lol but i wish i wasnt so weak (physically, mentally and emotionally, literally the whole sense of the word) and a pushover cuz i am fully aware im a pushover and i hate it but i can be super intense passive-aggressive about things and that’s how i filter my frustration it’s so bad aoigjasf
like i hate talking to anyone about my own problems cuz i dont wanna get a response from them cuz it’s usually smthin i either dont wanna hear or i dont wanna know or im fully aware of it and u dont hav to tell me twice or it’s just completely derogatory and completely condescending to me like ur saying ur better than me which doesnt help me in the least. but im better at being a listener to other ppl’s problems cuz i like being a good listener and trying to help them at least a little. i mean idk if i even help all that much cuz i really dont hav a ton of real life experience with too many hardships to base advice and knowledge on. also a lot of my irl close friends (which is honestly about 3-4 at the most rn) r way more talkative than i am and i sumtimes feel like im drowned out by them sumtimes. this isnt all the time tho, just occasionally.
also i think im just scared of certain types of criticisms and hearing it too. but also im really bad at communicating at wats wrong in general and i feel like the other person wouldnt understand wat im trying to convey to them and idk. i also dont want ppl looking down on me (metaphorically, not fuckin literally cuz everyone looks down on me from a physical sense like im used to that. except for my mom, im taller than her) bUT. this is why i just make random tweets and blog posts on a blog instead of conveying all this stupid shit to another person cuz i dont need or want that judgement. typing/writing stuff down is so much easier than burdening another person with crap like this. i went all over the place with this ogaksjfas my mind’s kkinda jumbled rite now. gaah i just wanna read sum fluffy onodera/takano fics and go to bed.
