IN THE END, I'M ONLY HUMAN

IF I CAN'T BE THE BEST, I SURE AS HELL CAN BE THE WORST.

[ornerycrabcakes]

GOD FUCKING DAMMIT.

[ornerycrabcakes]

I SCROLL BACK DAYS ON MY DASHBOARD. PERHAPS EVEN WEEKS. THERE IS ONLY ONE OTHER VOICE HERE; ONLY ONE OTHER SOUL STILL CONDEMNED TO THIS LEVEL OF PURGATORY. TOGETHER, WE STRUGGLE, FUTILELY, AGAINST THE WAGES OF TIME, AS THIS WEBSITE IS REDUCED TO MERELY A PATHETIC SKELETON, TWITCHING AND KICKING IN THE DUST AS IT DIES.

AND YET, WE CONTINUE TO POST, ALTHOUGH IN MY CASE, IT IS ONLY OCCASIONALLY, FOLLOWING TWO YEAR PERIODS OF SILENCE. SO REALLY I GUESS THERE IS ONLY ONE PERSON ON MY DASH. AND I AM MERELY A GHOST, WATCHING THEM ON THEIR FUTILE MISSION, FOR NO PERCEIVABLE REASON BEYOND KILLING TIME.

SERIOUSLY, WHY THE FUCK AM I HERE?

THERE’S NOTHING HERE.

THIS BLOG IS DEAD.

EVERYONE I KNOW IS GONE.

[ornerycrabcakes]

THIS IS A STRANGE SORT OF MAUSOLEUM.

THE PEOPLE I ONCE KNEW AND PERHAPS EVEN HELD DEAR ARE MERELY FUCKALL DUST AND ASH HERE NOW. EVEN MY OWN SOUL IS ENTOMBED WITHIN THIS DECREPIT WEBSITE. THE IMPRESSION OF A SPINDLY LEECH IN THE DUST OF A BONEYARD. THE SOUL OF ANOTHER MAN, FORGOTTEN BY TIME. FORGOTTEN EVEN BY MYSELF.

HE WAS A DOUCHEBAG THOUGH, SO WHO CARES.

[ornerycrabcakes]

INEXORABLY, NO MATTER HOW MANY YEARS MAY PASS, I AM DRAGGED BACK INTO THIS ACCURSED TOMB TIME AND TIME AGAIN BY A GRAVITATIONAL PULL SO IMMENSE THAT IT MUST BE ASSOCIATED WITH THE BIRTH OF SOME SORT OF VAST AND DENSE COSMIC PHENOMENA, BUT ALL THERE IS IS ME, IN A WASTELAND, SURROUNDED BY THE MEMORIES OF PEOPLE WHO I HAVE LONG SINCE FORSAKEN IN SOME SORT OF STRANGE, RITUALISTIC MOVEMENT ONWARDS.

[ornerycrabcakes]

timetelling replied to your post

i mean honestly talking to people is fucking difficult let alone having a coherent conversation! and it not be repetitive at that too

YEAH IT REALLY FUCKING IS.

[ornerycrabcakes]

YEAH I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA HOW TO TALK TO PEOPLE ANYMORE. THEN AGAIN, DID I REALLY EVER? I’VE KINDA JUST BEEN A STUPID FUCKING IDIOT WHEN IT COMES TO SOCIAL INTERACTIONS MY ENTIRE LIFE. IT’S ALWAYS LIKE THAT, HUH? THE GUYS WHO THINK THEY KNOW WHAT THEY’RE DOING HAVE IT SHOWN TO THEM JUST HOW UTTERLY FUCKED AND LOST THEY ARE? I DESERVE IT

ANYWAYS YEAH IT’S WORSE THAN USUAL, MY COMMUNICATION SKILLS ARE AT AN ALL TIME LOW NOW THAT MY DAILY ROUTINE AMOUNTS TO PETTING A CAT AND WATCHING SITCOMS FOR THE ROMANCES WHILE EATING INSTANT NOODLES

[ornerycrabcakes]

EATING HAS ACTUALLY MADE ME FEEL LESS LIKE A WANNABE CORPSE, BUT JOKE’S ON ME! I ALWAYS FEEL LIKE THAT! GOD I FUCKING HATE MYSELF

[ornerycrabcakes]

HEY I’M FOLLOWING 69 PEOPLE? THAT’S FUNNY, RIGHT? ISN’T THAT THE JOKE? 69? LIKE THE SEX POSITION? HAHA? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!?

[ornerycrabcakes]

THIS IS ALL SO ALIEN AGAIN. HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN SINCE I HAD ANY SIGNIFICANT CONTACT WITH PEOPLE OVER THIS SHITTY FUCKING EXCUSE FOR A BLOGGING PLATFORM? FIVE, FOUR YEARS? WHAT THE FUCK?

[timetelling]

ornerycrabcakes:

timetelling replied to your post

oh my god i forgot i was following you

A HORRIBLE MISSTEP FOR SURE, GIVEN THAT NOW I HAVE RETURNED TO BITCH TO MYSELF, SHATTERING ALL YOUR ILLUSIONS OF HAPPINESS AND PEACE.

nope! this is probably the best day holy shit

[ornerycrabcakes]

YOU MUST LIVE A SAD LIFE FOR MY SPONTANEOUS, INEXPLICABLE RETURN TO HAVE ANY IMPORTANCE WHATSOEVER. I THOUGHT THAT  I WOULD’VE LONG PASSED INTO THE REALM OF ACCURSED LEGEND, BECOMING YET ANOTHER FUCKING BYWORD FOR DEATH AS I VANISH FROM THE FACE OF THE EARTH, WITH MY RETURN HERALDING A THOUSAND YEARS OF DARKNESS AND DESPAIR. WHAT A FUCKING TURNAROUND, HUH?

[ornerycrabcakes]

MY LIFE IS AN EXERCISE IN FUTILITY. A SAD TALE, BUT NOT EVEN ONE YOU CAN SHED TEARS OVER, WHAT WITH ITS ENDING PAINTED ON THE SURFACE, AS CLEAR AS DAY.

I’M SO FUCKING TIRED. ALL I YEARN FOR IS THAT FINAL RELEASE. THE COLD, SHUDDERING EMBRACE OF THE SLEEP THAT WILL CLAIM ME IN ONLY A FEW HOURS AND DRAG ME DOWN INTO THE DEEPEST DEPTHS OF HELL. PERHAPS I WILL BE KILLED IN MY DREAMS BY SOME GLOVE-TOTING, WISE-CRACKING, FEDORA-WEARING COCKSUCKER? OR DO I NOT EVEN DESERVE THAT SERVICE?

I CANNOT JUDGE THESE THINGS. I AM JUST A MAN. A SAD, BROKEN MAN.

[ornerycrabcakes]

I HAVE SLEPT FOR A TOTAL OF THREE HOURS IN THE PAST DAY, A DAY THAT I HAVE SPENT PRIMARILY STARING OFF IN THE EMPTY CORNERS OF MY ROOM WHILE MY CAT SINKS HER TEETH INTO MY HAND, ASSUMING THAT I HAVE LONG SINCE DIED.

BUT LIFE IS NOT SO GENTLE. MY SUFFERING CONTINUES, A MONUMENT TO MY OWN STUBBORN IDIOCY, HOPELESSLY STRIVING TO CONTINUE EXISTING AND ACCOMPLISH NOTHING IN THE PROCESS. I AM A SOULLESS CORPSE ON A ROTTING COUCH, CONDEMNED TO WATCH MY OWN DISGUSTING, WORMRIDDEN VESSEL COLLAPSE INTO DETRITUS AND DUST WHILE THE OFFICE CONTINUES TO PLAY ON THE TELEVISION, THE ONLY SIGN THAT I WAS ONCE A MAN AND NOT ALWAYS SOME FORGOTTEN, DESICCATED ARTEFACT.

YET STILL, WITH LUNGS MORE ASH THAN FLESH, I CONTINUE TO BREATHE, AND MY HEART CONTINUES TO BEAT WITHIN MY CHEST. MY CAT GNAWS DOWN TO THE BONE. I FEEL NOTHING, BUT A TEAR TRICKLING DOWN MY DRY, LEATHERY CHEEK. SNOW DRIFTS BY OUTSIDE, IN MY PERIPHERAL VISION, THE ONLY SIGN THAT ANY TIME HAS PASSED SINCE I SAT DOWN SO MANY AGES AGO.

LIFE, DEATH... BEGINNING, ENDS... NONE OF IT HAS ANY MEANING FOR ME NOW. TIME HAS STOPPED. I AM ALL THAT IS. ALL THAT WAS. ALL THAT EVER WILL BE. AND YET, I AM NOTHING. ALL THAT IS HERE IS THE DISTURBED DEAD.

[ornerycrabcakes]

timetelling replied to your post

oh my god i forgot i was following you

A HORRIBLE MISSTEP FOR SURE, GIVEN THAT NOW I HAVE RETURNED TO BITCH TO MYSELF, SHATTERING ALL YOUR ILLUSIONS OF HAPPINESS AND PEACE.

[ornerycrabcakes]

COCK

[ornerycrabcakes]

SON OF A BITCH.

[ornerycrabcakes]

FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!

[ornerycrabcakes]

FUCK