"For fuck' sake Sirius!" Remus yelled. Yelling. It was normal now. It never used to be. Sirius can't remember the last time Remus had looked at him with actual love in his eyes. He doesn't blame him.
"First, you accuse me, your fucking fiancé of being the spy. And now, you suspect Peter? When is this going to end? I thought we talked about this. I get it, you're worried. But have you stopped to think how I fucking feel?"
Sirius couldn't breathe. His lungs had given up on him. Just like everyone else had. He was useless. All he did was stress them out, even James and Lily. "M-moony.."
Remus' jaw was clenched and his cheeks were flushed red. He looked so pretty. They had not kissed in weeks, not even touched. He wants to kiss him. He wants to reach out, to be close, but he can't. All he would do was hurt Remus. His Remus. "Please..remmy..I..I don't like it w-when you.. you y-yell."
The past few months had been horrible. Sirius and Remus had been hanging on, doing alright. Until Marlene died. That's when Sirius started slipping, and when Regulus died...he started suspecting Remus. It was a thought that now made him sick to his stomach. When he told Remus, the werewolf had looked at him in a way Sirius could never describe.
So lost and broken, he immediately knew he had been wrong. Rivers of tears and one truth potion later, it was confirmed. Sirius had been wrong.
After that, they had been mending their broken relationship once more. And they were happy, Remus had even proposed to him. But Sirius slowly realised, all the eyes rolling at him during order meetings, all the scoffs when he spoke an idea. They had began to think he was stupid. And even James had told him to be quiet once. Everyone was leaving him.
Remus was the only one who hung on. And now Sirius was hurting him again.
The scarred man took a shaky sigh. "I know, I'm sorry. I hate yelling at you. I'm just..tired. I can't..I need.."
Sirius took a step closer to Remus, who was standing dangerously close to the door. His rough hands found Remus' own and he slowly began to gently massage his fingers in encouragement. It worked.
"Sometimes, I need to be cared for too, okay? I can't balance everything. And sometimes, I want to talk to you about my problems. But I can't, you won't let me."
"I'm so sorry Re..I don't..this is my fault. Completely. I've been so lost lately, I'm sorry. I should have been there for you. You're right, but I can't lose you too. I promise, I swear, I'll do anything," Fat tears made their way down Sirius' cheeks, he licked at those who trailed down his lips.
Remus' hands were sweating, and he began to rub them against his jeans, "This is too much, Sirius.."
Remus did not respond. He had spent all the time he knew Sirius convincing him all his problems were not too much, understanding him and loving him and comforting him. Was he really about to say this when Sirius had just lost everyone? For no fault but of his own emotional torment?
"No. Of course not, love, I'm just...so, so, so tired and I'm still hurt over the shit you pulled before."
Sirius was sobbing through his words now, shaking so badly he was finding it hard to stand. His lover seemed to see this and wanted nothing more but to pull him into the biggest hug. "I-I ...I-I know..I know...b-b-b-but..I-I..I-I'm sorry..so..so..sorry Remus.."
Saying nothing more, Sirius gently nudged Sirius into his arms, feeling Sirius slowly fall. He allowed Sirius to sit against his chest, both of them now sitting against the wooden floorboards. Rocking him gently back and forth, he brought a hand to the long, raven curls he knew so well. They fitted perfectly around his fingers.
"We can get through this' it's okay love's it's okay."
"But it's not, I'm such a horrible person to all of you. And I'm stupid, don't tell me I'm not because I see the looks I get from everyone else," Sirius cries and cries into his shirt.
"I know. None of this is okay, love. But we are. We're okay."
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