why wait for heroes to fall from the sky?

ind. sel. prvt. written by farran the stetson family                       of     wonderland:      a new alice.

[ordinarymagic]

lucy. [ @seensunshine ]

          ❝ ––––i mean. it’s really generous of her to offer, & there’s no real reason to say no, since we’re not––––since we’re just getting a little temporary space, not––––anyway––––it’s just––––– ❞

                    a helpless shrug.

           ❝ ––––it’s just so much. there’s a parking garage, for god’s sake ! ❞

[ordinarymagic]

so me & isabelle worked out what is  ( most likely )  intended to be alice’s canon address, and i popped it into google maps to check the commute...

&&&&& this, my friends, is why edwina is the one picking chloe up after school.

[ordinarymagic]

starter call !

[ordinarymagic]

oh.

          she’s about to deliver a lecture   ( crushing dreams has nothing to do with nice & EVERYTHING to do with the realism of terrible writers ),   when she instead stops & stares blankly at this… jack STETSON.

          ❝ jack stetson ? jack—– stetson ?? ❞

          competition indeed. it takes her all of twenty seconds to compose herself. stands a little straighter, reserves more. transfers all papers to one hand, to offer her right one to this unexpected intrusion.

( well, not completely unexpected, but she’d been thinking she’d meet him… later. MUCH later. )

          swallows. shakes his hand. lets go as quickly as possible.

          ❝ well, it’s a pleasure to meet you, jack. i’m maddie, alice’s friend. ❞

          oh. hm. well !!

          jack’s not really sure what to do with this information. alice’s descriptions had been kind of... not worrying, exactly, but light on the details, which didn’t seem like her––––& then she’d equivocated on whether she wanted this maddie quizzle to actually COME WITH HER to storybrooke or not.

          he’d put it down to maybe feeling awkward about the whole thing––––truthfully, he felt a little awkward about it all himself––––but he’d not been expecting. well. someone who took pleasure in crushing dreams.

         ❝ maddie quizzle, ❞   jack says, carefully. it isn’t that he mistrusts alice’s judgement, but... something feels––––off. the abrupt shift in her demeanor when she learned who he was, dreams being made for dying...

         ( & hatter. that seizure she’d had when the curse broke. )

         ❝ ––––yes, well. uh. pleasure’s all mine. ❞   he does not like this.   ❝ uh. you’re joining us for lunch this afternoon, aren’t you ? ❞

[ordinarymagic]

maddie.

          sticks & stones may break my bones, but—–

          god, how is alice expecting her to COMPOSE herself ??   she’s all but screaming it & it’s too much for maddie, far too much, she’s just not a composed person, even when she is—–

( too halved. )

          but. she’s trying to work on anxiety. & it does ebb away at the edges, numb some part of her. the usual crashing waves of emotion don’t knock her over, sweep her into swirling, choking waters; she stumbles, but there is something for her. she would like to think she can restabilize. she CAN.

( how is alice supposed to be her HALF if alice causes her this much pain ? )

          but words will never—–

          ❝ STOP feeling things, alice ! ❞   she finally cries, voice trembling, exasperated. she runs a hand through her hair, knocking her hat down, tense. trying NOT to look at alice, not think about how she’s THERE & rejecting her—–   no, she just can’t think about that.

          ❝ i’m TRYING to just—–   to just chill. i’m trying. you have a. man.   & i have a person. but this THING between us, if you won’t have me, then at least BREAK this thing & just let me be me. ❞

          to hug alice ?   or to snap her neck ?   she’s torn. both, maybe.

          words will never hurt me.

         her stomach drops; an arm curls protectively around her midsection. stop feeling things––––it evokes too many memories of trying to do just that. burying everything, tamping down, erecting walls. wanting, pretending, dreaming of being somebody else.  ( & oh, god, the knives. still a quiet temptation, tugging in the back of her mind. )  

          how much damage did she do to herself ?   to hatter ?

          it’s taken so much work to get here, to feel things & be okay with that, & now to be told to stop––––it. HURTS, more than alice would’ve anticipated. all the worse because of how annoyed maddie sounds, how BURDENED by the existence of alice’s emotions. for this person who claims to love her to sound like that––––

          ( she wants to shrink & shrink into nothingness. )

          & there is no THING between them. only maddie, by turns miserable &  manic, always mercurial, professing love & lashing out when turned aside. &  alice, trying to deal with it as professionally as she can given maddie’s deep connections inside everheart publishing. trying to be CORDIAL without encouraging this; trying to disguise how much it all unsettles her.

          ❝ i’m not stringing you along. ❞

          it’s quiet, hardly a whisper; alice’s gaze is trained downwards & away, her tone careful. she’s wary of another outburst, but her––––frustration with all of this is the more pressing feeling, a prickly knot growing in her chest.   ❝ i’m letting you––––letting you be you. what does that even MEAN, maddie ? ❞

[ordinarymagic]

stranger.

          she takes her notes back, fairly pleased with herself. flaps them a bit to get them to stop DRIPPING obnoxiously. then stares at the strange-looking pawn.

          ❝ there is no such thing as non-idiotic dreams, ❞ she explains carefully, because maybe he’s one of those… dreamers that believes that dreams are meant to be CHASED & followed. maddie is able to set him straight.  ❝ dreams are idiotic by nature, you see ? they are made for dying. & i do enjoy crushing them. ❞

          ( something seems to tug inside her—– maddie doesn’t know what it is, but she feels like this strange pawn is someone important. huh. )

          ❝ .........well, of course a sense of, PERSPECTIVE &, uh, realism is important but––––CRUSHING dreams is. not very nice. hope for better times is––––well, it’s how we cope. & dreams inspire innovation, & creativity, which is really everything. ❞   he tries for a smile. 

          ( not joking, then. definitely not joking. yikes. )

          unsure what to do––––wanting to eject out of this conversation as fast as possible & yet aware that it’d be rude to simply walk away––––he shifts from foot to foot, gathers his nerves, straightens his shoulders, sticks out a hand. 

         ❝ uh. hi. my name is JACK. jack stetson. ❞ 

[ordinarymagic]

maddie.

          curse her soft heart, curse it, CURSE IT———-

          see, this is why maddie doesn’t care about people. caring for them is… entirely too painful & too time-consuming & too messy. it’s TERRIBLE, & she would not recommend it to anyone. one moment she’s… totally CHILL & trying to just forget everything exists, & the next alice has to spark FEELINGS in her chest which are entirely unwelcome & which even substances cannot dull..

          maddie is not am empathy crier… usually, SHE’S the one making people cry for her own amusement & then she laughs about it. but when alice stetson cries, it’s like… christ, it’s terrible. her hands tremble & she runs them through her hair, a bit desperate to stop the THINGS in her chest giving her emotions. strangling alice would be so easy—–

          ( & she can hear the broken-hearted crack in alice’s voice & the unsteady breaths & she knows that she can’t look into alce’s glistening eyes because she simply can’t & she knows KIND alice is miserable & thinking about her missing husband & that every thought AGONIZES alice—– )

          ❝ STOP that, ❞ she growls, whipping around. eyes darken in HATE ( & love too ? ) & maddie’s fists are balled, but when she sees alice’s eyes, she can’t bring herself to… do anything.

          ( & alice’s eyes are so pretty. even when they’re full of tears & broken, still… so beautiful. )

          she drops her gaze, pulls far out of alice’s reach. this time, it’s more of a plea.

          ❝  just… stop. ❞ 

          she WITHDRAWS. nearly recoils, one hand rising to wipe her tears   ( & perhaps not incidentally, shield her face )   as maddie snaps at her. her head is turned away, her lips pressed together, her eyes shut; for a moment alice makes of herself a statue, stranded in silence. she has never been very good with conflict.

          but it ebbs as swiftly as it appeared, the raw anger in maddie’s voice bleeding away into something, if possible, worse. she sounds––––FRAGILE, & frightened. alice straightens, pulling her shoulders back, letting her hand drop to her side. posture, always important, never her strong suit, but it feels like something to DO, like it gives her some measure of control over... this. the situation. herself. she’s not sure.

          ❝ stop... what, exactly ? ❞ 

          an honest question.   ( stop crying ?   stop attempting to comfort maddie over something for which alice is, really, the root cause ?   reasonable requests, alice supposes, although it feels wrong not to at least attempt––––comfort. she hates seeing anybody so miserable. )

          but it’s maddie, & she’s learnt not to assume she knows what’s going on in that head   ( too peculiar, she thinks. too clever by half. too––––damaged, maybe; alice doesn’t know much about her past but people don’t turn out this way if they haven’t been hurt, haven’t grown over deep wounds with scabs & scar tissue so thick it’s almost ossified. )

[ordinarymagic]

maddie.

          ❝ mocking you !!!! ❞ voice cracks, despite the giggling appearance put on. eyes glitter too. sting. she tries to not feel it. but eyes are set on alice & she won’t look away, she won’t—– alice can’t deny there is SOMETHING between them, something drawing them together & maddie has no idea what it is, but it’s there.

          ❝ no, sweetie. i mock others. not YOU. never you. ❞ she wants to take alice’s hands. take them & kneel before her & propose & just… take alice for HERSELF, but that aggressive wedding ring is a reminder of what she can’t have ( & what alice won’t get ). face remains stoic.

          ❝ you & me—— we could RULE THE WORLD, we could fix the world, we could… anything. we could do it. & we don’t, we don’t because you don’t… you don’t WANT this, you must be blinded to not see this. ❞

                           ( @ordinarymagic. )

          ❝ but we’re not–––– ❞

          is there even any POINT in trying for rationality, here ?   at best they’re professional acquaintances; certainly they’re not FRIENDS, not when all alice’s attempts at friendliness end up–––––like this. & at worst–––––

          ( she hates this pushing, hates this sweeping grandiosity, this demand. )

          –––––at worst alice has started looking over her shoulder at every corner again, has taken to altering her course to and from home every evening, old fear welling up like blood from some scabbed-over wound. she hasn’t caught maddie FOLLOWING her, yet, & maybe she’s wrong, but...

          ❝ ––––i don’t want to rule the world. i don’t–––– ❞

[ordinarymagic]

maddie.

          she’s not going to destroy anyone. she’s capable of being an adult.

          ( a helpful pill for anxiety is also hopefully going to help her… not murder alice. )

          ❝ well—– yes. ❞ she massages her own temples, eyes firmly focused on the ceiling’s corner. there is nothing to look for in alice’s eyes, nothing to see because… alice doesn’t want her. she carefully avoids any glimpse of alice & sighs.

          it’s. relaxing. she does like it.

          ❝ i… YOU did. you proved me wrong. my person proved me wrong, too. ❞

          a shrug.

          ❝ you… you’re a… you WERE a picture of perfection for me, you know ? perfection all around. ❞

          & what is there to say to that ?   alice hadn’t meant to say no, not really, but no is clearly what maddie heard &, perhaps, not without reason. too optimistic, alice supposes, to hope that that fumbling explanation would come across as anything but a rejection.

          ( & maybe it was. alice hardly knows, herself. )

          ❝ i–––– ❞

          all she wants is some closure, some feeling from within that it’s okay to MOVE ON.   ( he’s gone. he’s not coming back. but death is one thing: sleek coffin wood & fresh dug earth, the ritual, the tears, the goodbye. a gravestone left behind to mark the passing. quite another to watch him vanish through a charred-black rend in the air––––there in one second &  gone the next. like any magic trick, it feels less than real. )

          oh. tears welling in her eyes. alice blinks, hard.

         ❝ ...maddie... ❞

         her voice betrays her, thick with tears; she nearly chokes. perfection all around; yeah, right. a laugh, watery & weak, creeps out of her throat. she swipes with a thumb at the wetness on her cheeks.

        ❝ i’m––––––––far from perfect, maddie. ❞   & she ventures forward again, trembling fingers extended to touch the younger woman’s shoulder.    ❝ i’m not. i never was. ❞

[ordinarymagic]

maddie.

         ❝ you’re… terrible, ms. stetson, simply TERRIBLE. i’ve never shown you what i’m capable of. & you’re so quick to assume i’m a villain, you paint me out—— why ?? ❞

         she feels surprisingly coherent given the disconnection of her thoughts. perhaps she’s drank a bit more than planned again. ( oh, well, nothing to do about it NOW besides seduce alice with newfound confidence ). a hand grips alice’s tightly & she raises an eyebrow ( she THINKS she does, but she’s not sure ) & steps right in front of alice. looks down at her. takes a long, deep breath of alice’s hair.

         giggles.

         ❝ you’ve never even FELT me in bed, darling ! i can be SO submissive… or dominant. whichever you would want me to be. ❞ she pats alice’s head with a free hand. ❝ i promise, you wouldn’t regret it. all you sexual people—– you THINK you know sex, but you don’t. you don’t !! just… wait until you try ME, baby. ❞

          alice can’t suppress a startled sort of SQUAWK as maddie––––is she smelling alice’s hair ?  what the hell––––god, she’s too old for this. she attempts, as maddie BABBLES, to steer them both towards the bus stop’s bench, reasoning that at least if she can get maddie SITTING DOWN she’ll regain a bit of control over her personal space.

          ❝ okay, i––––i––––let’s just. sit––––down. okay ? ❞

          there is NO reason for her to be blushing. none. zero. but it’s there all the same; alice can feel it, stinging fire radiating from beneath her cheeks & creeping further & further down her neck with every word out of maddie’s mouth. ridiculous. embarrassing. she hopes to god it’s dark enough in the bus stop, or that maddie’s drunk enough, for her REACTION to go unnoticed.

          ( it’s just––––alice ISN’T used to being spoken to like this. jack was always very––––not averse to talking about sex, really, but always very PROPER and thoughtful about it. not like THIS. it’s––––uncomfortable. )

          a bit of a shove & a bit of leverage will, she hopes, FORCE maddie onto the bench whether she likes it or not. alice takes her other hand, too, hoping to minimize maddie’s ability to GRAB at her.

         ❝ i’m, uh––––i’m not really––––not that, uh, i’m not really that sexual, okay, maddie ?   please just–––– ❞   placating but pleading. alice squeezes maddie’s hands, willing her to understand even through her drunken fog.    ❝ just RELAX, okay ? ❞

[ordinarymagic]

maddie.

          she grins.

         ❝ oh, it’s not—– mrs. everheart happens to LOVE pepsi cola !❞

         ( & now she waits for what will hopefully be a horrified facial. )

          ❝ –––––––––––––why would ANYBODY like pepsi cola ?? ❞

          ( or anything carbonated. it’s like trying to drink a hedgehog. ) 

          but he’s not to be distracted from the REAL issue at hand, which is that genitals in general should not taste like ANY kind of soda.  ❝ it still really doesn’t sound HEALTHY. uh, at all. ❞

[criticalevil-blog]

does this picture SCARE you ? come on through, i dare you. dreams will NOT prepare you, alice. eyes are made for crying, words are made for lying, dreams are made for DYING.

[ordinarymagic]

❝Do you think we’ll be in love forever?❞ q

lana del ray sentence meme | accepting !

          ❝ ––––forever is an awfully long time. ❞

          seems like the safest answer out of a lot of bad options.  ( since when are they in love ?   or maybe maddie is DRUNK again, & never mind that it’s the middle of the day. either way, alice squirms in discomfort. )

[ordinarymagic]

charlie.

               ❝ nfl season is just around the corner and that means college football is also coming back – actually, college football starts a week before all the PRO-MATCHES do. we need to score against california this weekend if we wanna pass to the next stage and go for the CHAMPIONSHIP, is kind of a BIG DEAL, i can get you tickets if you want. ❞

              ❝ that’d be NICE. ❞    sports have never been of particular interest to alice, but she’s not above sitting on the sidelines and CHEERING when there’s someone on the field she cares about. besides, charlie’s enthusiasm is infectious. she grins.   ❝ how d’you feel about your CHANCES ?   i mean, i’m sure it’ll go great, but–––– ❞ 

[vronicamrs-deactivated20231201]

say what you want about woobifying villains, but i think tragic backstories and redemption via love are staples for good reason. we want to believe that people are fundamentally good, just hardened by a harsh world. that suffering earns you a happy ending. because then it means something, then pain isn’t just senseless and futile.

people don’t ‘excuse’ the actions of villains because they just don’t take those actions seriously. i think it’s a kind of projection - we forgive them because we want to forgive ourselves, and we look for the good in them because we want to see that in the world, even in people who have wronged and hurt us. because earth is a goddamn terrifying place if other humans really are evil, if they’re really monsters.

and idk, i just think it’s kind of beautiful that we all want to believe that the scariest mass-murdering motherfucker alive can be brought down by something as pure and innocent as love. that love is the answer, not violence. i don’t think that’s cheap or ‘problematic’ or a bad influence. i think it’s human, and profoundly optimistic in a way that few people are brave enough to be.

[ordinarymagic]

❝Kiss me hard before you go.❞ the q

lana del ray sentence meme | accepting !

         ❝ .........are. you mocking me ? ❞

         all she wants is to just have a normal conversation with maddie some day––––just once !   one time !––––without it veering into the territory of weirdness, or passive aggression, or outright aggression or––––or whatever the hell this is supposed to be. 

         ( she still wears her wedding ring, for god’s sake !   her husband may be missing but alice thinks she’s made it very clear––––to everyone !   to the world at large !––––that she isn’t single, or available, or––––or any of that !! )

[ordinarymagic]

lucy.

          ❝ trilogies ! wow, she sure is looking ahead !! ❞ lucy feels relieved that the conversation has shifted to friendlier waters. discussing alice’s book ( & vivienne reading it ), as well as jack’s disappearance is… well, not the lightest of conversation topics. she offers alice the most comforting smile she can muster. ❝ even if you didn’t plan for a trilogy, i’m sure it’ll turn out nicely ! ❞ she’s no doubt in alice’s writing skills or ability to continue the story. perhaps alice doubts her own imagination, but lucy doesn’t !

          ❝ mrs. everheart sounds very kind & !! i’m sure any sequel will receive the same praise the underground child did !! ❞ writing must be difficult. though lucy loves books, she imagines writing them must take up the longest of times. & the planning ! she’s never written, really, outside of creative writing & other writing classes, plus the journal she keeps, at mina’s suggestion. ❝ whatever you decide, dear— & it sounds as if this sequel already IS decided by mrs. everheart, but—– it’ll be wonderful !!! ❞

         ❝ looking ahead, ha––––that’s certainly ONE way of putting it. ❞   jumping on a bandwagon is another. applying a narrow, one-size-fits-all approach to up-and-coming literary talent, maybe. alice shakes her head, ruffling fingers through her curls, frustrated––––& it’s not that she isn’t appreciative for the FAITH lucy has in her writing skill, really it’s just––––alice never set out to write a trilogy, & there’s little she loathes more than a trilogy wherein the first installment was clearly intended to stand alone.

         she sighs.   ❝ it’s not SUPPOSED to be a trilogy. it’s, uh––––its story is ended, you know ?   i guess i could write another book in the same world, sure, but it wouldn’t be a sequel, properly speaking––––it’d be a DIFFERENT STORY. with––––with different characters. & what she wants is for me to fabricate enough extra plot in a story that’s already over to fill two more books. it wouldn’t feel RIGHT. ❞

          it’s not about the praise or any fear of failure, really––––well, a little, but all that is secondary. it’s more––––RESISTANCE of a sort to the idea that being published   ( best-selling,even )   can or should make her creativity beholden to the short-term whims of the reading public––––sure, trilogies are popular right now, but not all books are meant to launch a series.

          ( she’s afraid of selling out. )

        ❝ ...i don’t want to write a sequel, is the thing. not––––not the kind mrs. everheart wants, anyway. ❞