!

Then something tragic happened.

Her mum passed away and she was very distant. At a point I thought that she was ignoring me and I felt weird. She didn’t talk to me for a while. When she came back I didn’t greet her in the best way and I (only) regret that moment to this day as I was an ass! It took her a while to get over it but we were back on track. Somehow though I felt as if she held that against me (will be explained in the third stanza of this purge) and it bothered me for a while but that aspect doesn’t anymore. She lost someone dear to her and it hurt that she wasn’t able to meet me.

So we started to have devotions and sessions together as we grew and we started to FaceTime literally every second we were at home or had the time. I even bought in excess of $2,000.00 calling credit just to burn it on her. I’ve never done that in my life. I was hung up over this girl. I was passionate about her. I was still weary of one thing though: her reluctance to tell her family about me. She spent time with me distracting me every day from telling her father and her brothers and other immediate family members who I was. Family is important to me. Not just the messaging her and talking to her, you know? I want them to know that I EXIST! They deserve(d) to know. I brought this up a few times but she kept on brushing it off or telling her “friends” and “cousins” about me when that’s not what I wanted to hear. I didn’t want it to be a case where I eventually (at the time) got to go over to the house and he asks who am I in a condescending and sardonic tone and kick me out of the house because the name never get mentioned. I’m going to look like an idiot. Even though this was an issue it flared up once or twice over the period but eventually came a big issue (later) as we broke up.

One day she gave me the surprise of my life and told me that before my trip, she was going to visit me (her real reason for coming was because she was going to a wedding). She came and we went out on the town! I took her to one of her favourite places and we had lunch and went to the park and did what any normal couple would do. After the lunch and after the park, we were supposed to go to the movies to chill out and everything. This was where things and issues started to occur. She claims that she didn’t want to “hurt my feelings” but part of the reason she was late was so that we could do everything late, hence missing the chance to go to the movies. The reason for her treachery wasn’t explained until after I voiced my dissatisfaction in how she casually brushed it off as if it was nothing to her. I felt terrible about it. This was when I began to notice the selfishness in her. It was a bit scary but I shrugged it off as I thought that it was nothing, you know? No one is perfect. There MUST be a period where you look out for number one, right? So I didn’t look at it too much. Little did I know that this period of selfishness was not the end, but was just a taste of what was to come in the downward spiral of this failed relationship.

Part three to follow next week...

#blogger

THE GREAT DIVIDE

*Part 1 (Part 1 of 3) Hi all, after a few months of thinking and reflecting on all that has transpired with my last relationship, I have decided to let it go and let everyone who’s reading this understand my side of the story. Now, before taking my side, you should know that I’m not innocent in it at all. Even though I have accepted some of the blame, it doesn’t by any chance mean that I am opening the door to additional issues which was influenced by her but acted upon by me. Also, to show my fairness, I am going to open up the comments section for this so that she can actually leave her side of the story if she so fits (if she wants to anyway) as she also occasionally looks at my page here. This is the only place I can’t hide from you so I’m calling you out since you always have something to say. *To not make it overbearing to read, it will be broken into three parts: how it started, while dating and the problems there and the separation (parts 1-3 respectively)* Our relationship started off like any other that you know– exciting, happy, joyous, all of that. It was great. We had fun. We did things that normal people who were “in love” would do. It all started with me seeing her on Facebook and deciding to ask her a question. I knew her from school and she was alright but because she left, I didn’t know. She migrated and when I saw the pictures on Facebook, something told me that I should reach out to her but I didn’t. A few months after I saw another picture again and this time I decided to reach out to her. What started off casual eventually blossomed into something that was beautiful until the flowers started to whither. We got to know each other. We spoke to each other and studied each other. We tried to understand each other’s attitude and thought-process. The normal stuff. All a part of the phase where we got to know each other because I was interested in knowing more. As I got more, she hooked me. She was intoxicating. I wanted to know everything about her at the time. Besides seeing her at school in the hallways or at class, I had no clue who she was but I knew that she was a nice person to talk to. She never gave me the impression that she was difficult or domineering or forceful. She was just calm and peaceful. So hence, because of my yearning for her I sacrificed sleep time just to talk to her. Sometimes during that period I wished that she was close for me to go and visit her or meet up and chill but that wasn’t the case. I had to settle with over-the-phone conversations. It was difficult though because she was miles away in another country. Although we were far away, speaking to her over the phone did draw us closer. Although we were far away, we did things that drew us closer. I remember we had arranged to visit each other and I remember when we had so many plans! We enjoyed our company. We spoke all night on many occasions about anything and everything. We were open, honest, frank, considerate and patient with each other. We finished each other’s sentences and we complimented each other. Correction. We completed each other. It was extremely amazing. We had plans. We were “going places” because we saw each other in the future. We saw how our lives would turn out (or at least we thought we saw what we saw). We spoke about the future together as if it was destined to happen. We even spoke about when we were getting married, children, naming babies, living arrangements. Oh boy! We made all these plans. I felt that she was the one. She felt that she was the one for me. Part two to follow next week…

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