A blog for mainly narrative transcripts, close readings, and analysis of Critical Role, emphasizing character development and subtext. It's all spoilers. Also transcripts and comentary on other Geek & Sundry and Project Alpha shows. Contact me @OTDDeramin on Twitter.
Saw "Badhaai Do" (2022) last night. It was fantastic!
It's an Indian film about a gay cop and a lesbian PE teacher who get sham married to appease their intrusive families. And then have to navigate their relationships with each other, their families, and their real lovers. It's a great examination of the closet from a country where it's often still very necessary for survival. And also about the resiliency of queer people and our determination to be true to ourselves.
It's very funny, but it's also poignant and will break your heart and put the pieces back together. Parts of it are painful and scary. But it's also courageous. It has a lot of fierceness and hope and love. It's a deep cultural examination challenging the absurdity of norms.
The ending is very beautiful and not what I was expecting. It fully earns it in a very heartwarming way. That character growth right at the end was genuinely one of the most beautiful things I've seen in film because it was so unexpected.
Content Warnings: this film deals extensively with homophobia both personal and systemic including fear of police. It also centers family pressure for marriage and children. It depicts corporal punishment by police, a stalker using blackmail, misogyny, and a forced outing.
Badhaai Do (2022):
Image description:
Screenshot of a Tweet.
Losing it @prophethusband.
Text to homie nicknamed Big Gulp: You make every day of my life better than the next. I feel like I have known you for a thousand lifetimes.
Text to wife: Make sure the bathroom door is open when I got home. I'm gonna come in sprinting.
Tweet stats: 9:01 AM · Jan 17, 2023 · 215K Views
Essek loved sleek Xorhasean cloths and decor. Expensive impressive stuff all "simple" clean lines (that take monumental effort to hang off lumpy 3D bodies) work touches of elaborate drama. But on the run he has to pack light and inconspicuously.
So imagine Caleb has a secret closet for him behind a secret bookcase door where Essek can keep things and at least get to wear them again in their home. And Caleb, knowing his taste and measurements, gets him at least one new outfit a year in the latest fashion he would like.
And maybe it's just for them and the Nein, but it's a little grounding normalcy he still gets to have whenever he's home. A little reminder it wasn't all bad.
This is too beautiful to leave in the tags, @marius-lepual:
#my queue popped this out today and i'm reblogging it from myself because it's making me SO emotional rn #i'm picturing a walk in closet #and they've put in a little chair and table and mirror and sometimes essek just goes in there and sits and grieves #caleb comes and checks on him every so often to make sure he's not spiraling and to offer some tea and a hug #but sometimes it's a happier occasion to just have a little piece of his past life available to him #something to remind him of the place that shaped him #to remind him that the dynasty's influence on who he became wasn't just negative #and sometimes it's less intense #he just likes to appreciate the aesthetics of it! #...and also sometimes caleb gets him xhorhasian lingerie
Saw Benediction (2021) tonight. I am simply floored. Absolute masterclasses in understated queer subtlety that matches his letters and writing spectacularly.
The use of his and Wilfred Owen's poems over real footage of WWI is jaw dropping and brings them to life like nothing else with very powerful readings.
I loved the way Sassoon's relationship with Wilfred Owen is implicitly queer in the way their letters are, but how far it went remains a mystery. Only Owen's letters to Sassoon survive, most having to get through the censors from the front. The letters and papers Owen possessed at his death were defaced and redacted with India ink by his brother to hide that he was gay.
But then we see Sassoon in a string of very explicitly gay relationships and Sassoon's sexuality is made very clear. And yet so much is a constant subtle dance among public society. So much of the film is said between the lines and in desert dry barbs, fast as lightening.
The editing has so many incredible juxtapositions. The way shots so often blur into different shots as memories bleeding into each other. It shows PTSD so well. And the physically acting is so good. The end worth just hiss facial expressions and the music is done of the finest physical acting I've seen. For a poet, there are no words left.
And we are left not with Siegfried's own words, but Wilfred Owen's. In a graveyard now a lifetime apart. And simultaneously with no time at all to erase that loss.
"All's Fair In Love And War" by Alex Dingley is a wonderful short comic about Sassoon and Owen and how their relationship changed how war is written about by the people who lived through it. How it immortalized those horrors and in his grief Sassoon immortalized Owen.
But largely the film is about Sassoon's life after the war. Struggling to build a life when he's still haunted by it. Trying to decide what he wanted out of it. And the delicate queer struggle between who and how society wants him to be and who he personally wants to be and what he wants to say in the face of it.
Really brilliant film. Highly recommended. A complicated but quiet queer film worthy of the complicated but quiet man it's about.
Hey, remember how in Exandria Unlimited Thordak's Cater in Emon was flaring and the Fire Ashari suspected something was trying to push through. And then a huge plateau burst up and on top of it was a massive burning purple-red sigil that was incomplete. (Exu:Prime E2)
Which Gilmore identifies as pre-Calamity magic of the lost civilization of Qoniira in the Rifenmist Peninsula jungle. (ExU:P E3)
Which the Crown Keepser subsequently found the hidden remaining city of Niirdal-Poc. There Elam Genar translated it as "place of burning." Tetrarch Thrascuur says the rune marks a place full of too much energy and ripe for creation and potential. Something deciding what it will be and dangerous. (ExU:P E6)
They head south to Niirdal-Sarqet where they find a floating cube with runes on it that they translate as:
The universe above
The universe within
Remember what came before
Decide what happens next
Provide for all
A shield to protect.
Essek contemplates Caleb's casting style and what it can teach him about his own path forward.
Also on AO3
What if casting spells doesn't actually have to be very elaborate and Caleb Widogast is just super showy and extra. Like a musician who likes to play at open mics and it's the most mind-blowing thing you've ever heard, but that's just how he is by default.
And Essek, who used to clothes shop from fashion shows and wear this stuff to buy milk at the grocery store at 10 pm, took one look at his style and just instantly fell in love.
Magic doesn't have to be that elaborate and showy, especially for every little spell, but Caleb imbues each flourish with the love of creation. The love of weaving the energy of the cosmos into his designs.
So much magical research gets so rote and utilitarian. The most probing experiments with the Beacons were the only things that felt so delicate and beautiful. Unlocking that love for what it's out there. And here's this man who does it for a Cat's Paw spell. Who has, in fact, taken an ordinary spell like Bigby's Hand and remade it to reflect what he loves in life for no utility but beauty and expression.
That thing Essek has been driving himself to destruction to find is right there in the most ordinary light spells. How could Essek resist giving Caleb access to his own knowledge and spells just to see what he will do with them? How he will shape them? How he will reinvent them like a fine chef that makes even a simple dish an extraordinary experience?
And Caleb is not doing this only for his own power, but what he could do to help others with it. Caleb is also generous in what he teaches. Essek has never had someone to just explore what's possible and try things with. Work out the math. See how things connect. Who's excited by that instead of bored. Someone who loved the learning as much as the abilities and results.
And maybe also someone who knows when to stop. When to get tea and a snack. When to fill your cup with sitting on a couch by the fire reading something totally unrelated for pleasure. Because there's always some aspect of the world you've forgotten to account for, and it's not in research books. It's more essential. It's dinner with friends and silly games and deciding there are shapes in the stars only you have shared seeing.
And even on the run, living a double life of disguises, how could Essek stay away too long from the man who grounds him in what is real? Who reminds him of the small beauties in all their rituals. Who reminds him why all of this is worth it now when it would be so easy to feel hopeless.
Caleb's magic wasn't always like this. He had staved off boredom in the Sanitarium for a decade reimagining his spells in his head. When he escaped he finally got to test them and polish them. It was also cover. People knew Bren's style. They didn't know Caleb's. They couldn't see Bren's teacher's idiosyncrasies in them or mark him as from the Academy so easily.
Caleb has gotten to a place where he no longer feels the need to run and hide. He's no longer being hunted for what he did. Maybe one day he can expose what Ludinus did to Essek, too, and that Essek doesn't deserve death for his part. That he's been doing other restorative work and growing. But not today.
So Essek leans into how Caleb hid. He starts to figure out who he is and take on his own casting style. Modify his own spells. For the first time make things his own instead of a stripped down sleek efficient version. It's harder than he expects. It demands he figures out who he wants to really be when he's not mimicking what will impress others the most.
Caleb helps him. Essek watches his sweet, definite hands trace manic through the air. Listens to Caleb teach him what each flourish is doing and why. Essek is entranced by it, and no one's been so entranced with why he does things for himself. There's a deep intimacy and knowing to it. Mapping out the shape of each other's minds. Even the broken shale slag parts.
Caleb jokes about how pumice stone is birthed in fire and toxic pressured gases, but finds new life in conscious hands scrubbing away dead skin to help new life grow unburdened. They were made in rough places and they have been rough, but they can also be used gently and achieve soft things. Carrying pouches of bat guano and running it up your arm is a little weird, but there's some essential spark even in cave shit.
Caleb grows his green beans to remind him what else he's growing. Essek doesn't put down the same roots, but he has an instinct for returning. A migratory bird who knows where his places are, even if he only lingers for a while.
Tonight Caleb has returned and Essek has returned and they have stories to tell about their adventures. Caleb will describe his magic and any new things he tried. Essek will sit with a nice glass of wine conjured from his memories and listen and watch the way Caleb's eyes light up and the way his hands move through his gestures and trace parts of spells. He will feel safe and content even knowing like a spell that it will not last, but it will call some magic of the universe forth that only they ever knew was there.
That is enough when even the things he loved were so cold, so made for someone else or to breeze through them unthinking. Now he is thinking about all of it just for himself. Just for them to understand. And that feels so much healthier. To find the thing he chases so relentlessly, just to see was right in front of him through Caleb's eyes.
Just stumbled onto an incredible short documentary: "Caro Comes Out".
A Cuban American lesbian documents coming out to every single person in her extended family. With some interesting family history.
Many of them already knew, but they talk about three power of telling people directly instead of just letting word spread and having one on one conversations. About how those conversations can examine and heal the past for a brighter future.
How Spoiler Alert and Bros Challenge Romance Movie Norms
Spoilers for Spoiler Alert (2022) and Bros (2022)
Thinking about how the romanticized cultural narrative we have about love is that two people meet, some spark connects them, and once they have the courage to let themselves be together, everything is just good forever.
And obviously that's bullshit or there wouldn't be so many breakups and divorces. But we rarely write stories about those. We want our stories to live in the limerence of new relationships where anything seems possible before the complexity of reality sets in.
The audience for allocishet normative media has very strict and often formulaic expectations for romance films. Guy meets girl, they fall in love, all obstacles are overcome through the power of love, and they live happily ever after. That audience really only supports that story.
Queer media comes from a vastly different and more complex tradition of romance. There is almost always a backdrop of the world trying to intervene. Even Big Eden (2000) in all its softness had this. There's a much greater love of messy relationships. There are no guarantees.
Bros flouted the heteronormative love story formula by being about two guys with commitment issues who often project their fears on each other and are sometimes even right. Bobby and Aaron have ideas about what they need to prove in life to show they're fulfilled & can't see past that.
It's a complicated journey to figuring out if they even want to be together. If all the baggage they're carrying can fit with them. And the end, parodying Hallmark endings, is simply an attempt, and not an answer. No pressure that it has to last forever.
Spoiler Alert is about a 13 year relationship that was an audience know from the begging will end in loss. The first act is short. They find each other, they connect, sometimes it's weird and awkward but they know very quickly they want to be together.
It's the middle that makes it profound. Where we flash forward and see the relationship after more than a decade. The complacency, the repeated mistakes, the hurt they've caused each other. Wondering if things have run their course.
And then the illness. The realization that they may not get to choose the end. That under the calcification of little built up resentments are all the reasons they still loved each other. Letting go is also no longer getting in your own way.
There was a realness to that. Things weren't just magically fixed. In many ways it's not sentimental. It's built on all the small moments that make you understand that you are alive in three constant presence of someone else because they've overall made your life better.
Both these films are about love without certainty that doesn't have to last forever to mean everything in its time. They are so deeply, inherently queer beyond being about gay men. They're about deeper realities in relationships normativity pushes aside but we need to talk about.
Either one of these films coming out this year would have been a good year in queer cinema. Both together—the spectrum of romcom and sentimental tragedy—are a landmark distillation of the last century of our media culture. I think both will join the canon of must see queer films.
Before I got into queer media, I would have told you I hated romance movies (even when I thought I was allocishet). If always felt forced worth nothing new to say. Turns out it's because allocishet media is culturally invested in saying nothing new about relationships and love.
But queer media inherently is about love that challenges norms. Love that has to be meaningful enough to risk loss for it. Love that's truely freeing instead of conforming to stale expectations. And so the stories we get to tell are far more interesting and real.
"Spoiler Alert" (2022) is hands down the most beautiful film I've ever seen.
5x quirkier, more emotionally complicated, more sentimental, more real, and more beautiful than the trailers and clips make it seem.
12/10 movie. This is the gay film people have wanted for decades.
It ended up being me & 3 older ladies in the theater. They were chit-chatting before the film, and clearly they see a lot of films together. Afterward, all of us sat dead silent through the credits. Everyone was as quiet as possible getting up when the lights were fully up. Silent into the lobby except for informing of a bathroom stop.
I laughed and cried at like every scene in the movie, sometimes at the same time. The tragic ending is built into the premise: We know from the first scene that Kit is going to die. But it's not a tragic film. It's a film about the fullness and complexity of life and love.
I'd say the real spoiler is the middle. It grounds the movie in such a deep reality that almost no love stories explore. But it makes the whole thing more beautiful.
So much of this film is just small snapshots of ordinary moments and how they all string together into a life shared together in all its mess and love.
And 0 homophobia. IRL queer people in front of the camera and behind it. Us telling a true story about us. What people have been begging for for decades upon decades. And it's here and even better than we hoped for.
If two songs could possibly sum up the film, it's "Prosthetic Love" and "Possible Deaths" by Typhoon off of "White Lighter."
The album that could have been Kyle's last if his story went a little different.
Essek loved sleek Xorhasean cloths and decor. Expensive impressive stuff all "simple" clean lines (that take monumental effort to hang off lumpy 3D bodies) work touches of elaborate drama. But on the run he has to pack light and inconspicuously.
So imagine Caleb has a secret closet for him behind a secret bookcase door where Essek can keep things and at least get to wear them again in their home. And Caleb, knowing his taste and measurements, gets him at least one new outfit a year in the latest fashion he would like.
And maybe it's just for them and the Nein, but it's a little grounding normalcy he still gets to have whenever he's home. A little reminder it wasn't all bad.
Just watched Romeos (2011). Great film! It's a German film about a gay trans man named Lukas navigating transition, school dorms, starting to pass, old friendships, and new love interests amid Cologne's gay scene.
Lukas really goes through it. his best friend is having a hard time fully accepting him even though she also sticks by & supports him. He's placed in the girl's dorms & is fighting a transphobic administration to get transferred. The invasive curiosity is as bad as the rejection.
He meets a hot gay bad boy, but there are conflicts first around his fear of intimacy and having to out himself, and then his gender identity. his dad is supportive it seems. his mom and little sister aren't. And he's fighting his body in the hopes of feeling himself in it.
But amid his struggles, there's also hope in the people who do fight for him and the ones who come around. Progress is slow and messy, but it marches towards trans joy. The end is sweet and wraps up the story, but also leaves ambiguity for a new story beyond. A new 1st act.
As a gay trans man, I saw so much of my own internal conflicts in this movie. That sense of seeing my body slowly develop towards what I want and the small joys in that. And that struggle in the people who love and support you, but are also caught up on memories of former you.
I like how it captured a lot of struggles in being trans in a kind of tragic way, especially in a transphobic and homophobic society, but it's also like normal struggles and very little truly awful happens to him, which is nice for a queer film.
The transmasc urge to be an average dirtbag guy. XD
I appreciate that Matt didn’t want to make Essek disabled and fall into the disabled villain trope, but as a disabled person I love the idea that Essek’s floating is a disability aid and that ableism played a role in isolating him and pushing him into over-achieving at all costs. Essek’s such a complex character, I don’t think he falls into simple tropes like that.
Story
After Essek goes on the lam, he often has to walk without magic. He was partly lying about floating being a trick he got stuck with as an expectation. It was also that, but the real reason he learned to do it was the debilitating joint pain he developed in early adolescence. Having to walk again rapidly exacerbates it again, with an extra century of age on top.
He tries to keep it to himself since he was accused of faking it as a kid, punished for it, pushed harder, or excluded for not keeping up. Especially compared to his athletic brother. The doubt in his overall ability was one of the things that had pushed him so hard to prove himself at every turn, and ultimately led him to some really awful behavior he didn’t want to return to. But eventually, it becomes so debilitating he can't hide it. At least not from Caleb.
He'd get to Caleb’s house and more than anything just need to sit down and rest. The pain was cascading into general nerve pain that made all touch into an over-stimulated agony. A silent internal war from nerves that want no sensation, and a heart that wanted the soothing grounding of being held by this man who somehow loves him so deeply. But the pain in his face and the flinching he can’t stop eventually give him away.
Caleb is gentle with him and understanding. He opens up about the torture Trent put him through with the embedded residuum. Going to class with long sleeves pretending to be fine when he could barely hold a pen. Sometimes the scars still have a stabbing ache. How lonely it was when touch of the only people who knew and cared was too much. They talk about inadequate pain scales. There is comfort in that shared understanding.
They brainstorm what Essek could do. On the road alone he can still float. It's cities that are the problem. For his safety he already tries to stick to solitary remote research but supplies and contacts are always needed. They consider different mobility devices. Essek's only hesitation is that the ones that meet his needs would be expensive, custom, and distinctive, making them more identifiable even as he changes disguises and personas and could give him away. The same reasons why he's had to give up the sleek and fashionable clothes he loves for plainer ones people don't notice.
That leads them to the idea of modifying Essek's floating magic to essentially function like a series of braces. He could still look like he's walking without aid, but the magic would take the actual weight off his joints. It proves trickier than just floating, with more concentration and more exhaustion, but it’s harder to detect and easier to disguise to keep his cover. It’s harder to keep his balance this way and does find a plain cane makes it much easier, even if it rarely supports his weight to protect his arms.
Caleb asks for Essek's help with a second kind of slower cover. Now that he knows the floating was a mobility aid, can Essek teach it to him so that Caleb can teach it to his disabled students and others in the community? It could help many of them with quality of life (especially the Academy's inaccessible buildings). And over time if they teach the technique and encourage it to be retaught, it will be less unique and identifiable. One day it will be safe for Essek to float in public again, and he'll get his best mobility tool back.
Slowly things get easier. Essek is able to travel more easily again with fewer bad pain days and come back to the house of green beans without wanting to collapse. The brace magic gets easier for him to manage over time. It’s still a little easier to use a cane, but he can forego it for short periods if he needs the extra stealth. Caleb and Essek teach both the floating and the bracing and find each works for different disabilities and injuries better. It takes some decades for it to be widespread, but his floating technique is eventually widespread enough as a mobility tool that it’s safe to use. While he still prefers floating, he uses both with different personas to throw off the trail.
Every time he comes across another disabled person using this magic he developed in his room, alone in pain and trying to hide through an impressive trick, and now commonplace, it’s a reminder that for all the lives he hurt causing the war, there are now many others his magic has helped to live fuller more accessible lives. And that is a great comfort through the rest of his life.
After I moved my blog to wordpress and then got locked out of this account (thankfully in that order), I left Tumblr. But with Twitter collapsing thanks to the Billionaire Manbaby, I gave up and made a new blog, @deramin2. I’ve decided I’m going to split my use so that’s my casual reblog and light commentary blog of whatever interest I fancy (still mostly Critical Role), and this will be my blog for bigger thoughts and analysis I want to save, same as it was before. So feel free to follow me over here if you like this blog.
I'm watching the Essek Supercut again, and I noticed Essek's accent and when it starts to settle.
Watch the first few clips, until about about 0:4:40
Mostly this is just Matt settling into Essek's voice, but when he was first introduced, Essek had a very stern authoritative court voice. But once they were in the antichamber together, and Fjord says they need to check their underwear for accidents after that first interaction with the Queen and made him laugh, Essek slips into what we hear as his personal accent.
Essek really did just make up this version of himself to be as successful as everyone pushed him to be, and make really selfish choices to protect that act. But those personas ultimately felt like lies about himself. So what difference does it make protecting it with more lies? Which led himself down some really dark paths until Thw Mighty Nein discovered him and it all unraveled.
Essek is a dramatic theater gay who pulled off a character so well he couldn't stop playing him even when it was turning into a Shakespearean tragedy. Everything he says in these early days is so intensely dramatic and selling his vast accomplishments. Essek is giving them a list of reasons to respect him because he doesn't think his inner self is respectable. Essek always felt like it was the lies people loved and not him underneath, so what would hurt people more would be trying to stop. To be anything less than ruthless.
But this bunch of goofballs, whose very first direct comment to him was a self-depricating joke about being scared, they broke through. And what broke his heart most on that ship, was knowing he'd let them down with those lies. Because he'd let them see his true self, like he hadn't done for anyone in years (decades?), and they loved that one the most. Especially Caleb because they'd shared that instant attraction and interest Essek almost wasn't sure he could feel.
So after he was caught, even if Caleb was telling Essek he could choose to be better, he was obviously hurt and mistrustful and not calling. And feeling like he couldn't go back ate at him.
But then The Mighty Nein call on him again for help with their more dangerous thing ever. These weirdos are going to run headlong into danger not for gain or glory but because it stops someone else making a catastrophic mistake. And they want him to come with them. They want him to show them he's changed. And he has.
And even if they fight it, that attraction is still like magnets. They're so scared of hurting each other again or getting hurt, they can talk in meaningful coded riddles with each other, but not dare cross the threshold where they can hold that pull back. Where they'd have to find out if they enable or temper their worst impulses.
They didn't get there before they parted ways after Aeor. But we know that sometime in the last six months they let themselves pull together. They go back to Aeor to know what it feels like to just be together, the two of them, if no one at all was there. Caleb, down on one knee, holding a magic ring, "[Essek Thelyss], I know we're not relationship people, but will you date me for three months, and then we'll reassess?"
And it worked. Maybe being apart much of the time helps them get perspective on the world outside themselves and the freedom to lead two very different lives. The Essek who visits the man with green beans, no longer sounds quite like the Shadowhand did. He found how to use his power in the world more responsibly, when only a handful of people will hear about it, but they will listen so much closer, and see him more than any accomplishment. With the bustle and fear of the world shut out.
Analysis: The hidden pain of Jester and Scanlan – CR C2 Ep76 and CR C1 Ep85
Spoilers for Campaign 1 through episode 85 and Campaign 2 through episode 76
One thing I really love about Critical Role from both campaigns is the way they show that the seemingly happy, jokey, funny, delightful people are really using that as a mask for a lot of pain and insecurity that they're either hiding or repressing and that can't last forever.
Scanlan was hurt and angry that no one asked about his issues seriously or asked what he needed, but he also buried everything and deflected when they did ask about him. He wanted to be seen and understood, but all he gave them was a facade of being fine. Until he broke.
Jester's playing with the same idea in a different way. She learned being seen is bad and her purpose is making other people happy. Her own desires aren't really important. She's afraid she'll disappoint everyone if she admits she's not okay (even to herself), so she buries it.
Both The Mighty Nein and a lot of the audience are kind of infantilizing her, largely ignoring her pain and complexity. Laura does not get enough credit for her roleplaying because I think that's the impression Jester is intentionally cultivating out of deep insecurity.
Misogyny is also a factor. She leans into a lot of ditzy, simple, girly tropes that are largely written off by men and many women as shallow. Laura is really playing with them to show there actually is a lot of depth there. But you have to be willing to deconstruct her to see it.
Jester wants to actively bring joy to people's lives because she's afraid that she won't be wanted if she doesn't. So, she's cultivated this happy, mischievous mask to hide behind and she's trapped herself behind it. She doesn't even want to see herself without it.
Just as much as Fjord trapped himself behind the faux-Vandran mask until he had a breakdown. Or Beau trapped herself behind the no-fucks-given mask she's been working really hard to set aside. Or Caleb trapped himself behind his bandages and bum disguise until his cover was blown.
But Jester's mask is harder to see around. She seems open and carefree and happy. Almost everyone in the Mighty Nein wants to feel that way and they're invested in the aspirational illusion. They really want one of them to be okay because maybe then they could learn, too.
T: Full scene from Campaign 1 Episode 45
2:30:57 Vax: "How do you do it? You're risking your life as much as anyone in this group. You're almost dying every day. You're fucking smiling all the time. How do you do it?"
Liam: "I'm kind of asking as Liam to Sam, as well. But mostly as Vax to Scanlan."
Vax: "How do you do it? You almost died yesterday, as well. Or two days ago, fuck. Why do you do it?"
Scanlan, as if it's obvious: "Vax, I… I don't know. I mean, I just… I like you people okay. Everything before this was not as good. This is better, that's why. It's very simple. You had a shitty childhood, didn't you?"
Vax: "Yeah."
Scanlan: "You and the sister."
Vax: "Yeah."
Scanlan: "I think Grog had some troubles. We've all had our share of shit, before we all met. Now we're together. We're a family. This is better, that's how I smile. It's better than it was before. That's it."
Vax: "We're probably going to die in the next month."
Scanlan: "Yes, but it's fun while it lasts."
Vax looks at him in disbelief and bewilderment.
Scanlan gives a contented sigh.
Vax, dubiously: "Alright. I thought I might…"
Scanlan: "Glean some wisdom?"
Vax: "Yeah, but I'm just as confused as before."
Scanlan: "Listen, I'm older than you."
Vax: "How much older?"
Scanlan: "A bit. I've seen more than you have, and… it's all shitty, so it just depends on how you look at it. You can dwell on the shit, or you can just leave it behind in people's beds and keep going."
But of course, Scanlan couldn't do it forever. He couldn't actually just leave all that shit behind him. He couldn't laugh all of it off. He reached the tipping point where he was too scared and hurt and angry to keep going.
Beau's started to see Jester's cracks and say something, most notably in episode 45 (4:55:48) and 46 (1:25:15), but she doesn't seem know how to address it without Jester pushing the concern away and deflecting, and I think she's scared Jester will pull away from her if she presses the matter. Beau might have the best chance, though.
Caleb tried to talk to her In episode 42 (1:08:49), but the conversation derailed almost instantly. She did express her fear she would never see her mother again, and that she was unsure about her feelings towards Fjord or his towards her, but again the conversation turned to other things fairly quickly. Still, it was more than she'd really shared before.
Jester actually showed her vulnerability and insecurity to Fjord in episode 72. but he was too up his own butt focused on his own rapidly spiraling break down to really notice or address it. Hopefully he keeps it in mind and circles back now that he's pulled through it.
Campaign 2 Episode 72
2:49:51 Fjord: "I just feel like there's more out there. It's always more. Even Port Demali and before that, my world just got bigger and bigger and bigger, and more time goes on the more you realize there is and the more that we affect and the more we can be affected. And there's a part of me that wants to leave it all behind..."
Jester: "And just somewhere quiet and disappear, and hope that it never bothers you again?"
Fjord: "Yeah."
Jester: "yeah, I understand that."
Fjord: "I just don't think it will let me."
Caduceus might be able to help if he understood, but Jester is baffling to him.
Talks Machina for Campaign 2 Episode 50
0:51:24 Taliesin: "[Caduceus] hasn't figured out that Jester is an adult yet. He doesn't regard her as an adult. I mean, which is, he kind of, his whole thing with her is very childish and playful and is not really... [...] He hasn't figured out that she's probably got-- I mean, he's aware that there's other stuff going on, but he hasn't really gone looking for it yet, so... He's like, 'Aw, she's happy and fine. Good. Thank god somebody is.' And obviously that's not true. And he should know better, but he hasn't gone looking for it."
Dani: "He has bigger fish to fry at the moment."
Taliesin: "I mean, the angsty boys are very angsty, and they currently have one emo girl to deal with as well."
It appears from the last episode that Caduceus has finally figured out there's more going on with Jester and is trying to make up for what he didn't see before. He let her know he saw through her sadness. Maybe he'll be able to be someone she can come to when she's ready to talk.
Campaign 2 Episode 76
4:44:05 Caduceus: "You okay?"
Jester: "Me?"
Caduceus: "Yeah you."
Jester: "Oh yeah. I'm fine. I'm always fine."
Caduceus: "Well…"
Jester: "That's a lie."
Caduceus: "Nobody's always fine."
Jester: "That's a lie, Caduceus."
Caduceus: "You do a lot."
Jester: "Yeah."
Caduceus: "And I don't think you necessarily get as much credit as you deserve, as often as you should. You deserve… more pastries."
Jester, laughing: "Everybody deserves more pastries."
Caduceus: "Yeah, but you do."
Jester smiles sadly: "Thanks, Caduceus."
Caduceus: "Well, we'll be figuring out your Traveler Con soon enough, I'm sure."
Caduceus: "Thank you. You've done… I don't even know how to tell you what this has meant."
Jester has been ignored in part because she seemed… not fine, but less of an immediate and impending disaster than the others. Now that things are settling down with everyone else, I think they're trying to do right by her and support her better. Time will tell if she lets them in.
No one in Campaign 2 is playing an easy character. No one is playing someone who's well adjusted and fine. No one has their shit figured out. At best they've learned pieces or ways of learning how to be more okay with the tumult. Jester is far come complex than she tries to appear.
Her arc is coming up soon and whatever happens will come with big growth and change for her. The big difference (or similarities) in how the stories of these two characters will play out will come down to how well their friends see behind the mask. Vox Machina didn't until it was too late. The Might Nein might be beginning to, and if they keep at it, that will make all the difference.
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Transcript: Clay Family History - Critical Role C2 Ep70 3:31:05
This was such a beautiful Clay family lore drop. Husky firbolg ASMR story time. Transcript by @smidge-art, posted with permission.
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Scene runs: 3:31:05 to 3:34:41
3:31:05 Caduceus: "The day after the Raven Queen ascended, three of her champions were given the task of dealing with one of the heroes of the war. And his body could not be maintained within a city for reasons that are lost. He had to be vanished. And these three heroes were named Clay, Stone, and Dust.
3:31:39 Caduceus: "They argued for many days what to do. And Stone said they should give him to the air so that the beasts of the realm may carry his memory. And Clay said that we should give him to the earth and what grows from them will be a monument to his glory. And Dust said that we should give him to the fire, from the ashes of that fire great works would arise.
3:32:08 Caduceus: "And they prayed to the Raven Queen for guidance in these early days, and the Raven Queen eventually answered. She said that she had already taken what belonged to her, and that we were to- these three heroes were to find the Wildmother and ask her guidance for what to do with what was left.
3:32:33 Caduceus: "And they traveled far into the woods and waited for their visions. And eventually she spoke to each of them in turn. And she told Stone that he should take the limbs of this hero and walk the plains until he found an oasis and a red and gold veined cave and the beasts would gather there. That he would feed the limbs of the hero to the beasts that would water there. And upon that site would be a menagerie whose creatures would be a gift to the Changebringer from the Wildmother, to remind her that nature is infinite.
3:33:13 Caduceus: "And then Clay entered into a forest until he found a spring. Water surrounded by a circle of crystal and stone. And there should he plant the head of the hero. And upon that site will be a garden, whose flora shall be my gift to the Archeart to remind her that nature is beautiful.
3:33:33 Caduceus: "And then Dust, took all that was left. And walked into the mountains to the north, and found a cave with a black onyx pool of fire and magma. And was told to burn what remained. That the ashes would be mixed into the brick and ink and steel and everything that is made there will hold that hero's mark. In this kiln will be the creations as a gift to the Allhammer to remind him that nature is the origin of material.
3:34:10 Caduceus: "And these three families have guarded and accepted the dead for all this time in these three temples. Each of us, on occasion, making a pilgrimage but very rarely. Somewhere there is a member of the Dust in the north, ready to help.
3:34:41
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Transcript: Network D&D Beyond Ad – Critical Role C2 Ep072 0:27:55
This is a double transcript of the famous Mad As Hell scene from the 1972 film Network and the Critical Role C2 Ep072 D&D Beyond ad that parodies is. I'll first present them separately and then line by line so you can see exactly what they changed.
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Network
Scene runs: 0:53:36 to 0:57:37
Howard Beale: "I don't have to tell you things are bad. Everybody knows things are bad. It's a depression, everybody's out of work or scared of losing their job, the dollar buys a nickel's worth, banks are going bust, shopkeepers keep a gun under the counter, punks are running wild in the street, and there's nobody anywhere seems to know what to do, and there's no end to it. We know the air is unfit to breathe and our food is unfit to eat. And we sit watching our TVs while some local news caster tells us today we had 15 homicides, and 63 violent crimes, as if that's the way it's supposed to be.
"We know things are bad. Worse than bad, they're crazy. It's like everything everywhere is going crazy so we don't go out anymore. We sit in the house and slowly the world we're living in is getting smaller and all we say is, 'Please, at least leave us alone in our living rooms. Let me have my toaster, and my TV, and my steel-belted radials, and I won't say anything. Just leave us alone.' Well, I'm not going to leave you alone. I want you to get mad. I don't want you to protest, I don't want you to riot, and I don't want you to write to your congressmen because I wouldn't know what to tell you to write. I don't know what to do about the depression, and the inflation, and the Russians, and the crime in the street. All I know is that first you've got to get mad! You've gotta say, 'I'm a human being, goddamnit! My life has value!'
Standing up, "So, I want you to get up now. I want all of you to get up out of your chairs. I want you to get up right now and go to the window, open it, and stick your head out, and yell, 'I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not gonna take this anymore!" Walking around the desk and out of the set towards the camera, "I want you to get up right now. Get up, go to your windows, open them, and stick your head out, and yell, 'I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not gonna take this anymore!' Things have got to change! But first, you've gotta get mad! You've gotta say, 'I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not gonna take this anymore!' Then we'll figure out what to do about the depression and the inflation and the oil crisis! But first get up out of your chairs, open the window, stick your head out and yell and say, 'I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not gonna take this anymore!'"
0:57:37
Critical Role C2 Ep072
Scene runs: Twitch 0:27:55 to 0:30:58
Twitch 0:27:55 Liam: "Cut he music, please. Cut the music! Listen, folks, I don't have to tell you things are bad. Everybody knows things are bad under Riegel's stewardship of D&D Beyond. The bits are getting longer, and the prep time is getting shorter. misinformed players are getting TPKed across the globe. Matthew Mercer is hiding from silly string under the table. His wife is punching players left and right, and there's nobody anywhere who seems to know what to do, and there's no end to it.
"We know the spots are unfit for broadcast, and the details are factually incoherent, and we sit here watching our Twitch accounts while this organ grinder money would have us believe that D&D Beyond is about the yucks, and how many dicks we can slide into the conversation, as if that's the way it's supposed to be. We know things are bad. Worse than bad, they're crazy! It's like everything everywhere's going crazy and nobody questions it anymore. We sit at our tables and slowly the game we enjoy is turning into romper room, and all we can do is say, 'Please, I love this game so much. Just give me my half-orc, and hit dice, I promise I'll listen to this madman's wine preferences and awful accent work week after week if just Critical Role gives me 10 minutes of actual gameplay this week, I guess that's enough.'
"But I say, that's not enough. I want you to get mad! I don't want you to riot, I don't want you to protest, I don't want you to write to Chris Perkins because I don't know what to tell you to write. I don't know what to do about this man's ignorance of rogue mechanics, or the flagrant firbolg shooting, or the collusion with England, or the constant ego fluffing. All I know is that first you've got to get mad. You've got to stand up and say, 'I'm a D&D Beyond user goddamn it, these stats have value!
"So, I want you all to get up." Liam stands up, pointing at the camera, "I want you to get up out of your chairs." Cut to mobile camera and turn towards it pointing. "All of you, right now, I want you to go and spam the Twitch chat!" Liam lunges for the camera, holding it, and taking into it super close, "Get up, and hammer that election box with your Johnson! I want you to create disgruntled fanart! I want you to get up and grab your computer, enable voice to text, and I want you to yell! I want you to yell, 'I'm mad! Mad!' I want you to yell, 'I'm mad as hell, and I'm not going to take Sam anymore!' Mordenkainen is rolling in his grave!"
0:30:58
Line by line
Network: "I don't have to tell you things are bad. Everybody knows things are bad."
CR: "Cut he music, please. Cut the music! Listen, folks, I don't have to tell you things are bad. Everybody knows things are bad under Riegel's stewardship of D&D Beyond."
Network: "It's a depression, everybody's out of work or scared of losing their job, the dollar buys a nickel's worth, banks are going bust, shopkeepers keep a gun under the counter, punks are running wild in the street, and there's nobody anywhere seems to know what to do, and there's no end to it."
CR: "The bits are getting longer, and the prep time is getting shorter. misinformed players are getting TPKed across the globe. Matthew Mercer is hiding from silly string under the table. His wife is punching players left and right, and there's nobody anywhere who seems to know what to do, and there's no end to it."
Network: "We know the air is unfit to breathe and our food is unfit to eat. And we sit watching our TVs while some local news caster tells us today we had 15 homicides, and 63 violent crimes, as if that's the way it's supposed to be."
CR: "We know the spots are unfit for broadcast, and the details are factually incoherent, and we sit here watching our Twitch accounts while this organ grinder money would have us believe that D&D Beyond is about the yucks, and how many dicks we can slide into the conversation, as if that's the way it's supposed to be."
Network: "We know things are bad. Worse than bad, they're crazy. It's like everything everywhere is going crazy so we don't go out anymore. We sit in the house and slowly the world we're living in is getting smaller and all we say is, 'Please, at least leave us alone in our living rooms. Let me have my toaster, and my TV, and my steel-belted radials, and I won't say anything. Just leave us alone.'"
CR: "We know things are bad. Worse than bad, they're crazy! It's like everything everywhere's going crazy and nobody questions it anymore. We sit at our tables and slowly the game we enjoy is turning into romper room, and all we can do is say, 'Please, I love this game so much. Just give me my half-orc, and hit dice, I promise I'll listen to this madman's wine preferences and awful accent work week after week if just Critical Role gives me 10 minutes of actual gameplay this week, I guess that's enough.'"
Network: "Well, I'm not going to leave you alone. I want you to get mad. I don't want you to protest, I don't want you to riot, and I don't want you to write to your congressmen because I wouldn't know what to tell you to write.
CR: "But I say, that's not enough. I want you to get mad! I don't want you to riot, I don't want you to protest, I don't want you to write to Chris Perkins because I don't know what to tell you to write."
Network: "I don't know what to do about the depression, and the inflation, and the Russians, and the crime in the street. All I know is that first you've got to get mad! You've gotta say, 'I'm a human being, goddamnit! My life has value!'"
CR: "I don't know what to do about this man's ignorance of rogue mechanics, or the flagrant firbolg shooting, or the collusion with England, or the constant ego fluffing. All I know is that first you've got to get mad. You've got to stand up and say, 'I'm a D&D Beyond user goddamn it, these stats have value!"
Network: Beale stands up. "So, I want you to get up now. I want all of you to get up out of your chairs. I want you to get up right now and go to the window, open it, and stick your head out, and yell, 'I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not gonna take this anymore!"
CR: "So, I want you all to get up." Liam stands up, pointing at the camera, "I want you to get up out of your chairs."
Network: Beale walks around the desk and out of the set towards the camera, "I want you to get up right now. Get up, go to your windows, open them, and stick your head out, and yell, 'I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not gonna take this anymore!' Things have got to change!"
CR: Cut to mobile camera, Liam turns towards it pointing. "All of you, right now, I want you to go and spam the Twitch chat!"
Network: "But first, you've gotta get mad! You've gotta say, 'I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not gonna take this anymore!' Then we'll figure out what to do about the depression and the inflation and the oil crisis! But first get up out of your chairs, open the window, stick your head out and yell and say, 'I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not gonna take this anymore!'"
CR: Liam lunges for the camera, holding it, and taking into it super close, "Get up, and hammer that election box with your Johnson! I want you to create disgruntled fanart! I want you to get up and grab your computer, enable voice to text, and I want you to yell! I want you to yell, 'I'm mad! Mad!' I want you to yell, 'I'm mad as hell, and I'm not going to take Sam anymore!' Mordenkainen is rolling in his grave!"
----------
If you enjoy my work, consider supporting me through ko-fi, Patreon, or my shop. I'm severely disabled and it all helps justify my time spent on this project. Learn more about how and why to support me, including links.
