You've always wanted somebody to publicly announce their affection for you. I hope yelling "I love you!" in a crowded room will fulfil your expectations.
I have had a crush on my best friend Samantha for years. It's been so long that I can't even remember how long I've been in love, yet I can recall every single moment spent with her. She's the reason I wake up in the morning and the peace I always return to when I can't sleep at night. It feels like I was born for her, I spend every day living for her, and I'm sure someday I'll die for her. She is my Earth, my moon, my sun, my entire Milky Way galaxy and I don't think I'll ever love anyone the way I've loved her.
I smiled a little bit to myself. I knew I could get through this whole mess if I could just manage to get that out. Now, how do I do that?
Hello. My name is Jamie Brooks and I am the most introverted person you will ever meet. I am so quiet that most people don't even notice when I enter a room. My family has left me at the supermarket a grand total of twenty-nine times in the sixteen years I've lived with them. They've forgotten me at other odd locations countless amounts of times. The only person in the world I can count on to be constantly in-tune with my presence is Samantha Hollis, the charismatic girl from next door. For this plan to succeed I am praying that skill doesn't fail her.
I have known Samantha since we were both somewhere around eight months old. Our parents have bathed us together. (And yes, they do have pictures.) Anyway, the point is that I've spent many, many years getting to know her. Somewhere along the way I fell in love.
You may be thinking "Wow, this poor Jamie kid has to spend every moment of their day pretending to not be in love with someone they're constantly with. That must suck." And honestly, you would be right. It does suck. Big time. But being the best friend of the girl I am madly in love with has also worked to my advantage. For example, Samantha has told me about every romantic fantasy she has ever had and I know her dream date like the back of my hand. I know what venue she wants her wedding to be held at, what compliments make her swoon, what her type of guy is (in case you're wondering, it's tall, tan blond, blue-eyed boys, which works real well for me, a short Indian girl with blue hair). And, of course, I know exactly how she'd want to be asked out on a date.
This matter is where things get tricky.
As I already mentioned, I am extremely quiet and not into people, crowds, bars, parties, or basically anything public. However, Samantha has always found it ridiculously romantic when people confess their love dramatically in giant crowds with tons of witnesses. And while this may sound like a vomit-inducing rollercoaster ride of doom to me, I happen to be willing to go through with it because I am sort of crazy about this girl. Ah, how I hate emotions sometimes.
So here I am now, standing in a crowded room at a party where I know Samantha is supposed to be. She's been trying to convince me to attend it with her all week, but I said no hoping I could catch her off guard tonight. There's music playing very loudly and lots of people everywhere and I kinda hate it here. Whatever. I can do this.
I open my mouth, ready to shout my confession before remembering I should probably do this in front of Samantha. Right. It'd be a shame to humiliate myself in front of everyone only for Samantha to not have heard me. Okay. I'll go find her. I can do that.
I begin walking from room to room, but though I know my legs are functioning normally it feels like I'm staggering everywhere. I can't bring myself to focus my eyes on anything in particular. My mind is collapsing in on me and I don't know why. I haven't had anything to eat or drink here. For a second I consider stopping and sitting down, but then I remember I have a mission to accomplish. A really unappealing mission. A mission that I'd rather ignore in favor of a little sleep back at home where there isn't a horde of people surrounding me. But, as tempting as it sounds, I know I can't do that. I've spent so long working up the courage for tonight that to do anything else would be a complete waste.
I make my way to the center of a room where I see everyone turned to look at something. They're all chanting, but I can't make out what they're saying. Slug? Mug?
Bleary eyed and ready for this escapade to be over, I head towards the place that everyone is focused on to see what the commotion is all about. As I get closer I become more able to make out the figure of a brunette sucking something out of a tube. She's being supported by a tall, tan, attractive, blond boy. Her eyes are closed but I already know who it is. The second she opens them, they land right on me. The dull confusion I was stuck in has been shattered and suddenly all I can focus on is her face. I can dimly hear the crowd behind me and I'm vaguely aware of the little shoves coming from either side of me but they don't matter. I gasp for air and open my mouth.
"I love you!" I shout as loud as I possibly can. For a second I'm afraid that I was too quiet. Maybe she didn't hear me. Maybe nobody did. Maybe my voice failed and I've died and none of this is real anymore. But then the room goes quiet--like the type of actual complete quiet where you could hear not just a pin drop but also a feather and a flower petal-- and I know I got my message across loud and clear. For a moment I feel victorious before I realize every set of eyes in the room is on me. Oh god.
Samantha forgets to swallow whatever she was drinking out of that tube and chokes a little bit on it. Someone pats me on the back, someone else screams what I think is meant to be encouragement. The guy supporting Samantha looks between us as if we’re an algebraic equation he finally understands and I’m not sure how to feel about that.
“I, uh, I guess I’ll just go now.” I turn around and for once I can tell everyone in the room is aware that I’m leaving.
I make it out the door of the house and to my mom's car before I hear footsteps behind me. My heart hurts a little because I know I've broken an old and precious friendship but I also feel so weightless after getting that off my chest. I smile a little bit into the cool air just as a shout sounds behind me.
"Jamie, wait!"I know that voice. And so, I stop immediately and let her run into my back. She pushes at my sides and so I turn around. I come face to face with Samantha, who is just a bit teary eyed as she beams. Her hands grab at my shoulders and then my face and I'm so confused when she begins tugging me in closer. She giggles and I'm so lost in the night hair and how the breeze flutters through her hair and how she's smiling and why is she smiling?
My mouth is dry. I feel her breath on my nose. My heart is thumping. I need her to do something, say something. And just like she can read my thoughts, I hear her voice.
"You know, I love you too.
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