Swagatika

Escaping. Instagram @swaagatikaaa I tiptoe from my body by scribbling poems.Read me before I am gone, maybe?

[orchidcasket]

So my ex dumped me on my birthday. He believed i was too much of drama. Ryan A wherever you are, I hope, someday you realise that all your lies would come you back one day. You will know the loss someday too.

[orchidcasket]

Whoever said tities are stress balls, you are absolutely right. Cute stress balls inside my tshirt make days a little bit easier.

[orchidcasket]

The next time you cry for them remember the way they kicked you out of their life. The next time you miss the warmth of their fingers remember their cold eyes while you were shivering with the pain that you felt exactly in the left side of your chest and you sat there holding your knees to your face in a desperate attempt to hold yourself together and not break into a thousand pieces. The next time you try to defend them while arguing with your poor little heart at 4 am in the morning , remember your "fairy tale" was a 100 line story. Your share of 50 lines was everything you knew about love - a blind trust ; imperfections but choosing them at the end of the day- everyday and love - in all its purity. Their share of 50 lines had 30 lines of secrets that you were forbidden to know ; 7 lines of lies that they cleared with you out of pity ; 12 lines that they didn't remember if they were lies and 1 line of bitter truth (You know exactly what it was, don't you?). The next time you chant the digits of their deleted numbers with blurry eyes , remind yourself how eager they were to get rid of you when months later you call them back, (not out of haunting memories crushing your ribcage but to return the one missed call that you were longing for months); they reminded you that you weren't worth 5 minutes of their leisure time, while you sat on the terrace feeling that big lump choking your throat.

So, the next time you say yourself that you weren't worth it, please remind yourself that they weren't worth it.

-S 🌸

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[orchidcasket]

I combust from the warnth of my dreams.

For I put too much life into them..

[orchidcasket]

Heya :)

[THIS LETTER IS THE PROPERTY OF A HOMO SAPIEN WHOSE "SHAM" STARTS AFTER MIDNIGHT..]

In my entire life, I had posted only one letter. Silly it was. "The aim of my life" , to my school in class v. (> [] <) Apart from that, I have written many letters, all but in English clas only. I always wondered what it would be to write a letter. After 19 years of my life, I am trying it. To you.

So,

When I was a child, and I would go to bed; I fantasized about love. How I would meet the love of my life. An accident in the library ; a boy from my school ; someone I would collide with in a random fair ; or when I would be a big girl, I would meet my "prince Charming" in my college. Haha. Sweet teenager dreams.ヾ(＾-＾)ノ

But, I never thought I would meet someone so randomly and my life would feel like a happy forever. I don't have any cheesy poetic lines for you. You are not so different from others. You are just another man who is very genuine. Nothing is fake with you. And that's how you are different. Common things are common but they are found uncommonly - Remember?

When did I fall for you? I was only appreciating your voice messages; we were only talking, laughing, teasing. I don't know. When did my SHAM start after midnight too ? I don't know.

Peel by peel, I let you know every secret about me. And with an undoubted willingness, you kept on listening to them. I always felt to be lost in an unknown map of a big black hole. I guess we all do. People come and lend their hands to pull us out of it. You didn't. You stepped inside. And though, it was dark, you were just there asking why potato isn't patatar Or tomato is not taalu. Uff..... I will kill you..

Guess what ?!

We walked in the darkness, and talked and felt happy, and now we have reached the end. We have found the light. Do you know where ? IN EACH OTHER.

Starting from terrace wala ladka to Rahul bhaiya; I would always tease you because at those moments , I can feel that innocent Ionging for me within you, that even though in words you don't want to share me with anyone. And these little things by you; these are the things that make me feel like home.

I don't know, why you love me. I am just another girl, who is reckless and careless. Many a times, I have asked this, if there's anything in me worth to love. I find none. I just know you do. And that's enough for me.

I have dreamt about it for God knows how many times. To look into your eyes and whisper that how much I feel for you. ..

No one is for forever.

We all promise parts of forever.

And this part of US , I hope it is that part every

poet writes of; every dreamer dreams of; that part of smoking cigar at 3AM while the snow falls in a chilly December hill station; that part of the first sip of coffee and that part of being finally able to find solitude and let the tears roll after holding on for so long...

That part of happiness & satisfaction.

That part of home & peace.

That part of Love.

I don't know, when destiny has chosen to punctuate this part with full stop. That full stop may end sentences but the words will always be there; so do our feelings and memories- made and yet to be made.

So here I write,

I LOVE YOU.

With all the love , I am capable of, I love you and I would love to share even my last slice of pizza with you . Even watch "Tumbaad", (but please don't make me watch it) , as long as you make sure that we are watching it together.

[Ps. My rose/novel/coffee in one hand izhar-e-mohabbat still pending. ]

Yours

S.

[orchidcasket]

If this night ends with me

And I'm gone before you see

If the pieces, I have been holding

Shatter forever without mending

If tonight my diary muffles my screams

And my eyes shut forever with bleeding dreams

If tomorrow my mirror echoes an empty song

Of melting eyes that pretended to be strong

Then whisper me a goodbye besides my casket

And bring me a burnt rose, not a flower basket

The peels of my heart would be gone with my story

Miss not the empty face, have not any fury

In new moon nights, in a corner of the sky

You'll find a sad star, forever gone away..

[deadpoet-skull]

" you are right. my nature is wine and blood, how could i compete with her sunlight? "

[orchidcasket]

Do any of you feel this longing

Like no matter where you go , and what you do

Something inside you is grieving,

Yearning, screaming to be reached or to reach...

[orchidcasket]

I need to write

Or I will die.

[orchidcasket]

I am afraid.

Afraid of someone will see me ...

Existing.

[orchidcasket]

Oh what do you know to be understanding but never understood?

What do you know about fear of being drown while dying of thirst?

What do you know about wanting to peel off your skin just to be able to feel?

What do you know of slipping into nightmares while struggling and hanging on to that last fabric of wearing rope of your dreams.

Tear me open. You will know it. You will see it.

Tear me open. I dare you.

Tear me open. I beg you.

Please.

I curse you.

[orchidcasket]

And tonight I want to scream

Scream until my voice are vapours...

[metamorphesque]

To fall in love is to create a religion that has a fallible god.

Sappho | Leonardo Bistolfi | Safet Zec | Richard Siken | Brokeback Mountain (dir. Ang Lee) | Emery Allen | Ron Hicks | Jorge Luis Borges | Holly Warburton | Richard Siken | Joseph Lorusso

[orchidcasket]

So tell me do you think of me

When I lie here and scream

Your name

I swear my heart feels like exploding.

The butterflies are dying

And asking you to come

Come back for once

And see their dead wings

With your name written on them.

[orchidcasket]

Lately I have realized that, everytime I am in pain, be it cramps, sickness, trauma, .. My mind automatically speaks his name.. As if his name brings me comfort, as if everything will be alright just by speaking his name. His name is therapy. His name is hope. His name is salvation. His name is my escape..

And no I am not fucking kidding...

[orchidcasket]

Walking on the road

Drunk and dancing

Shall we hum and sing

What we never knew

Baby, maybe we are not the stories

Meant to be together

But can't we be the song

Beautiful and sweet

Listening to which

Dreams shall come

Of sunshine and smiles

So come and look into my eyes

Oh boy, do I love that

Shy smile playing on those lips

But tonight is about

Dancing to memories

Memories we have decided

To create in some tomorrow

You heard it love

Memories to be created

For we are sunflowers

And are we the sun

So we dance and love

From miles and miles

But I know and so do you

That this is the love

That feels home

That feels perfect

©swagatika

[orchidcasket]

Winter nights and your warmth

My little heaven has

thousand forevers woven into it...