𝖔𝖗𝖈𝖍𝖎𝖎𝖉

my everything diary {relapsing...} .☆ سامحني ☆.

[orchiid-f]

What more could I want, baby?

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ꕥ𑁍❀→ 20-25 F 163cm ★ STEM Studying Girly ★

HW: 68kg

LW: 44.9kg :')

CW: 51.5kg★

GW一: 49kg

GWに: 47kg

UGW★: 45kg

Updating when I can. I'M NOT PRO. RECOVER BECAUSE YOU DESERVE IT. IT DOESN'T NEED TO BE DIFFICULT, THIS ISN'T YOUR FAULT. YOURE PRECIOUS. Just do it when you're ready <3

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[orchiid-f]

Trying 1,000kc limit for 6 days then an OM4D. According to the app I use, I'll lose ab 1.5-2kg by the end of the week.

I felt in control but I gained 1.3kg back from the week before :// I knew it was gonna happen bc of all the family events we had for the vacay week but I'm really conflicted with what I want, what satisfaction am I chasing?

[orchiid-f]

Week 2 Challenge 🪽

Mon - 900 🫧 <🕳️family meal but purg3d>

Tues - 800 😅🖕 -- have to stop counting at 350 bc I have no idea what's next...

Wed - OMAD

Thu - 700

Fri - 700

Sat - Light metab

Sun - 444

Stats & details below >~<

CW: 48.75kg

Next GW: 47kg

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How I ate: < i update end of each day >

under limit = 🦴

at limit = 🪽

above limit = 🫧 (grace of 100kc)

bing3d = 🕳️

•☆*:.｡.o.｡.:*☆•☆*:.｡.o.｡.:*☆•☆*:.｡.o.｡.:*☆•

Definitely feeling weak. I'm increasing my supplements soon, more hair growth and new pr3n4tals bc Im also bedrotting from depression and my hair isnt doing great. Also, I'm gonna try to start running again so I can increase c4ls slightly and avoid a plateau.

[orchiid-f]

HAHA wtf I think I have to pause this week bc surpriseeee there's family FOOD events all week kms omg. If I continue tracking w this challenge I'm gonna feel worse about myself and I don't wanna 🕳️. Planning to use my public food tricks daily now. Good thing my normal work schedule returns on Monday so I don't have to hide as much.

[orchiid-f]

Sometimes I wonder how many of my fav $po pics are ppl w 3ds or are they actually having a healthy diet and don't stress ab food like I do.

[orchiid-f]

Week 2 Challenge 🪽

Mon - 900 🫧 <🕳️family meal but purg3d>

Tues - 800 😅🖕 -- have to stop counting at 350 bc I have no idea what's next...

Wed - OMAD

Thu - 700

Fri - 700

Sat - Light metab

Sun - 444

Stats & details below >~<

CW: 48.75kg

Next GW: 47kg

•☆*:.｡.o.｡.:*☆•☆*:.｡.o.｡.:*☆•☆*:.｡.o.｡.:*☆•

How I ate: < i update end of each day >

under limit = 🦴

at limit = 🪽

above limit = 🫧 (grace of 100kc)

bing3d = 🕳️

•☆*:.｡.o.｡.:*☆•☆*:.｡.o.｡.:*☆•☆*:.｡.o.｡.:*☆•

Definitely feeling weak. I'm increasing my supplements soon, more hair growth and new pr3n4tals bc Im also bedrotting from depression and my hair isnt doing great. Also, I'm gonna try to start running again so I can increase c4ls slightly and avoid a plateau.

[orchiid-f]

Week 1 Challenge 🪽

Description: To hold myself more accountable and STICK TO IT, I'm starting a weekly challenge. The reward is the sc4le dropping 🖤🙏

Mon- 900kc 🫧

Tue- 500kc 🕳️ → 1,100

Wed- 500kc 🦴

Thu- 700kc 🕳️ → Not really. Still under 1k.

Fri- OMAD 🫧

Sat- Water f4st feels impossible w family :(

↑ Under 500 🪽

Sun- 600kc 🦴

SW: 51.6kg

Next GW: 49kg

•☆*:.｡.o.｡.:*☆•☆*:.｡.o.｡.:*☆•☆*:.｡.o.｡.:*☆•

How I ate:: {will update above each day}

🦴 = less than goal.

🪽 = at goal.

🫧 = slightly over goal.(grace of 50kc)

🕳️ = bing3d.

If u wanna give pun!shment ideas anonymously, I will take them.

•☆*:.｡.o.｡.:*☆•☆*:.｡.o.｡.:*☆•☆*:.｡.o.｡.:*☆•

EDITS: I keep changing the c4l limits to adjust for a more realistic goal when I find out about a social event I can't ignore. Not changing limits so much as, example: changed water f4st from Sunday to Saturday.

[orchiid-f]

RESULT: 48.75 kg 🪽 <posting new personal challenge soon>

[orchiid-f]

Revenge body is gonna be SO TEAA!

Fuck you. Youre missing out on the best worst version of me ;)

[orchiid-f]

What the fuck. This is why I was the way I was before, men are all wolves in sheeps clothing. Sometimes it just takes a while for them to bite, but I can smell the lust right away.

[orchiid-f]

My brother wants to have desserts and... GOD the way I rann here!! Idrk how lax works on cals but I'm about to take some so the idea is whatever I eat doesn't have time to fully digest before my stomach just flushes me out. Might make myself walk tomorrow for 3 hours in a sweater as punishment... or purg3. We'll see.

Edit: I'm limiting to 1/2 serving and saying I'm full from 3 hrs ago. Edit 2: Purg3d. Edit 3: OMG I got sick!! AHH lol

[orchiid-f]

Can't wait to walk into therapy rn and lie about eating n o r m a l 🥲

[orchiid-f]

★ I'm gonna start taking prenat4l vitamins to make sure I don't lose my hair again. When I was in rec0veri I got my hair fullness back after 4 mo. but it was full on the scalp, not the ends. I really don't want to lose it again.

P.S. below !!

‡ If any a4a cis.fem. takes b!rthc0ntrol, pls dm me to tell me how it effects u bc I'm so scared I won't see progress now that I'm on it. I used to lose my periods but I'm not tryna get 🤰-💀

[orchiid-f]

Week 1 Challenge 🪽

Description: To hold myself more accountable and STICK TO IT, I'm starting a weekly challenge. The reward is the sc4le dropping 🖤🙏

Mon- 900kc 🫧

Tue- 500kc 🕳️ → 1,100

Wed- 500kc 🦴

Thu- 700kc 🕳️ → Not really. Still under 1k.

Fri- OMAD 🫧

Sat- Water f4st feels impossible w family :(

↑ Under 500 🪽

Sun- 600kc 🦴

SW: 51.6kg

Next GW: 49kg

•☆*:.｡.o.｡.:*☆•☆*:.｡.o.｡.:*☆•☆*:.｡.o.｡.:*☆•

How I ate:: {will update above each day}

🦴 = less than goal.

🪽 = at goal.

🫧 = slightly over goal.(grace of 50kc)

🕳️ = bing3d.

If u wanna give pun!shment ideas anonymously, I will take them.

•☆*:.｡.o.｡.:*☆•☆*:.｡.o.｡.:*☆•☆*:.｡.o.｡.:*☆•

EDITS: I keep changing the c4l limits to adjust for a more realistic goal when I find out about a social event I can't ignore. Not changing limits so much as, example: changed water f4st from Sunday to Saturday.

[women-wl-witchcraft]

can I go back to a year ago bc I was actually SO locked in then by omading literally every day 💔

[orchiid-f]

1 year ago I was at my ugw...

[orchiid-f]

Control yourself. You obviously don't want it that bad if you're downing sugar more than water. Don't fail again.

[c0cainaver]

i’ve been staring at this picture for the past 10 minutes. this is want i want to be and more

[orchiid-f]

the goal is clear

[orchiid-f]

$p0 isn't enough anymore.

I will run off hallucinations and adrenaline. Nightmares and energy drinks that make my tummy full and my heart flutter. A f**k so good that I can collapse in his bed and not be questioned why I'm so tired. To use all hours in my day to be productive, even if I hate it. Crying burns c@ls. Pacing for hours, rocking on the floor, chugging water so my stomach hurts. Sit-ups that make everything burn. Burn it all off. Piss it all out. My body doesn't need food, I have all the fuel it needs stored in these f@t pockets. I miss avoiding mirrors for so long being in that haze that when it finally dawns on me to wear makeup, that I realize ... the time has passed anyway, and I've changed. My $p0, is that one time I woke up at 4am, hugging myself and only feeling ribs. Never had I ever had a bigger smile. Let me sink into this depression just a little longer. Apparently I like being sad.

[orchiid-f]

Damn. I'm back.

I really need a buddy or coach •~•