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[ostryaninam-blog]

Kinda two am. I really wanted to go to bed earlier, but I actually had no chance.

It's a little hard times for me. Too much of relatives. Future job interview. The guy I liked doesn't text.

I'm not really confused, I'm more of tired. My best friend does her best as usual. But I'm really tired. I want more space, I need fresh air - it's a metaphor and it's not a metaphor.

It's getting colder, it's A-ha time, and that helps me to deal with all of that. God, I need my space so bad. I need silence. How can I know who I am without any possibility to be by myself?

[ostryaninam-blog]

Life goods

I think life often does something nice for us. And I feel great about me noticing these little pretty things; I try to concentrate on them - to make them bigger, to correctly estimate the size. It was kinda a hard day for me. In the morning I got two new tasks from my manager, and both of them were complicated. I got a very small amount of time to get a solution, and I didn’t manage to. And the last part of the day I kept thinking about this issue. But when the evening had come, I told myself I should stop. I needed to stop being nervous, I needed to stop looking for a solution, because it was...just meaningless. The thing is, this kind of things was always very hard for me. I mean, I can think about my mistakes over and over again. But my friend once told me - you should care about yourself, and you should waste your energy on the proper things, which obviously excludes being nervous. So. I gave myself a bit of support, I thought over the plan about how I would solve these work problems tomorrow - and began feeling more better. That was a little win over myself. And late in the evening, I found a good internet community with some fresh and original music content, which made me feeling even more better. Please take care of yourself and do not waste your nerves and mood aimlessly - better use it to be more attentive to the little life goods.

[ostryaninam-blog]

Introvert issues

I’m living with my family that consists of five members (including me). But few weeks ago my grandma came to visit us, and my room is the only place she can stay. So now I’m kinda...homeless? roomless?

You should say: God, are you so greedy you can’t share a room with your relative?

And I would answer: God, yes.

Kidding. Now, talking seriously: it’s one of the hardest things in the world for me - to share my personal space with anybody - and especially with distant relatives. I never was close with my grandma, and we never haven’t really got the things to talk about. And now I have my room staying in a mess because of grandma’s clothes and other stuff; and the silence and peace - the things I need so badly for my work and study - are gone. The annoying sounds were feeling like a hive, trying to sting me right in my brain.

Well, I know that's not good to talk like that - and that it's not her fault. But the tension was rising in me instantly; at the end of day I felt like I was drowning in apathy and like I can any moment explode in anger at the same time.

So, how I manage with the problem? Did I take some anti-anxiety meds, or did I talk with grandma about all of this (kinda “GetOutOfMyRoomAmAnIntrovert”), or did I try yoga to connect with space to help me?

No.

I ran away...

I found a lovely place next door to my home. It’s quiet and clean, and it has some buns and coffee for a good price. I took my laptop and wrote some tests for my work project.

The thing is, I felt absolutely OK the first time in the day, because I was alone and in a spot with good and peaceful atmosphere.

So, if you’re an introvert...Maybe the thing that will work for you is to find a place where you can just take a deep breath.

[ostryaninam-blog]

Blog start

Well hello!  I tried to keep a diary many times in my life, but it didn’t work for me. Am I too lazy? Or it just wasn’t so necessary for me? Anyway, I really want to make it work this time. Here are some points: 1) I wanna memorize many of my thoughts, emotions and experience (I’ve got a REALLY bad memory skills btw) 2) I think it should be great to keep an eye on my everyday life - it can help to notice things those should be noticed; but we know how busy people are nowdays, and I’m not an except 3) I don’t really know if I will manage to write only in English, cause I’m Russian by nationality. Anyway, if any part of this “diary” (?) will be written in English, it would be the very good language practice. So here we go again, trying do proper things. Good luck for me!