Green Eyes.

[our-greeneyes]

After three years, my heart still waits to feel a love like ours again.

[our-greeneyes]

And I confessed to you. I confessed that I had formed a connection with someone else. That nothing happened. But that my immaturity was kicking in. And the hurt in your eyes, broke my heart. And then you swallowed your pride, and told me how we would proceed. How I would stop talking to him. And how we would regrow and move forward. And silence fell. My head rushing with thoughts. A ping pong match inside my mind. For months we were out of sync- you must have felt that too. We were not intimate with each other anymore, there was no rush of feelings, there was no excitement, no power. But it was you. You were my bestfriend in the whole world. And I was hurting you, I had hurt you. We had spent this beautiful year together. We were part of each other’s families and you looked after me. You always did. I had come to you as a broken girl from a toxic relationship and you fixed me. And a single drop of grief welled up from the corner of my eye. As we both knew the truth. I loved you so, so much. But I wasn’t in love with you anymore baby and I hadn’t been for a while. But I wanted to be. I wanted to be so badly and everyday I wished for it back. For it to change, for me to be in love with you again. But nothing was changing. And silence fell as you whispered.

“So i guess this is it.”

[our-greeneyes]

I miss being in love with you.

I miss the comfort that I found only within your gaze. I miss the warmth I felt, only within your smile. I miss the security I felt, only within your arms. I miss having my world revolve solely around you. I simply just miss being in love with you, and I would do anything to get it back.

[our-greeneyes]

What hurts the most is that I did not want to leave you. I was holding on for dear life, hoping that something would change- that my feelings would change. But I’m not sad that I left you. I’m just sad that I stopped loving you. What I would do.. to be in love with you again.

[our-greeneyes]

I don’t understand. I have ended things with him, after a year and a half, I have ended things. And I was happy but not in love. I have matured. I understand my responsibilities, my morals, my ethics and who I am. I ended things with him 3 months ago. And the first thing I thought of was you. It has been three years. Three years since I mustered up all the courage in the world, to go up to you for the first time. Three years since we had our first date, and you opened doors, pulled the chair out for me and a smile never left your face once- even while you opened up about your family. Three years since we walked around the park, just two teenagers falling in love. Three years since getting to the alley way promptly after school, 3:31, just to embrace each other after a long day. Three years since I would run to you and kiss you whenever I saw you. Three years since I gave you everything I had to give, all of me- was yours. And three years since you cheated, and three years since you found someone new. Why are you still with her baby? I’ve never loved anyone like I loved you. I’ve never experienced a love like ours since and I don’t think I will again. Wherever I go, whoever I meet, it always comes back to you. I just don’t understand why you don’t come back to me too?

[our-greeneyes]

And after all this time.. there are songs that remind me of you and a love that never thrived.

[inkskinned]

the softness of your skin haunts me. last night while i was kissing your collarbone i heard you ask me: we’ll end up with someone else, won’t we?

[our-greeneyes]

After three years, my heart still waits to feel a love like ours again.

[our-greeneyes]

When me and him broke up, a part of me still remained whole. Why? Because he could never break me like you did.. why? Because I never loved him like I loved you.

[our-greeneyes]

I’ve never loved anyone like I loved you. People came in and out of my life, begging for my affection, my attention, my love. And sometimes I humoured it. But looking back now, I know I’ve never loved anyone like I loved you. You are my everything.

[our-greeneyes]

“I just want to shutdown, leave, run. I cannot do this anymore. Life is breaking me and I’m breaking you.”

[our-greeneyes]

“How can we love eachother, when all I reap is pain?”

[our-greeneyes]

“My emotions flicker like a bulb. Sometimes I radiate light, warmth, hope. Whilst others I portray darkness, despair, pain. And it’s during these flickers where I question, what is us and what is our love.”

[our-greeneyes]

“I feel cold. I feel as if winter has come and settled inside my chest. And the only delicacy left is within the fall of snow, as I flee west.”

[our-greeneyes]

“This time of year my thoughts get darker with the sky. And I’m left questioning where it’ll break us or simply just I”

[our-greeneyes]

And my toxic thoughts are weasling into the cracks, of a relationship we thought was whole.

-but little did we know, that whole has a hole.

[our-greeneyes]