Girl Dad Kakashi, the Fem!AU
Kakashi upon revelation that now all of his students are girls due to this faulty sealwork thats going to take ages to fix, and now contained in the Hokage mansion together, has decided to embrace being a girl dad; these are his experiences as such;
Previously thought his days of being a walking wallet was over as all of his students are adults. This is proven not true.
Sasuke, literal ka-trillionare twice over, aghast,: Credit Card???????
Sakura: ID???????
Naruto: IM SO FREAKING PISSED--
He never expected to have to fight the modern version of the Three Sannin over outfit choices.
Kakashi: Naruto please, you need to wear an actual top, mesh does NOT count- ninja or not
Naruto: Well it worked before! Why's it not count now??????
Kakashi, sweating: Well,,, its,, um,,, ANKO DOES IT, do YOU want to be like Anko???? That means you trust Orochimaru now?
Naruto: well no, but- WELL WHAT ABOUT SAKURA???? SHE DOESNT EVEN HAVE A SHIRT ON
Sakura: wh- HEY! THIS IS A WORKOUT BRA DUMBASS--
Kakashi: Sakura please for the love of god put on an actual shirt dont make this worse
Sakura: Thats not fair! Ive ALWAYS dressed like this BUT NOOOOOOOO, when NARUTO says something now its a problem!
Kakashi: No, its because previously I didnt KNOW about it. I sent Sasuke back to change after she tried to wear her Oto yukuta. Thats me being fair.
Naruto, *sending Kakashi an 'are you stupid' look*:
Sakura, scoffing: Yeah and then Sasuke proceeded to immediately leave via her bedroom window when you sent her to go change a half hour ago.
Kakashi, springing up: SHE DID WHAT---
He has come to the revelation that any, all, and every man is a scum of the earth pervert who all have negative intentions to his daughters beloved students
No he doesnt care if said men have literally been raised alongside all of them. Still perverts. (Suigetsu is banned from the Hokage mansion, he was WAY too happy about these turn of events)
Finds out that bisexuality exists and now all men AND women are lustful sinners after his students
Saw Neji Hyuga having tea on the engawa ONCE with Sasuke and his mind immediately flashed to how kekkei genkai/occular jutsu obsessed the Hyuga are and had to have to be restrained by Gai lest he do something that would warrant a coup d'etat.
At the very next inter-Clans meeting, then went on to accuse Hiashi Hyuga of trying to arrange a kekkei genkai marriage and if he ever allowed another one of his x-ray vision clan members near one of his students again he'd ████ then ████████████ them all and then set loose a ██████ ██ ███ ███████ ██ ████ ███ █████ ██ ████ ████ ███ ██████ ███ so HELP him god.
Suddenly refuses to allow any and every Nara NEAR Naruto, has the lights on in EVERY room Naruto is in. No he wont turn them off. No he does not care about the electric bill. He sees a shadow so much as TWITCH????? Hes staring at it sharingan activated like a shark smelling blood in the water
AND he Sees how Lee looks at Sakura. ABSOLUTELY NOT. ACTUALLY, NONE of Gai's students are even allowed near any of his, yeah, no.
Realizes that Sakura is ALSO close to Ino and then goes on to have the most one sided grudge and hatred for the Yamanaka since the Warring Clans Era. Yeah they can read and steal minds and then go on to run flower shops like dirty FLIRTS, hes NOT letting them near his PRECIOUS SAKURA PETAL YOU HEAR ME---
Finds this like toy? thing? like a small plush/bag charm, of like a little face with an orange body and 9 tails- maybe a fox?? Turns out Naruto commissioned someone to make a custom made Kurama Labubu. She is incredibly attatched and declares that Kakashi is 'crazy' when he says he feels like its staring at him.
Hes also taken up the art of braiding. If he's lucky enough, he can french braid Sakura's hair before her early morning workout/early shifts at the hospital. Naruto is hopeless with hair, so Kakashi just brushes it because if he doesnt no one will. Does NOT disturb Sasukes sleep. Sai has learned a lesson Kakashi does not want to; BUT when Sasuke tiredly sits at his feet after finally waking up, Kakashi tries all types of intricate braids in her long hair. He is always proud when he sees its been kept in for the day.
Ironically enough, no longer has to separate Naruto and Sasuke fighting. Yeah that joy leaves quicker than federal funding when he realizes that now Naruto and Sakura, of all people, fight/have a rivalry. (Naruto made a comment ONCE on how she has more muscles than Sakura and Sakuras never going to let that go. Ever.)
Kakashi takes great joy at bringing Sasuke into work at the Hokage's office. Partially because Sasuke is incredibly smart and terribly competent regarding politics; but secretly its because she now looks like a carbon-fucking-copy of Mikoto Uchiha and has the time of his LIFE watching village elders and clan heads like bluescreen and freak out over it. Tsume Inuzuka, upon seeing this at an inter-clan meeting, broke out into such strong cackles and laughter they had to take a brief recess because she started looking unwell with how hard she was laughing, which was further spurred on by Shikaku Nara looking vaugely ill and if he saw a ghost before him. (Kakashi is later informed that Shikaku was on a genin team with Mikoto Uchiha).
Kakashi will completely and entirely disregard any and every Hokage rule/amount of work whenever Sakura hits her lunch break at the hospital because he'll bring her lunch. He'll suffer for it later but he cherishes the smile that Sakura will give him upon seeing hes brought said lunch.
It turns out, Naruto as a girl is a stress eater. Which is completely fine Kakashi has no qualms about it. Till he gets the credit card statement and finds out how much money Naruto's spent on Ichirakus Ramen.
Previously Kakashi never cared for gossip, it mattered nothing to him. This is quickly rectified because oh my god?????;
Kakashi, incredulously: What do you mean Meiruki-san doesnt know who the father is???
Sakura: thats what IM saying, had like 6 back to back appointments for like a gender-ultrasound and thats, you know NOT normal, turns out she brought a new guy to each one.
Kakashi: *gasp* NO-, wait, SIX???????
Sakura: THATS WHAT I SAID-
Sasuke piping in: One of the aunties at the market told me she sees her with a new guy each week, said that one time she got in an argument with one of them about how all he does is cheat on her and then revealed that she slept with the guys brother
Sakura: STOP- really?????
Naruto, also piping in: NO I HEARD ABOUT THAT TOO- I was at Ichiraku's and overheard the whole thing! Meiruki is VICIOUS, like how good could that family be????
Sakura: Do you think she's doing this for child support?
Kakashi: I mean 6 different guys would definitely supplement a decent portion of income, and I think one of the secrataries at the tower saw her check in once with like the son of someone high up in a clan from the land of tea-
Naruto, Sakura, and Sasuke, all looking at him intensively: WHICH ONE.
Kakashi: Ma, I don't remember, maybe-
Sasuke: Mibari?-
Sakura: Wagarashi?-
Naruto: Wasabi?-
Sasuke: Yuudou??-
Sakura: Dokuji???-
Naruto: Toushin???-
Kakashi: -How do you even know all this?????
Like the man's in gossip heaven. He now realizes how much more detail women have regarding gossip.
All in all Kakashi is thriving as a girl dad, and wouldnt change anything.